Kids see the world in such a different way than adults. Sometimes, they say something that makes us realize just how different their perspective really is.
These parents responded to the Quora thread, “What’s the most embarrassing thing your kid has ever said?” Check it out!
[Source listed at the end of the article.]
“We were driving to a country club with the (at the time) best friend of my oldest son. She just so happened to be a girl. They were both about 45 yrs old at the time. She was with her domestic helper and my wife and I were in the front.
The helper told the little girl, ‘when we get there, you might need to have a nap.’ To which the girl looked at my son and said, ‘Would you like to sleep with me?’
Cue a few seconds of silence, and then the sarcastic side in me got the better of me.
‘That is going to mean something completely different in about 15 yrs,’ I said to giggles from the wife and helper.”
“I have a funny memory, something my niece said when she was young.
She and her mom were walking into Walmart. She was obsessed with birds at the time, and happened to notice a nest inside the letter ‘A’ in the Walmart sign as they got closer to the entrance. She said, ‘Look, mommy! Theres a bird’s nest in the A hole!’ She had no idea what it sounded like.”
Kimberley A. Tissue
“One recent gem from my 9-year-old son while we were in a grocery store:
Son: (Pointing and loudly exclaiming) ‘Mom, mom, look, that’s what I’ve been needing!’
Me: Casually glances at the shelf to see what my little guy thinks he needs so desperately and then immediately ask him to lower his voice down from Megaphone Level 10.
Son: ‘Look mom, a whole box, RIGHT THERE!’
Me: ‘Uhhh nope, you don’t need those, honey. And what would you do with them?’
Son: ‘Well, to make my shoes more comfortable!’ (spoken in his Duhhhh Mom Isn’t It Obvious voice.)
No, we did not purchase a pack of womens sanitary pads for my sons feet that day.”
(1/2) “My son was probably about 18 months old at the time. He spoke fairly well for his age, but would frequently switch the consonant sounds in his words. So for example, on some days a cat was a ‘cat.’ But on other days it might be a ‘tac.’
We were out grocery shopping. I frequently kept him entertained by asking if he could help me find the apples – or something else on our list. It got to the point that he would point out the items that we regularly purchased. So we were going down the coffee aisle and he gleefully points at the brand we usually bought and said at the top of his very healthy lungs, ‘COFFEE, COFFEE. Daddy looooves COFFEE.’ Only the consonants in that word were switched. Go ahead – switch the C and F and see what results.”
(2/2) “I am sure I turned bright red. As calmly as I could, I replied, ‘Thats right, Honey. Daddy does like COFFEE (with a very loaded emphasis in the correct pronunciation – and in an equally high volume). Should we buy some for him?’ I think we made the stocking boys day. He was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his face. Others started coming into the aisle to see what was going on.
My son enjoyed the attention. So he then started holding up the coffee can and repeated his version to everyone we passed… and told everyone how much his father enjoyed it. I made a beeline to the checkout. For several months after that I avoided that aisle if my son was with me.
He is 18 now – and loves this story.”
“I was grocery shopping with my son when he was about 2 years old, I think. He was still young enough to be riding in the cart, but old enough to talk. We have a large Amish community near us, and he didn’t have much interaction with them at the time.
We were going down one aisle, which also had a rather large Amish family. A mother and at least 5 children, if I remember correctly (15 years ago!). As he looked at the boys with their straw hats, and similar clothes, and then the mother and daughters with bonnets and dresses with aprons, he asked, ‘Mommy, why are they witches?’
Noooooo! He did NOT just say that! I wanted to melt into the floor because that entire Amish family was looking at ME with dagger eyes. They didn’t like that one bit. As calmly as I could, I just said, ‘Honey, they aren’t witches….they just dress differently than we do. That doesnt make them scary.’ I have nooooo idea where the idea of witches came to him, but what baffled me the most was that he said it like, ‘why ARE they witches?’ As in, of course they are, but why?”
Kimberley A. Tissue
(1/2) “I have a son with autism. He is verbal, but not at the Asperger’s end of the spectrum, and has a lot of special needs educationally. When he was in fourth grade (around 8 years old), I get a call from his school principal because he has been saying:
‘Ow! My Ovaries!’
I also have a daughter who was 14 at the time. It doesn’t take much imagination to figure out how this could lead to a potential full-scale investigation, involving school, social workers, police, etc., so I quickly try to defuse that by promising my son’s teachers and principal that I’ll contact all of my son’s behaviorists: CI (community integration), BI (behavioral intervention), and respite workers, hoping they have an idea what my son is talking about and where he heard that.
Nada. Zip. No one knows anything. And these are all people I trust.
My daughter, a stickler for the truth to the extreme, hadn’t gotten her period yet, and was absolutely certain she nor any of her friends weren’t the source. My wife had hers removed when our son was an infant.
I ask my son, but he thinks it’s funny, and began to emit ‘Ow! My ovaries!’ randomly into conversations.
