Everyone has probably typed out a message to someone at some point, only to erase it before hitting ‘send’.
Reddit users submitted these letters that they never sent. Some were too afraid to send them, and for some it was too late. But their words are poetic and beautiful – get a few tissues ready.
Check out the source link at the end of the article if you want to read more.
I hate that I still look for you. I look for you down winding backroads, in gas station parking lots, at night when everyone else is asleep but I know you are wide awake behind the wheel because you always thought that driving far away would solve everything.
I look for you in country songs, acoustic guitars and whining harmonicas, in between verses and behind lyrics weaving through my ears as I lay here writing. I look for you in shots of whiskey, hoping that maybe one day your reflection will be staring back at me in my plastic cup, but instead all I get is the bitter taste on my tongue and fire closing in my throat, the feeling of not being able to breathe.
I look for you in oceans and sunsets and summer nights, and if I close my eyes at just the right moment and hold my breath I can almost feel your hand in mine again, I can pretend for an instant that the weight of the world didnt come crashing down on us, the force of reality like a slap in the face.
And I hate myself for knowing that I did the right thing and still doubting myself. Because no matter whose eyes I look into I always see your kaleidoscope blues and greens, no matter how hard I laugh I still remember the times you sent tears of joy spilling down my cheeks like summer storms. I hate that I still care about you even though you crushed my heart down into dust, a heart that you knew I had built back up from the last person to abuse it. I hate myself for dreaming about you, for driving around the long way to see if I can find you at your usual spots, for asking our old friends how you are just so I can feel close to you again. Because the truth is, I’m not strong enough to keep pushing through heartbreak. I hate myself for loving you even though you broke me. I hate that I’d take you back in a heartbeat.
Yes. The answer will always be yes. No matter what we have done, no matter how long it has been, no matter where we go in life, yes. It has always been you. It will always be you. Yes.
Even after all this time? Always.
I was trying on every single pair of shoes. Heels, sandals, boots. Whatever caught my fancy. While other women navigated around me, glaring and judging, you did not.
Instead, you strolled by casually, stared down at a pair of pink flats I was trying on, and you said with sincerity: “Everything in here looks fantastic on you–how cute!”
You have no idea what those words meant to me. Growing up, I never had a mother to tell me what looked good and what didn’t. No one dressed me up and instead I wore my older brother’s hand-me-downs. No one showed me how to groom myself. No one told me I was pretty, or that I was cute. No one sat me down to tell me that boys can sometimes be silly and that heartbreak can only ever be temporary.
Those words that you said–perfectly ordinary words that any mother might have said to her daughter… they made me feel like a million bucks.
I was in that twilight realm before sleep, my head against your chest. I heard you say, “God, I love you.” I didn’t respond and slipped away to sleep, because I had the feeling you didn’t really intend for me to hear it. But I did.
And god, I love you too.
Even after all this time, your smile makes me melt.
My days spent with you are magic and although I never thought I’d be the type, I find myself loving brown eyes a little more every day.
I’ve known I loved you for a while now but I never could have imagined what that love would grow into.
Last night I woke up in a panic and you wrapped your arm around me and sung to me in your sleep and I realized I never want to spend another night without you, a girl like me only gets this lucky once in their life, if ever and I refuse to take it for granted.
Now, I know neither of us are ready for marriage just yet, even if it was legal for us, I’m not suggesting we elope or anything, I’m just saying that one day, when we are ready, I want you to be the one that I walk down the aisle with.
Until then, I want to just live life with you, whether that means midnight adventures or lazy sundays drinking wine and watching Scrubs reruns.
Basically, I just want everything a life with you could possibly entail.
Just friends. We’ve been telling people that for so long, it’s almost hard to stop. “Aww you two are such a cute couple!!” There would be a smile exchanged and then a quick head shake with a smiling “oh no, we’re just friends!” We would usually laugh it off. Well I’ve realized something. The thing is, I can’t just stay friends with someone like you. You’re too perfect. You’re kind, funny, intelligent, gentle, not to mention your physical appearance. But the thing is, you have no clue. You’ve only ever seen me as a close friend, never a romantic interest. You’re so stupidly oblivious it hurts my heart. We used to talk about people we thought were attractive, but I’ve stopped because I would end up saying something stupid. You’ve stopped too..maybe because you don’t trust me any more? I wish I could tell you, it would be too hard. I don’t want to lose your friendship. I’m sorry I can’t tell you.
