Transit ride, specially when you use it to go for work/college everyday, is always the most boring and monotonous part of our day.
Well, maybe not always. Here are some hilarious and some creepy instances that happened in transit, as seen by these commuters, that were definitely not boring, to say the least.
One day I was waiting for the bus to work, and this guy approaches me. I had my headphones in as he gestured at me with his open hand. I thought he was asking for money, but when I took out my headphones, he said he wanted a cigarette. I told him I didn’t smoke, and in response he said something like this: “Oh, you look like a Marlboro man. You look like you smoke. That beard. That’s nice. You look like you Good in bed. You wanna sleep with my woman?”
Okay, so I figured this gentleman has mental health issues. Sadly there are many homeless people with mental health problems near DC. I look to my left, and this lady I work with who also rides the bus makes eye contact with me. Her eyes screamed “sorry!” as she scrambled away to abandon me with this guy.
After another sixty seconds of him rambling at me, I realized he was never going to stop, so I walked down the sidewalk and around the corner. He didn’t follow me and went on his way. A minute later I walk back to the bus stop, and the woman who’d abandoned me said, “Well, good morning!” I give her my best “hey!” and say, “Yeah, that woke me up.” Then she says, “Don’t you just wish the winter would kill them all?”
What? This woman had somehow found a way to sound crazier than the crazy guy.
I saw a guy looking at a pornographic magazine on the Tube. He had it hidden inside one of those black, hardback ledger books. I was sitting opposite and noticed this guy staring intently into it and wondered what was so interesting. Then we went through a tunnel and I saw phalluses and boobs being reflected on to the window behind him.
A few stops later, another dude got on and sat a few seats down from this Porn-dude. Being on the Tube, unless you bring something to do, you really have no choice but to stare ahead or look at people around. The guy who just got on turns and sees what porn-guy is looking at, and bursts out laughing.
I caught his eye and he works out that I know what he knows, and we both sit there pissing ourselves. Porn-guy remained oblivious. I am sure a lot of people on the Tube knew what he was reading by the time he got off.
I was riding on a commuter train into Manhattan. On the other side of the aisle from me were two guys sitting together with a New York Times spread out over their laps.
After a while, I noticed the paper on one guy’s side was moving slightly as the other one giggled something into this guy’s ear. I tried not to glance, but it was clear the newspaper motions were getting faster and faster until it finally stopped – and the two of them pretty much stared straight ahead, grinning.
While I was taking the subway after a long day at work a woman, 5 feet tall, in her 30’s, stood in front of me and decided it was time to get it all out. She starts complaining about how no one takes her seriously, how she’s smarter than all of them, and a bunch of stuff that I didn’t get over the sound of the subway.
As she did that, I just nodded thinking I could probably take her in a fight if it came down to it.
I once saw a man eat an entire bushel of uncooked asparagus on a bus in Seattle. After he was done he chewed on the rubber band that held it together like it was gum.
I’ve not had any personal experience, but I did see this one video where some guy started a fist fight on a subway train in Japan and another guy pulled out a sword!
I was went for the bus, because the train was having an issue. The bus stop was crowded since a lot of commuters had to change their route.
Suddenly I see this woman starts attacking the guy next to me. She is hysterically screaming “You killed the kids on the Internet” and a bunch of other things I couldn’t make out. The guy looked absolutely baffled, and he kept trying to get away from her, but she kept going at him. She finally actually launched to physically attack him, and he swatted her hand away. She retreated after that.
He said he has no idea who she was, and I believe him.
I’m really hoping she didn’t report him to the cops for touching her. She could because she was definitely an aggressor.
I saw a guy finger-blasting his girlfriend. I heard some weird moaning, looked in that direction and made eye contact with her. It was one of the strangest moments of my life.
I was about 8 years old and was with my dad at the time. We got off the train and watched a naked guy run inside the train, go to the second story, open the emergency exit and get out to get on top of the train.
Then he just wandered around there until they could get him down. The train was delayed for something like 30 minutes.
This was at New York subway, on Christmas Eve in the eighties. A man got on the train wearing antennae on his head, and yelled, “People of Earth, I’m here to entertain you!”
Then he pulled out a really beat up bugle and blasted a long note on it. “The sooner you aid my cause, the sooner I’ll STOP entertaining you!” Then he passed a hat around and stepped out at the next stop, but with one foot still in the car. Then he kept rambling on until the doors closed on him, and he was half in and half out.
He yelled “Open the door!” and then squeezed out before the car started moving. What a sight.
This didn’t happen to me personally but to a friend. Everyone who’s ever rode Septa knows things can get rather interesting and this is his experience.
