Astonished individuals share something they are pretty sure has only ever happened to them. What are the chances??
1. Paint me like one of your French girls.
I went to school for Fine Arts. We did a (nude) life drawing of a late-middle aged gentleman who was always very well-spray-tanned orange.
A week later our landlord had his real estate agent come to our house to prepare to sell it. The real estate agent was orange-model guy and I had a giant naked drawing of him on my wall.
2. Dodged a bullet – literally.
Under bombardment in Baghdad in 2004, A Chinese-made Katyusha rocket landed 30ft away and blew me up. I stood up, dusted myself off, and discovered I was completely unhurt.
As I was marvelling at this, I watched another rocket come in. I knew from its parabola that my luck was up, and stood rooted to the spot, horrified, as it came down nose first about 5 ft away from me. I’ve never been so certain that my life was over.
It failed to explode.
3. Nothing like the taste of history.
I’ve tasted the Rosetta Stone. I saw it when I was younger at the London Museum. It wasn’t behind anything, so I got in close and licked it. Tasted like history.
4. Thank you for sharing.
I had to repeat kindergarten because I didn’t learn how to share.
5. Lucky charm.
My wife and I were in a casino and she sat down to play Video Poker. After only four hands she hits a Royal Flush for $4,000.
The casino workers come to pay her out and a lady next to my wife also playing video poker sees it and asks my wife, “Can I rub your shoulder real fast before I play my next hand so I’ll get a Royal Flush too?”
My wife and I look at each other very weirded out but my wife didn’t want to come off rude, so she shrugs and says, “Sure.”
The lady awkwardly rubs my wife’s shoulder, hits Deal, and gets a Royal Flush. Also $4,000. All three casino workers, myself, my wife, and a couple nearby players just stood there with our jaws dropped. I’m not a superstitious man but what the heck.
6. The circle of life.
The first customer who I had to deal with on a new job was the last person I said goodbye to the day I quit that job. It was full circle and it blows my mind every time I think about it.
7. Whose roof are you living under?
Was reading a book about a serial killer. Turned over the page to see a picture of MY house. The serial killer was my former landlord. He was the most prolific serial killer in recorded history. At the time I rented his (former childhood) home from him, he wasn’t known to be a murderer. I didn’t know him personally, it was through an estate agent.
The poop hit the fan about 2 years after I left that house. I was sitting in my new home reading a book about him and just saw the picture of my former home. He was born and raised there and both of his parents died in the kitchen and living room there. He left at 17 to go to medical school in Leeds.
8. I taut I taw a puddy tat!
A live bird fell on my head while I was sleeping. Twice. In completely unrelated incidents. I was inside for both.
9. Hopefully it didn’t eat all of your money.
I opened my wallet and a moth flew out. Like in cartoons when a person is broke.
10. Those rotten rodentia!
I once ran over a squirrel with my bike. I’m an animal person and I immediately felt terrible and stopped my bike. I ran back to go check on it. His little body was just laying there in the path. I went to poke it and the little bastard jumped up and bit me. The squirrel was playing possum!
Side note: Rabies shots suck.
11. Two great feelings at once.
I was having sex with my girlfriend after showering together and I had water stuck in my ear. Then right as I came, my ear popped and water came out. The combination of an orgasm and an eargasm was the most bizarre but amazing sensation ever and I have never met anyone else that has had the same experience.
12. Not the type of climax they were expecting.
My boyfriend (now husband) had a massive brain hemorrhage just as he climaxed while having sex with me. We went from writhing, carefree twenty-somethings to ICU, craniotomies and learning to walk and talk again for boyfriend. He is now fairly close to where he was before and we have a beautiful two-year-old.
13. Perfect aim.
I shot a fly out of the air with a blow gun from about 30 feet away.
I think I may have lost my sanity due to no one believing me had my roommate not been there and witnessed it.
14. Let go!
A zebra bit my fingers and wouldn’t let go, so my dad punched it in the face.
15. The stars aligned.
I grew up in Australia until 1998, then my family (and me) moved to the UK.
