1. Do you want anchovies on that?
I delivered pizza for many years. There was a regular who was a great tipper, so we always fought over who got to deliver to this guy. One time he called in an unusually large order and I was the lucky person who got to go. Yay! Turns out he was having a get together and there were a bunch of dudes in his apartment. I saw a lot of little glass bowls all around the kitchen. Then, my jaw dropped. I realized that all the dudes were holding fistfuls of money and that the bowls were filled with beta fish. They were betting on fish fights.
2. Ghost pizzas
Once had a delivery to a house that was in one of the rich neighborhoods. I pull up to the house, drive down a long-ass driveway, and when I finally get to the door, I see an envelope taped to it. There is nothing written on it except Dominos on one side, and leave on doorstep on the other. Inside is enough money to cover the pizza and a $10 tip.
I look around kind of awkwardly, before setting the pizzas on the doormat, and putting the money in my pocket. While Im walking back to my car, I turn back around to look at the house, and lo and behold, the pizzas are no longer on the doormat. I didnt hear a door, and it hadnt been but 4 or 5 seconds since I had turned around. I also notice as I was getting back in my car, that there were cameras all around the perimeter of the house on the walls, painted the same color as the house to blend in. I drove away, pretty sure I had delivered to a ghost..
3. Run Pizza boy, run
So our shop closes at 10 PM. At 9:55 the phones rings. It’s the ring of death. No one wants to take this call, but what if it’s the boss? He has been known to pull this on closes.
So I answer and am greeted with an obviously drunk woman’s voice asking if we are still open. Now I am intrigued. Drunk and high deliveries are sometimes the best.
So I get to the address, knock, and a woman in skimpy see-through lingerie answers. She falls against the door and then me and asks me to help her to the couch. I move into the room and there is another woman seated at a table wearing even less. The room stinks of pot and a huge bong is sitting on the coffee table. These two are hot and may as well be naked so I am enjoying the show. I ask, “Who gets it?” holding up the receipt and they both giggle and the one on the couch says, “Both of us, hopefully.” So I am thinking maybe going back to the shop isn’t going to happen tonight. Then I hear a toilet flush and out walks a HUGE man. I mean like 6’6″ plus and had to weigh 350 or more. Wearing a woman’s pink dressing gown and nothing else. Needless to say, I got out of there as fast as possible. Good tip, though.
4. Party pizza
I’m 21 and I work for a local pizza chain, Pizza Hotline, in Winnipeg, Manitoba. After two and a half years of working part time at this job, I finally have something to tell people when they ask me, “Do you have any interesting stories?!?!” This happened to me last week.
It was approximately 3 AM, right before close, and I’m on a delivery in a new area. The streetlights haven’t been installed, and so I can’t see the house numbers because it’s so dark. I call the customer, and she told me to meet her at a location just on the other side of a street. As I wait, I light up a cigarette and turn up Whitesnake on the dial. I’m delivering in my Mustang convertible which I don’t usually do but this Saturday night was particularly nice and warm and I was feeling pretty good since my shift was nearly done.
A few minutes later a little BMW begins to pull up, and I breathe a sigh of relief. See, in my area, most of the luxury cars are driven by rich international students, and they usually tip well. So a tiny cute girl comes out and I begin to read her the total on the bill. Instead of listening, she takes a look at my car and me for a moment, and asks if I want to come back to her place for a drink. I tell her I have to do one more delivery and I can come back.
I go on my next delivery, return to the store to do my closing duties, and I quickly zip on out of there and make my way back to her place. Throughout this time, she kept on texting, telling me that she thought I was cute. I knew what was about to go down.
Anyways, I show up to the house, and turns out there are three other international students there. I was hoping it would just be her, but they were giving me beer and cigarettes so I didn’t complain. We hung out until 5 AM when the host starts asking us to leave. He also tells me that I am invited to a big party the next night, and that the girl will text me when I should come over. As we all start getting into our cars, I get a text from the girl asking if I want to go back to her place and drink some more. Well, I did go to her place, and a lot more than just drinking went on for the next few hours.
Oh, and she tipped me $3 on a $15 order. Not bad.
5. Please wait…
I was working for a pizza place in Agawam, MA a couple of years ago. I had a delivery to a hotel in our delivery area. When I got there I saw two guys standing outside the room. Turns out they were plain clothes police officers doing a drug bust.
