For a variety of reasons, many couples who get engaged don’t always make it to the alter. The following AskReddit users share why they never made it to their “I do” moments.
Source list available at the end.
I was engaged to my pregnant girlfriend. Four months before our wedding, she calls it off saying how she doesn’t feel the love anymore. A week later, I come home early from my second job to surprise her and see if we can work things out. Instead, I find her in bed with the guy who was supposed to be my best man. Turns out, they had been hooking up for six months, and she had planned on leaving me for him as soon as he broke things off with his wife (who also was supposed to be her maid of honor). I decided to speed up the process by telling his wife about them, and instead of leaving her, the guy ditches my fianc to try and salvage his marriage.
We were together for 8 years and engaged for most of it. We were high school sweethearts. We were happy and even bought a house together, but eventually we just grew apart. It was an amicable breakup, and we’re still friends. It just became apparent that we wanted very different things in life.
She started hanging out with an old group of high school friends and just changed. She became extremely nasty over our wedding plans and would tell me that we had to have the exact same number of guests on both sides. If I had one more guest than she did, then she would make me remove someone from my side. I knew that if I were to move forward with it, it would have just ended in a divorce. So, I just ended it before it got to that point.
He was cheating on me with a girl from his job. I helped him get a better job since he was making minimum wage at McDonald’s before. He was also very immature, and I realize now that him cheating on me was the best thing that could have ever happened.
We had dated for 6 years when I finally proposed. It came to light that she had been talking to my soon-to-be best man, and they “fell in love.” I lost two of the closest people in my life on the very same day. It sucks, but it’s not as bad now.
She cheated and (eventually) chose him instead. It was the best thing that could ever happen to me. I went back to school, got a career, and met a wonderful person to spend the rest of my life with.
One of my friends got engaged and her fianc became really controlling about the wedding. They fell in love with a venue, but the only date available was in 4 months. My friend wanted to think it over because she wanted to see if her family and bridal party was even available on that specific day. He proceeded to go behind her back, pay the deposit to hold the date without telling her, and then demanded that her parents pay for the rest of the bill. Thank god, she finally ended it.
I was getting ready for work. She walked into our room and gave me the ring. It sucked. I mean it still sucks. It was loads of things, but I think inevitably she just needed to work on some stuff in her own head before she could be with someone else and not be selfish.
Not me, but my buddy got engaged to this girl that he had been living with. She stopped taking her BC and told him that she wanted to be pregnant for their wedding. She caused a bunch of fights over him not “loving” her enough because he didn’t want to get her pregnant before their wedding.
He eventually recognized the red flags and called it off the Sunday before the wedding, but then he continued dating her for 6 more months until she signed a new apartment lease and signed his name to that lease without him agreeing to it. “But we talked about it,” she said.
The final straw was when he had to deal with some bad debt/credit, after learning post breakup, that she had made a credit card in his name without telling him and was using it to pay for her half of the bills since he had called off the wedding, but before they had actually broken up.
We got engaged without fully discussing what would happen after I graduated from college and we could stop being long distance. As it turns out, he was not much of a city guy and I didn’t want to move out to the boonies and be a stay-at-home wife immediately after graduation. Whoops! Anyway, it worked out for the best- for both of us.
My ex-fianc and I kept on disagreeing about stuff for the wedding. She came from a wealthy family, and I didn’t have that kind of money to have the type of wedding that she wanted. My family offered to help out on some things, and she agreed to give a little ground. I found out a week later that she and her mom had gone and completely change everything without telling me, and most of these changes were things that I couldn’t afford. When I confronted her about it, she asked me where I had heard that. I told her that my sister had told me. She told me that I needed to choose between her or my family. It didn’t take me but a few seconds to tell her that she could get all of her stuff out of the house as soon as possible.
I thought he was joking when he proposed to me. He had no ring, and he was also very drunk. I was all eye-rolling and like, “Okay, yeah suuure.” I found out later that he was dead serious when his mother called with a congratulations.
She fell in love with my best friend. We went on a trip to visit him, and at the end of it, I caught them making out in her car. They ended up getting married a few months later and had a child shortly thereafter. They just recently finalized their divorce. I ran into my old “friend” and met their kid. I asked him what happened and he said, “Same thing as what happened to you, man.” If they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.
I proposed in July 2009. My daughter was born in October that year, and she left me in November when I asked her to stop texting this guy while we were out eating dinner (for the first time since my little girl was born). Apparently, this made me an overbearing control freak. Four days later, she broke up with me via voicemail and told me that I would never see my daughter again.
I was engaged for a year, but we only saw each other on weekends, and that was fine. Next year, she went to the same college as me, and we saw each other everyday. Suddenly, we were not feeling the same way about each other. We talked about it a lot, and we decided that we should take a break (more her idea than mine, but I wanted to keep working on it). A couple of weeks later, we spoke on the phone where she revealed that she had gone on a date with an old friend from back home. It hurt but that was about 4 years ago. Looking back, I learned so much from that relationship. I’m married with a 13-month-old now, and my family means everything to me.
