There are things you want to take to your grave, and there are things you need to say before you die. These are 25 of peoples deepest secrets they want to reveal before they meet their makers.
I know a guy that was going to break up with his girlfriend one night after a date. He was dropping her off at home, they walked in to find her dad dead on the floor, so he didn’t break it off. 35 years later, they are still married. And that’s the story of how I almost never existed.
2. The Vietnam War
When I was in Vietnam a fairly popular officer was lost on a ambush. It turned out a few days later he was found by several of his men wandering around the jungle mumbling gibberish to himself. Lots of questions were asked, not many answers were to be had. Plenty is buried forever in that soil.
3. Too Much Root Beer
Pissed myself on the bus during a field trip in the 5th grade. Drank too much root beer before we set off and was too nervous to ask driver to pull over. Luckily, was wearing snow pants, as it was winter and we were going to spend most the day outside. The bus ride was agony because everyone complained they could smell a ‘fart’, but couldn’t identify the source. Needless to say I’ve watched my root beer intake before setting out on long road trips since then.
4. Last Words
When I was 15 I was lying in bed one morning and I hear my dad coming up the stairs. Being a typical teenager a conversation with my dad 1st thing in the morning was not something I could be arsed with so I pretended to be asleep. I hear my dad come in my room and he stands at the end of my bed in silence, I wait, he stays at the end of bed in silence. This goes on for an oddly long time, after 5 or 6 minutes he leaves and I’m thinking ‘finally he’s gone, what’s he doing staring at me, weirdo’. My dad walked downstairs, out of the house and drove off. They found his body 3 days later. Those 5 or 6 minutes in my bedroom was him taking a last look at his son before he killed himself and all I could do was lie there thinking “what a weirdo”.
5. Faked Resume
I’m a total fraud. Didn’t have proper education, didn’t go to college. After years of working in customer service and 2 failed start up businesses, faked my resume, glorified everything I did, and was hired as a manager. Have a lot to learn but I do what I can to survive the wolf’s den. So far, everything is going pretty well. Two things I’ve learned is that ‘confidence’ can make a big difference, and that there is a gaping hole in the system of companies doing background investigation.
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6. The Vaseline Incident
I was in 11th grade and was having stomach issues that persisted for weeks (luckily I never poo’d myself at that point but I was very gassy.) Greasy farts that smelled like rotting trash would blow out of me a couple times per hour clearing out the entire classroom at one point. No one ever figured out who it was so I had to take action before I embarrassed myself into a new high school. I mean it was awful. The worst farts ever. I come across the idea after seeing my grandpa use Vaseline to temporarily stop water from leaking in the garage so figured I could try it out and see how it worked on my bum. So I grab a handful of Vaseline and stuffed my anus with it creating an airtight seal. The first day is going good. No farts, no smells and by lunch I had forgotten I even had a glob of Vaseline up my butt. It was a major relief for me and my classmates.
I’d pull the Vaseline out, take my daily dump and hop in the shower cleaning myself real good. This went on for a while, even after my stomach was feeling better. I didn’t want to risk it and have the nasty farts come back. So I kept my routine for the time being. I get home from school one day and without having a chance to poop and clean myself up, I had to go to one of my mom’s work events. There was food and games so I didn’t care. We were there very late and I remember falling asleep on the way home and I don’t remember anything else until I woke up to my mom yelling I’m going to be late for school. I hop out of bed with cramps and my stomach was looking bloated with 24 hours of farts just begging to be released. I go to school not having any time to take care of myself feeling awful, but I survive until 3rd period. Towards the end of 3rd period I decide I’m going to skip lunch and try and empty my insides of farts, Vaseline and poop.
Unfortunately my body couldn’t handle it anymore. My stomach is hurting and I feel a release coming at any moment. The bell rings for lunch but I can’t make it to the bathroom without pooping myself. I move very slowly, gathering my things at a snails pace. Once everyone leaves the room, I shut the door about half way, I pull down my pants and blow an explosion of greasy Vaseline and poo on the wall behind the door. The sight is awful, the smell is even worse. I rush to the bathroom and clean myself up real fast and make it to lunch without anyone noticing.
The next day they have the room taped off, people are asking questions, but the administration says nothing to the students. I assume no one suspected me because I wasn’t questioned and no one acted weird around me. The room was reopened the next week with a new paint color and tile replacing the carpet. I never used Vaseline again and I never spoke a word to anyone. 25 years later and I still think about it on occasion. A few years after the incident I found out I was lactose intolerant. I cut out dairy and I haven’t had issues since.
7. Other’s Approval
I’m terrified by how much other people’s approval motivates me. I try to play it cool but I care about popularity more than your average high school student probably does. I’m 30. I’m also absolutely obsessed with the idea that I’m homely and I fantasize about being beautiful.
8. Grocery Store Grapes
When I was a kid, I ate a grape at the grocery store. My mom never bought them because they were too expensive. I just wanted to know what they tasted like.
