We’ve all gone into autopilot mode. It can be hard to remember to stay present and catch on to any changes in our direct environment. The following AskReddit users share their hilarious autopilot moments.
Source list available at the end.
My cousin used to live in a small town. He (and a majority of the town) all worked for the same company. Every morning, he would get into his car and just start following the car in front of him to work.
One day, someone that didn’t work at the company got into the line of cars. Everybody behind her, including my cousin, just started to follow this person. It wasn’t until they pulled into the person’s driveway that they all snapped out of it.
I cut up a customer’s credit card when I was working in retail. I had several customers in a row that all used gift cards. After a gift card was emptied, we were supposed to cut up the card and throw it away. While on autopilot, I swiped somebody’s credit card, cut it in half, and dropped it in the trash- all the while, the customer just looked at me very confused. Luckily, they were very understanding of repetitive retail work and didn’t get upset.
My friend (Marc) and I were going to a party, and he decided to drive there and leave his car. He just wanted to pick up a bottle of vodka from his house first. We pull up outside, and he runs in while I wait outside in the car. He was in there for a while, but I figured he might have been chatting to his family, or maybe using the toilet. I didn’t want to interrupt either.
After about twenty minutes, his father returns home from walking the dog and saw me sitting in the passenger seat of his son’s car, which still had the engine running. He went in and mentioned it to Marc- who came straight out.
In the time it took him to walk up the path, he had completely forgotten about us going to the party. He went in, made a sandwich, and took it to bed.
My friend handed me her phone at a party while I was also holding a cup of beer, and for some reason, I just stared straight at her and dipped her phone in the beer.
I cooked pasta with tomato sauce. Then, my apartment owner called saying that somehow my rent didn’t go through, and I had to pay it afterwards. Usually, after I’m finished cooking, I wash the pots directly with dish detergent. This time, I put the pasta on a plate, but I put the dish detergent on the pasta and the sauce on the sponge. I then started to wash the noodle pot with my pasta sauce.
I tried to put my laptop in the fridge. I remember being annoyed that there wasn’t any room for it. I was like, “Ugh, if it weren’t for this bottle of ketchup and jar of pickles, my laptop could go on this shelf right here… oh…”
I had to go to my girlfriend’s house to pick up some video games that I needed to set up at a birthday party, but in the process, I got to thinking about when I should see my grandmother next. Instead of driving to my girlfriend’s, I drove all the way to my grandmother’s house, which was an hour in the opposite direction, before realizing my mistake.
At least I got cookies out of that one.
I was out for breakfast with my family and ordered some french toast. We were all chatting and laughing and just having a good old time when the food arrived. I was telling a story and not really paying attention to what I was grabbing off the table. I continued talking but started to realize that what I had in my hand wasn’t the syrup, but I couldn’t stop myself. I literally said “WHAT AM I DOING?” while squeezing ketchup onto my beautiful french toast. I sadly had to wipe my french toast and clear all of the ketchup powdered sugar off.
So, I fix phones. I’m at the point where I don’t really think about it anymore. I just do it.
In comes a Nexus 4, it should be a really easy and fast fix. I disassemble the phone and put on the new screen, only to notice that I had actually disassembled my own phone, as it was also a Nexus 4 at the time. I didn’t even notice right away. I turned on the phone and was like, “Hmm, he has the same wall paper as I do, that’s pretty cool.” It wasn’t until I needed my phone and picked up the customer’s instead that it all clicked.
I made cereal. I put the milk in the cupboard and cereal in the fridge. It took me several seconds to realize what I had done before I fixed it.
I had just woken up and grabbed my phone. However, the “phone” that I had grabbed was actually a plastic comb. I tried pressing the power button and nothing happened. So, I reached over to a glass of water on my bedside table and started lightly moving the glass, thinking that the sun ray’s beaming from the outside of my window would reflect through the water, right onto my plastic comb of a phone, and turn it on. The worst part is, I thought I was being smart with the whole water reflection idea.
I dumped an entire mug full of my dog’s food into his full water bowl.
