It’s not how much you say, but what you say that counts. Though we tend to underestimate the “quiet ones,” they often spew out some gems. Enjoy this list of priceless quotes from the “quiet” classmates.
1. Do You Have the Time?
So this one kid, who barely ever said two words, asks the teacher for the time (it was at some after-school thing and there was no clock). The teacher says the classic “time for you to get a watch,” which for some reason was funny to everyone else. The quiet kid doesn’t laugh. He looks the teacher dead in the eyes, and once everyone quieted down, he says, “So are you gonna tell me the F-ing time, or what?” We were in like, 7th grade.
2. Waiting for the Right Time
This happens in my school all the time. You’ve got kids that just play on their iPad all semester, hardly paying attention, and then one day they come in, in the middle of a discussion. For example, my English teacher used the word “maroon” as a verb. Somebody said, “Sir, what do you mean?” And the quiet kid says, “Maroon is a color.” English teacher says, “Really? Four and a half months and that’s your contribution?”
3. The Future School Shooter
In middle school I would partner up with the other quiet “weird” kid in PE. One day we were walking back into the gym and he just looks at me and said, “Hey man if I ever shoot up the school I’ll let you live.” My response was basically, “Sweet, thanks.”
He ended up dropping out shortly after.
4. Secret Sports Nut
In Junior High in the mid eighties the game “Trivial Pursuit” was all the rage. We played it in math class one day and this kid, Gary, who NEVER SAID ANYTHING AT ALL totally spanked everyone else by answering every single sports related trivia question. He got a lot of attention for it and I believe he walked a little taller after that day. I don’t think I ever heard him say anything else, but I did see him sitting on the bleachers at a few sports events.
5. Putting a Bully in his Place
This bully was in line with the quiet kid and the quiet kid’s friend. The quiet kid is a bit over weight so when he gets up to the lunch lady and gets his chicken nuggets, the douchebag says “You don’t want extra nuggets big guy?” The quiet kid out of no where just starts ranting: “No I am all set but what are you up to this weekend? You wanna hang out grab some food maybe mess around a bit? I like to be on top and you look like a bottom, what do you say?”
The entire line is dead silent. The douchebag starts getting all pissed off and acting like he’s gonna start a fight and the quiet kid says, “Ok fine you can be top baby.” The douchebag kid leaves to the entire line laughing their butts off at his expense. No idea if the quiet kid was gay or he just knew that even jokingly suggesting the douche kid was a homosexual would upset him more than anything. But I do know he left the line with his delicious chicken nuggets and a huge smile on his face.
6. Safety Presentation
Giving a presentation in class, pulled out a screw driver and said “I could kill you, you, you, you, and you! Right now. ” If I remember correctly, his presentation was on safety, but he still got suspended.
7. Enough Is Enough
One of my students hardly said a word all year until a couple weeks ago. I was trying to get a group of talkative ones under control and she had enough. She yells out “SHUT UP! IM TRYING TO WORK YOU F-ING JERKS.” Awkward silence followed because I didn’t know how to handle the normally studious and quiet one losing it.
8. Can’t Remember Man’s Best Friend’s Color
I was best friends with the “quiet kid” in middle school. It wasn’t so much shocking as the stupidest thing I’ve heard him say. He got this thousand yard stare all of a sudden and just said, “I can’t remember what color my dog is.”
9. A Problem With Bees
The quiet kid from my grade stood up one day, grabbed a broom, stood on a chair and began trying to swat bees that got inside. One bee landed on the window where quiet kid proceeded to yell “DIE BEE DIE” and then swatted and shattered the window. He screeched when it happened and then sat back down. Never heard him speak again.
10. Prom Musings
In high school, there was this really quiet girl named Grace. She was a pleasant person, but wouldn’t say anything more than “Hi” or “sorry” unless you asked her something. Even then, she’d appear terrified. It was at prom, and I was in the parking lot of the venue we had prom at. I lost a contact, and had to run to my car to grab my glasses. In the parking lot, Grace was smiling and walking from her car. She looked at me, laughed, and said “Ryan (her prom date) just fingered the crap out of me.” I still laugh about it to this day.
