From jumping out of an airplane without a parachute and survive, to drinking a whole gallon of whisky in 5 hours, people share the most ridiculous hogwash stories they’ve ever heard.
[Source can be found at the end of the article]
I worked with a guy that would always say stupid comments and people would always call him out for saying dumb things. One day he got mad about it and went on a rant about how he was only dumb because he had to drop out of school to take care of his blind mom when he was 14 and no one else was around to take care of the family. Everyone got quiet and it was awkward until someone said, “Your mom drove you to work today.
I had a friend in high school that would always tell semi-plausible stories that we suspected were lies, but we could never catch him on it. One day during lunch, we were talking about weed and he casually says “When my dad was a cop in the seventies, he would confiscate weed from guys and then go back and smoke it because it was legal back then.”
We all kind of looked around the table and some brave soul said “Dude, if weed was legal, then why were the cops confiscating it?
“I can’t eat those eggs, they have gluten!”
My aunt is convinced that anything produced by any animal who has ever eaten gluten also contains gluten.
When I asked if she was tested for Celiac’s, she said “Doctors don’t know.”
She’s not a very bright person.
I was a relatively late bloomer when I first got to college in terms of sex, so I often turned to some of my older friends for knowledge. By far the worst counsel I received in that time was, “if she doesn’t look like the type of person that would have an STD, then she doesn’t have an STD.”
Don’t listen to that advice. Wear a condom.
This jerk attending my college: “There was a meth lab next door to my house and it smelled terrible. So I hit it with my sound cannon and destroyed the house.”
Also, “I put a virus on my friends computer so the disk in the computer spun so fast that it shattered and broke the computer.”
And, “I can direct lightning through my hands.”
This man is NOT special ed. I don’t understand anything anymore.
Continue reading on the next page!
My friend, who was prone to “stretching” the truth when we were younger, once told me that his 5 year old brother had jumped out of an airplane without a parachute and survived.
When pressed, he clarified that what he really meant was his brother had jumped off the last step of the stairs when exiting the plane.
A crossfit instructor told me that the human body can’t digest carbohydrates, and if I ate anything made with sugar or grains, it’d tear holes in my intestines.
A guy my wife used to work with was always talking crap, but these stories really stands out:
He told my wife that he had taken his wife’s car keys into work by accident, luckily his wife wasn’t at work that day, she rang him and asked where they are as she needed to get something out of it…when he discovered he had her keys in his jacket pocket he told her to put the phone next to the car door and he pressed the ‘unlock’ button and her car unlocked she got what she had to then he ‘locked’ it again though the phone.
He also said he didn’t like scrapping the frost off his car on a winter morning so he would park his car under a street light, as that would stop the frost.
When I was at school one of my friends ran out of the playground/yard and came back an hour or so later. He said the headteacher/principal chased him but he got on a bike, but then the headteacher jumped on a skateboard and got some toy bow and arrows and fired them through the bikes wheels – and that is how he got caught and had to come back to school.
My brother two weekends ago while he was visiting, and trying to convince me that I needed to move to Mexico because it was safer than America. He pulled this gem out. “There were more murders in Chicago last year than all of Mexico.”
Man, I’m so glad I live in the age of Google so I can just immediately call him out on his outrageous claims. 15 years ago, when we were growing up, I would just kinda have to be like “well, that doesn’t sound right, but I can’t prove it’s not right now.” Then I would look it up, and I’d be right, but by that time he’d just be like “I didn’t say that!
Continue reading on the next page!
My sister’s 7th grade teacher told the class that whales and dolphins are fish. When my sister corrected her, the teacher got mad and made her come to the front of the class and say that she was wrong and apologize for lying and contradicting the teacher. When my sister refused, the teacher sent her to the principal’s office.
One particular person:
-Didn’t trust the water at the restaurant so she insisted on coffee.
-Told my kids that their fast food had gas in it and was poisonous.
-Says her dog will have seizures if he doesn’t eat ONLY organic food. Then takes home steak from the chain restaurant for the dog. Oh noes!!
-That horrifying growth on her arm just needs some cream and the decades she spent in the tanning bed that was in her basement is in no way related.