9. Life’s Better Now
My family knows I attempted to take my life in 2015, but I’ve never told anyone that I tried again the next year. I tried to hang myself with a belt. I couldn’t get through the pain of suffocating myself and cried a lot and put it away. I’ve never told anyone because I promised my mother that I would never try it again. I’m here now, and my life has gotten so much better.
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10. The Funny Guy
Being the ‘guy to talk to’, or the ‘funny guy’ at work and private. But when alone, I really suffer . If you’re the guy who always laughs, there is no space or thinking of ‘could he be sad’ sadly.
11. Bucket List
I know my mom has cancer but she doesn’t tell me because she doesn’t want me to worry. So I’m saving up to help her with her bucket list. She doesn’t know it so shhhh. But I heard her say she wanted to go back to Ireland and at some point see the Vatican. I’d love to just pop up in a cafe she’s at and take her to get pampered. So now you know my secret. Don’t tell mom.
12. Indiana Jones
I plan to go one several hiking trips in which I hide clues to a treasure that is hidden. In my will, I will give my best friends the first key to set them on the path.
13. Daydreaming Addiction
I’m addicted to maladaptive daydreaming. I have worked through a dozen or so sets of characters and ‘storylines’ that I will day dream about for months, sometimes years at a time before I create another set of characters/storylines.
14. Sworn To Secrecy
When I was in 5th and 6th grade I was best friends with a girl whose high school aged brother was in a local gang. One night her brother threw a party and one of his friends ended up having sex with my friend. I wasn’t there, but she told me all about it the next day. He came into her room and he was completely wasted and they did the deed. Weeks later, my friend and I are at her house and she admits to me that she thinks she might be pregnant. I didn’t really know what to tell her, being so young I didn’t even know where to begin. A week or two more pass and she calls me crying saying that she needs me to come over and help her. My mom drops me off and I head up to her room only to find her curled up in the fetal position in her bed, crying. After she calms down, she tells me that she forced herself to have a miscarriage but punching herself in the stomach repeatedly. She has the fetus in a mouth rinsing size dixi cup. It is super small and doesn’t really even look like a full baby yet. My stomach is churning at this point. She says she wants help burying it in the backyard. We head outside, dig a hole by the fence and buried the baby. She swore me to secrecy after that. Our relationship soon fell apart and we fell out of touch. This was probably 20+ years ago.
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15. Always Be My Daughter
My daughter isn’t mine. My fiancee went away for a tough mudder (mud run) the weekend “my” daughter was conceived. I took the baby to get a DNA test one day when my fiancee was at work and I was at home with her and sure enough, just like on Maury, I was NOT the father. I went to a doctor and it turns out I am sterile. I can’t tell anyone because I love the little girl like she’s my own but it hurts when people comment on how much “she looks like her mom” but never how much she looks like me. I could never bring myself to say anything to her though because I don’t want to NOT be in the little girl’s life…as far as she knows, I am her father and she loves me unconditionally and I can’t ruin that.
16. No Answer
A week before I had started the 6th grade, my dad died. The night before, (parents divorced) he had called me saying he had big news but I said I couldn’t talk because I would get in trouble for not being asleep. The next day I tried calling back & he never answered…
17. How I Lost My Mother
A very long time ago my mother died of AIDS. She contracted it when I was 8. We were victims of a home invasion and she was attacked. My mother and father were still together when she died and it completely devastated him–I’ve never seen a more happier, open, in love couple than my mother and father.He couldn’t bear to be alone so he remarried an old family friend. I like her a lot actually and I want him to be happy.
This is terrible, but to people I actually know in person, I couldn’t even begin to tell them my mother died and how she did. So I just say my stepmom is my biological mom if it ever comes up in conversation. I’m a piece of shit, I know. I’ve since moved to a new city and I just don’t think it’s anybody’s business–especially since I spend most of my time in a professional environment.
I have a chronic condition that’s really affected by stress. It gets worse when I’m home. I figured out a while back that the reason is that, although I love my parents, being around them is stressful as hell. I’m never telling them.
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19. The Woods
I have two: one light hearted and just cringy, yet embarrassing enough to be a secret I take to my grave, and another that’s a lot darker, and one I have told some people, albeit an embellished version to make myself sound better.
As I was reaching mid-puberty and hitting my wanking prime (around age 15), I shared a room with my brother. Usually I’d just wait for him to sleep then wank; sadly he’d often do the same thing, and as we were both too awkward to talk about our… habits, this inevitably led to a wordless stand-off, interrupted only by the occasional rustling of sheets followed by a passive-agressive cough to alert the other that yes, we were still awake. My solution was to go for ‘walks’ during the daytime no less, begin my filthy business, leaned against a tree. As a massive fantasy nerd, my fantasies would usually involve nymphs, faeries and elves coming out from behind the trees and pleasuring me, mostly by letting me pin them against my tree. I did this more times than I can count; I had to stop when I got a room of my own as I could no longer justify it to myself, but to this day I’ve never had wanks as good as my woodland wanks, and have a huge fetish for sex in the woods; one which I have never nor will ever tell my girlfriend.
