Fathers are perceived as some of the most intimidating people on the planet, even if they aren’t intimidating at all. Why, you ask? I think it’s probably because they tend to hold the fate of future romantic relationships, especially when it comes to their precious little girls.
Curious for more responses? Find the original thread at the end of the article.
I’m the Daughter. I would just like to note that my Dad likes messing with boyfriends not because he thinks I need protecting (he’s fully convinced I could rule the world if I so chose) but because he thinks they are easy targets.
With my first boyfriend ever (and we weren’t even going out at this point), my dad shows up in his motor cycle leathers and sunglasses with a ten page form. The questions included “Do you own a van with a mattress in it?” and “When is it appropriate to touch my daughter?” Kudos to my ex, he did fill it out and quite humorously too.
My dad has yet to meet the current boyfriend. He’s currently planning with my uncles to take said boy up into the mountains, leave boy in car and dig a grave roughly boys size. I’m working on making sure that doesn’t happen.
The first time I met my girlfriend’s father he picked us both up and was driving us to his house so we could stay the weekend. After a few minutes of driving he told us he had to make a stop on the way there.
He pulled up outside a house that looked like there was some work being done on it and one of the guys came up to the car and said hello. My girlfriend’s dad handed over this FAT envelope of cash to the guy and the guy gave him a clear blue plastic bag full of this white powder which my girlfriend’s dad threw in the back with us.
At this point I’m pretty freaked the out because I’m fairly convinced that my girlfriend’s dad just paid a load of money for a bag full of cocaine but I try to act cool. My girlfriend’s dad is like “I can trust you not to say anything, right?” And I’m like “Yeah, sure” because I don’t wanna get killed or something.
So, about 15 minutes later into the journey my girlfriend just bursts out laughing and they tell me it was all just a prank. My girlfriend’s dad owned the property being worked on and had to pay the workers for it and had staged that the worker was gonna give him a big bag of washing powder to freak me out.
It was a pretty hilarious and harmless prank and we laugh about it now. He’s a cool guy!
My ex girlfriends dad did the classic “leave all your guns out on the table” gag.
I walk into his small home office and there is an arsenal of guns, swords, and knives out on his desk. A half hour later we were shooting muskrats off his front porch and having a grand old time.
He was a swell guy, I miss him.
I was out with a few friends and we ran into a big group of soldiers. This wasn’t uncommon as it was a military town, so we hung out for a bit at a local burger place.
The boys, all of them 18, were discussing one of their superiors and the consensus around the table was that this man was a complete pain in the behind.
After a while I noticed someone giving the man a nickname based on his surname. My surname.
The pain in the butt was my dear old father.
I told them this and the evening took an abrupt end as they shuffled off in a hurry.
When I returned home and told my father about it he laughed for a really long time, and when wiping his tears away the only thing he said was, “I can’t believe it worked… “
I wanted to take my girlfriend out to see a movie but she said that I had to meet her dad first. Her dad runs the local farmer’s market, so I had to stop by that morning. I was luck that it was winding down because after an awkward hello he put his hand on my shoulder and led me around and introduced me to everyone at all the stands. Now, for an introvert like myself, this would’ve been bad enough. But no, as he was introducing me to everyone, he decided to use random female names for me.
“Hi there, so-and-so, this here’s Stephanie and he’s taking my daughter on her first date!”
“Hey guys, meet Martha, he’s taking my daughter out!”
It was kind of funny afterwards.
The first time I met my ex’s dad, he had just had surgery. I think I was 15 at the time, and while I was waiting for her, he asked me if I would go into the study, put on some music and make him a drink. I got him a single Jameson with one ice cube because that’s what my Irish family members drank and I knew he was a Hibernian. I put on a Fleetwood Mac record because he had an awesome player set-up.
And apparently, that was him testing me. He told me later that I passed because I didn’t just plug my phone into their auxiliary cord and grab him a beer. I hung out with him once way later on after his daughter and I had broken up, and he ordered me a Jameson with a single ice cube on his way out of the bar.
Her father challenged me to a game of Monopoly under the impression that he was an incredible player and kept giving me drinks. He kept acting like I needed to prove my worth through the game. To his credit he did beat the rest of his family.