11. Band Geeks Blow
I was in marching band in HS, probably 7 years ago now, and we had this huge muscular guy as our brass instructor. He would always yell at us to “NAIL THESE CHORDS” or “YOU’RE NOT PLAYING LOUD ENOUGH” There was this little Asian trumpet kid that was so innocent and nice; he barely ever spoke a word. One really really hot afternoon, our instructor was being especially loud, and said, “WHY DON’T THE TRUMPETS BLOW HARD ENOUGH” Dead silence across the field as all the brass are waiting for next instructions. Then we hear: “Why doesn’t your mom blow me hard enough?” from quiet trumpet kid. Needless to say, we all laughed, got push ups and laughed some more.
12. Singing a Song
I went to middle school and high school with this boy named Daniel. Never once heard him say a word, a friend of mine said he would whisper sometimes. The night of our senior party we heard some music coming over from the corner where the karaoke machine was set up. At first no one really noticed him because people had been singing on it all night and most people stopped paying attention. But this was different cause no one was singing and the music was playing, the DJ stopped the music and started the song again.
Daniel was standing there looking frightened but this time around when the song started he began to sing. Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and just crowded around him. He wasn’t a great singer by any means but 99% of the people in the room hadn’t ever heard him talk. When the song was over every one started clapping and cheering and he walked away with a big smile on his face.
13. Cop Car Illicit a Word
In kindergarten, there was this kid, Donatelle, and he never said a word. He was nice enough- played games and everything – but completely silent. One day we were looking out the classroom window as a cop drove by. Donatelle opens his mouth and says “police car.” At the time, we were all excited to hear him speak, but looking back, that kid must’ve had some real dark history.
14. Invented Language
In high school, I had first level Spanish with this kid who was super quiet. At the end of the year, we all had to give a speech in Spanish in front of the entire class. This kid stood up and gave a speech, not in Spanish, but in a language that he had spent the entire year inventing.
15. Death by Blimp
Oh man, a girl I used to work with was an incredibly quiet woman, she was about 20 or so and didn’t talk or really interact with anyone, just took forever to get three words from her. One day, the topic of blimps came up, and someone had asked a silly question like “How many people die every year to blimps?” And, it went silent for just a nanosecond, and all you could hear from behind the group was this little girl saying “I could kill someone with a blimp” Just, like, bam, as we all turn to her, she’s just kinda looking at the group, with a slight grin, it was clear she wanted to be in the group and make a funny, so we share a hearty laugh, but I remember, I remember the look in her eyes. I’ve watched the sky ever since.
16. Replacement Rugby Player
Playing rugby, hooker fails completely at line out. Someone shouts jokingly, “does anyone know any good hookers to replace Patrick?” Quietest guy on the team, never hear him say anything: “Maybe Patrick’s mum can help.” Proceed to fall on floor.
17. Locker Pinball
So this isn’t so much what he SAID. The seniors played “locker pinball” with the underclassmen. It’s exactly what it sounds like. They bounced one little guy constantly. Made him late for class a lot because they’d keep him bouncing so long. Well one day they were bouncing him and he super politely said “please stop, you’re hurting me.” obviously the seniors bounced him harder. Apparently that was this kid’s breaking point because he leapt onto the nearest senior who just happened to be our star basketball forward. The little freshman bit into the senior’s neck and literally tore a mouth full of skin off. He just stood there with this piece of bloody skin on his shirt GROWLING at everyone.
18. A Puny Kid
Jeremy. This guy was so silent that we believed he was a mute. The school had just recently painted the bins in all kinds weird styles. As our group was walking somewhere at lunch time, we passed a bin that was covered in hand prints. He offhandedly goes “that bin is handy,” leaving us dumbfounded at his pun-bomb.
19. Silence of a Killer
Nothing. Let me explain: I took a class with Seung-Hui Cho, the Virginia Tech shooter, one semester before the shooting. The class was called Contemporary Horror. It was a one-time elective offered by my favorite professor; we read horror novels and watched horror films and discussed the craft of creating scary stories but also how they reflected or represented their era’s fears. It was a great class. There were only about 15 students and it was discussion heavy. Cho was one of them. I honestly never noticed him, even in that small class, until half way into the semester. He wasn’t quiet; he was silent. So on the day we all finally noticed him, our professor asked him something directly. And Cho just stared at him.