I lost my then two-year-old for sometime at school when collecting my eldest son. I ended up asking a group parents who helpfully let me know that the child I was looking for was, in fact, asleep in a carrier on my back.
I put a banana in the cutlery rack in the dishwasher and actually turned the dishwasher on. There was smushed banana everywhere.
I grabbed a roll of toilet paper, walked over to the toilet to replace the empty roll, and just tossed the whole roll into the toilet.
In the winter, when we have about 6 hours of sunlight (I live in Sweden), I went home after university and had a nap before I could continue studying. I woke up a while later, and it was dark out. My clock said it was 7 o’clock. I thought I had slept through the night, fully dressed, so I went to shower and get ready to go back. It wasn’t until I reached the campus that I realized it was 7 pm, and I had only napped for an hour and not a full night.
We had tacos for dinner one night, and they were so good that later that night, I wanted another one. I got out all of the ingredients and started building my taco on a soft taco shell. It was all ready to be eaten. When I went to go and pick it up to fold it, I realized that I didn’t take the soft taco shell out of the ziplock bag. All of the ingredients (taco meat, cheese, onions, olives, tomato, lettuce, sour cream and hot sauce) were set ON TOP of the ziplock bag that the soft tacos in it. I laughed for hours about this.
I once fell asleep with my glasses still on. I can’t quite remember, but it was probably a safe bet that I was drunk. Anyways, I woke up and went to put my glasses on, but I noticed that they weren’t on the nightstand where I would have normally kept them. So, I started searching my flat for them. After a couple of minutes, I decided to call it quits and just have a shower first. So, I entered the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and felt really stupid.
I also have a history of getting out of my car with my sunglasses still on and making it halfway to the door (until I would later realize that I was wearing the wrong pair and the right ones were in the car).
I tried to scan the bus ticket at the front door of my house to get in.
I took my husband out for his birthday to his favorite place, but I autopilot drove to work instead and parked. He didn’t say anything because he thought it was hilarious.
I lost track of my 18-month-old sister for 2 solid minutes in a pet store. In a total panic, I realized that I was carrying her.
I heated my frozen dinner in the microwave, pulled off the plastic wrap that was on top, turned around, and threw the dinner in the garbage.
Needless to say, my meal was something else. The plastic cover just didn’t seem appealing.
When I was around 16/17, and there weren’t any normal clean cups, I would use an old sippy cup from when I was little.
My mom watched me walk into the kitchen, pour milk into the sippy cup, and proceed to dump it all over my face. I had forgotten the lid.
I was maybe 18-years-old at the time when I saw this guy get into a car that looked exactly like mine. There weren’t many cars like mine, and it was a weird color. So, when I saw this guy getting into the car and driving off, I thought he had stolen my car. So, I got into a car chase and drove after him.
After a couple of blocks and honking the horn, it dawned on me, I was driving my own car!
Getting undressed for a shower, needed to pee, threw my clothes into the toilet.
I had a glass of water in my right hand, and my phone in my left. I walked into my bedroom and tossed my phone on to my bed. Except I didn’t, I threw the glass of water instead.
I was very very tired. Unfortunately my lack of sleep then became the reason I couldn’t go to bed.
I filled the coffee maker, put in fresh coffee and water, left the jug sitting on top of the machine. I got an all staff email later on saying, “Someone’s flooded the kitchen with coffee, the machine is out of action until it dries.”
I accidentally shaved my beard.
When I wake up in the morning, I’m on autopilot until I’m out the front door, and part of my morning routine is trimming my beard. Normally the trimmer attachment for the length I like is not attached when I start using the trimmer, so the first thing I do is attach it.
For some reason, the day before I had left it on the trimmer, and my brain, knowing that there was a step between picking up the trimmer and turning it on, but not caring what that step is, apparently decided that I should take the attachment off before turning the damn thing on.
I was two passes in before I fully woke up and realized I’d just taken a massive chunk out of my beard and there was no going back at that point.
(Points have been edited for clarity)