I call the principal back, report my lack of progress and promise to keep her informed. No official inquest, but the mystery persisted…”
Stephen M Greenfield
(2/2) “…until two months later. I was cooking dinner in the kitchen when I heard a familiar boy’s voice say ‘Ow! My ovaries!’ But it wasn’t my son’s voice. I race into the living room, and discover that boy is Bart Simpson. My son is playing his favorite video game, ‘Simpsons Hit and Run,’ and when Bart is driving his rocket car, and crashes, he exclaims:
‘Ow! My ovaries!’
Delirious with the thrill of a detective solving a major crime–like I had stumbled upon O.J. Simpson’s missing murder weapon–I contact everyone who could possibly have heard about my son’s statement and gave them the news it was BART Simpson!
Later, I discovered that the video game took Bart’s line from an exchange with his teacher Ms. Krabappel in The Simpson’s Season 4 Episode 7, ‘Marge Gets a Job’:
MS. KRABAPPEL: Bart, to avoid this test, you’ve had smallpox, the bends, and that unfortunate bout of tuberculosis. It’s time for you to take a make-up test.
BART: Ohhhhhh! My ovaries.”
Stephen M Greenfield
“I was not there, but my wife was. She used to take our daughters to church every Sunday when they were young. One Sunday, my daughter, who was about 5 at the time, did not want to go, but my wife took her anyway.
They were sitting in the front row. She was fidgeting, and Mom was trying to get her to settle down before the service started. As the priest happened to be walking by, she yelled ‘I HATE CHURCH!!’ It was picked up by the priests microphone and broadcast through the audio system.”
“I was at the counter of a department store, waiting to pay for my purchases. My five-year-old son was impatiently tugging at my arm. The young woman smiled and asked if I had found everything I needed and I suddenly felt the tugging stop. My sons eyes were huge, focused on the young woman who spoke with a marked speech impediment. ‘Please dont say anything,’ I silently prayed.
I assured her I had everything. She then asked (I think) if I wanted to open a credit account. My sons eyes grew wider, if possible, and I quickly said, ‘No thanks, Im in a hurry today.’ She bagged my items, took the cash and as we turned to leave, I breathed a sigh of relief.
Just then in a very loud voice, my son asked, ‘IS SHE FROM FRANCE?'”
“On a family meal out, with three sons, it was my ‘duty’ to take them to the bathroom when they needed to go.
My middle one was about two-and-a-half years old at the time, learning to speak and to this day, he just says the first thing that comes into his head….
The cubicles were occupied and it was quite crowded inside, so I had to hold him up to go in the urinal as I didn’t want any accidents waiting for a cubicle to come free. As boys do, he says ‘Daddy, I can see my little part,’ as he’s going. Job done, put him down, get his trousers back up and tell him it’s now daddys turn.
Being the dutiful son, he patiently waits next to me but then starts to inch his way round to watch me go.
‘Daddy, I can see your little part too!’
We had a good laugh back at the table.”
“My sister, Leah, is the youngest of five (two older sisters and two older brothers). She gave all of us many laughs over the years.
As a 1st grader, she got in the car after school one day and when mom asked how her day was. Leah gave a big sigh and told us she was pregnant. Mom nearly fainted, while my two brothers doubled over with laughter. Mom asked her why she thought that. Leah said that the nurse read their TB test that day and her test was pregnant. After a bit more questioning, mom figured out it she had somehow misheard ‘negative’ as ‘pregnant.'”
“This was something my younger sister said when we were kids. Our kitten returned home from the vet after being ‘fixed.’ It still had the wobble walk and the boys were making fun of it and laughing at it. My younger sister firmly told them that it wasnt polite to ‘laugh at someone who had just had brain surgery.’ Huh?
She went on to explain that everyone knows that the cats and dogs ‘have brain surgery so they dont think about sleeping with other kitties anymore.’ Well, no, we did not know that–but golly gosh, it sort of makes sense I guess. When my mom had a hysterectomy a few years later, we congratulated her on quick recovery from brain surgery’!”
“When my daughter was six years old, our family was staying at an upscale resort where a variety of children’s activities and classes were offered during the day (so the moms and dads could get a few minutes of peace and quiet lounging by the pool, playing golf, etc.).
My daughter was very active and physical, and I encouraged this side of her by play-boxing or roughhousing around the house.
So it seemed like a good idea to sign her up for an ‘Intro to Karate’ class at the resort.
When I went to drop her off, the instructor asked if my daughter would be ok with some light contact. ‘That’s ok,’ my daughter blurted out, beaming with pride. ‘I fight with my dad all the time!’
You should have seen the weird looks I received from the moms in the room.
I was mortified.
This, by the way, is one of my daughters favorite stories.”
“I dont have children of my own, but for a while I was in a relationship with someone who had a little daughter, and spent a lot of time acting as a mom to her. Sadly, shed picked up some behavior elsewhere that I wasnt entirely thrilled with!