You and I met at the wrong time but there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you are the right person. There is nothing harder than letting someone go that you love and knowing that the love is still there. I know now that if we continue as we are our goals wouldn’t match up and we would probably start to despise some aspects of each other. Letting go was what we decided and I wish I could just go back in time and become the thing that you needed me to be. We may get back together in the future if we finally have the mental capability to commit to the other person’s goals and make sacrifices that are needed, but for now I am going to have to do the hardest thing in my life. That is to work on myself and stop thinking about you all the time. I will always love you and I hope we develop as people so maybe in the future we can try again.
Of ending a long term relationship. It’s not the initial shock and sadness, it’s not the months of forcing yourself to go through the motions until you feel normal again. It’s not the dividing of the things or the moving out of your shared space.
It’s the inside jokes you’ll never get to laugh at again. The jokes that don’t even register in your mind until someone else says the setup phrase and you automatically reply, getting only a confused look from them.
It’s the things you want to say, the comfort you want so badly to have back, when you’re starting up something with someone new. It’s the uneasiness of going through the newness again. It feels wrong to have to do it over, you’ve already done it once, and it’s been years since you’ve been here.
These things aren’t painful, but they are old habits that take such a long time to break. Some people make the same jokes to new lovers, hoping they’ll catch on and not much change will be needed. I find that to be cheap and dishonest. But it’s so very tempting. You’ve already had the conversation, you know both sides of the joke, they just need to fill in the blanks.
What needs to be remembered is that there will be new jokes, new tender moments and new fresh excitement and adventure ahead. Clinging to the past lends itself to living there, and the only people who reside in the past are ghosts.
Maybe in retrospect I never made enough of an effort to text, to call, or to reach out. But I was scared. Scared that it was just me missing all of you and that you had all moved on and not wanted to hear from me.
Because I stopped hearing from all of you too.
I used to get the hey how’s it going and then those texts stopped coming. Not seeing you everyday did not make me stop thinking about all of you but made me think about you all the more.
I like to think you’re all happier now, with new lives in new cities. I see posts on social media of your new friends and I am honestly happy for you. There’s no anger, jealousy or resentment I just hope you’re thriving.
Thank you for all the memories, and for sharing tiny parts of your lives. Stories about your family and your childhood are etched into my brain even if you might think it’s trivial. Little things about you that you might have mentioned once in passing, stuck with me and made me feel closer to you.
I just hate how we faded away. I wish I had a chance to not only say goodbye, but also thank you. Thank you for caring about me, for the little favors that didn’t mean much years ago but have taken on such an importance since. You were the ones that taught me that kindness and humor are the key, by just being yourselves.
Of course I miss all of you but I think it’s better this way. I don’t want to be an anchor to your past but a raft that you can rely on if you ever want to reminisce about the past.
All this time, I have told myself, I am not good enough for you. So I chugged my beer in secret and waited a certain number of minutes to reply to a text. I put on a delicate dress for you and talked softly for you. But here is a sober thought:
I am infinitely more than what your hands are willing to carry.
I didn’t want you. I couldn’t even take care of myself, much less someone who would be completely dependent on me. When my aunt dragged me to the pound you looked at me with such love. But still I refused. As I was leaving I over heard some employees in the back room. Woman’s voice “It’s a shame he didn’t take her, she is scheduled to be put down Friday.”
I couldn’t sleep that night. I went back the next day and ‘saved’ you. My depression had gotten so bad I refused to get out of bed for days. But you refused me my selfishness. Every morning you would nuzzle my face, you would poke me with your nose. You wouldn’t take no for an answer. Every morning you would tell me “It’s okay to be sad, but today you will get up, today you WILL take care of me, and you WILL be loved by me” I guess what I am saying is that you saved me, I did not save you. You loved me when I didn’t even love myself. For that I am eternally grateful. Now that I am better, I am able to give you the home deserve. I will take care of you until you leave this earth, and I will mourn for you as much as I did my own parents.
I love you with all my heart. I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I’m so sorry that I was on a trip with friends. I am so sorry that I had to hear about your death from my father, hours after the fact. I really hope that you know that I love you with all my heart.