They had me stand outside the door while they stood off to either side of the door. One of them knocked. When they answered the door, one of the cops flashed his badge. Guy had a large bag of weed on the nightstand. Cop made them pay me first before he busted them. No tip of course. Wonder if they ever got to eat the pizza.
6. Maybe she wanted to play cards too
Woman showed up to the door topless. Pretty sure she expected more than a pizza from me.
7. Pawn winning
Delivered pizzas in North Dakota and always used to get some weirdos: dirt roads were always a bad sign. One time I arrive at the address in a trailer park, and there is a note on the door that says, “Please come inside, money is on the counter.” Whatever, I head in there, and there is a $20 bill sitting there for a $26 order. Great, so I decide to wait, but after about five minutes it’s starting to look like a lost cause. I call them up to see what’s up, and a woman answers. I explain to her that she’s a little short and she says, “Yeah I know, didn’t you see my note?”
I told her I did see the note, which is how I knew they were $6 short. “No, the other note. The one on the microwave.”
Turning my head, I see a post-it note with the words “Pawn Me” scribbled on it. “You want me to pawn your microwave to make up the difference?” “Yes,” she said, “We do it a lot. There’s a pawn shop right next door and they usually give me around $20 for it. That should cover the bill and give you a tip for your troubles.” I wasn’t totally sure if this was legal, but I ventured over to the pawn shop, and he did indeed give me $20 for it. I asked if this was common and the guy working the counter said I was the 4th delivery guy that month to come in with that microwave. Hey, at least I got a $14 tip out of it!
8. The call is coming from inside the house
I work for a Cottage Inn Pizza in a small town in southeast Michigan. Most of our delivery radius involves back roads and quite rural areas. I am a closing driver three nights a week and I’ve dealt with all the usual rubbish that drivers face: stiffed in crap weather, stiffed on an order placed a few minutes before closing, customer who decides to take a shower during the time I am at their door, etc. But THIS was something I had never experienced before.
About an hour before closing, I take a delivery to an address on a backroad at the very end of our radius (so far the address is in the town over.) Anyways, it was impossible to find one visible address on this street. After several failed attempts of driving back and forth on the block searching for the house, the only driveway I tried was a super sketchy, clearly old and condemned home. And I mean condemned looking like the set of a cliche horror movie.
I call the number on the ticket, explain that I am on their street however having a very difficult time finding their house, and I tried to get some directions from the polite woman on the phone.
After several attempts to understand where their house was at, I still was unsure so I mentioned the abandoned home and asked if it was near that. She says, “Yes. That is next door to us, and our porch light is on.”
About 20 yards or so from the decrepit house there is a very small grey house with not a single light on besides the porch light. The driveway is so screwy that I accidentally drove onto the grass lawn.
This home was also very beat up and vacant looking, with the super creepy home built practically on top it. However, it isn’t unusual for us to deliver to homes kinda beat up so I ignore this and just walk up and knock. I always do five loud knocks, count to thirty seconds and if I don’t hear any signs of movement I repeat this, and after the second or third time around I call up the customer.
I call up the lady again and tell her that I believe that I am at her door and ask if it is the grey home with the red shed nearby. After calling, I get an answer along the lines of, “That’s part of the vacant property. We are one driveway over from there.” Then it hits me.
Then it hits me that I AM ALL ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WALKING AROUND A CONDEMNED PROPERTY LATE AT NIGHT.
I’VE SEEN QUITE A FEW HORROR MOVIES THAT SHOW AN ANONYMOUS DELIVERY DRIVER GETTING VICIOUSLY KILLED IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS.
Anyways, I was able to get back to my car and finally found the customer’s home. When I pull up there was a friendly looking older man outside. I apologized for the confusion and perhaps breaking the customer-employee boundary slightly, I said, “Jeez, that house next door gives me the creeps. I’ve seen some movies with delivery drivers not too different than myself in situations like that except I’m not gonna say what happened to them.” The man seemed quite friendly and found this funny.
ANYWAYS… it was a $31 order.
He hands me $40 and says, “I really appreciate you coming all the way out here. I know our house isn’t the easiest to find. Keep the change.”
People like this make me love my job.
