There’s nothing like a good ol’ “one time my dad…” story! Here, people share their best.
Thanks to everyone who contributed. If you would like to read more stories like these, be sure to check out the source link at the end of this article. Comments have been edited for clarity.
One time when I was 6 I got my big toenail ripped off, and my dad convinced me to put the toenail under my pillow for The Toenail Fairy.
I got a dollar.
One time my dad took my brother’s walkie talkie and had us and about 10 kids in the neighborhood convinced that we had picked up a signal from a plane that was crashing towards the Earth. We were running up and down the streets for an hour with our eyes on the sky listening as the “pilot” tried to reach someone for help. Dad’s windows were open so we eventually caught on to the heinous laughter echoing between the houses after every mayday.
One time my dad waited till my 3 siblings and I had gone to bed on Christmas Eve, then he shouted, “I don’t care who you are, get that sled off my roof.” We were all up and telling Dad not to yell at Santa.
One time my dad’s fart smelled so bad my dog threw up.
So we were having a family dinner over the summer & my sister had been at a BBQ the day before & the host gave her a big bowl of fruit salad to take home.
We’re sitting there having dinner, and my dad is staring at the fruit salad with this weird look on his face & he says, “What are these little blue things?” While holding up a blueberry.
We were like, “How the heck do you not know what a blueberry is?” Then realized my mom hates blueberries, so the dude hasn’t seen a blueberry in 45 years and forgot they existed.
This was a few years back but, my dad really got into my brownies with… illicit substances in them. Only way I know this is because I woke up in the middle of the night to him putting baby socks on my dog. His only statement was, “Dog’s shouldn’t have cold feet.”
One time, my older brother and I were helping my dad cut down some trees in the backyard and the chainsaw kind of stuck and my dad yanked it out a little too hard and hit my brother’s leg. We all froze and looked at his jeans, which had 4 or so perfectly spaced holes…but no blood. He had managed to hit my brother’s pants, but didn’t get in far enough to hit flesh.
The next words out of his mouth were pretty obvious. “Don’t tell your mother!” And we still haven’t, over 20 years later.
One time, my dad took me to my college orientation back in 1998. I grew up in an urban setting and wanted to mix it up, so I decided on an undergrad school in a very rural area. Read: Not a lot of diversity.
My dad is the best and always wants to goof around. We had this jeep growing up that we called “Little Blackie” because it was…little and black. A running joke was that any time any of us in the family saw a similar looking jeep, one of us would yell “hey! Look! It’s little blackie!”
Bet you see where this is going.
We are walking around campus and sure enough, there was a jeep parked within sight. My dad starts yelling…Hey! Look! Little Blackie!! LITTLE BLACKIE!!!
OF COURSE the ONLY African American kid on campus was walking RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. My dad was oblivious and kept right on yelling. The poor kid looked at me in disgust and I was so very mortified. I wanted to disappear.
I ended up becoming really good friends with him later in my freshman year, and after I explained the whole story he laughed super hard. Thank goodness. I still cringe thinking about it though.
One time, my dad saw I was in a really low mood, so he walked into my room, grabbed my Hatsune Miku wig and my swim goggles, put them both on and followed me around for a solid ten minutes, completely nonchalant, to make me laugh. Imagine, if you will, a large imposing man wearing a teal pig-tailed wig and goggles so old they’re turning brown, causally making himself a sandwich.
One time my dad came home after I had a party at the house. There were girls dancing together on the pool table, and one of them had Cheeto dust on their fingers. I tried to clean it, but couldn’t get all of it before they got home. He calls me downstairs and asks about the marks on the table, I couldn’t think of a lie so I just told him the truth. He stares for a couple seconds and then says “nice”.
One time, my dad almost slit my throat because he thought I was a burglar. I had snuck downstairs for some reason, I was in the kitchen and heard him coming in, so I hid behind the kitchen counter. I heard my dad opening drawers and things. Next thing I know he had leaned over the counter and grabbed my head, had a kitchen knife to my throat. A split second later he realized it was me and dropped me, then I got yelled at because he had heard me breathing, thought I was a home intruder, and I almost got in a world of pain. He was shaking from adrenaline. As a dad now myself, I can imagine the state of mind he was in.
One time, my dad was sitting on the couch in our living room. Mom brought out a bag of sugar and asked him to open it. He opened it like it was a bag of Doritos, and I mean, IT. WAS. EVERYWHERE. He was only wearing his shorts, so there was sugar in just about every square inch of his visible hair as well as all over our couch and carpet. It took him four showers in a row to get it all off.
One time, my dad ripped a HUMONGOUS fart and killed all the power in the neighborhood. Literally, PHHHT…dark.
Spoiler: We later found out that someone had hit a pole further up the line at that EXACT moment.
It made perfect sense to us kids. Dad’s an electrician, and has DEADLY farts. PHHHT…dark.
Now I use this as an example that correlation is not causation.
One time, my dad literally took candy from a baby.
A two year old held up a lollypop and my dad assumed the kid was giving it to him. After taking it and walking away, he realized the toddler probably just wanted to show it to him.
One time, my dad made a remote control car and put me, as a toddler, on it and drove me around.
According to my grandmother, my dad, on his first day of school back in the 60s came home all smiles and laughter.
The next day when my grandmother awoke him for his second day of school he matter-of-factly replied:
“No I’ve already been to school.”
