I know, I know… technically we already have “Fantastic Beasts”, which exists in the U.S. in the 1930’s or so. But just for fun, let’s pretend that the Harry Potter book/movie series takes place in America in the 90’s. Just let that thought sink in… that would change A LOT. Britain is quite different… because ‘Murica.
People shared how they thought Harry Potter would change if it had taken place in America, and their ideas are hilarious. Check it out!
Butter beer wouldn’t have butter.
Most Quidditch players don’t know anything about magic, nor do they care. They just came to Hogwarts on a sports scholarship.
Hagrid would live in a trailer.
They’d play a completely different sport but still call it Quidditch.
Hogwarts would only be about 75 years old. And it was probably renovated in the 90s.
Harry and Ron would have been shot down by the Air force if they tried flying that car over D.C.
Voldemort would’ve been shot about 17 times all those years ago when he broke into Lily and Jimmy Potter’s house. About a 2 page book. More of a leaflet, really.
The Weasley residence would be mobile homes stacked up and magically held together with tarps and duct tape.
There would be drive by magic attacks in the hood. In the lower class areas, the kids would ride mops, and even swiffers, and the rich kids would ride Dysons.
He would live in a “closet” and not a “cupboard.”
Westboro Baptist Church would be protesting outside of Hogwarts with signs saying “God hates Wizardry”.
There would likely be a Hogwarts school massacre at some point…. Followed by Hufflepuff Massacre deniers.
Getting to school would be a lot more involved than “drive to a train station and sit on a train all afternoon”, depending on the state you lived in.
The Dursleys would be stereotypical rednecks/hicks/deep Southerners.
Azkaban would be run by a private entity and be located on Alcatraz.
Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans would have a lot of corn sirup and added sugar in it.
Hogwarts meals would be deep fried food and nothing else.
The most common pets at Hogwarts would be dogs and carrier eagles.
Harry is said to be average looking but is clearly described as objectively hot but the reader is supposed to pretend they don’t see it.
Dumbledore is a manly man’s man. Probably in his 40s or 50s… and he’s hot.
Harry would have ended up with Hermione.
There’s a serious lack of job prospects for wizards once they graduate from Hogwarts, and they’ll be paying off the student loan debt for half their lives.
Most of the book would be Harry saying “umm” instead of “err.”
“You Be a Wizard, Dawg”
The Weasleys’ flying car would be a 1965 Mustang.
Due to security checks you need to arrive 3 hours early to catch a train at platform 9 & 3/4.
If you can’t get into U.S. Hogwarts it’s no big deal.
You can go to its for-profit Caribbean counterpart for four times the price.
You would have a group saying that you have a right to know the Avada Kedavra spell to protect yourself. Then you’d have another group saying that the Department of Magic needs to control who knows it because every other country does this and they have less Avada Kedavra murders.
“Yay! I got a acceptance letter to [American Hogwarts] now I just need a $150,000 wizard student loan…”