9. Pizza and a lick
I used to deliver pizzas back in high school. One night a call came from the town over from us for just a large pizza. I pack up the pizza, drive over there and notice when I approach the house there are cars lining up and down the street, it seemed like a party was going on, and that’s exactly what it was when I got to the front door. I knocked loudly and a girl who was about 17 (remember I was still in high school) comes to the door in her bra and panties, sprays whip cream all over herself and says lick it off.
I’m just standing there with a pizza just trying to make sense of all this. Before I know it another guy from the party comes to the door and for some reason says “I’ll give you a $10 tip if you lick this off her” (I was going to do it for free anyways). So I gave the guy the pizza, sucked off all that whip cream, said goodbye and she closed the door. They were happy, I was happy. And that, my friends, was the greatest delivery I’ve ever had.
Pizza Delivery in college in Central PA (relevant background information: I’m Korean):
Arrived at the front door of an older couple’s house with a large pie in hand. When I rang the doorbell, the woman came out and I said, “I have your delivery.” She looks at me puzzingly and says, “We didn’t order no Chinese food.” Of course, I had to explain that I was just the delivery guy and I had their large pizza in hand.
11. All by myself
There was one delivery I would always make to a house, and a little girl (maybe 10) would always answer the door and pay for the pizza. That wasn’t too weird – kids like to pay for pizzas a lot. The orders were sometimes early in the evening, sometimes late.
One evening I delivered a pizza to her, and she didn’t have enough money. I suggested she go get one of her parents, and she said her mom wasn’t there, and her daddy “wasn’t alive anymore”. I asked when her mom might be back (thinking she ran out somewhere), and the girl said “Thursday”.
It was Monday.
I said are you sure, and she said yes her mommy’s boyfriend lives in [nearby town] and she leaves on Monday and comes back on Thursdays “most of the time”. I asked about grandma, any family, friends, etc. – no, no, no, no.
So, I sort of sat there wondering “well, what do I do now?”. I thought about giving her the pizza and saying, “here you go, bye”.
After one of those “probably only 10 seconds but feels like an eternity” moments I asked if I could borrow her phone (this was pre-cell phones). I called the police and sat on the steps with the little girl until the police arrived.
She talked about her cat that ran away, and her my little ponies, and gave me a friendship bracelet. I noticed her hair and clothes were dirty. I thought about this poor girl just sitting in her house for days at a time completely alone.
The police came, I told them my story, and they told me to leave — not sure whatever happened to her. No pizza orders from that house anymore I would check all of the orders whenever I worked.
12. Poor kid
I delivered pizza a few years ago to put myself through paramedic school. This was at a slightly lower known national pizza chain in East Valley, AZ. For the most part it was a blast and I made a lot of good friends, made some decent money, and honestly miss those days. The ones that stand out to me after the extreme things are all of the 12-15 year olds put in charge of handling the money transaction for the parents.
I delivered a few pizzas to a home well out of our delivery area. I took the phone order and told the mother that she was out of the area but since it was a slow night and I was the driver I would do it, but not to expect this treatment every time. She was very happy and thanked me profusely.
So after a 20 minute drive I rang the doorbell and was greeted to a 12 year old kid. I told him the total was $19.76 and noticed he was holding 3 $10 bills. The kid was slick with his mom doing dishes about 10 feet behind him and looked back at her a few times before handing me 2 of the $10s and slipping the last one into his pocket.
“That’s $20 little man,” I said loudly enough for the mom to hear. “Would you like your 24 cents back?”
The kid turned ghost white. Mom noticed what happened and immediately gave him a tongue lashing, and handed me the extra 10 saying, “God bless you for making such a far trip.”
I worked at a chain store in Baltimore, MD during college. I once had a horrendous customer and never forgot her address. She ordered four pizzas that were part of a $5.99 each special but then called back 5 minutes later to complain that her bill was too high. After explaining to her that the total was in fact correct, she told me to cancel two of the pizzas (which were already halfway through the oven.) I got stuck taking the order so I prepared myself for the inevitable no-tip.
When I got to her apartment, crude music was blasting and I had to bang on the door for at least two minutes. Finally a man answered and told me he would go get the girls who ordered the pizza. A disheveled looking woman came and grabbed the pizzas out of my hand. She said, “I better go make sure you didn’t mess these up!” and went away. Another man came and stood in the doorway and started chatting with me. After a few minutes, I asked them if they could go get the person who paid for the food to sign for it. Suddenly another woman appeared at the door and started screaming at the two men to “stop talking to the stupid pizza guy!” as she snatched the pen and receipt out of my hand. She threw the pen back at me, hitting me in the chest, and slammed the door in my face. I urinated all over her doorknob before I left.