I can’t remember the question, but the nature of it meant silence was potentially an acceptable and funny response. So we all laughed. Except Cho. He just kept staring at our professor. Our laughter awkwardly died, and after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, our professor just said, “Oookay,” and moved on. It was so strange. But I forgot about that weird moment until after his rampage. That professor later told me that Cho’s papers had been disturbing, but the nature of our course meant the envelope was being pushed a bit, and it had never been bad enough to suggest he’d do what he did. That professor was a good man, and he admitted he struggled with not blaming himself on some level for 1) not identifying how severe Cho’s mental health problems were and 2) for the graphic and terrible nature of some of what we watched in that class which may have inspired Cho. He knew that was bullshit, but a part of him couldn’t help but feel some blame. It was terribly sad.
20. Friction Is…
He is dead quiet, always staring down. He had to do a physics presentation about friction in front of the class. First thing he says goes along the lines of this. “Friction is the grinding of two things together, kind of like being up in the club.”
21. Standing Up for a Friend
There was this one quiet girl in my class. And she would never say anything (this was around 3rd or 4th grade) but I would always try and get her to talk. I would be nice, like when she had no paper in her binder I’d take notice and give her some before she can ask. When she was searching for a pencil in her bag I gave her an extra one I had. It was like small little acts. Picking up her pencil when she dropped it etc. Then at lunch this kid was picking on me (I was short, weak, and very emotional back then) she came out of nowhere and told the guy “I’ll give you three seconds to walk away.” I was stunned because those were the first words I’ve ever heard her say. The guy slapped me, and she did a straight kick to his balls after that. I was honored. And shocked she ever said anything. She never said anything after that but I did say thanks.
22. A Comment From a Quiet Kid
One thing I always say, as a quiet guy, is whenever people are talking about me within earshot they usually say something like, “That guy, he just never talks.” Then I say, “No, but I hear everything.” They all just kind of laugh awkwardly, and slither away. I think it’s weird how my lack of conversation is such a huge conversation starter.
23. Nothing Better to Say
I’m the quiet kid. One day, before my economics class started, this guy turned around in his desk and asked me what I thought he’d be when he grew up. He never took anything seriously, and joked around a lot, so I answered, “Definitely a porn star.” The girl next to me started laughing really hard, and even when class started, she didn’t stop. The teacher walked over to her and asked her what she was laughing about. When she finally calmed down enough to answer, she said, “John said that Daniel’s gonna be a porn star.” And the WHOLE class heard it. Everybody, including my teacher, was staring at me, with shocked looks on their faces. I turned bright red and couldn’t find any valid excuse for what I’d said. And that’s why I never talk.
I was (and still am) a geek and I got bullied a lot in school. The Columbine massacre happened when I was in 8th grade, and all of the sudden everyone started thinking a bit more carefully about the ramifications of spending years physically and psychologically torturing kids who were too small or afraid to fight back. I didn’t make the connection at the time…the bullying kind of fizzled out for me in high school, and I just thought it was because everyone was getting more mature and empathetic and growing less clique-y, and I was delighted that some of the popular people were suddenly being so generous and friendly with me. It wasn’t until one of these people asked me if I’d kill her if I brought a gun to school and shot everyone, I realized that a lot of the recent “kindness” the popular kids were suddenly displaying towards me was not necessarily coming from a genuine place. I was deeply insulted that anyone ever thought I would do anything like that, and deeply hurt that the other kids didn’t actually like me…they were just afraid of me, and were being nice to me out of fear. A lot of the other established nerdy kids were in the same boat as me, including this one kid Pat. I didn’t know him very well, but he was frail, pale, bespectacled, highly intelligent, and quiet as a church mouse, so he was already on my radar as a potential ally. We were in an SAT prep-course together, and I started sitting next to him. He didn’t say much of anything to me or anyone for a few weeks. Then, one day as we were all settling in and waiting for the teacher, one of the popular girls who was particularly bubbly and not particularly gifted with intelligence said, “Pat, I USED to think you were going to come to the school and SHOOT everyone, but NOW I know I was WRONG.” Pat looked down towards his desk, stroked his chin thoughtfully, and said… “We’ll see.” And the rest is history. Pat and I are still close friends to this day.
