Dealing with a regular old breakup is bad enough. But when you add in someone else’s histrionics… It becomes a matter for therapists. Or police. Or police therapists.
This piece is based on a number of AskReddit threads. Links on the last page.
1. Third time is the charm.
Ive had three brutal breakups.
Breakup #1: The first was on Christmas Eve. She was sick. We were both scheduled to be at work that evening, so I went to work alone and covered for her. She used that time off to go get busy with another dude instead of going to the hospital. Then she called me during the act to break up with me.
Breakup #2: I was in the middle of having a heart attack. She told me it was over and left me alone on the floor clutching my chest. I died on the way to the hospital some hours later, they say, but they were kind enough to revive me.
Breakup #3: My marriage ended when I came home from work on our 6th anniversary. I got off early and was going to do the whole romantic surprise thing. Instead, I found her with 2 dudes in our bedroom. To be fair, she didn’t remember that it was our anniversary.
I think I just have really bad taste in partners.
2. Home video.
He accused me of stalking him, breaking into his house, and trying to murder him. He says he has it on security footage. I’d be very surprised if he did because I was in a completely different state. He threatened to call the cops and sue me. Never happened. I don’t talk to him any more.
It was a dream come true when the guy I had been in love with for two years finally asked me to be his girlfriend. It was a nightmare when, 16 hours later, he changed his mind because I “didn’t remind him of his ex enough.” So that was fun.
4. All in the family.
After three years my girlfriend decided to tell me that the only reason she was with me was because she loved my older brother and wanted to come over to see him. My brother had no idea and was just as angry as I was.
5. That’s a healthy marriage.
After I blocked his number, he bought about 100 prepaid SIM cards so he could try to contact me (I kept blocking every single one of them). Every week he would sit in his car at night and watch my house. This went on for about 4 years, even after he got married and had a daughter.
6. Hostage of love.
He took all of the old love letters I had written him and cut them up and arranged words to make a desperate note to me, ransom letter style.
Then he showed up at my work to hand deliver it. He waited outside my whole shift to make sure I left alone.
7. Moving on.
We had been living together for two years and it hadn’t been going well and she said that she wanted to move out. OK c’est la vie.
She said she just wanted her clothes, the big TV and her kitchen stuff. She moved out at the weekend and took them.
Three weeks later, I came home from work, opened the door to the apartment and it was empty – totally.
I checked the apartment number because I thought I must have opened the wrong door – but nope – she came back and took everything. Just left my clothes and my fish tank.
8. Singing a different tune.
My girlfriend of a year broke up with me by sending a video of herself singing a break up song that she wrote. It included a background dancer of one of my good friends.
I was at a party at the time she sent it and I foolishly played it aloud so all my good pals could hear it, and hear my heart break.
Definitely the worst.
9. I will remember you.
I met my absolute soulmate and fell madly in love with her. This went on for about 8 months until one cold day in January when something happened that was neither of our faults.
I was getting ready for a normal day of college and I received a call from her mother that my girlfriend was involved in a serious car crash and was being airlifted to the hospital.
I arrived at the hospital to find my best friend and love sitting in a full upper body cast. She suffered brain bleeding, a broken collar bone, three ribs, entire right arm, wrist, hand, shoulder, and a punctured lung. But without a beat, she smiled when I came in with her favorite flowers and candy.
The problem? Most of her memory was gone of our interactions and she didn’t know who I was. I have tried for the past two years to get her back and it’s not really working. Some things she remembers but not much overall. She was taken from me and that to me has been the worst breakup in my life.
10. Who doesn’t love candy?
She drove by my house and put candy and soda in my mailbox, then burst through my door crying and stood there.
My mom told me to leave through the backdoor and she’d handle it.
Youre the real MVP, mom.
11. You know what? Never date anyone.
She pretended to kill herself. She texted me pretending to be her mom and told me that she had done it. It was horrible.
12. Dear diary…
He read all my diaries and burned them. I had left them in our storage locker. For months and months I was freaking out because I couldn’t find my 20 years worth of writing. I got a picture of a fire pit and text after text of stuff I had done and written about.
13. Crazy eyes.
He broke into my house, twice. The first time I was home, but he regretted breaking in and snuck out before I found out he was in the house. The second time, his friends got him out of my house before I got home. He then refused to get in the car with them after they got him out of my house and he began wandering around my neighborhood. My neighbors ended up calling the cops on him because ironically enough, “he had a crazy look in his eye.”
14. This guy is *terrifying*.
I think the absolute craziest thing he did is when he chased me down with his car and ran me off the road.
He was waiting in his car outside my neighbors house and I didn’t notice him until I had already started driving.
He has followed me on other occasions.
The night I actually broke up with him he held me hostage in the apartment we shared. He wouldn’t let me out of his sight. He wouldn’t even blink. I had to sneak away with my things while he was at work.
He also called me about 30,000 times. Sometimes as much as 900 times in a single day. He got an app that allowed him to call from random numbers so I couldnt even block him.
