We’ve all done it – pretending to be asleep when we think we’re supposed to be. But when others think you are sleep, sometimes they say or do the most surprising things.
Here, people share the most ridiculous thing they’ve overheard when pretending to be asleep.
I remember way back I couldn’t sleep on Christmas Eve, you know, being a little kid and all. So during this sleepless night where I guess my parents thought I was asleep, I heard my dad say “where do you think we should hide the new puppy?” That was pretty much at the top of my list, so naturally I was excited that I was getting a puppy. They talked for a good 20 minutes about the puppy, saying things like “how should we keep it from barking before he finds him?” before I dozed off.
Next morning, I discovered that my parents knew I was awake and just decided to fuck with me. There was no darn puppy. I got a Gameboy though, so it wasn’t too bad.
When I was 6/7 I remember staying up late without the babysitter realizing whilst my parents were out.
I remember when they came back home I was so worried about getting into trouble for still being awake that I pretended to be asleep. Mum came in the room asking whether or not I was awake (I stayed quiet) and then she just sat down on my bed.
She was quiet for what felt like forever but was probably only a couple of minutes before she bent over, stroked my hair, and kissed the top of my head whilst telling me how much she loved me and how much I meant to her and then she tucked the covers around me tighter and left. To this day it’s my favorite memory of her and one I’ve never shared with anyone.
Was spending the night at a friend’s house I’m a guy she’s a girl brought my friend over because we were out partying we all slept in the same room.
I was laying on the floor near my friend when I heard my friend call my name, wanting to sleep I ignored her, not moving to which she respond, “Okay, Andy I think he’s asleep, come here.”
About 5 minutes later I hear the bed squeaking and her soft moans, one of them sneezed about 15 minutes into it, in which I responded, “bless you.”
They immediately stopped.
Must’ve been about 16, 17ish, was staying at a friends house who was with his girlfriend. He was the first in our circle to go all the way and he loved to brag about it. How much of a natural he was, how surprised his girlfriend was that she was his first, all that clich bollocks. We all just laughed, let him have his fun, and got on with it.
Anyway, back to being at his place with her. I go and crash early on the floor of their room (in a little blanket pile with her dog, it was great), I was just getting bored of him rampantly flirting at her like a brain damaged peacock. So, about a half hour later, they come in, and of course they start doing the dirty. I honestly think they forgot I was there or something. I hear very loud kissing, a few batman grunts, a bit of whimpering – they had started and finished in less than a minute.
So I’m lying, curled up in the corner of their room under blankets and a dog, listening to my friend cry in shame.
That was a great night.
When I was a kid my mom would make my brother and me take naps for like 45 minutes.
I pretended like I was sleeping, and I heard my mom talking on the phone to my grandma. During the conversation I assume my grandma asked what my brother and I were up to, because she would say my brother was sleeping, but that I was pretending to be asleep.
I couldn’t believe it. She said she knew I was faking because my mouth was closed, and whenever I’m actually asleep my mouth is slightly open. Ever since that day, whenever I’m pretending to be asleep for whatever reason, I keep my mouth slightly open.
Thanks for the tip, mom.
Weekend retreat at church camp.
My buddy and another girl and I ended up in a room with two bunk beds. We were chilling when I realized that I was the third wheel, so I powered down. First there were tests to see if I was awake, then she climbed to his top bunk, then kissing, then her moaning, then her telling him he should wash his hand. I got bored and did some fake sleep-talking. They laughed and continued, but they called it a night without rounding home. She left, and I figured it was best to not give high-fives till the next day.
I don’t know why I waited until we were at his house; maybe she rode back with us. Still, it was my first time playing Super Nintendo, and as he handed me the controller, I asked him, “You did wash your hands, right?”
He was so thrilled to get to talk to someone about it.
When I was 8, on Christmas Eve I overheard Santa eating the cookies and drinking the milk. Later he opened the fridge and ate a large chunk of a cake and ran around the living room smearing the cake everywhere.
Santa was our dog.
When I attempted suicide at 13, I pretended to be asleep in my hospital bed. My parents actually believed I was and I heard my mom say to my dad, “First [my brother], now her. What am I doing wrong?” It broke my heart because she is a wonderful mother and always had been, we just have bad genetics when it comes to mental illness in my family. I’ll never forget those words and I’m constantly trying to prove to her the wonderful job she’s done.