The second secret is a hell of a lot darker. I’ve also told a few people, namely my girlfriend and a couple of very close friends. I tried Heroin a few times in the past. I cover it up to my friends, and even convinced myself of this lie for a while, that I ordered Valium and the dealer sent H instead; in truth, I knew exactly what I was ordering, I wanted to try it, I was at this point depressed and lonely enough to not care about the possible consequences, and I enjoyed it. So much. I always tell my friends it was ‘overrated’ and ‘mediocre’ but in truth, the three doses my order provided gave me three of the calmest, most peaceful nights of my life. I’m in a happy relationship and am doing really well with my mental health, clean of all drugs apart from Kratom and occasional alcohol (and caffeine/nicotine) yet despite this, and the fact I never took enough to develop an addiction, I still get urges to buy heroin sometimes, and if someone offered my some dope right now I’d snap it up like a pirannah.
20. What Am I?
I am allowing people to think that I am heterosexual. This is not truth. Some people know that it is not truth. I tell those people that I am asexual. Then they understand why they never see me with a woman. This is not truth either. I am a pedophile. I would never hurt a child. I am so afraid of doing those things that I refuse to act sexually. It is very dangerous to ask for treatment for this in my country. I am worried even to say it here. I wish it was not a sin to kill myself. I do not want this life.
21. Damaged Relationship
My mother and I have a really damaged relationship, we don’t really talk at all. I know that she doesn’t like me and that she is waiting for me to finish school and move out. I am her youngest child and the only one that seems to be successful in school and building up a life, my brother is 22 and dropped out of school, he smokes weed all the time and pretty much does nothing, my sister is 20 and dropped out of school because of her boyfriend and religion. I am sure that my mother would prefer them to be more successful than I, because I know that I’m her least favorite son, but that’s just the way it is. She doesn’t feel like a person I can rely on, if she wasn’t my mother, we would probably just hate each other, our personalities and interests don’t match. I have no father either because he died when I was 10. Sometimes my mother and I start arguing, and sometimes it gets really loud and emotional, and if it gets really bad my mother reminds me of that one day, September 2nd 2011, and that she is scared of me ever since. Before that day my mother would physically abuse us when we didn’t obey, it was her way of raising us up. It was annoying and home felt like a prison with way to many restrictions quite often. Especially when I saw how my friends didn’t have to cope with those things. But as I’ve started growing bigger and I had enough.
So here is my 13 year old self sitting at home and watching TV, my mother tells me to take out the dog, I ask her to wait 15 minutes so that I could finish the match and she slaps me in the face. In our house this was absolutely normal and expected, usually I would apologize and take the dog out immediately, but this day wasn’t usual, on this day I hit back. Imagine a 13 year old hitting his mother, I’ve planned it, I wanted to show her that she couldn’t do this to her kids and wanted her to show how I’ve felt every time she hit me. But I didn’t realize what this would mean to her and to me later, my mom was completely shocked and hit me a lot that evening. Really a lot, my cheeks glowed and I was too afraid to sleep in my own bed in the night.
The abuse would continue until I was, around 15 before my mother stopped and changed, I don’t know if it was because she wanted to treat us better, or because she was scared of me, it’s probably something in-between. But these days she shows a very caring side, and tries to treat me good, I appreciate it and love her for all the sacrifices she’s made for her kids. But I cannot have a normal conversation with her, I want to avoid her in every way possible and only seek conversation if necessary. Sometimes I try to push myself and talk to her but it’s hard, it’s very hard. I don’t know if this relationship is ever going to be fixed but I pray that I will have a better one with my kids.
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22. What Happened???
I left a cult, my entire family is still in. If I tell them I truly don’t believe I will lose them forever. No I’m not kidding, they will cease to communicate and associate with me and my wife. My parents, brothers, sisters and 20 years worth of friendships, gone. Some of them, including family have already expressed that I am no longer welcome in their lives.
23. My Guilt
My (abusive in every way you can think of) mom told me to come back home and see her or I would never have a mother again, then killed herself a week later after I ignored her. I wiped her phone, and the guilt has been slowly eating away at me to the point where I don’t think I’m going to stick around much longer. It’s completely changed/ruined my personality.
24. Hitting Puberty
When my brother and I were hitting puberty we were exploring our sexuality. He told me he had porn that I could have if I had sex with him. I was so desperate for porn that I tried to do it. I couldn’t get it up though. Turns out that he didn’t even have any porn to begin with. Funny thing is I didn’t really think my brother was gay after this until he finally came out in his mid 20s.
25. An Uncomfortable Honor
A former co-worker I’d known for about half an hour told me about an inoperable tumor on her spine that keeps her in constant pain so she’s always doped up on pain meds. It also causes incontinence, so she wets the bed almost every night. I was born with one of those faces that says, ‘please, tell me something incredibly personal I have no idea how to appropriately respond to.’ It’s an uncomfortable honor.