On one occasion, when she had just turned three, I was looking around a shop, carrying her because she tended to wander off, and she pulled down my top and announced to the entire room, Look, melons!
I blushed furiously but luckily the half a dozen or so spectators were pretty sympathetic, after they wiped their eyes and caught their breath from laughing!”
“When we first moved to the UAE, we were not too well off. My dads friend visited us on a weekend. He was one of those rich uncles.’ Later, he insisted on taking us out and buying me and my siblings some gifts. So all of us went to a mall.
My brothers decided quickly. I, on the other hand, am the most indecisive person on the planet. When uncle was not within hearing range, mum whispered in my ear.
‘Cycle lay lo,’ she said. [Get a bicycle.]
This is probably because she knew dad wouldn’t be able to afford a bicycle anytime soon. I nodded.
I went ahead and joined my uncle and brother. My brother pointed at some toy. ‘Just get this,’ he said. Me, being the naive child I was, said loudly, ‘No! Mum said to tell uncle that I want a cycle!’
There’s an awkward silence (for reasons then inconceivable to me, obviously) and my brother quickly changed the topic. Somehow I didnt end up getting anything.
But poor mum. She was so embarrassed that she awkwardly avoided uncle throughout the evening. Of course I was quite clueless then and I remember thinking, ‘Hmm, why is mum acting all funny, its almost as if she is embarrassed.’
Soon I caught my mums eye and she gave me the stare. You know, the kind that sends shivers down the spine.
Of course, it was only once we had said our goodbyes to uncle and went home, that mom burst out yelling at me. Then I understood.”
“Not my son, but my kid brother who is 14 years younger than me. People often mistake him for my son due to our large age difference.
He was maybe 5 at the time and obsessed with superheroes. We were in a department store and had found the toy section, where we were just goofing off. I should mention that my brother had a bit of a lisp, and when words began with ‘th-‘ he would pronounce them as ‘wh-.’
I picked up a hulk mask and said, ‘Im the HULK.’
To which he promptly picked up a Thor helmet, and hammer and bellowed trying to top me, ‘Im [insert derogatory word for a lady of the night]!’
I doubled over laughing, which might not have been the best move because he proceeded to scream the same phrase through the toys aisle, pleased with himself and the reactions he was getting from strangers.”
“The 7-year-old I babysit was fascinated with a new word he had learned for the male anatomy and went around with me for an afternoon periodically yelling, Dave, can I kick you in the nuts?
My response was complicated by several factors:
I wanted to acknowledge his courtesy in asking before doing.
I thought he should recognize what a doomed strategy this was. Nobody was going to respond, Well, a good swift kick in the old sack seems like just the right pick-me-up.
Please stop yelling nuts in public. Unless youre talking about almonds or something.”
My young son started kindergarten and when I picked him up he was excited about two of his classmates, who were identical twins. Now he might have been four or five years old and Im sure had seen identical twins before, but never in his school. These two boys were exactly alike in every respect down to the haircuts.
He ran over to where I was with a group of waiting parents and said “Hey Mom! There are two boys in my class who have different clothes but the same heads!”
I thought it was funny, as did those around me, as he meant no harm. Im not sure their mother was amused, though, as she just stood there expressionless.
We had to have a chat about his not expressing his observations about others so loudly and publicly.
I saw this happen with a woman at an off-price clothing department store.
I was looking at handbags. This section is next to the bra and panties section.
There was this little girl, maybe 3 or 4, running around with panties on hangers in her hand and yelling trying to ask her mom something. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop and heard:
Little girl: Mom! Mom! what is your panty size? what is your size? Please, tell me your size! I found these for you. Look at these undies they are so cute and beautiful.
Mother: Go, put them back.
Little girl: Mom, would you please try these on? I found these for you. Are these your size, tell me your size?
Mother: Put them back.
(Little girl gives up and leaves them on a nearby table.)
Little girl: Mom, how old are you? Tell me how old are you? Do you think those panties are for young people? Are you not young??
The mother is so embarrassed that its evident on her face now which is slowly turning red.
I left because I was about to burst into laughter and didn’t want to embarrass the poor lady more.
My Mother relayed this as the most mortifying moment for her. My sister and I are both redheads while our parents are both brunettes. When people would ask where we got our red hair, my Dad, one time, jokingly said, The Milk Man!
One day, my mother was walking out of the grocery store with my sister and I when I was 6 or 7 yrs old. An elderly woman approached and struck up a discussion with my mother. At one point, she asks where we got our beautiful red hair and (you guessed it) without missing a beat, I blurted out, The MILK MAN!
The rest of the conversation was really awkward and Mom said that she couldn’t leave that place fast enough. Out of the mouths of babes!
Thank goodness this one wasn’t my kid. It’s just a kid I saw yesterday.
We were in a crowded little shop and there was a mother pushing a preschooler in a cart. She stopped to get something out of her purse. The child brightened visibly and shouted, Are we going to play hide-things-in-your-bag again?