Was in this messed up relationship with my ex husband when I was pregnant with my second kid. We had a roommate (female) but we would all do it with each other because we were “young and free spirited” or something…
Anyway, I pretended to be asleep one night because I didn’t feel like getting it on that night and didn’t want to turn anybody down or make up an excuse. My ex-husband and the roommate got to talking in the next room (the bedroom door was open so I could hear them pretty clearly) and she asked him why he married me anyway… His response:
“I just didn’t know what else to do at that point. Seemed like the next logical step and I took it. I honestly wish I hadn’t done it and I wish I was single right now living life, but now I have this family and I’m not sure how I’m gonna get out.”
Hit me real hard…
I was drunk at a party and couldn’t fathom the world so I lay down, closed my eyes in a dark room. I heard two of my friends come in, one came over to me and poked me in the ribs then said “It’s fine, he’s asleep.”
They then proceed to talk about how both of them were cheating on their boyfriends and who at the party they wanted to be with instead.
I was sharing a room with a friend and his girlfriend for New Year and after all the partying and drinking he was horny. They thought I was sleeping so he began to touch her but at first, even though she was horny too she didn’t want to do it because I was there.
So they were talking for like 5 minutes about whether to do it or not while he was still working his magic fingers on her when suddenly she said:
“No, we really can’t do it that would be so disrespectful for h… OOOOooh yes OOOOoooOOOOoOoOhh like that… Okay, let’s do it but silently…”
A long high pitched fart followed by a whispered “Christ, been holding that for hours.” Middle school sleepover.
My mom told a friend via telephone:
“I thought my husband was cheating, so now I do it to. I still don’t know what to do.”
I was sleeping without a shirt. My dad told my mom he has a nice build.
I hope they didn’t notice me smile.
I pretended to fall asleep when I was about 12 because I heard someone coming into the room that my younger sister and I shared. Thought it was my mom who would yell at me for being on my iPod at 2am. Turns out it was a robber, he just peeked into the room and went out when he saw us in there.
Really glad I didn’t realize until the next morning who it was – I have no idea how I would have reacted if I’d realized some strange man was in my room at 2am.
Pretended to be asleep at a sleepover, heard my supposed friends planning to throw my clothes in the tree.
Screw middle school.
One night during high school, my friend and I got invited to a party. I didn’t drive back then so my friend picked me up. All went well on our way to the party. On the way back however, he got pulled over. As we were pulling to the side of the road, I told him that I was gonna pretend to be sleeping (since I was the passenger). Anyway, I hear the cop get out of his cop car, walk towards our car, stops at the window but doesn’t say anything. I can feel the brightness of his flashlight but I don’t hear him or my friend say anything. After about what seemed like an eternity, I decide to open my eyes to see what’s going on. That’s when I see my friend, the guy who is driving, is pretending like he is sleeping too.
I was dozing off in my bed with my girlfriend at the time when I heard her confess her love for me. She was pretty hammered, but she went into intricate detail about how she feels respected, enjoys the sex, and sees a serious future with me.
The next morning I got yelled at for not cuddling and that it was a major issue. I don’t think she even knew of her confession.
Lying in bed when I was a little girl and my stepdad (who must have been in there for half an hour) jumped out of the airing cupboard in the dark, roaring, and terrified me.
Still hate people jumping out on me/suddenly revealing themselves.
When I was about 13 or 14 (not that long ago), I overheard my parents talk about my dog, Chowder.
I was in the living room half passed out from exhaustion while they were in the dining area. Chowder was in the vet for a couple of days because of something called distemper. I just thought that after a few days, he’d get better and go back home and be the normal dog he would be. I was wrong.
I lay motionless on the sofa because I was lazy to get up. I accidentally heard mom crying. I heard words like “What will we tell her?” and “She can’t know this before her exams… she might not do well.” By this time, I got really curious so I tried my best to stay awake while staying in the uncomfortable position that I was in.
A few other medical terms passed and I hear the word, “euthanize.” I knew what that meant and it took me a few seconds to put the pieces together. I cried the whole night and they found out in the morning.