25. Trash Talking About a Date
Our quiet kid was Tommy. Tommy never said anything ever. Out of all the lunches we ate at our table senior year I think Tommy was the only one who never told a story or even added anything to the conversation. He just always sat in the same spot along the wall eating his lunch and laughing occasionally at our jokes. One day we were sitting in the cafeteria eating lunch and sharing stories like we always do. My friend Raymond had spent the previous night with a girl named Hayley. She was a 2 years younger, but already had a reputation of hooking up with a lot of different guys. So he was telling us everything that went down, kind of bragging, even though nobody was really impressed as we were aware of Hayley’s reputation. Anyways, Raymond gets done telling his story, then proceeds to pull out his sandwich. I think it was some sort of fish. It didn’t look very appealing to Raymond or us, so he says “this looks disgusting, but i’ll give it a try anyways” and proceeds to take a bite. In pipes Tommy, “is that what you said about Hayley last night?” Everyone explodes into laughter, drawing the attention of the entire cafeteria. Raymond is just sitting there, mid bite, stunned. I’m bent over in pain from laughing, others are on the floor, one guy ran to the bathroom because he thought he was going to puke from laughing. Even Ray had to laugh. I never noticed him laugh, but Tommy had this sly grin on his face the rest of the lunch hour.
26. The Voice of a Blues Singer
I will never forget this as long as I live – it was like perfect cinema in real life. This quiet, weird girl in 10th or 11th grade, always wore this giant coat and looked messy. She was a bigger girl, and had a sister who was super pretty and skinny and popular. (As I type this out I realize it sounds fake or like a move!) Anyway this big, awkward, quiet, friendless girl shows up at a talent show at the school. People weren’t being obviously mean, but there was definitely an air of WTF when she came out on stage in her big messy coat and disheveled clothes. She sat at the piano and started to play, and sing, and just, my god… It was surreal. She sang this haunting bluesy song no one had ever heard before and the auditorium just went dead silent.
I distinctly remember tearing up and I’m tearing up now 20 years later just remembering it. Who the hell knew…
27. Potty Break
In class he asked the woman teacher if he could go to the toilet. She sternly replied, “You’ve got two minutes, Richard” and Richard says, “Two minutes? It takes me that long to unravel it”. Teacher goes red and everyone loses it.
28. Dealing With the Class Clown
In class we were studying genetics and one guy was being a real jerk and the teacher couldn’t get him to shut up. Then after discussing inbreeding in dogs one quiet kid raises his hand and says: so is this likely how Peter (the jerk) became so f_cking retarded?
29. A Not so Funny Joke
Quiet guy I work with never said much until he came up to me and asked “What happens when an Eskimo cums?” before I got the chance to respond he threw a hand full of ice at me and walked away.
30. It’s Always the Quiet Ones
We were having an elective course and we ran out of stuff to do so we wound up having story time. My friend walks up to the front and starts telling us about how he once got pretty badly injured. Basically he was walking into his friends house, slipped on some black ice, face planted on it and his front teeth tore off most of his front lip and broke off. He ran into the house babbling and bleeding (he was like 11 and was missing part of his face so he wasn’t 100% coherent at the time) and his friends mom takes one look, runs into her bedroom locks the door and doesn’t do anything until my friends dad arrives and starts screaming at her. My friend says he still has no idea why the grown adult woman couldn’t handle the situation any better and we all start making guesses. Cue the quiet kid raising his magnificent head and blessing us with enlightenment: “Maybe she just needed to finger herself real quick.”
31. Actions speak louder.
Nothing. Let me explain: I took a class with Seung-Hui Cho, the Virginia Tech shooter, one semester before the shooting. The class was called Contemporary Horror. It was a one-time elective offered by my favorite professor; we read horror novels and watched horror films and discussed the craft of creating scary stories but also how they reflected or represented their era’s fears.
There were only about 15 students and Cho was one of them. I honestly never noticed him, even in that small class, until half way into the semester. He wasn’t quiet; he was silent. So on the day we all finally noticed him, our professor asked him something directly. And Cho just stared at him.
I can’t remember the question, but the nature of it meant silence was potentially an acceptable and funny response. So we all laughed. Except Cho. He just kept staring at our professor. Our laughter awkwardly died, and after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, our professor just said, “Oookay,” and moved on.
That professor later told me that Cho’s papers had been disturbing, but the nature of our course meant the envelope was being pushed a bit, and it had never been bad enough to suggest he’d do what he did.
32. Quite a busy week.
“72 virgins is nowhere near enough virgins for eternity.
That’s like….a weeks worth of virgins.”