We got engaged Christmas 2012. At this point, we had already been together for 4 years and were living together. I already knew that she was going to say yes. I’m not very romantic, so I just rolled over, woke her up, told her that we were getting married, and put the ring on finger. She then rolled back over and went to bed. I got ready for work. The engagement lasted for about 3 months, but there was still some kind of a weird stress that seemed to be created by it. We decided to break off the engagement, but to stay together and figure out what was going on. After about 6 months, we got engaged again, but it was more of a discussion this time around, and we were to be wed within a month. We found out that my fear of commitment was what was causing the stress, and by speeding up the wedding, I wouldn’t get cold feet again. We have now been married for almost 4 years and together for 9.
I joined a cult, which is where I met her. I developed feelings, but she was dating the cult leader at the time. Then she left the cult but maintained their beliefs, so they broke up. She started talking to me, confessed her feelings, jumped on board, and we started dating for a few months. I proposed, but then she got arrested the next day. I paid her bond, and we stayed together for a few more months. She blew up in front of family, so my family started voicing their disapproval and concerns over her. I started questioning the relationship as well and the cult beliefs. I also acknowledged that I had some buried emotions, so I broke up with her and dropped all of my cult beliefs. She told me to, “Burn in hell.” It was a fun time.
We decided that we would get married after he finished his physics degree. Instead, we moved in together and started planning a future. Everything was running smoothly, of course, we still had fights over this and that, but it was never anything serious. I was a very organized guy, who liked to keep track of everything and tried to save as much as we could so that we could afford everything that we wanted (both of us worked, but I’m an IT professional, and he was working for his parents’ business) and tried to cut corners. I started using my bike to save on gas and doing little things here and there to save a bit more. As any sensitive mature person would do when they have plans. Suddenly, one week after New Year’s, we started to fight a lot. I asked him to sit down so that we could talk. Out of the blue, I find out that he was feeling bored. He needed to “enjoy life.” It seems like building a future together was not exciting enough for him and my saving techniques, which meant a movie at home while eating a homemade meal, were dull. So yeah, we broke it off and don’t even speak anymore.
My buddy was engaged to someone whom everyone else knew wasn’t the best fit for him. He was energetic and outgoing while she very quiet and reserved. They got engaged and had the date set. My wedding came along. She didn’t attend, but my buddy did. He had an absolute blast and saw how my wife and I were with each other and how we weren’t holding each other back in the way that his fianc was with him. He broke it off with her the week after he got back from my wedding. He had had the wedding invitations in his car ready to be mailed.
He ended up getting arrested for some admittedly minor things (wasn’t on the dealing drugs or felony level), but I still realized the road that he was headed on. Even though I loved him, I hated who he was becoming. I also realized that I didn’t know enough about myself to know what I really wanted.
My high school boyfriend proposed and I said no. We were too young. I also pointed out that he was leaving for basic training, and I was starting college in a few months. I suggested that we should wait before making any other major life decisions until we were both back together. He threw a hysteric fit. I seriously should have just left him then, but I didn’t. I wanted to date him at the time, just not marry him. He tried to make it an either-or situation. Either we were moving towards a future together, or we were not. So, I accepted the ring. We weren’t even engaged for 2 months, and he wanted to start planning wedding details. I broke up with him via a ‘Dear John’ letter (I know it’s a horrible thing to do) while he was finishing his army training. I just couldn’t face all of the pressure that he was putting me under.
My cousin (who didn’t want to get married) got proposed to on her 30th birthday. For some reason, she said yes. She was dead serious too.
She discussed it with her fianc. About 6 months before the wedding, they ended up having to call it off. Turns out, he didn’t want to get married. They knew that beforehand.
A year later, he is married and now has a kid with another woman.
She put off finalizing any details for the wedding until she could justify putting it off until the following year. Then, she slept with her coworker, who she’s now dating. I still spend time with her 6-year-old son being that I was a father to him for 4 years. I blame her, but I also forgive her because I didn’t exactly make things easy. She handled it HORRIBLY and feels horrible. Frankly, she just isn’t capable of expressing her feelings in a healthy manner, and I’m a bit needy while still having my own issues. Damn. That was more cathartic than I expected. It’s been about 10 months, and I have a healthy relationship with her son. I take him to the park, to play basketball, and teach him how to play the piano every once or twice a week. I kind of have a friendship with her. I’m pretty sure that I just stayed with her for so long because of the bond that I have with her son.
We got engaged really young (at 18). While I loved him and didn’t want to lose him, I wasn’t able to admit that I wasn’t ready for that level of commitment. I made a lot of selfish decisions and subconsciously sabotaged the relationship. We struggled to make it work for years, but he got impatient and ended up leaving me for someone else.
Post are edited for clarity.