Being committed and putting effort into various aspects of your life is important, but it doesn’t always pay off. Sometimes, you just have to say, “I’ve had enough.”
Here, people share the moment they realized they’d had enough.
I have an excellent job. The job is a contract role for the Australian government, and being there is part of my post-high school success story: I get to preen and tell people, oh, I work for the government, while doing my PhD, while building two houses with my long-term partner who is a very conscientious lover, has a great job, and has no history of mental illness. It pays obscenely well, it looks great on my resume, and nobody cares if I show up at 10am and leave at 4pm and mark my time sheet as 9am-5pm. Nobody is looking over my shoulder to make sure Im performing; my manager lives interstate and probably has better things to worry about.
I hate it there. Youre not going to find an easier job than this, laughed my manager once, and we all laughed along, and I paused and thought, oh. That was the day I realized I had to get out. I dont want easy; I dont want steady seas until the day I die.
At this government department your ambition shrinks to the size of the office building. There is a palpable sense of going-through-the-motions; of being on a treadmill, a hamster wheel, a travelator to a good shiny coffin. Nobody dreams of anything higher than the next pay grade; nobody there still believes they are capable of changing the world. They huddle at their desks, frightened of the public they claim to serve, plodding along in hope of a half day.
Im 24, and still dumb enough to think I can do better. Still young enough to feel like my chest is folding in on itself when I swipe my pass to get into the building. Still free enough to be able to quit and live off my savings for a few months.
My singular local teammate, recently got a full-time position in the same office with a different team. I hate the idea of being in a place where he is the ideal worker, this self-absorbed boor who is the personification of a mansplain, prone to lecturing at length on subjects he is ignorant about, entirely incapable of introspection. I hate him. I hate everything about my job, not least of all the person its turning me into, small and shrunken and bitter.
I quit. My last day is on the 29th of June. Im going to take a few months off to work on my thesis and try to figure out what I want to do with the one lifetime allocated to me. I dont know exactly what that entails, but I know my future isnt here.
My second husband was an alcoholic. His alcoholism informed everything about him and made him selfish, shameful, possessive and jealous, controlling, immature, and a host of other adjectives which would simply gild the hideous lily.
Ill call him #2.
One day, after having put us into quite a bit of debt and spent all of my savings (there is such an addiction as over-spending), he drove up in a brand-new truck. I was astonished. We could not really afford a second car payment. He had been jockeying for a new vehicle for a while and I, as the family money manager, had told him we couldnt afford it. He thought I was just being mean and went and bought it. This was pre-meditated, as these were the days of car phones and his phone was hard-wired into his old truck, thus requiring removal prior to trade-in.
I stood opposite #2, facing off across the truck/mistress, and asked, Where did you get the down payment?
He seemed proud to say, I put it on the big VISA! The big VISA was a credit card with a very high limit, one which I had recently paid down twice, in part with the proceeds from selling my late husbands car at #2s insistence. He was terribly threatened by the dead man.
You can see where I am going with this, cant you?
I couldnt speak to him, I could barely even look at him, for a week. I feared losing complete control and actually harming him if I did either. Finally, I told him, didnt ask, that we were going to counseling.
#2 went very reluctantly. He thought I was being ridiculous. He sent me a large arrangement of roses for our second anniversary, which fell shortly after the truck/mistress appeared in my driveway. To me, the marriage was effectively over, but I was too stubborn to give up yet.
We attended counseling for 10 or 12 weeks, #2 showing up drunk or not at all most of those times. Finally, the counselor asked us quietly, When are you two going to separate?
We stopped going to counseling and co-existed. We had not had sex since the Day of the Truck/Mistress.
One day, I took my children out to run errands ahead of a neighbor childs birthday party. #2 had to work that morning. Upon my arrival home, I discovered #2 sitting in the back yard with some cronies from work. Im sure they were lovely people, but I didnt bother to find out.
#2 wanted me to meet the fellas and bring them some sandwiches. I refused. I said hello to them and disappeared back into the house. I was furious that he would bring strangers over without so much as a “how do you do” and expect me to play hostess. He had also conveniently forgotten that we had a party to attend.