From the moment you entered my life, things started turning for the better. I got into the college of my dreams, finished my degree, and married you. When I was finishing my master’s, we got our sweet pup, who misses you so much now. When I got that job offer, we both celebrated because it felt like we had made it. But really, I had made it years ago when I met you.
I know that you’re happy and pain free now, but there are so many people who still hurt for you. We miss you every day. We see you in the good that happens in our life.
I just wish I could have five more minutes with you so that I could give you a kiss, a hug, and have you tell me that everything is going to be okay, like you’ve done for the past seven years.
I love you so much, sweetheart. My heart breaks because I know you won’t be by my side.
My roommate and I had gone to the store to get food for Christmas dinner and the days following. She had the money in her pocket. Somewhere, somehow, it fell out of her pocket. We searched the store for 15 minutes, frantic. We called home and had her husband look. The money was gone. And so was any hope of Christmas dinner. She was not only in tears, but having a major meltdown outside in the rain next to our car. I was just numb and desperately thinking of something we could do. You overheard her. In fact I think all of Walmart heard her crying. You took pity on us. You came over and asked about her. You cared enough to ask about someone else’s business. Not only did you care enough to ask what had happened, but when I told you that we lost our food money, you went back to your car and got some of your own money. You gave us enough money to put Christmas dinner on our table. I thanked you at the time, but I just don’t feel like you could ever know the depth of my gratitude. You saved Christmas for our entire house. You, lovely lady, are a miracle. You gave me Christmas dinner and hope in humanity.
Merry Christmas and thank you for the meal.
Being around you is the most exquisite suffering.
It’s not the obvious things like a lingering look or how you take the words right out of my mouth. It’s not even the way you make everything seem a little less tarnished. I don’t always see it when you’re being vague or unnecessarily obtuse, pushing to get a reaction out of me and those around you. When you vex me to the point of being obstinate and win me back in five words or less.
It’s you running your thumb absentmindedly against your palm when you’re actively listening to something. It’s your laugh, the unadulterated glee that lights you up from inside. When you pick out and articulate a thought from my head before it’s even fully formed. It’s in the moments that hang over us, suspended in the purgatory of the unknown.
I can’t define what you refer to as our relationship. I don’t want to. The fight in me to resist this diminishes every single day. I’m little or nothing to you and you’re verging on meaning more than anything to me.
I’m mentally exhausted by everything you are. I’m suffocating in every alternative reality I wish belonged to us. Let me overdose on you.
Youve told me you love me a million times; Ive parroted it back. Never really meant it, but I didnt want to hurt your feelings. You realized this, kind of good-naturedly teased me about it. Then, when you texted me saying you loved me right before you got on a plane to live halfway across the world for 4 months, I smiled. I realized that I could actually, honestly tell you I loved you. I texted it back. You texted me saying you could imagine the look on my face when I read your last text. I told you that you knew me too well. But I didnt have the usual look of what-do-I-do-now that you thought I had. I was just smiling.
When you get back, Im going to be the one to say I love you first.
You were a hurricane.
You waltzed into my life unannounced, a dreamy girl with fiery passions and holes in her shoes. You came to me when neither of us had much of anything, but I still gave you everything I had.
Looking back, I know I wasn’t perfect. I was stubborn, I was selfish, I was eager to take the high ground.
But you blew me off to hang with guys I didn’t know. You answered those guy’s doors wearing their t-shirts. You lied to me about it.
And then, you left.
And I turned into a hurricane.
I still think about you all the time.
And you…you left.
We haven’t talked in awhile now. Things are complicated. I’m trying to let you have your space and for you to give me mine, but I can’t stop saying things to you, though you don’t say anything back. I just want you to know I miss you. I miss talking to you. I want to tell you this, but I won’t. I wonder if you miss me too; if you’re having a hard time staying away? I understand things are freaking complicated. I hope someday soon we can pick up where we were. I try so hard not to say anything to you because I’m afraid I’m annoying you, and I’m afraid of sounding desperate. There is so much I wish I could say, but I can’t, or rather, I shouldn’t, right now. So I’m just trying to let you be. I wish you’d say something to me.
I know you’re on reddit, and don’t know if you’ll ever see this. I hope you do.
It’s not too often I come across someone who can do such a 180 when needed.