I had him arrested for stalking but unbelievably they let him go because they couldn’t prove all the phone numbers were him without subpoenaing his phone records.
15. The longer you wait…
He told me he knew before we got married that it wouldn’t work out. I asked him why he didn’t call off the wedding, and he said: “Cmon… you wouldn’t be able to handle that.” Oh, right… being in a dead, loveless marriage for two years was so much easier to handle.
16. The abstinent cheater.
Took her to a club and she left with a friend of a friend. Years later, we decided to give it another go. We lived together, the whole nine yards. Eventually, we ended up engaged and she said she didn’t want to do anything sexually until we were married. I was fine with that. Until she cheated on me with some random dude from the internet. I called her up and said, “you have a half hour to get your stuff and get out.”
18. Coast to coast.
We had been dating for two and half years. I bought a plane ticket to Seattle for him (we lived in New York), so he could go visit his family because he hadn’t seen them in a while. A week after he left, he called and said he was going to stay another two weeks because his grandma wasn’t doing well. I didn’t think that was suspicious until I got another call.
Two weeks later I got a phone call while I was at work (taking care of a special needs children), saying he got another women pregnant and hes never coming back.
19. Meme Girls.
One guy would send me super angry texts for months after our breakup saying “you’re a ____” and “have fun being a meme for the rest of your life!”
We dated for two weeks!
20. Great excuse.
She tried to justify her cheating with a co-worker because married life with two kids is “boring.” She showed up at my job to explain this to me in front of my colleagues.
21. Biiiig misunderstanding.
After three years, lots of plans and living together for two, my ex told me that he would like to begin transitioning into a woman. But that wasn’t the problem.
The part that makes this my worst break up is not she is now living happily as a woman. I support her decision. But after telling me of her identity I said calmly and cooly: “I love you, I respect you, and I wish you the best in becoming who you are. But I cannot continue to be in a relationship with you as I am not attracted to women.”
She went ballistic. Apparently I should have known. She assumed that I was bisexual. She called me me transphobic, threw things, called me every derogatory name she could think of before leaving.
She emailed me for years calling me out for not wanting to continue a relationship with her.
She is completely unwilling to understand that just like her, my sexual identification and orientation is sort of set in stone. It is how I was born.
22. Birthdays are the worst days.
My sister got broken up with in her birthday card. Yeah. He gave her a birthday card in which he wrote “I want to break up.” It happened in middle school.
23. Tonsil hockey.
I was in 11th grade. I had just got my tonsils out. That hurts by its self. But the medicine they gave me made me throw up and that made my mouth hurt even worse. So my awesome grandma, who was taking me home from the hospital sees that I’m having one of the worst days of my life, and takes me to get an ice cold smoothie to help my mouth.
I get my smoothie and take the first drink. So good. And then I get a text. It was my awesome girlfriend. But this wasn’t an awesome text. She told me… Over text…. That she was leaving me for this other guy and that she never wants to talk to me again. There aren’t enough smoothies in the world.
24. Walking papers.
Came home to find divorce papers sticking out of the mailbox. Thanks for breaking it to me gently, Sheila.
25. That’s why you just text.
She had her step sister call my parents phone (didn’t have a cell phone then) to break up with me. Except my dad answered so she told him it was over. He simply said. ” I think you want to talk to my son.” Looking back, I think it’s hilarious.
26. That is LOW.
She dumped me by saying she was going to a special treatment center for an eating disorder. She instead went to bang my best friend. What a low life, using mental illness instead of just owning up to it. Still hate both of them.
27. Like a ghost.
I was 21, came home from work and everything was gone. She left a milk crate, a trash can, and the box spring to the mattress. I didn’t actually know that she left me, so I called the cops and told them that someone stole everything, including my girlfriend.
I was pretty hysterical, but the 911 operator was able to calm me down and inform me that my girlfriend most likely left me.
Among other things, the straw that broke the camel’s back was that I found out he was doing drugs – lots of drugs – and hiding it from me. When I called it quits, he decided it would be a good time to really ramp up his drug abuse and flat out terrorize me for days. Broke into my house in the middle of the night while I was sleeping and held me hostage while threatening my life. At one point he went outside and I managed to lock him out and call the police.
It peaked with him being chased around by cops in my backyard while being tasered and ultimately arrested. Afterwards, one of the stipulations of his sentence was that he was no longer allowed to come within the city limits. Talk about a shameful situation when you’ve been run out of an entire town Wild West Style.
After we broke up, she sent nude pictures of me to my family members, friends, and co-workers.
I was 25 and in good shape back then so I wasn’t embarrassed at all. Everyone had a good attitude about, I ended up with a lot of compliments, even from my boss.
It didn’t work out the way she thought it would.
30. The pen15 club.
He spray painted a penis on my car because I confronted him about his multiple other ladies.
31. Couldn’t even write his own joke.
I got an email that said: “Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.”
It was funny on the Simpsons. Less funny in real life.