Everyone chooses to hide certain aspects of their lives from the public eye. But what if those aspects defined the very person you are? Here, honest people share the lie they’ve been living all along.
1. It’s important to forgive yourself.
That I don’t blame myself for my mother’s death.
The day before, she had taken me to the park. We had fun. She was carrying me on her shoulders on our way back home, and for some reason I decided to mention that I liked dad better.
My mom and dad separated when I was 1 after her left for the army. He got weekend visits and they seemed to be on good terms. This didn’t stop her from crying when I said that.
My mom didn’t have much money growing up, and so she wasn’t able to get me a lot of things. However my dad was much more well off financially and would always send gifts in the mail from wherever he was at or bring me something when he stopped by.
I’m sure that was what was behind my words when I said I liked him better. Now that I’m older, I can understand so much more about the situation. But that doesn’t get rid of the guilt.
Now that I’ve grown, I now know that my mother was dealing with a lot of problems, addiction and depression, and she was raising a kid all on her own. So of course there’s going to be a lot of stress.
But to this day I can’t shake the perception that what I said to her was what pushed her over the edge and made her take her own life. And I can never get rid of the guilt in knowing that I let her die without apologizing or letting her know that I loved her.
And that I still love her.
2. Too afraid to let go.
I’m not a real student. I take two courses a semester. It would take me 8 years to finish at this rate.
The only reason I’m at university is so that when people ask me what I’m doing with my life I don’t have to say nothing.
3. Hang in there.
That I enjoy the life I live. That I enjoy the responsibility of being a breadwinner. That I am happy for the sacrifices we have made.
We had planned for me to be a stay-at-home dad until the children were in school, since I was the one who wanted to have children. I was going to finish my degree and begin my professional career afterwards.
Instead, my wife was laid off, I worked full time, went to school full-time, and graduated with an MBA. I shouldered the burden of paying the rent the whole time, meanwhile, my wife almost died in childbirth, suffered postpartum depression, and is slowly recovering 4 years later.
We discovered that our daughter is autistic, our debt in ridiculous, and I am pretty much on the verge of either hardcore depression or an anxiety attack every other day. The weight of what I’ve asked my wife to do, and what I’ve put us all through is soul-crushing, and rarely does it seem to be worth it.
4. If only we could read all of them.
That all the books I keep buying will get read before I die.
5. The candle man.
I tend to burn candles a decent amount in my office at work. I genuinely love the smell of them. And everyone knows me for being the guy who has great smelling candles. But it’s not just because I like the smell. I have a high protein and high fiber diet. Usually eat eggs 4-5 days a week for breakfast as well. So I have gas all the time. I know they smell really bad. So I do what I can to cover up the smell of my own farts.
6. It’s awful to feel so trapped.
That I enjoy it here at college. Everyday I wake up and think, “Did I do all my homework, really all of it? There’s probably something I missed, I always miss something. Did I truly understand it? Probably not.” Let’s go do it again!
I go to lectures and class recitations to take quizzes and tests I go into feeling like I’m going to screw up — that something will be on there that I won’t understand but everyone in the rest of the class does because that’s just me.
Look at all these other students, who are having such a GREAT time! How easy school is for all of them! “Man I did really bad on that test, I got a B.” I get Cs, I’ll gladly take what you call bad.
And I do this week after week and for the next 2 years maybe more, because I’m too scared to tell my parents I’m struggling and I’m told what a failure or disappointment my life will be if I don’t have a degree in my hand.
How can I live the life I want without one? How can I get a good job without one? You probably can’t. So here I am sitting in a university library taking a break from physics homework on to write this on my phone.
7. Pretending isn’t always worth it.
I gave my son up for adoption a few years ago and pretty much everyone besides a few friends and my pops thinks I am totally alright with how everything turned out.
I know it is for the best and believe me, his mother and I were never going to work things out between us. That said, I still feel like I am continuously putting on a front when it gets brought up and lying about how I feel. I just smile and nod and listen to all the “he looks so much like you” talk. I am just not always in the mood to put on a happy face when it comes to the situation.
8. I’m not the guy you think I am.
I was born with a micropenis. For the last 25 years I’ve lied to literally every single one of my friends. Everyone knows me as that guy that whose had a lot of sex, but I’ve never had sex before.
It gets me depressed whenever I think about it, which is why I’m always doing something to get my mind off it. I’ve lost relationships due to it. It’s something I cant tell anyone and I don’t know if I can ever be with a girl.
9. Life isn’t linear for everyone.
That I still like my friends from high school.
More and more I’ve started to see them become crappy people. They still hang out in the same clique, while gossiping and crap-talking about anyone who isn’t in the in crowd.
They’re too lazy to do anything to improve their life except complain. They consider themselves superior because they’re farther along in the scripted adult life of getting a job, buying a house and getting married, and they write off people who aren’t following the same script.
I honestly wish I’d moved farther away so that I would see them less.
10. Taking control of my life.
For two years I lied to family and friends that I was happy, healthy, and working on getting my degree. In reality I was depressed, overweight, and not taking classes at all.
I made the decision in March to stop lying and now I’m back in school full time, talking about my depression with family and my girlfriend has helped me immensely, and I’ve lost 30 pounds by changing the way I eat and not going out to bars four times a week.
