You spend a lot of your life in your home. If it’s a mess, it can affect lots of areas of your life: your work ethic, your mood, and even your diet. Here are some very helpful tips to get you on the right track to easy, clean living!
All you need to survive in your empty house is a bar of soap, a blanket, a spoon, and some creativity.
Bonus points if their name is “Rob”.
Or even better, just sleep on the floor: no more wrinkly sheets. That hard surface will be GREAT for your posture.
That way you’ll never notice spills and stains.
Instead, they can play with whatever sticks and rocks they find outside. It’ll encourage their creativity!
The soap you shower with will naturally rinse over the tub anyway – why should you clean it twice?
Have your eyes surgically removed so you’ll never have to see your messy house again.
They’ll eat all the food that falls on the floor, so you’ll never have to sweep or mop!
Plus, you’ll have lots of dogs. This is the best deal ever.
Get rid of all of your counter tops. While you’re at that, you might as well get rid of all of your kitchen appliances. And food. Just start eating out every meal – it’s easier that way.
Buy two dish washers. You’ll never have to empty the dish washer again – just keep swapping clean/dirty dishes from one to the other! Genius.
This includes your teenagers, spouse, and vegetables.
Then you can sit back, watch other people clean your house, and enjoy that sweet reality TV fame.
Leave your garbage and recycling bins on the curb permanently, with the lids open. Then whenever you need to take out the garbage, you can just launch the garbage bags into the bins from your bedroom window.
After a month of this, you’ll be able to do some sick free-throws on the court, too.
Hold a viking funeral while you watch it sail away to Valhalla.
It’s not ‘child labour’. It’s an ‘allowance’!
The communities of dust bunnies, land mines of lego, and crayon drawings on the walls are just your art installation. When your family complains, start crying about gender roles and societal pressures.
Just take it off completely. Now nobody has to touch it.
Give each of the bugs names. It’s easier to find love and acceptance with the bugs than to constantly squish them. My personal favourite is “Sammy”.
That way you’ll never leave fingerprints on your stainless steel appliances. It also helps if you already have poor circulation!
Shave your dogs and cats. This will also help them stay cool in the summer time.
“Tell me what you smell. Now take your blindfolds off…”
Stay this way forever.
Who will be able to notice the smudgy mirrors or the dusty surfaces with this sexy mood lighting?
You’ll also save a TON of money on your hydro bill.
Your guests will never go in there anyway.
Then, pour gasoline over all three piles and light them on fire. No more stuff means no more tidying.
Just switch all your bills and notices to online. That way you won’t have to deal with piles of paper.