14. How old are you?
In my first month delivering pizzas as an awkward teenager in suburban San Diego, I pulled up to a house and got out, toting 5 pizzas to the door of a very unassuming house. As I approached the door, I could see someone turn off the lights to the front room and I got a bit scared. I had heard the stories of drivers getting jumped and robbed of their tip money so instantly my mind goes to that. I walk slowly to the door and ring the bell. After a few seconds I hear somebody behind the door ask, “How old are you?” I answered, “Pizza Hut…” Then I heard some muffled laughing. The woman again asks, “How OLD are you?” Reluctantly, I answer, “eighteen?” The door opens slowly and a woman is standing there completely naked with her hands outstretched. My jaw must have hit the ground. Then a flash of light from a camera behind her and a room full of guys bursts into laughter. Turns out it was a bachelor party. I got a good laugh but never did see the pic that was taken.
15. The right morals
I’ve been delivering for 2 years, and surprisingly haven’t had any awkward situations, but there was this one little kid who answered the door, he was probably about 4, for his mom. he brought the receipt to his mom to sign, and when he brought it back, he said “here, my mom doesn’t tip so I will!” and he gave me this crumpled up dollar from his pocket.
16. Take me to my friends house…
I had to fight a guy off after delivering a pizza. He was very drunk and thought I was a taxi so he kept on trying to get in my car. I literally kicked him out of the passenger side and sped off into the night passenger door open until the next hard right.
17. Compliments go a long way
My first day, first delivery ever. It was to a motel 6. The guy answered wearing red pumps, a purple and black kitty cat underwear, and a pink felt blouse. Told him I liked his purse and walked out with a $20 tip 🙂
18. Sister pranks
Girl answers the door, and yells to her sister, “your boyfriends here”. She comes running down in her bra and underwear. Gets to the door sees a confused looking pizza guy so she screams and runs away while yelling profanities at her sister.
The sister loses it laughing and gives me a $8 tip. Solid deliver 10/10 would deliver again.
19. Great counting skills
I showed up to deliver a pizza on a hot summer night and the guy who ordered it was passed out flat on his back in the living room just inside the screen door. The TV was blasting so loud he would have had a hard time hearing me knocking and shouting even if he hasn’t been unconscious. After about a minute he stirred, got himself up and paid. I think he intended to give me two tens and a one for the $18 pizza, but he was so out of it he gave me two twenties and a five, $27 tip.
20. Exotic locale
I have delivered pizzas to patrons inside of a strip club. Nice scenery.
21. Never too old to learn new things
This one lady ordered a sandwich which was just at the 6 dollar minimum for delivery. Total was 5.99 plus tax. Of course I come to the door and its an old lady. I tell her the price is 6.34 and she goes off on a tangent about how it was supposed to be 5.99.
I had to sit there an explain sales tax to her. She shut the door and came back with a calculator and I had to explain to her how to multiply by the tax rate and showed her why it was not 5.99 like her coupon said. Makes you wonder what she does at stores.
22. Serious alarm bells
I’m on a late afternoon delivery during my sophomore year of college (2years ago). I get to this ladys house in a nice neighborhood. Everything is going well so far that day, good people and nice tips, only complaint is the heat.
I arrive at her house and ring the bell. She answers, seems like a normal lady. She says a phrase that makes most drivers a bit on edge, “Go ahead and come on in”. Normally I just opt to wait outside but I quietly judged that in a pinch I could probably take this lady, and so I enter.
House is nice, clean and huge. I’m waiting for her to come downstairs with the money and I notice that she has the same textbook (animal biology) that I do and I mention it.
“Hey I am in that same class, that’s cool. What’s your major?”
She says, “I’m working on a pre-vet degree for wildlife work”.
“That’s awesome” I say. Then she hands me the money. She then goes wide-eyed and says the phrase that begins the awkward.
“You want to see something cool?”
Red flags. But again, I could take her if a struggle ensued so I say,” like what?”
“Come downstairs and I’ll show you!”
Extreme red flags. I’m thinking this could be a rape scenario or a death scenario or a train set scenario or something. So I did the dumb thing and said “sure”.