This was it for me. This was the moment. I went upstairs and removed my wedding rings and put them in the jewelry box, unsure if I would ever wear them again.
I took my children to the neighbors party and left #2 at home to wonder whatever he may.
Three weeks later, #2 suggested that he move out and I snapped up that offer toute suite.
When I decided to change universities after my burnout.
I had struggled with my anxiety for 5 years. I would have micro-panic attacks all the time and would struggle to keep myself calm. I fled my stress and holed up in my dorm room. I neglected my health and over worked my body and my mind to try and out run my anxiety. But it wasnt enough.
I burned out and crashed…HARD. It took me two months to piece myself back together again but even after that my mental health was still very poor and I still couldnt look myself in the mirror.
When I had the sudden inspiration to change universities and pursue a better degree program for my career, I realized how much harder and how much more stressful that school was going to be. Immediately the fear of crashing hit me again. I was still anxious and I was still having panic attacks, even though I was resting. That’s when I decided that Id had enough.
No longer was I going to fight this passively. No longer was I going to lock myself away and cower and cry. No I was going to face the beast in my head and beat him senseless.
With some therapy and a lot of interpersonal work, I did.
Now Ive been, mostly, anxiety and panic attack free for a year. It feels great to have my mind back again and it feels even better to be able to calm myself down and manage my stress.
I survived my first year at this new university with a level of calmness and focus, I never knew I had. All of this because I choose to challenge myself and decided that Id had enough of being tormented by my own mind.
A friend and I had a falling out. We got cross-ways on some issues in an organization we both belong to.
I kept trying to fix it. It only grew worse.
Ive been told before, Doug, step away from the shovel and quit digging.
I tried to navigate the relationship. I thought, Should I leave her alone, be friendly, be cordial?
I tried talking to her about the conflict but she refused. So I ignored it then she seemed offended. I tried friendly and she snubbed me. I kept my distance and she grew angry.
The relationship was only good when we didnt see each other, even from a distance.
A few weeks ago I learned that her grandmother, who she was close to, passed away. I wrestled with sending condolences. Will she be offended if I do? Or if I dont acknowledge? My brain hurt thinking about it. One afternoon, I was reading emails and thought, Whether she accepts it or not I can choose to at least show kindness. I sent her an email, I just heard that your grandmother passed away. I know you were close. Im sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I saw her a few days later at a meeting. As I walked by her, while signing in, she looked up, saw me, turned around and walked away.
I thought, Well alrighty then. Guess that answers that question.
Thats when I realized Id had way more than enough.
I put down the shovel and quit digging.
When I got a phone call at work with him screaming at me because he destroyed a box spring to a bed.
This was not the first irrational phone call I received from my ex-husband either. A few years ago when this happened, I was working for a large city in a bridge maintenance/rehabilitation program. The city had over 600 bridges in its inventory, so the summer months were generally very busy. I was also in charge of all of the expenses, time sheets, schedules and organizing projects for 1020 people a day. Since the summer was more construction orientated, we worked 10 hour shifts starting at 6:30 AM. At the time, my ex-husband was working with his uncle out in the family electrician business. With this being a small family business, the hours varied tremendously. With that being said, I would often times have to call him in the mornings to wake him up. Which is ridiculous, he was a grown man (26 years old) and needed me to take a break at work, often times in a work vehicle onsite, to call him and wake him up. If my calls did not get through to him, I would receive a phone call when he did eventually wake up with him screaming at me because he was late and going to get fired and it was my responsibility to wake him up for work.
This is the man who would not allow me to take a sick day from work because I was the one that all the bills depended on. If I told him I was thinking about taking a sick day, I would almost always get the response or some variation of I guess we wont need to pay bills this month. All of this because he would work occasionally 40 hours a week but usually it ended up being about 30 hours or less a week.
Not only was I working in construction full time while managing all the other employees, I was in my last year of my undergraduate civil engineering degree. I was taking 2 summer classes that summer and beginning my senior design project (constructing a concrete canoe and racing it!). So the evenings I would have to attend class after work for 3 hours a day Monday-Thursday. With all of this, I would be gone from home 15+ hours a day, with just school and work.