13 years later me and my wife were on the last day of our honeymoon in Venice and I bumped into my best friend from High School in Australia. First time I’d seen him in 13 years. He was on the first day of his honeymoon with his wife.
16. Great catch!
I was playing with a clear plastic bead a in high school craft class. It was small, maybe 1/3 the size of a pearl. I got bored and wandered out to the balcony. As I stepped out the door, I threw the bead out into the courtyard, except that on its way out, it nicked the bottom of the awning that came down only about 2cm from the roof and I swear, bounced back to me and landed directly in my hand which was still in the process of swinging down from the throw.
I was gobsmacked. I just walked back in to class and sat down quietly knowing that even if I told someone they’d never believe me.
To this day, it remains the most impressive thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve never told this to anyone until now.
17. Great timing.
I got hired for a job and the company went out of business the next day before I could even make it into work.
I got the job, went home, saw the news article about the closing stores and mine was on the list. I had quit my other job that I hated to go work there.
18. Symbolic, maybe?
I was riding my Razor scooter around my front yard as a kid. There was a notorious bit of uneven sidewalk that I forgot about and the tiny, incapable wheels made impact and I flipped over the front. I was shaken but generally ok. I go to wipe a tear from my face and as I open my hand a butterfly flew out of it.
19. History repeats itself – almost.
Three in the morning, walking to the bus stop with two friends. So one of the friend starts telling us a story that took place few years ago in is home town.
This kid, in college, was walking back to his home late evening, a white van stops next to him and asks for directions. He gives them the directions, the van leaves, then stops 20ft ahead of him. So the kid goes to the van, and gets jumped on by people in it and gets kidnapped.
The moment he finished the story, a white van pulls up next to us, and one of the guy asks us for directions. We give him directions, the van leaves, and stops again some thirty feet ahead of us. We stop walking and look at the van. We stood there for close to ten minutes before the van left and we resumed our walk.
20. Poor little guy didn’t look both ways.
I accidentally killed a seagull with my bike once. It jumped out of a ditch next to the road and threw itself in between the two tires.
21. That must’ve been pretty hard.
I once stubbed my toe so hard that it actually got shorter.
22. A string of mistakes that led to success.
I had surgery which corrected my inability to whistle.
For my entire life I couldn’t whistle, despite hundreds of failed attempts by others to teach me. Then I had shoulder surgery to correct micro-fractures in my collarbone, and during intubation the tube scratched a bone in my mouth, which led to an infection.
Then they had to remove an extra bone I had behind my lower teeth called a Tori to remove the infection when antibiotics were ineffective. Turns out my Tori was oversized and preventing the acoustic properties necessary for whistling.
Within a few months of the surgery, because I spent so much time joyously whistling about the fact that I could whistle, I was actually a better whistler than my friends and family who had been doing it for most of their lives.
23. It’s not every day you fall on an allergen.
When I was seven I fell off the ladder on the Prime Minister of Papua New Guinea’s boat. I landed on a Giant Clam his bodyguard had fished from 20 meters below, cutting a giant gash into my foot. I am allergic to shellfish.
His bodyguard carried me five kilometers (barefoot) to the nearest aid post. By the time we arrived my eyes had swollen and I was unable to see while simultaneously having a minor asthma attack. I was then held down on a table by my father as the local nurse sewed me up without painkillers (10 stitches).
24. Yikes – double whammy.
I’m a double illegal immigrant.
I was brought over illegally to the USA as a child, and grew up without realizing I was illegal. My parents divorced/remarried, and eventually both got citizenship.
When I was 19, my mom/stepdad decided it would be best for me to move to Canada so I could attend college, and then I could come back legally once my papers were processed (which was fine according to their lawyer).
What the immigration lawyer didn’t realize is that once I left the USA, I had a 10-year ban placed on me. So while in Canada I went to my appointment to get a visa to come back to the states, and was promptly told at the office that it was rejected because there was a 10-year ban flag on me and I could not enter the states for another 6 years. Also around the same time the Dream Act passed, meaning if I stayed in the US I would be legal already through parents or Dream Act.