So down we go into her basement. I’m hesitant and she still won’t tell me what to expect. That’s when I hear it. Like a slow chainsaw idling. I get to the door at the bottom of the stairs and I look in the room. The source of the noise is on the couch. An adult lynx. Holy shit this thing was HUGE. It had paws the size of dinner plates.
“Isn’t she beautiful?” The lady asked. I squeaked some sort of reply as I was somewhat frozen in fear of this huge cat. Then she called it over. “Come here Janey”. Janey? What a weird name I thought, at least for a lynx. Then the beast came over and the lady scratched the ear and the lynx purred. Like a damn Harley revving up.
Luckily I wasn’t eaten. I even was coaxed into touching the lynx. It was wildish, according to the lady. I noped out after a few more minutes.
23. That’s a tip!
I was delivering 2 large pizzas to an apartment building one night. The recipient was waiting for me in the lobby. He was staggeringly drunk. Throughout the exchange he was vehemently trying to get me to come back up to his unit with him. I refused. It took way longer than it should have to deliver 2 pizzas and when he finally got to paying, he just handed me $100 bill for the $30 order. He insisted I keep the change and may have winked at me as he said it.
24. Everyone has to eat
I once delivered to an apartment where two people in bath robes answered the door, I could see their bondage equipment and garments under their robes.
The apartment was on the top floor so after hauling about 10 pizzas up three flights of stairs I looked considerably frazzled.
The guy opens the door and there’s about 15 men in the apartment and he says I should come in and put them down on the table. Now, I know better than to just enter people’s houses but this table was right near the door and there was no way I was going to be able to take the cash with three pizza bags draped over my arms so I take one step towards the table and hear the door slam shut behind me.
He locks the door and says, “we got one” and all these guys start snickering and although it turned out to be a joke (albeit, not a funny one) it was one of the most terrifying moments in my life.
26. No pizza in prison
I occasionally had to deliver to a motel 6. As I pulled in there were cop cars everywhere. Please don’t be the person who ordered pizza. Don’t be the person who ordered pizza. Oh no, it’s definitely the guy. We locked eyes. He was in cuffs, turns around says something to the cop. The cop grabs money off the dresser, I give him the pizza. Decent tip.
27. Pizza thief
I was delivering pizza in an apartment complex that was largely Hispanic population. I was trying to find a building number when some guys sitting outside in lawn chairs and drinking beer waved me down. They asked how much it was ($50+ IIRC) and paid for the pizza plus a nice tip.
30 minutes later an angry customer calls the store asking where their pizza is. It took me only a moment to realize what happened. Pretty smart idea, really.
28. Couples have the best arguments
I went to take an order to this one apartment and as I got to the door, I heard a guy yell, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHY DID YOU GET THE CAFFEINE-FREE COKE YOU KNOW I HATE IT!!?” Immediately afterwards I heard a woman loudly say, “They were on sale, just like them unribbed condoms you got yesterday that you know I hate.”
I had to keep myself from bursting into laughter, so I ran down the hall to try and get it together and finish the delivery.
29. Toying with children
I delivered to one house just as a massive storm was ending. Rain was still pouring off of this woman’s roof. Her small child was staring at me through a screen door, and she was running around looking for money.
I met the child’s stare with my own. Neither of us blinked. We were locked in a deadly struggle for dominance. She stared. I stared. Deadlock.
I reached out my hand and cupped it beside me, just under the roof. Water filled my palm. Her gaze only wavered slightly. I brought my hand back into view. I raised it, aiming right for her. She cracked a smile. I tossed the water at her, showering her with what little hadn’t already run down my arm.
She burst out laughing. Just then her mom came into view and was none the wiser.
I miss stuff like that at work. Just the moment. Sharing that spontaneous moment with another human being, tiny and unfinished though they may be. I miss those little unexpected moments in my current office job.
At the beginning it was not awkward at all. I got to the door. Young guy around my age answers. I was about to hand him his food and he asked if I wanted to come in and smoke with his buddies. I said sure and walked in. Mind you, I didn’t have to wear a uniform for this job, so I was just in my regular clothes. We were sitting around smoking and eventually his buddies ask “how do you know (whatever his name was)?” I said I didn’t and I was just there to deliver the food. Everyone just stared at me and I slowly walked out the door.