All business, serious, “sir” one minute.
The next? Freaking dork.
Silly, amusing, dork.
When something’s wrong? Concerned. Cautious. Careful. Punctual. Focused.
And then back to dork again when it’s appropriate.
Good lord. Just. Goodness gracious. Why did you take a video of a bunch of geese in your front yard? Why were you yelling at the geese? Why did you send this to me at 7am? I don’t know, but it sure as heck made me smile.
It’s the little things you do, man. I don’t look at you enough. Sometimes I’ll just see you walking towards something or brushing your teeth or making coffee. Normal human stuff and I’ll just think “Damn. What a treasure.”
What an incredible person you are. The world needs more people like you.
I hope that one day, you see yourself in the same light that I see you.
You died well before I ever knew you existed. Yet, you’ve had a larger impact on my life than most people I’ve ever known.
The family you left behind is my family now. The fierce loyalty, and unwavering love that you instilled in them is given to me, every day. I eat Thanksgiving dinner at your sister’s house, and watch football with your brother. Your wife calls me one of her kids.
I never got to meet you. But I know you. Because the woman I love is the spitting image of you. I laugh at your jokes every day, I get distracted by your goofy dances while I’m making dinner, your smile is on her face every morning.
Your drive and motivation are alive and well. Your morals and values are flowing through the world. Your body was weak, but your spirit is still so strong, 10 years later.
You left me the most precious thing on earth, and my only regret is that I didn’t find her sooner.
To most people you were just that cute, tiny dog, but to me, you were the first actual love of my life. I’d had a dog before you, but you were the first one I picked out on my own.
Your body was tiny, but you thought you were a giant. You packed a powerful punch, and were proof that big things do come in small packages. You were a fighter from the moment that I saw you, to the moment early this morning that I had to let you go.
You were a little older, but that didn’t stop you from being the girl that you always were. This came so fast and unexpected, that I’m taking this really hard. But I couldn’t let you suffer. You never let me suffer through our 12.5 years together, so I had to do the same for you.
My heart aches so much, but I know you’ll always be with me. It was the hardest thing ever to let you go, but you were also my greatest love. I feel so lucky to have had the pleasure of your company, and I’ll never stop loving you.
Until we meet again,
Dear ex boyfriend, I went in public without makeup today. Also, I cut my freaking hair. I cut it so short. It looks boyish. I don’t have to be ‘pretty’ anymore, and I love it. I know damn well I look better with long hair, but you know what? I don’t give a damn. Hair grows. I’m not living up to your standards anymore.
Life’s crazy isn’t it? How in a year so much could change. We were in love and everything just made sense. Then stress and life drove us apart. It’s been almost a year and we still talk every now and again but it’ll never be the same. I still love you just as much as when we were together. Every time I see you I get this wave of love over me. When we talk everything just seems okay. You’re in my dreams and everything I do seems to be tied to a memory. I’d send this letter if I thought you’d feel the same. It’s ok though I know you’re happy and that’s just as good to me. Good luck on being a nurse.
With love, M
I want to go back to the days when I constantly brushed my teeth,
because I was never quite sure if you were going to kiss me.
I want to go back to the stolen glances and the secrecy,
telling only those who we trusted to know.
I want to go back to the empty hallways and the long nights,
because I miss being walked back to my room.
I want to go back to the wind and the alcohol and not being afraid of slipping on the wet floor,
because I knew youd be there to catch me.
I want to go back to the time where I didnt doubt that you liked me,
because with each kiss and locking of our eyes, I was reassured.
But most of all I want to go back to those nights of feeling first,
because it was the first time I hadnt felt lonely in a very long while.
I don’t think you will ever know how much I appreciated how much spinach you put on my sandwich this morning. Every other time I’ve been to Subway, and I’ve said I wanted ‘a lot’ of something, the Sandwich Artist has always gone on to prove that they and I have, to say the least, conflicting opinions on how much “a lot” actually is.
You, on the other hand, know exactly how much “a lot” is. Namely, a lot. When I asked for “a lot of spinach” on my sandwich this morning, you put a whole lot and then some, and then asked if I wanted more spinach. I may have gone with my impulse and responded with “will you marry me?” but instead, I said “yes please”.
Thank you for the sandwich. It was mediocre, as Subway sandwiches are, but it was amazing, as Subway sandwiches go.