After that my Canadian student visa ran out and I couldn’t extend it, and so I’m illegally hanging out in Canada right now not knowing what the heck to do because my only alternative is to return to Russia, a country I haven’t been in since I was 9.
My US ban expires in 2019, but I don’t think they’ll grant me a visa to enter the US even if I do manage to stick around here without being arrested, since once asked what my status in Canada is I’d be out of luck.
I work online and my mom sends me money as well, but the likely thing is I’ll probably have to bite the bullet and move to Russia. It’s really depressing to me since I grew up in the states and pretty much considered myself an American my entire life, and I don’t remember much about Russia nor do I have any desire to go there. Oh and the immigration lawyer my mom used is no longer working as a lawyer.
25. Goodbye, my almost-lover.
Hungover me decided to buy a slice of pizza one day at Kings Cross. Now this particular slice was roughly the size of my face and had a good solid weight, no measly portion. With my mind solely focused on getting some greasy food in my belly I decided to eat it on the go and took the slice and walked out the store. I kid you not friends, I was barely two steps out the front door when I go in for my first bite and BAM out of nowhere a giant crow appears from behind and in one fell swoop, snagged my gloriously greasy pizza and bolted. To top it off it flew to a roof across the street and performed what I can only assume was some kind of sick taunting ritual.
Maybe I’m not the only person for this to happen to, but this felt like the adult version of losing your scoop two seconds out of the ice cream store and I’m just hoping someone can relate.
26. He was part of the Green Party, if you know what I mean…
As a kid, like 10 or 12, on a school trip to Washington DC I was walking along the mall and found a puffy envelope laying on the ground. I picked it up, it had a Congressman’s letterhead. Though maybe it was cash. I looked around, but no one was anywhere near me. Opened it up… It was full of weed.
27. Heartbreak hotel.
I dated a woman in high school who left me senior year because she discovered she was gay. After college, a different woman also left me because she said she was gay. Both those women left me for the same woman.
28. How mysterious.
I distinctly remember one morning when I was about five, I woke up and couldn’t walk. I could still feel my legs, but I couldn’t make them move like I wanted.
My parents found me in the middle of my bedroom sobbing and apologizing for not being dressed for school, because my legs didn’t work.
They assumed I was messing around at first, picked me up and tried to set me on my legs, but each time they did I just collapsed. That’s when they realized they needed to take me to the ER.
My dad ran to go get our neighbor to look after my siblings while they were out with me. I still vividly recall my mother putting my shoes a few feet away from me, and begging me to walk to them, but I simply couldn’t. She broke down in tears when I had to drag myself on my arms to them.
When we got to the ER or urgent care or whatever it was, they took some blood, gave me a couple of shots and pulled my dad aside. I’ve spoken to him recently about this and he says they told him there was some protein count in my blood that was absurdly high. It was supposed to be like, less than one part per million, but it was in the hundreds. The doctors told him the only thing it could be was MS, and I’d never walk again. They have me a teddy bear and sent us on our way.
My parents were devastated. They took me home and put me go bed. I could hear them in our kitchen all day crying and trying to come up with anything they could do to help me. They reached out to a specialist in the area and made an appointment.
The next morning I woke up and had no problem walking. I had my blood tested again and they found no sign of whatever it was I had the first time.
How do I choose to make use of the gift of working legs? I sit at my computer all day and complain about pointless garbage on the internet.
29. Guess you can get a bruise anywhere…
I was at work, went to the bathroom and saw my junk was purple and swollen and freaked out. I immediately went to the urgent care where I found out it was just a bruise from rough sex, and since it’s such a vascular region, bruises tend to look really nasty but are harmless.
The weird part was the doctor started flicking my junk from side to side and then said “Sorry, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen one of these.”
My Windows 98 was left unattended and got a blue screen seconds after midnight on 1.1.2.
31. It tasted a little off.
I was eating spinach dip on a patio with my girlfriend and her family when I realized I had dropped a glob on my shirt. Naturally, I scooped the mess off my shirt with another pita and ate it only to realize it was not spinach dip at all. A bird had pooped on me. To this day I only use napkins to wipe messes off myself, even if I’m indoors.