By the end I was a drunken owner of hotels on almost every street, all the stations and utilities. He respected my brutal corporate efficiency that day.
For starters, I’m the daughter.
My dad and his best friend dressed up in speedos, mowed the lawn, barbecued, held hands, sang horribly off-key together, and nick-named a poor guy Mc Big Mac.
My boyfriend stopped hanging out with me after that.
My dad and his best friend still do weird stuff like this together, and they are my favorite people.
This wasn’t my dad, but my brother…
I brought my boyfriend home for a week over the summer (we are in college and live in separate states when not at school) and I was very excited for him to meet my family. I had already met his and they were pretty cool. My parents were very nice and normal to him, but when we sat down for dinner that night, my brother (who is 2 years younger than me) came downstairs, chatted normally for a bit, then said “wait here.”
He runs up to his room and comes back down about 5 minutes later with a stack of papers and a pen, and sets it down in front of my boyfriend.
“It’s a quiz.”
It was a quiz. A literal quiz that he had typed out. He made him put his name and the date and everything. The questions were divided into 3 categories; sports, music, and movies. They were all things my brother considered vital for my boyfriend to know if he ever wanted to truly “belong” to my family.
My boyfriend, being the cool guy that he is, took it all in stride (and only got two wrong on the whole 30 question quiz, with no preparation or studying at all). My family was suitably impressed, and he’s still around a year and a half later.
I was the boyfriend and I walked into the cleaning the guns gag.
He asked “What are your intentions with my daughter?” and without missing a beat, because I sometimes lack a filter, I replied “Depends, what do you think I can get away with?”
Her Mother laughed so hard she dropped a glass and broke it.
I was the boyfriend and now i’m the husband.
I came over to meet her extended family for Thanksgiving and sat down next to her Uncle. Her uncle looks over at me and says, “I’m gay you know…” and stares at me. I replied back with “Me too…” and moved closer to him (practically sat on his lap). “I LIKE THIS GUY!”
I’ve been married to her for 2 years and we been together for 8 years altogether. Her family is hilarious.
Brother to the sister that brought her boyfriend home.
My old man wrote his name on a 12 gauge shell and set it on the mantle above the fireplace and said nothing. It was about halfway through dinner before he noticed it and I’ve never seen a face get so white so quick in all my life.
They’re married now and the shell is still sitting there.
The first time I met my current girlfriend’s father he asked me if I didn’t mind getting my hands dirty. I replied, “sure” and he led me to the backyard.
He said he needed help digging up his garden. We start digging, the whole time we are chatting back and forth. We dug for almost an hour. He asks me, “Do you think you could fit in that hole?” I say “Easy!” Without missing a beat he replies, “Fantastic, now I won’t have to do this later if you’re a jerk.”
Took me a moment, but I realized that I had just dug my own grave.
Her father invited me out for drinks at a strip club.
I think he was trying to bait me. I think he was messing with her more than me, she was steaming and I was laughing.
The hardest part about breaking up with her (later on) was not getting to hang with her parents anymore… Damn they were cool people.
I have a relatively mild cinnamon allergy. My girlfriend at the time told her parents this.
Her dad bought her cinnamon body wash.
That crafty jerk.
My sister brought her boyfriend on a family vacation.
One night, my dad walked up to my sister and gave her a kiss goodnight. Her boyfriend looked at him and asked, “no kiss for me Mister?”
So my dad turns to him, and kisses this man right on the lips. I have never been in a quieter room.
Well, my current girlfriend told me about how her dad answered the door to her junior year homecoming date, her first boyfriend, with a shotgun on his shoulder.
5 years later, I visited her at her parents house for the first time. I had met them briefly when they visited us at university, so I kinda knew them. When I pulled into their driveway, she texted me to come in through the garage door and knock with a smiley face at the end. I figured her dad was going to pull the same thing on me.
Turns out it was just so their dogs wouldn’t freak out. She answered the door and her dad greeted me shortly after with a warm handshake and a plethora of snacks he had made in preparation for the football games that afternoon. I felt at home pretty quickly.