I dreamed of you last night.
When I woke up I could still see you lying next to me. I was holding you in my arms, our bodies cuddled up against each other. I could smell your scent, I could even feel your weight on my arm. And then you slowly turned around. Smiling at me with the warmest and brightest smile I have ever seen. All your pain, all your sorrows were gone. I could see you and only you.
Nothing happened that night. We only cuddled up. No words, no sex; just our warm bodies holding each other, comforting us.
And when I woke up, I could still feel the warmth of your body. I could still smell your scent and still feel your weight on my arm.
And with that in my head I started the day. And I couldn’t have been happier.
I will always love you. I might not always be a part of your life but you will always be a part of my thoughts and a part of my wishes.
One day, we will meet again. I will smile and so will you. Until then, accumulate stories. Don’t stagnate. If you ever need a hand, I offer mine to hold until you’re ready to set sail.
Seek, find, venture, discover. Don’t lose hope, don’t lose clarity, don’t lose reason.
Good luck. I’m sorry that life took us in different directions.
If anyone had asked me at 12 who I wanted to marry, it was you. If anyone had asked me at 16, it was you. If anyone had asked me at 20, it was you. It was always you.
From the first time we kissed when we were young to finally sleeping together when we were adults. I can still feel the way you looked at me the last time we were together. Because it was always you.
We used to talk for hours, and I still could never read you. I have no idea if you ever even loved me, but know this, I loved you fiercely. My whole life. I would tell you how I felt and you would say you didn’t remember. Remember the time you told me you felt like you had a lack of me? That was the closest you ever came to saying you loved me, and I held onto that tightly. Because it was always you.
When I saw you at the wedding we seemed to play a cat and mouse game of staring. Maybe it was just me being crazy but the whole night I could feel your eyes burning my skin. I came to drop something off and you made a comment about my clothes I had to run away. When we were dancing and you got too close to me and him I knew it was time to leave.
When you messaged me a few months ago my heart stopped beating and I almost threw up. My friend was there in the room with me and asked what was wrong. She could see every feeling I have ever had for you written on my face. I had finally deleted our messages. I had finally moved on. And then you messaged me. I didn’t even know what to say, it took me almost a day to figure it out.
Because even though it was always you it is now him. I finally have someone in my life that I don’t question if they love me, they prove it every day. And I’m happy with him. I think about you a lot, but I know that we will never be. So I had to move on. And I love him. I’ve always loved you, but now I love him more.
The two of us had just been nearly hit by a car, and she was freaking out (she was on the outside of the crosswalk, nearer to where the car was, I was on the inside, so I didn’t really realize just how CLOSE the car was). Your compliment didn’t make everything better, but it was clear that you helped.
And that made both my day and her day a little better.
So thanks, random guy. You may not realize it, but you helped out a lot.
As I was sorting through the pictures for your wedding slideshow, I found one photo of all of us playing with the band at that wedding. That was the only picture where I was in it.
Somehow, I remembered what was going through my head that day at that wedding. I remember exactly the journal I had with me and what I was writing. I remember my heart rushing every time you spoke or sang. I remember thinking it was both a gift and punishment to be around you all day long. We barely spoke. I know it was all in my head. And I had forgotten all of it. Until tonight. Until I saw that picture.
I loved you.
It took me all these years to forget. To heal. To mend. To let you go. To let you be happy with someone else.
Your wedding is very soon. Your wife-to-be has asked me to look over her vows to you, and help her revise what she wrote if there is a need. She also asked me to prepare a toast speech for your special day.
You never told her about me. She wouldn’t have asked for such things if she knew.
You never told her I loved you.
Thank you for that. Thank you for keeping me secret and not putting my broken heart on a plate. Thank you for respecting me enough and letting me walk away with some dignity.
I don’t know what to say at your wedding. I don’t know how I’ll have the courage or strength to even whisper a word.
She loves you. You love her.
I suppose that’s all that matters.
Dear… wait, you don’t have a name yet.
It’s all so surreal. I can’t wait to meet you; I feel you moving around in my belly every day now, and the midwives and doctors tell me you are healthy and strong. I’m so pleased.
I can’t give you what lots of other boys and girls have. I don’t have a big house (but you do have your own room waiting for you), and I don’t have lots of money. I work long hours and have to study hard to work towards the future – a future that is now yours as well as my own.
