You only live once. You’re a modern, sexually liberated person. So why not have a few drinks, dance like it’s the last night of the world, and go home with a stranger? What’s the worst that could happen? Well. As these Redditors know, the real problems with one night stands often don’t become apparent until the morning after.
What’s your worst hook-up story? Share it with us in the comments!
I woke up the next morning in a strange bed with a strange man next to me. I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks; I looked at my phone which had like twenty missed calls and texts from my friends asking where I was and asking if I needed help. It was 7am.
I went in the bathroom and realized I was covered in hickeys and bite marks. I went back into the room, woke the guy up, and pointed to my neck. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “You told me to do that.”
I rolled my eyes, started getting dressed and couldn’t find my underwear. We searched the room for a solid five minutes, me half-naked and him half-awake (we couldn’t leave them behind because this wasn’t his room; it was his buddys room and he was due home any minute). We ended up finding them behind the TV (dont ask me).
I opened the door, hoping for a quick exit, before remembering my car was still at the bar and I needed a ride. I walked into the living room and there were three guys I knew from high school sitting on the couch, grinning laughing at my hickeys and general disarray. I had to ask for a ride (cringeworthy) since my phone was dying and I had no idea where I actually was.
I woke up alone and naked in my bed. I figured the dude had left. No big deal. Suddenly, I had terrible horrible awful intense stomach cramps. I got up to go to the bathroom. I had to run with my hand cupped under my butt to avoid making a mess.
Anyways, I went to the bathroom for a solid 15 minutes. I was sitting on the toilet, grateful the dude had left and wasn’t there to witness my horrible explosion.
I got it all out, took a shower, and back to my room to find a huge brown puddle in my bed and him still there. Needless to say, we never spoke again.
She wanted me to stay for the night. I didn’t want to, but I did. I woke up in the middle of the night and tried to sneak out only to find that the door was locked! She woke up and asked me where I was going.
I need some water” was the only excuse that came to mind. She walked with me to the kitchen, walked with me back to the room, and locked the door again.
He punched me in his sleep, which resulted in me having a pretty bad black eye for a couple days.
We’re friends though, so he’s never heard the end of it.
We spent the night together at a party, and we woke up reminiscing about the night before. He walked to the gas station to get us drinks and snacks.
I had bubble guts, so I farted one time; it smelled like death. He came back maybe 10 minutes later and it still reeked. So he started yelling about who let the dog crap in the house?! He still doesn’t know it was me.
I served in the US Navy. On one of our visits to Singapore, I met a girl at a club called Fire. I woke up at her apartment in the morning, about two hours from the time my ship was set to depart, having spent all my cash the night before. I had no idea where I was and no idea how I would get back.
As I was trying to figure out what I was going to do, one of the other guys from my ship called the girl. It turns out that they were friends and he saw me leave the club with her the night before. He had a taxi meet me at her place and got me back to the ship in time.
I woke up to her husband holding a gun to my head. Beware the cougars.
I wake up to him saying, “My dad wasn’t supposed to come home so early” I just thought he lived with roommates. He tells me to jump in his closet. (I’m fully nude and my clothes are in the living room.) I start to argue, but he insists, and so I get in there and hear them having small talk for almost an hour.
I realize I really have to pee, but they just drag on and I’m dancing around. And then the guy I slept with left for work!
I can hear the dad making breakfast and just settling in. Now I start to panic; how am I gonna get my clothes? Screw my clothes, I’ll wear his clothes!
I started to root through the stuff in the closet, but all I found were shirts. So I ran for my life full speed through the house with sex hair and a long shirt. Finally, I got to my car. The dad yelled after me: What the! But! Hey, who are you?!
I woke up and went outside to call an Uber home after hooking up with this girl and going back to her house. Turns out her dad is an Uber driver, and guess who his first customer of the morning was?
Hands down the most awkward car ride I have ever experienced.
I woke up next to a woman with swastikas tattooed on her chest. I never drank gin before that night, and I haven’t since.
The previous night was Valentines Day. I had just been dumped by a long term boyfriend. I was drunk in Walgreens, looking at the flowers and chocolates, thinking about my ex.
I then decided it would be a good idea to buy him a balloon and some flowers and leave it outside his house, because these are the kind of brilliant ideas I get while drinking.
When I got outside, I let go of the balloon and it flew away. I started crying, and some dude in his car asked me what was wrong.
When we woke up next morning, he started telling me about how he was trying to be a rapper and made me listen to some really bad stuff he had wrote. I had to get out.
When I got up to leave, he told me I had to wait until his grandma left the house to play bridge with her buddies. I finally get to leave after a couple hours of extremely uncomfortable and awkward feelings of regret. As I walk out, I see his grandma had put the flowers I bought in a vase on the table.