At home, I had a dog and a husband. But, my husband at the time was the laziest person I have ever met, but always made it out to seem like he was doing so much for us. He would not do anything to take care of our dog, or do any household chores. He would sit there after work and play the PlayStation until I got home and usually continued after I got home. He would demand dinner (usually complaining about what I made) and tell me that I needed to take care of the dog (walk and feed), because he did not get around to it. So, by the time I finished all of this, it would be about 9:00 PM -10:00 PM. FINALLY, I would be able to relax/do homework before needing to wake up at 5:00 AM to do it all over again.
Well, this particular summer, my ex-husbands friends were in the transition of moving to our town. So we offered to have them stay with us until they could find an apartment to rent. This meant we needed to move everything from our spare bedroom to the basement. The night before the phone call I first mentioned, we were going to move the bed and box spring to the basement. My ex-husband had this entire week off of work, so he had more than enough time on his hands to move everything while I was gone at work/school. I agreed to help move the bed and box spring (even though it was just a queen size, and I moved it up there by myself.) because I felt guilty for not helping in this transition.
Anyway, I fell asleep on the couch after my daily tasks (around 11:00 PM), he woke me up and TOLD me to go to bed. This is the detail that irks me the most. I leave at 5:30 AM the next day to go to work. Then I get the phone call around 9:00 or 10:00 AM, that I was a lazy piece of crap, and it was my fault that the box spring would not fit around the bend of the stairs to the basement, so he broke the box spring into hundreds of little pieces. I was also told that I needed to clean the mess he made up when I got home (which was typical for him, I always cleaned up his messes). I held the phone away from my ear as he screamed, looked at my friend and said Well, I guess Im in trouble, and hung the phone up.
It was that moment, that I realized I had enough of all the abuse and the crap that he was putting me through for 7 years. I am so thankful for this moment, because I do not know where I would be now if this never happened. I honestly do not think I would have finished my degree if I stayed with him any longer. But, this also just reinforces the theory that everything happens for a reason.
It was after my ex broke my heart for the 4th time.
And broke up with me for the 2nd time (the other 2 times we didnt really break up, he just wanted to leave.)
I was devastated, but I very quickly became done. So so so done. I decided that I NEVER wanted him in my life again. I had had it.
Deciding to finally take care of myself and really push out negativity from my life was the best thing that I ever did.
As for the decision to never have him in my life again? He contacted me a few months ago asking to be friends, and I never replied back. Done means done and out, out, out.
It really is all about what you will and will no longer stand for. And I hope that anyone in the same position that I was in – devastated and heartbroken – will find the strength to put themselves first too.
I was in college, taking up a medical course. I never really was good in academic stuff, or maybe I was just that lazy, because I’m intelligent enough to observe myself, and I get stuff pretty easily, except for math.
I failed a lot. Even though my parents were scolding me about my education, I was still that stubborn guy who never focus on my studies. At that time I was still figuring out what the hell was wrong with me and why do I find it hard to do school.
One night, I saw a video in youtube, something about The history We were never told about, and something about philosophical stuff. And also about spirituality and consciousness. That was the night I changed, all the ideas go through my head. Some could say it was the time of Awakening. My time of Awakening. Those ideas made me see through the lies and deception. Its like all the things that we do and the things that we want has a new kind of unexplained meaning. Like a mystery.
So, as days pass by, I start to realize things about myself. And I get to observe and see how almost everything we do is so, so meaningless.
I go to school and there, I observe.
What are we doing?
What the hell am I doing right now?
Is this is it? They let us sit inside a four sided room, they let us listen to stuff wed forget after a week or two (or after the exams), they define us according to our grades, and if the numbers aren’t good enough, they fail us? Is this what society is? An endless competition? People who obey rules without ever thinking for themselves? This is why the government always get what they want. They want people who obey. Governments are the center of lies and deception. They werent letting us find out new things or learn, they were trapping us from the single thing that can really make a difference in our lives and make us learn. Experience. We can’t do that if were trapped inside a four sided room, can we?