My dad went into a public bathroom at the same time as my boyfriend and told him he had a nice penis.
On the first date my eventual wife and I had, I dropped her off to find her former marine, retired Federal Bureau of Investigation agent turned high school history teacher father in the front yard. He was cleaning a fully functional Civil War-era cannon, which he had turned to aim at the driveway.
I had actually gotten her home about 10 minutes early, spoiling his plan to set off a blank half charge as I pulled in, just to “make sure I was awake for the drive home”-according to my eventual mother-in-law.
That was 11 years ago, and my wife and I have been married for the last 6 of them. Her father likes me now – I think. I have since fired that cannon, so I know it’s functional.
My dad would always call boyfriend’s by the wrong name. But never far off from their real name – Joe was Jon, Dan was Doug etc.
It didn’t matter how long they were in the picture. He said he did it to keep them on their toes.
So subtle, yet brilliant.
This one has always stuck with me.
Everyone knows the old ‘dad is cleaning his gun’ cliche. Well, this is a slightly different variation of that.
My girlfriend’s father was polishing a sledge hammer. It turned out he was actively just screwing with me and didn’t care, but I had to give him credit for creativity and for leaving me at an absolute loss when I walked into their living room and saw the gleam from the shiny hammer.
My uncle owns a dairy farm and from the time my sister was 12 I remember my uncle asking my dad, “Is it time yet?” This went on until my sister was about 17, when my dad finally answered yes to the question. About a week later, and just in time for my little sister’s first date this little package shows up in the morning.
Being completely oblivious to my dad’s plan, I take this package to him and he gets this ear to ear grin on his face. He stashes the package and asks me to find out if my sister is going to stick around for dinner. A little later I tell him that she is going out on some date and that he is going to pick her up later. He thanks me and the grin returns.
About 15 minutes before my sister is supposed to be picked up, my dad scurries out the front door with a hammer, a nail, and his package. After he hammers something to the front door he sprints back inside snickering manically. My dad pulls me aside and says take notes in case you ever have a daughter.
We sit down where we have a clear view of who is coming to the front door, a few minutes later this guy shows up. He walks right up to the door, pauses for about 5 seconds turns, around and walks away.
My dad had nailed a mummified pair of bull testicles to the front door with a note saying “The Last boyfriend —>”.
The first thing my ex’s Dad said to me was “you can sleep in my Daughters bed tonight.”
I was so nervous, I blurted out, “Thanks, you too.”
I have one my dad did.
I had my first boyfriend come over ( I was 14) for Halloween, and my dad (a butcher) was unwrapping bones for our three dogs as a treat. My bf walked over to my dad, who was using a knife (a great big one) to cut the shrink wrap off of them, and asked what those bones were from. My dad, looking the bf dead in the eye, pulled a sharpening steel out of the bucket on the counter and sharpened the blade on the already sharp knife in swift movements and said,
“Her last boyfriend.”
My boyfriend went sheet white and dumped me the next day. Thanks dad.
I am a daughter, and I do not have any funny father stories, but I do have one cool mom story.
My house has the front door on the second floor, and our front steps are large and can be intimidating. All friends were required to come inside and introduce themselves before I could get in their car and leave with them. So I had a “date” with a popular boy (who turned out to be a jerk) and he texted me that he was there to pick me up and to come outside. I told him that he has to come meet my parents, and he did although awkwardly and rudely.
Long story short, he was incredibly disrespectful towards me and I was back home within 30 minutes. Later that evening, my mother messaged him on Facebook, “You are the rudest boy to ever walk up the front steps to my house.” Shortly after, I got a large apology text from the boy. My mother didn’t tell me about the message she sent until at least 6 months later. It was awesome.
I wanted to take my GF on a date but she said her dad had to meet me first. He was a single dad so it’s not like her mom would’ve been there to hold him back or anything and the dude was pretty buff.
My gf goes in her room while her dad sits me down on the couch and sits across from me not saying a word but looking straight into my eyes the whole time. 15 year old me was pretty shaken. He finally says, “I’m going to make this short, Anything you do to my daughter, I’m going to do to you.”
…we just held hands that day.