He was 17 and riding the subway home minding his own business when a harmless looking man walks in and takes a seat a couple seats away. After about 5 minutes the man begins to slowly and nonchalantly undress himself from head to toe. People start to notice and leave that train car. My friend however, wanted to see where this was going and stayed.
Once all of his clothing was off the guy reached into his bag and pulled out a full bottle of baby oil. Then he begins to lather himself from head to toe as my friend finally decides to leave.
A few years ago on the Toronto TTC subway lines I saw “Zanta”. He was furious, shirtless, sweaty and wore a red santa hat. He would do push-ups in the subway car while talking to/shouting at random passengers.
Some people thought that he was some different cute local colour in boring old TO, but I thought that he was annoying and a bit too intense when I saw him in action.
I always had odd encounters when I used public transportation, once I was waiting for a bus downtown and a man offered me $20 to smoke a cigar in front of him. I did.
Another time a guy sat down beside me and took one of my earphones out of my ear and put it in his ear, he was really good looking so I didn’t mind, but at least 5 years older than me.
Another time in the morning on the way to work a guy was reading a book out loud and kept asking if we “liked it”, I did not.
There was a 40 to 50-year-old guy in a full suit and carrying a briefcase. He looked like a typical lawyer you might see on a TV show.
To top that he was wearing sunglasses and skateboarding down the street. He just looked so much at peace with his suit jacket flapping in the wind.
I don’t know him and I will never see him again but I think he is my hero.
I got on the Yamanote line at Shinjuku Station late one evening and found a seat by the door. A young gorgeous looking woman dressed beautifully got on and stood directly in front of me.
She checked her reflection in the window. Then she lifted her shirt up, completely, and checked the reflection of her breasts in the window.
Evidently satisfied, she pulled her shirt back down and exited the train at the next station.
I saw a guy who was on a wheelchair equipped with lights and a speaker. He was on the Portland streetcar, and got off at the same station as mine.
Now I am not sentimental person but I couldn’t help but look up to this person when he rode off into the sunset with inspirational music blasting.
Back when I worked in a food truck it was a pretty regular thing for me to get off work around 3am and ride the bus home with a bunch of drunks yelling stuff at each other.
One night, morning I guess, technically, I get on the bus and as we’re riding along I keep hearing someone yelling, “hey! Hey! Hey!” like they’re trying to get someone’s attention, I ignored it as usual until I herd, “Hey, donut!”
There was a picture of a donut on my work shirt, so I looked over. It was this crusty old lady. She grabbed her pants, yelled “look at this!” and pulled the pants down to reveal the biggest, greyest bush I’ve ever seen.
Weird and very unpleasant.
I once had an much older than me women, probably late 40’s, sit next to me on a bus. I was about 16 that time. She whispered very quietly “You’re not going to rape me, are you.” and then pressed the bell and got off at the next stop, about 500 yards down the road.
On the Ronkonkoma line there is a patch of bumps. One day I am standing in the train as it was fully packed with no open seats. A ticket guy was slowing making his way down.
This happened when we are about to hit the patch of bumps. I see this guy in-front of me take out his cell phone and start playing with it. Just as we are about to hit the bumps he looks at his friend across the aisle and says “Hit it!” As we hit the patch of bumps, the guy pushes a button on his phone and plays a techno, his friend starts slapping his knees to the beat. The bumps, the techno, and his friend are perfectly in-sync.
Me and the ticket guy laugh so hard we both nearly fall over.
It was amazing how well those two had timed it out. They stopped right when the bumps stopped and acted like nothing happened the rest of the ride. I rode the same line for nearly two years at the same time but never saw those two again.
Another night, after comic-con, I saw two darth vaders have a lightsaber fight in the subway. Life’s good.
A guy spilled some Fanta on himself.
So he strips down to his underwear in front of a horrified family and hangs his clothes out the window of the tram to dry them. Soon another tram passes and catches his billowing trousers out of his grip. The guy is now left with just a wet top, jocks and half a bottle of Fanta.
An old woman gave me her seat and moved to another one, she was sitting next to a hot girl I got talking to. We ended up dating.
After a few weeks of dating I found out the old women was her 95 year old grand mother.
Wingman grandma right there!
I always have the weirdest experiences on public transit in Seattle. A man once sat down, gave me a long look, said “You need this more than me” and then handed me the 5 foot by 3 foot velvet Jesus painting he was carrying.
Then he left before I could ask anything.
A random man proposed marriage to me on a bus once many years ago using one of those plastic rings you get for a quarter out of those candy machines.
I politely declined because, quite frankly, he was obviously high and really terrifying.