I can’t promise you that daddy will always be there for you, because I had to move away; even though I see daddy a lot and he wants very much to meet you, he has a lot of problems, and isn’t quite ready to be a daddy at all. He can’t even take care of himself, and needs lots of help to get better and not be angry anymore.
You deserve a safe, loving environment, with no shouting and no hurting. You deserve a mother who will love you and protect you, teach you and guide you through all the trials you will face in an ever-changing world. I can give you that. Even if I have to do it by myself.
It will be okay. I love you.
- I hope you’re okay. [delete]
- Does this hurt as much for you as it does for me? [delete]
- You told me I was beautiful once. I tried to say it to myself in the mirror but the words felt all wrong without your mouth around it. [delete]
- I told you before I left that I would miss your apartment. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you I would miss everything else that makes you, you. [delete]
- I hate myself for leaving so quickly. [delete]
- I wanted us to work so badly. I still do. [delete]
- I’d be lying straight through my teeth if I said I knew what I was doing. I need you to help me but you’re the last person I can reach. [delete]
- 7:44am: you’re probably at the tram stop on Bourke St on your way to work. It’s Monday, does today remind you of me? I hope it does. [delete]
- I spend most of my days sleeping in hopes of seeing you in my dreams but they’ve become bleak dark places. [delete]
- I love you. [delete]
- You let me explore your body and I found out it’s where I belong. It’s only been three days and I’m already homesick. [delete]
- It was the first time someone mentioned you today and I didn’t cry. I don’t know if that means I’m getting over you or if it’s just because the world only comes in shades of grey. [delete]
- I can’t bring myself to tell my mother that we’ve broken up. [delete]
- I used the phrase “ex-boyfriend” today to refer to you. It felt so uncomfortable and foreign, I had to go throw up before I could do anything else. [delete]
- I’m so afraid that Tuesday will be the last time I see you ever [delete]
- I don’t think I’ve ever had so many bad nights. [delete]
- Goodnight, I love you. [delete]
- Goodnight, I love you. [delete]
- Goodnight, I love you. [delete]
- Goodnight, I miss you. [delete]
- I’m sorry for accidentally texting you. I should probably write all my “texts I never sent you” here instead of in our text conversations. [delete]
- You must hate me. [delete]
- If you saw me now, you’d probably think I’m pathetic. [delete]
- 3:29am, it’s hard to sleep without hoping to hear your little snores. [delete]
- 2/12: On this day you’ve been friends with him for two years! Screw you Facebook. [delete]
- It’s my birthday tomorrow. Will you remember? Of course not, Facebook will tell you. [delete]
- I always thought I’d be spending tonight with you, up late in bed thinking about the world. Instead I’m alone, in my own bed, thinking about you. [delete]
- Happy 11:11! What’s the point in wishing when you know you’re not going to get what you want? [delete]
- It’s only been three weeks and I’m already finding it hard to remember your face. I couldn’t tell you what you smell like, or the colour of your eyes. I could tell you so many other things, like how you would skim over the paper with your pen before writing, or the direction the little hairs between your eyebrows grew. [delete]
- You say that you care about me and that you think about me, but does that mean you really miss me? I don’t think so. [delete]
- “Active now”, “Last seen 3 minutes ago”, “Read at 10:23”. Taunts. [delete]
- If you’re waiting on a text from me, it isn’t going to happen. I’m trying to get over you, but you’re also the first person I want to tell. [delete]
- Merry Christmas. I hope you don’t feel as lonely as I do. [delete]
- I’m officially missing you. [delete]
- Happy New Years! I guess no message is still a message. [delete]
- It’s been six weeks and it seems like you’re over me. Some days I still can’t mention you without crying. [delete]
- You can say that you don’t miss me anymore but please, for the love of God, please never say you don’t love me anymore. I don’t think my soul could handle it. [delete]
- My friends keep telling me how well I’ve been doing since we broke up but they don’t see the sleepless nights filled with anxious, lonely tears. [delete]
- I screwed up. I’m sorry. [delete]
- I’m just about to get off at my stop. Can I call you to feel safe? [delete]
- It’s been two months since we had a proper conversation and there are still days where I miss you. I hate those days the most. [delete]