I kept thinking about it, about how stupid and absurd the system is. People became zombies. I realized how blind people were and how I wouldnt want to be a part of it. I realized that Id had enough of the bullshit.
Days later, I find myself enjoying the moment with my friends, going to the city on my own, improving my talents, trying to learn new things by means of Experience. Because that’s how youll really learn.
But then I also realized that I have to do things in order for me to move on in life, but I hate to think that I need to go back to college. So I took a new course, something that can keep my hands and feet moving, because I hate just standing by or sitting inside a four sided room, and also something without the stupid subjects that doesnt have to do anything with life itself.
I took up Automechanic. I know it’s not much, by I ended up loving it.
I don’t regret giving up some things that most people think is important. For me, grades aren’t important, high numbers aren’t important, exams aren’t important. What’s important in life is enjoying what you do. Loving what you do and doing what you love. Most students aren’t even enjoying their lives right now due to extra homework and projects that for me, is just a waste of time.
People can call me a loser. But as long as I enjoy life, I’m still gonna end up winning.
As a student in Singapore from a humble family, most of my money come from savings from allowance, bursaries, and part-time work. However, Ive always wondered why is it that we need to save money.
What use are savings for if money is meant to be spent, not kept?
My best friend tried to help me out by telling me that we are saving for rainy days, that a little goes a long way, that it will slowly accumulate to a bigger fund later.
Yes, I absolutely agree. However, I am not saving from an allowance of thousands of dollars. Instead, I am saving dollar by dollar, by choosing cheaper meals, or not buying drinks to go along with the meals. The money to start saving from is not a lot to begin with, having only an allowance of SGD $50 a week. Now that I am older, I dont have an allowance anymore.
Therefore, because of how meager the impact is, it is almost unfathomable to me why we have to save. But I still do, updating my bank books every now and then to watch the number balloon. Up until my bank account has $10,000, I felt super accomplished, but after a while, I realised that was it. It was a goal for me to have $10,000, but after reaching my goal, I did not know what to do with it.
Also, one of my close friends at that point of time questioned why $10,000? Why that number, and what was I going to do with that amount?
That was the moment I realized that I was working blindly towards a goal with no purpose. Then and there, my mindset starts to change. I realized I had enough of not having enough conscious control of financial management. I then tried to accumulate more knowledge in this field, and from there, try to manage my funds more effectively instead of just putting them into a bank with a 0.000000000000000000000000000001% interest rate.
The worst relationship I ever had was intense, controlling, and a tangle of emotions so enormous it quickly became beyond my ability to manage.
The intense, controlling, emotionally unmanageable one was me.
In the aftermath of the breakup I felt abandoned, indignant, wronged, tragically misunderstood and betrayed.
That was a walk in the park compared to what came next.
The difficult part was the realization that what made me love and admire him even more was his decision to leave me.
This sums up one of my most painful breakups: layering on top of genuine heartbreak the fact that I was the bad guy and that the ex had been right to run.
It was at this point that I realized Id had enough.
It literally took me YEARS to realise I had enough. Whats worse: it took me even longer to realize I may even think about having enough!
I am referring to questioning my Christian faith.
I was a devout Christian, who even gave up his job – twice – to enter the missionary field.
But, as a logical graduate Electronics Engineer, certain things just did not add up. I found it more and more difficult to harmonize my logic with my faith. And then I started wondering about whether one may even question your Christian faith.
I started applying Critical Thinking in all of my life and I got to a point where I had to decide: am I willing to look for, and follow, the truth WHEREVER IT MAY LEAD?
Even if it means giving up things I have been believing in (and aligning my life to) for over 50 years?!
I am really glad that I did ask that unnerving question – and that I found answers to it!
Looking back, before I started applying Critical Thinking, I only now realize that I was in a type of trance state, not dissimilar from sleepwalking or being hypnotized: where you do things AS IF you are awake, but you are not. And you dont realize it. You don’t question things, but merely accept them.