-I shouldn’t put sunscreen on my baby son because he needs vitamin D.
In middle school, this kid who was notorious for being full of ridiculous claims, told me that his uncle raised CLAY pigeons. Like those orange targets that you throw in the air and shoot with a shotgun.
Same kid had this army jacket that he wore from time to time that was his Uncle’s. Claimed that the holes in it were from a BB gun that some German was using in WWII. At the time I didn’t realize the many flaws in this.
Depression isn’t a real mental illness. You just have to choose to be happy, then you won’t be depressed anymore. I know, I took psychology 101.” She took this class at Carnegie Mellon University, so I was shocked. She also said she’d kill herself if she found out she couldn’t have children because it’s the only thing she was put on this earth to do.
I knew a girl in college who had gone to private school. We worked on a mental health outreach type thing together, and we had a training retreat one weekend. We were covering sexual health and people you can reach out to, stuff you were supposed to know.
And then this poor girl who has been totally abandoned by america’s awful sex ed raises her hand shyly, looks around and goes…
“wait… so condoms DON’T cause cancer?
Continue reading on the next page!
I have a friend who is really prone to having dumb claims come out of his mouth. Most notably, We were in the gym once and I was lifting x amount of weight and he says, “why lift that all at once? You can lift 10lbs 10 times and it’d be the same as lifting 100lbs” Also, while fishing one time he said, “why don’t we just catch all of the small bass? that way the big bass can make more big bass?” Cue huge face palm.
A girl on our bus showed up one day missing one eyebrow. When asked about it, she had a variety of stories. First, her teacher had a piece of Scotch tape stuck to her finger. She shook her hand to get the tape off. The tape flew off of the teacher’s finger and onto the girl’s eyebrow. When she pulled it off, her eyebrow came with it. When everyone laughed at that, the next story was that she was hit in the head with a basketball at practice, and this stunned her eyebrow hairs and they all fell out. The final story was that her cat licked her eyebrow off in her sleep.
This really annoying computer nerd and compulsive liar back in high school told us that he was walking out of his (wealthy suburban) karate class one night with his karate Sensei, and these 4 thugs attacked them with guns and knives, and he did some karate kick on one of the thugs that killed him, while his Sensei fought off the other 3 thugs. Obviously, we called him on it and said we would look for the police records, and he told us that they didn’t call the police afterwards. So apparently there’s just a dead guy laying outside their karate dojo. Sure.
I had a roommate who lied about EVERYTHING. Stupid crap for no reason, he’d just make stuff up.
There never was a single thing big enough to really stand out, but the one that made me the most angry is when he told me that once at his house his family’s heater went out. They opened the refrigerator to cool the room, he says. It worked surprisingly well, he says.
NOPE! That’s not how refrigerators even work. Man, it still gets me heated. I confronted him on it, tried to tell him that refrigerators literally can’t do that. Nope, he stuck to his guns. “Well I know we did it, and it made the house feel cooler.”
Seriously a pathological liar. In some ways it’s sad, because I’m sure it was some sort of cry for attention. But it still makes me angry to think about it. We tried really hard to be his friend, and eventually I had to cut him off.
A guy I used to work with at the hotel I work at told me that he was offered a full Rhodes Scholarship to Oxford University but turned it down.
There’s no way that could be true, because no one would turn down a Rhodes Scholarship, and as well, this kid was not that bright. He couldn’t tell the difference between here and hear.
I knew full well that was a crock, but it was fun to watch him dig his own hole.
Continue reading on the next page!
I was in trade school after the military. I remember this guy that was 18 years old come in perfectly normal, and tried telling everyone that him and a buddy drank a whole gallon of whisky between the two of them, in 5 hours. One, he was 18 and maybe 100lbs wet. He would most likely be dead. 2, I have split a gallon between 6 other people and myself, and we all were severely drunk and I don’t think we finished it.
