People on Reddit were asked: “What is the most absurd lie someone has ever told you?” These are some of the best answers.
1. He was pretty close to getting away with this
The lie my boss told me: it was during my interview for my current job when he began to high jack the entire thing. It became a circle jerk for himself. Eventually he starts talking about how he was in the Marine Corps. and he served as a sniper. “Cool.” I thought, “I just got out of the Army.” I assumed he knew this. He told a couple stories that sounded suspect, but he was in during the 80’s so I figured times just change.
Then he told me the big one. Apparently he took his “sniper missions” directly from Ronald Reagan. When he claimed to be the personal assassin of Reagan I was literally shocked he said a lie that huge. So I asked him a couple questions that stumped him. Dude still thinks I believe him though.
2. Sure, just keep telling yourself that
My now ex-wife told me that the explicit texts between her and the security guard she was sleeping with were just “two lonely married women having a little fun.”
3. Why can’t you just believe me?
My childhood friend told me (we were about 12) that she was walking through the park to her house and a group of guys hopped on her and crucified her. Like proper Jesus style. No explanation as to why there were no scars… her lie crumbled pretty quickly but she still got mad at me for not believing her and insisted it was true. I know she knew she was lying though.
4. I mean, this sounds pretty plausible
When the WWF (Wrestling) changed it’s name to WWE and the World Wildlife Foundation became WWF, somebody told me that the former WWF and the new WWF had a battle between a top wrestler and a Panda for who would win the rights to the acronym. The panda won the battle and therefore World Wildlife Foundation gained rights to the name. I was 10 and believed it for too many years to admit…
5. The BEST way to call someone’s bluff
Was driving around one night with a couple of friends, one of whom we knew to be a pathological liar, as well as her boyfriend. I rolled down my window and lit up a cigarette. A couple minutes later, she starts making gasping noises and her sad, puppy dog of a boyfriend says “Oh guys, she is allergic to smoke and her lungs are closing up.” Knowing she was just looking for the attention, I decided to call her bluff. So I turned the car around and said “Oh my god! Well we need to get her to the hospital then!”
She and her boyfriend started whispering and sure enough, not 30 seconds later, he tells us that its not that bad, that we don’t need to go to the hospital. Instead he asks if we can go to the store, because she needs cheese to help open her lungs back up. Cheese.
6. Oh come on, just think about it for 5 seconds!
A couple years ago, I had a friend at school who’s father managed hedge funds or something, and so was quite rich. One girl in my year asked him, “Do you live in Beverly Hills?” as she had overheard us being sarcastic. We told her he did, which she accepted, until she realised that our school was in England. So then we told her that he flew in every morning on a private jet, and back every evening. I had to leave at this point, but he claims that she kept on believing everything he said for the next ten minutes.
7. Of course, of course, of course
My old landlord once told me that he swam across the atlantic. On his way a shark bit his little finger off, he later secured it with sticky tape.
8. It sounds realistic… until it’s not
A guy told me he owned a 1999 Nissan Skyline but he never drives it to work. I mean you know he could afford the car, maintenance, and all the expensive registration and import fees required for it with his minimum wage pay being a cashier at Kroger. He ended up getting fired for stealing out of the till.
9. I too run a country in my spare time
A homeless man once told me he was the President of the United States, but needs some spare change to get back to the White House. This was in Vancouver.
10. Kids tell the cutest lies
It was in elementary school, and we had a project where we had to use scissors. I’m a leftie and there was only a few left-handed scissors in the classroom. A right handed classmate took the last one. When I confronted him so I could have it, he said that “yes I was right handed, but I became a leftie in a laboratory accident!”
11. I don’t think it works like that
My brother once tried to convince me he had his head cut off and then taped it back on.
12. We all lie when we’re embarrassed, but come on!
My cousin got super wasted for the first time at a university party. In all the years she was not legal to drink, she would always boast about how no type of alcohol has ever touched her lips. She decided that it was a great idea to do a bunch of shots. In the end she had to get her parents to pick her up from school to take her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped or something. They were so embarrassed that she just tells everybody that she’s allergic to vodka. I am aware that alcohol allergies exist, but she isn’t actually allergic. She’s quite the pathological liar to get out of embarrassing situations, this was just one of the more ridiculous ones.
13. Classic teenager
When I was in high school and Final Fantasy VIII came out a friend of mine told me that if I waited long enough after the ending credits the game would come back up in free roam mode and I could go to the school at the beginning of the game and sneak into the girl’s locker room and watch the two main female characters have sex in the girl’s locker room. I waited for like 2 hours before I was called for dinner and got yelled at for being late. My friend lies a lot.
14. Suuuure buddy, whatever you say
After coming home at 1:30am wearing jeans and cowboy boots, my ex told me he had been night golfing.
15. This one takes an unexpected turn
In high school someone I barely knew proceeded to tell me a highly exaggerated story about how him and his two friends rode around in a stolen car for a couple of months until one of them crashed it while driving drunk and the other two had to leave the state because the cops were after them. It was kind of weird because while it actually happened, it didn’t happen to him, it happened to me.
16. She wants to live the glamorous life
A girl I went to school with tried to convince everyone that her dad was Dr. Pepper.
17. A perfect mastery of the English language
A friend of mine uploaded a picture of him pretty banged up onto Facebook, so I messaged him asking what happened to him and his reply was “Bro, I had a fatal accident on my bike.”
18. Oh sec, I just gotta double check my lie
Guy in my squadron claimed his brother shot a deer with an arrow at 1500 yards. When we used the internet to access science, he revised his original statement to claim it had been an arrowhead loaded into a 10 gauge shell. He doubled down on stupid.
19. Oh God, he should have left!
One of my exes was a compulsive liar. She tried to convince me that she was being possessed by the spirit of an “old friend” that died next to her in a car wreck. The friend never existed. Rather than noping out of there I stuck around for a while. Worst mistake of my life.
20. With this kid, it’s one thing after another
This kid my age tried to convince me that he was good at drawing anime by showing me this OC he had drawn. Until my sister found the manga from which he had traced the cover.
He tried to convince me that he had tai chi powers which granted him telekinesis. This telekinesis allowed him to move a ball in mid-air without touching it, but he could only move it in the same direction it was traveling with no noticeable change in momentum.
We were on a boy scout campout when he tried to convince me that his mom was currently an astronaut on the moon. “I saw your mom in church a couple days ago.” “Oh,” he said, realizing that he was caught in his lie. “I forgot. It was my aunt.”
Little punk wouldn’t chain five true words together.
21. Really, you don’t say?
I got told by one of my friends in front of others that I had smoked before. It was certainly news to me, I’ve never smoked in my life…
22. The more I think about it, the more I think he was actually telling the truth
I was looking for a used car and the salesman tried to sell me something I wasn’t interested in. His boss walked over and said that if I didn’t buy the car, he’d fire the salesman. I just walked away.
23. Could happen to anyone
A kid in high school told me that when him and his parents were on a plane the roof just tore right off…They lost the pictures and his parents wouldn’t remember…Yup, that’s something that’s easy to forget…
24. This sounds like something out of The Office
A coworker tried to tell me that he read the entire healthcare bill over a week before it was released and it made perfect sense to him. I literally just kept laughing, long after it was still funny to me. He tried to interject a few times before finally storming out.
That was a few years ago, of course. To this day, every time some problem gets posted about the healthcare bill, I send him the link with the signature “-_-“
I don’t even know what that emoticon means, but it pisses him off, so it works.