He really thought school was something like the dentist or inoculations, where you only have to go the once and that’s it.
One time my dad cut his leg pretty bad, so he took my mom’s shirt off, wrapped up his wound and drove himself to the hospital.
One time my dad was on a business trip and he ended up getting upgraded to first class. He ended up talking with this guy seated near him for a majority of the flight. Turned out that guy was Usher.
One time my dad made me drive three hours from home to visit a nature preserve. He then began taking pics of the birds there. Just one problem, the birds were plastic. Turns out the flocks had stopped migrating back to the preserve so they put up plastic birds for tourists. The funniest part was how long it took him to listen to me telling him they were plastic.
One time, I asked my dad to rent The Notebook for me from the good ol’ Family Video up the street. He rented Nacho Libre because he could only remember it started with a N.
One time my dad defended my honor in the form of a snowball fight/massacre, which I didn’t learn about until nearly a decade later.
I was maybe 7 or 8 years old walking home from my friend’s house after enjoying a snow day sledding around in her hilly backyard. Apparently the neighborhood boys around my age spent their day building a fort structure. I remember stopping briefly to admire it, but no kids in sight. Oh well, I turn and continue walking home. Suddenly, about five boys popped out the back of the fort and pummelled the shit out of me with snowballs. I guess they also spent the day stocking ammunition and awaiting the perfect passing victim.
They really messed everything up. I am a stupidly petite adult and thusly, was a really tiny little girl, and these dumb boys really didn’t understand that they were going too far. I was down on the ground and still getting nailed, snowball after snowball, mostly in the head/face area. After the initial shock, I made efforts to block the shots with my snow saucer and finally got on my feet to run. They followed me until they ran out of projectiles and retreated. Relieved, I stop running and was just SO upset, I was barely even walking. Just dragging my feet, crying, trying to wipe my face with big stupid bulky gloves.
Then my dad’s car pulls up next to me. He had gone to work that day, despite the snow, and had just pulled into the neighborhood.
“Hey kid, need a ride?”
I get in the car and he sees I’ve been crying. At first I wouldn’t tell him why I was upset, because I was embarrassed and didn’t want to be a tattle tale. Once we pulled into the driveway though, he wouldn’t let me out of the car until I told him what was up. After my explanation he told me to go inside and get washed up for dinner, that he’ll be inside in a few minutes.
Ok, so time warp to 10 years later. I was planning a big high school graduation cookout at our house and I was inviting all the kids from the neighborhood. A couple of those boys from the snowball incident told me they didn’t really feel comfortable hanging out at my parent’s house, to which I’m like, “What are you talking about?” These boys then lay out this tale: On that fateful Snow D-Day, my dad drove back to the kid’s, (they were actually more like near-teens), fort and screamed at all of them to come out or he would call their parents. Once all the boys were lined up, Dad – still in his suit and tie – demolished their fort. Kicked it all down. Then, from the rubble he made big snowballs and made sure each kid got a violent face full of their precious fort.
Heck yeah, Dad!
… I’m glad I had an opportunity to tell this story right at this moment. My Dad is in the hospital tonight after a super terrifying heart issue/fainting episode this morning and we’re just waiting for more information… and trying not to lose my mind.
One time we went to Universal Studios and my dad took me on The Hulk roller coaster even though he knew it would make him sick. I was afraid of coasters at that point, and he sacrificed himself because he knew I would never go on the ride without him. When we got off, his face was completely colorless and his stomach was done working correctly for the rest of the day, but I loved the roller coaster.
My dad was a fireman and picked me up from school in a fire engine once.
One time I was in another room and the phone rang. I hear my dad answer the phone when a telemarketer called, and they asked if he wants his ductwork cleaned. He said, yes, I would love to have my ducks cleaned. QUACK QUACK….QUACK QUACK… and then just hangs up on the guy.
One time, my dad scared the marbles out of a guy that wouldn’t take no for an answer.
I got pretty much peer pressured onto going on a double date with a guy I hated and I had told him I hated him. We both worked at the local fast food joint. I was fresh out of high school, and naive, and felt like I had to be nice. He asked me out in a way that put me on the spot, too, on his day off in the middle of my shift he showed up dressed like he was going to a wedding brought me a bunch of flowers and asked me in the middle of a lunch rush mortifying me and everyone started chanting say yes. I agreed and ran out on my shift crying and feeling like I couldn’t back out.
It was painfully obvious during and after the date that I was not interested. He kept calling me, texting me, leaving me threatening and weird voicemails. He even drove by my house a few times. I asked him several times, politely, to leave me alone, but he just wouldn’t. It was getting a bit freaky. My parents noticing my change in mood asked me what was up and I told them and played them the voicemails.
My dad asked me when we next had the same shift, and I told him.
My dad came to the restaurant after his factory shift. My dad is a big dude and looks scary, especially covered in grease and wearing a uniform.
My dad bust into the restaurant, gives me a hug, asks me, “Where he is.” Everyone is frozen in place, and slack jawed anyone that knew my dad knew him as a goofy, kind guy, so they were just in awe of this whirlwind that had bust in the door. I pointed to the kitchen.
My dad points right at him and says LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE.
He tells me he loves me and mom is cooking dinner. Waves to some of my friends he knows and walks out the door like nothing ever happens.
That guy went on break and never came back. And he never bothered me again.