I’m an industrial engineer and I’m responsible for the performance of a few different facilities. Had one supervisor whose shift was putting up horrendous numbers (because he sat on his butt all day and never paid attention to anything happening on the floor), and he claimed it was because “the machine has been running slow lately.” The machine to which he was referring only runs at one speed, is not adjustable, and produces diagnostics that verify its running at the proper speed. He took that excuse way up the management chain.
She announced to my friend a couple weeks after starting to date my friend that she was pregnant.
It became apparent that there was no way in hell that the baby was his as she was majorly showing and feeling movement about 8 weeks in, because she was actually 16-18 weeks pregnant. But they ended up getting married despite our warnings to our friend. We even took a go bag to his wedding and told him he could take our car and get out if he wanted. No dice.
So she had to come up with something that would explain why she’d be having the baby so “early”.
She told his mother, in front of us, that they were going to induce her 6 weeks early because she had scoliosis. This induction was to take place in the middle of March, when she’d be 34 weeks. My spouse actually turned away and laughed out loud.
She then had her baby on February 2, so by her “math”, just 28 weeks, which of course is extremely premature and requires a lengthy stay in the NICU. Nope, baby was a healthy 9 pounder and they went home the next day. Sigh.
They had started dating in late July.
She also said her hands were registered as deadly weapons.
Continue reading on the next page!
Some guy trying to tell me that the only reason people took martial arts was to learn how to kick ass. I pointed out that had been in Kung Fu for a few years before this conversation, and I didn’t know how to kick anyone’s ass – nor did I go around trying to kick anyone’s ass – nor did I have any desire too.
He then went on to explain to me how he had been in karate and that he had been told by the instructors that he was not “allowed” to take it any more because of the possibility of him being a lethal weapon. Apparently the karate skills coupled with his already explosive anger would be too dangerous for society.
Yes, this 40 something year old man (who weighed 140 soaking wet) tried to tell me that. The thing was is that he had been kicked out of two basketball leagues because of his tendency to freak out and physically tackle and deliberately trip opposing players. SO what I think happened was some karate instructor told him to get out of the studio because he can’t control his little man anger. One of the things they constantly stress in martial arts is control – if he had really ever been involved , he would have known that.
I was in the Navy at the time, stationed in Italy and was hanging out with two of my friends at a pub. One friend, call him Irish, simply because he was, another friend named Hottie, because she was, and I were all drinking. Hottie was hot enough that even with Irish around, who was a massive jerk, she still got hit on pretty regularly. She was cool about it but would occasionally lean on us if the guy was getting too obnoxious.
This guy was obnoxious but not in a harmful way, just full of himself. Well, Irish has barely spoken at this point as he’s watching football and only half listening to the conversation. Obnoxious guy states to Hottie that he was actually from Europe (he wasn’t, he was from America… plainly) to somehow impress Hottie (which was weird because we were actually in Europe at the time.)
Hottie asks, “Oh yeah? Where are you from?” Obnoxious guy says “Dublin” but pronounces it “Dooooblin.”
Irish slams his hand on the counter, spins around, face red and practically screams in his very thick, very authentic Irish accent, “Dooooooblin?!?!?” “DOOOblin?!?!” “Is that where the Loooooprachans come from?” Irish looks like he’s going to throttle the kid, calls him just about every name in the book before Obnoxious thinks better of it and slinks away.
I have a few stories from my old best friend in high school:
he told everyone at school, including the teachers, that he went to Japan to train in a (fake) deadly martial art.
He told my group of friends that he once lead an army against dark demons. We went with it just to see how far he’d go, he was 100% serious.
He said that he was physically enhanced, kind of like Wolverine.
He said that he was a vampire and his crush wore a necklace that prevented him from shifting. The funniest part is, he sent me a picture of the necklace, and it turns out that it’s from an anime.
He said that he had an evil twin that watched over him through the roof all the time.
He made a lot of death threats to girls and one of my friend, he got arrested and a restraining order. He told me that when the cops went to arrest him, he was sitting in his basement, in the dark and wearing a mask. He said that the cops were scared of him. My friend told me that when the cops asked him about the death threats, he said that he was a guardian angel, and he was protecting me. He’s quite the character… I’m now friends with him anymore cause he’s childish. I grew up, he didnt.