My life is infinitely better since I stopped living lies and started actually living.
11. Young or old, we all have that in common.
Every day, I pretend to be a confident, mature adult. On the inside, I feel like I just hold it together enough to bluff people, but now I get asked to help in difficult situations.
I remember talking to an elderly aunt when I was 18 or 19, and I had complained that I didn’t feel grown up yet. She replied that she didn’t either.
12. It’s okay to fail sometimes.
I’m the family “brainiac.” I’m so high on a pedestal that my parents and family don’t understand that they’re killing me when they say, “She’s the smart one.”
If I were to screw up and fail at anything they come to me questioning what I did wrong, how I screwed up.
So I live the lie that I am that smart, secure person who is capable of anything. When in fact I’m terrified every day that I’ll screw up and I’ll be the one my family whispers about.
13. What am I doing?
That I actually write code at work, when in reality I’m sitting on Reddit 90% of the time.
14. It’s scary to follow your passions.
That these boring office jobs are just a temporary phase until I’m stable enough to do what I love. I’m going to follow the easy path forever. I’m doomed.
Continue reading on the next page!
15. You can do it.
That I’m doing OK with sobriety. With a bunch of terrible personal things going on and the sweet allure of booze already fairly-permanently gripping my throat, I feel like I’m ready to crack at any moment.
Thank goodness for AA. Even with it I’m struggling, but I know I’d be in a bottle if I wasn’t spending some time each day in the halls.
16. It’s not easy being social.
That I enjoy spending time with people. I spend my whole day surrounded by people and have to keep up the faade of the occasional smile, laugh, and with having to predict what other people would expect me to say.
Truth be told, even with my closest friends I’d rather keep a screen between us. I like staying in my house, drapes closed with a fan on. I would either be reading, playing video games, watching movies or series, painting. Every one of them are solo activities, just how I like them.
And that one day I will finally be like the rest and find comfort in the company of others. Be happy, truly, instead of faking every feeling I express.
The only feelings that I can recall at any time is the feeling of anxiety and the feeling of impending failure.
17. Sorry, kids.
I work at a restaurant. Every time kids ask for a Sprite I actually give them a Sierra Mist.
18. Totally and irrevocably homesick.
That I like New York City. I moved here from Australia 3 years ago to get some international work experience. I’ve got a great job and a couple of good friends but most of the time I find this city tedious.
People treat New York like it has it’s own personality, like it is somehow more special than other cities – it’s not. I have done so much in this city, watched every sport imaginable, seen amazing bands, ate incredible food and partied harder than I ever thought possible. But the things I’ve done have not made me happier or a better person, they’re just memories. Meanwhile, I’m facing another Christmas, another birthday alone and away from my family.
Continue reading on the next page!
19. It’s all a facade.
That me and my girlfriend are just best friends. Truth is we are dating, we’ve been dating for almost a year but our families are super conservative and she’d get kicked out of her house if they found out she’s dating a girl.
20. Constant numbness.
Years ago when I was about 14, I was diagnosed with Schizoid disorder, which means I don’t feel emotions to the same scale everyone else does. I tell people I love them when really they’re just another human to me, and I’ve never actually been sad but I know the social cues of when I should and have faked it, and the only true emotion I’ve ever felt is anger.
Everyone says I’m extremely caring and respectable when in reality I’ve just watched them enough to know what response they truly want and faked that. I’ve held crying people in my arms and have seriously wondered why I should be bothered with dealing with them.
21. He checked out a long time
My family thinks I’m a Jehovah’s Witness, including my wife. If I ever left the religion, I’d no longer be allowed to speak to any of my friends, family, and anyone else in my life who is a witness, aside from my wife.
I do not believe in that religion after doing research from third party information. Just doing that research is enough to be shunned. So…that’s my lie.
My whole family thinks I’m part of a religion that I’m actively trying to leave.
22. It’s not what you think.
That I have a degree and am currently grad job hunting.
I don’t have a degree, flunked during exam season with a sad case of anxiety. I have plans to correct this but I won’t be telling anyone (excluding my significant other) about this ever.
Continue reading on the next page!
23. He’s knee-deep in ketchup and lies.
Four years ago, I was eating breakfast with a couple of friends. I hate the idea of ketchup on breakfast foods, but one of my buddies eats his ketchup with a side of breakfast.
In an attempt to stop him, so I didn’t have to watch him drown his chicken fried steak and hash browns in a ketchup gravy mixture, I made up how I despise ketchup and even the thought or smell of it made me gag. I sat there, fake gagging to attempt to stop the massacre of that poor chicken fried steak.
Word began to spread like wildfire about how I despised ketchup. I figured it would be easiest just to go along with it. To this day I cant enjoy a nice side of ketchup on my fries, hamburgers, or hotdogs in public unless I am eating alone.
I have moved away to college and this rumor has followed me and even all my family thinks of me as silly for hating ketchup. I have accepted I wont get to enjoy ketchup again. At this point i’m in to deep and it would be hard to go back.
24. The worst kind of love is unrequited love
That one day she’ll love me. I know it won’t happen deep down. I don’t know how to let go.
25. School isn’t always the answer.
That school will help me in some way and that I haven’t wasted the last five years of my life only to be in a worse situation than I began in.