She was actually really cute and nice. When she got up to leave, I just said, Lock the door behind you. (I was super hungover.) When I finally managed to get out of bed, I was in for a shock.
She had taken all of the food in my house along with my blender! Like, how she even pull this off?!
We slept in her bed, which was a cot in the kitchen (clue #1 to stop drinking so heavily).
She woke me up to introduce me to her three children (clue #2).
They were sleeping in the same bed because the youngest had pooped the other bed during the night (clue #3).
The same bed she told me to hide in when there was a knock on the door at 8 am (turned out to be her sister, but still, clue #4).
She then introduced me to her pet lovebirds. She informed me she would be naming one of them after me (clue #5).
As I am desperately trying to get out of there, she physically removes the stuffed animal from her youngest’s arms to give to me to ‘remember her by’ (clue #6).
I did not take the toy from the now-crying toddler.
If I hadn’t needed a drink so badly after that debacle, I might have given sobriety a shot.
I woke up next to my one night stand. She had wet the bed. There were a total of 9 people in the house; the two home owners knew each other. Everyone else were total strangers. Come to find out I’m in a different state which, to be fair, is only like 2 hours away from where I live. I had to sit around in pee soaked clothes with a bunch of strangers while my friend came and picked me up. He made me put on a trash bag in his car.
I was at a local spot a few years back, and I met this girl who was pretty cute. Anyways, we chilled for a bit, headed to her house, frisky business, and then we fell asleep.
I woke up and noticed a bunch of school books. I asked her what she was studying and she told me she goes to the local high school.
I died a little inside and left. I ran into her a few weeks later and it turns out she was just messing with me cause she needed me out of the house before her roommates got home.
I hooked up with this beautiful woman at a festival. She lived nearby, so she insisted we go back to her house. After an entire morning and almost afternoon of loud sex, I decided to go downstairs for a drink. Turns out she didn’t live alone like she said.
She lived with her two brothers, both of whom looked like they were pretty aggressive. I casually had to continue my stroll to the fridge shirtless, then introduce myself. They both jump off the couch and try jump me, asking who I was and where I was from.
Thankfully she came downstairs and introduced me, and then asked them to drive me home. Being that she was the older sister, they had to say yes.
Being super far from home, I had to accept to the offer. I got a lift with the brothers of the girl I had just ploughed the life out of all night.
Her one-year-old son crawled in bed and woke me up. He thought I was his daddy. For some odd reason, I didn’t mind it.
I hooked up with a mature lady from the bar at which I worked. I woke up the next morning to sounds coming from the kitchen. She says it’s her son. For some reason, she also mentions he’s starting a new job that day. I say a brief, awkward hello to him as I leave the house.
Guess who showed up at my work for training later that day.
After my first night with my future ex-husband, he rolled over and asked, “Jennifer, did we have sex last night?” My name is not Jennifer. I should’ve run at that point.
I woke up mostly naked and still drunk with the guy I had slept with asleep in bed next to me. Okay, thats normal. But then I looked around and discovered that there were five other guys in the hotel room. Okay, thats not normal.
I calmly looked up and asked the guys, Did I sleep with any of y’all? A resounding no. I got dressed, woke the guy up, and we all went to Taco Bell.
I woke up to a bunch of snapchats of my penis from the girl I slept with. She put a couple of them on her story. I guess she did this when I was asleep?
I came home with a girl from the bar. We were both trashed, had sex, and her dog watched. She vomited on me during the act. I cleaned up as best as I could before passing out.
I woke up in the morning to the sound of her mom attempting to come in, asking who was in her room. She said, No one, go away. Then she told me that I couldn’t leave until her parents left for work.
No way was I staying there for two hours, still partially covered in puke. I climbed out her window on the second floor and jumped off of the roof. I stuck the landing and jogged away down the street… into a cul-de-sac.
I turned around to make my escape, and her mom is on the front lawn in a bath robe, staring me down, holding her morning coffee. I walked to a gas station where a friend picked me up.
I woke up next to someone and immediately regretted the decision I had made the night before. So I got up slowly, being as quiet as I could, and started putting on my clothes, readying myself to leave.
I got halfway down the staircase before I realized I was trying to sneak out of my own house.
This girls parents came home a couple days early, and in the morning I was sleeping with her in her room with a couple alcohol bottles surrounding the bed.
As soon as the parents got home, they went upstairs. I was completely naked with no covers on, and so when they entered the room they saw me completely need. I thought her dad was going to beat me to death. It was probably the most awkward thing to ever happen to me.
Answers edited for clarity.