Let’s face it, pretentiousness is insufferable. It’s incredibly unpleasant to be in the presence of someone who thinks they are better than you. Here, people share the most pretentious thing they’ve ever overheard someone say.
1. Ex-squeeze me?
“People who have experienced the very best of higher education, like I did, simply operate at a higher level than people who didn’t.”
I’m glad you’re proud of your MIT masters or doctorate or whatever the heck you did, but this is a barbecue and you’re flipping burgers, not accelerating particles.
2. Hence, “ex-boyfriend”.
Quote from my now ex-boyfriend:
“Nobody in the history in the world has ever felt as passionate about anything as I feel about music.”
Dude moshes at pop punk shows and can barely play bass.
3. Ah yes, you’re too above the likes of Woolf, Nabokov, and Bronte.
Overheard a fellow undergrad student say, “I think I’m just too educated to be able to enjoy fiction.”
4. You simply wouldn’t understand.
Daughter of the owner of the company complaining to the regular workers making 9-12/hr about how broke she it. Someone said they’d be good with an 1/8th of her salary.
She made a little speech about how it’s different for her because she has a certain lifestyle she needs to maintain that they wouldn’t understand.
5. Because going to university is genetic.
First day at law school, one of the other students asked me: “Wait. Your parents don’t have a university degree…? Do you even think you will be able to pass any of the exams, then?”
6. Contrary to popular belief…
“Everyone can afford to eat organic”
She said this after having come back from a 4-month trip to Ethiopia where she met and married a millionaire.
No, not everyone can afford to eat organic.
7. Shall I fetch for your chariot, too?
Teaching a student how to do a shoulder roll and she says, “It’s too hard for me to bend my back that way because of all the modeling and acting schools I go to.”
8. Yes, that makes perfect sense.
“It’s in Turkish, but I can understand about 10% of Turkish because I know so many other languages.” Said by my coworker who knows exactly two languages.
She also loves to say, “English was my…(pause as if counting in head)..fourth language, I think?”
9. You might want a larger sample size…
“I only read French and Russian literature because they’re the most deep, complex and sophisticated in the world.”
I asked what she’s read and she listed one book by Proust (can’t remember the name) and Lolita by Nabokov. That’s it.
10. C’mon, Steve!
My first interaction with my new roommate in South Africa went like this:
Me: So, where are you from Steve?
Me: Um…… what?
Steve: Well I’ve traveled to so many places that I’m not really “from” anywhere anymore.
Me: Where were you born?
Me: Where did you go to school?
Me: You are from Ohio Steve.
11. Tell us more, oh literary God.
“It annoys me when people don’t agree with my opinion on books, because I’m an author and I know more about writing than all of you.” – Girl who writes fan fiction on Wattpad.
12. Life is a beach, isn’t it?
“It’s ok we broke up, he was taking me to Paris for my birthday and I don’t even like Paris. You would think if it was a birthday gift it would be somewhere I would WANT to go like somewhere tropical”
Overheard a coworker say this after her boyfriend broke up with and cancelled their Paris trip two days before her birthday.
13. Ah yes, the contrast between the blood and the skin – it’s just so avant-garde.
A friend was over with her new bf. Another girl at my house cut herself doing something and the new bf looked at it and said, “that cut is so modern.”
14. Horribly pretentious and horribly inaccurate.
“Eating food should only be about survival, that’s why I don’t bother putting spices in my cooking, that’s only for pretentious elitists.”
15. I’m out of clean underwear – someone call Victoria’s Secret!
“I don’t have time to do laundry. When I run out of clean clothes my parents send me money and I buy more”.
This was my roommate. She kept about twelve huge plastic totes of dirty clothes in her bedroom. I never saw her do laundry once in the 18 months we lived together.
16. Ugh, it’s so annoying when I like, can’t relate.
I knew a kid with really rich parents once. And he always said how much it annoyed him to hear other people complain about money.
17. That’s not how it works.
Girl I knew in college once said, “Why don’t your parents just pay for it?” when a bunch of people were talking planning a trip during break and someone said they couldn’t afford it.
18. Easy there, Icarus.
“I’m just operating at too high a level of consciousness for me to be able to talk to regular people.” – Overheard on a street in Oxford.
19. Can’t forget those added electrolytes, can we?
I was once told by a woman that she only let her dogs drink Smart Water and she would order cases just for her little bundles of joy.
20. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
A good friend of mine and her brother were at my house. After lunch, my mother suggested we wash the dishes together (cause y’know, the chef shouldn’t have to wash up as well).
She (friend) says, “No. Because we’re guests”, and proceeded to giggle away with her brother.
Keep in mind that in my culture the norm is to help clean up if you’ve eaten a meal at someone else’s home.
21. Gosh forbid.
I work at a Children’s Museum. I once heard one mother tell her friend, “I don’t teach my kids to share because that promotes socialism.”
22. Life is so inconvenient sometimes.
A female acquaintance was complaining her yacht was too big to fit in her spot at the marina. We were 17 at the time. It was her own yacht too, not one she shared with her parents.
The same girl also complained about her parents wanting to move the family to St. Lucia from our small suburban town in New Hampshire.
23. Can’t even stand in line without listening to your BS.
“I went to the bathroom and there was an ad above the urinal stall. We can’t even pee in this country without becoming slaves to capitalism”
I was in line to get into the Global Citizens Festival in NYC over the summer. Heard the guy behind me in line say this. He was also going on and on about how he just learned guitar and was a natural at it, and that sheet music wasn’t hard, and explaining it to his friends.
Meanwhile I’ve been singing/playing piano since I was 10, and this guy was getting all his facts wrong about keys, solfege, and the symbols.
24. The software bug doesn’t care who you are, and neither do we.
I work in IT, and we have a board of directors. One of them called up cause a client had a problem with their software. We tried explaining that this was a bug in the software, we had put a fix in for it, but it was going to take some time. He actually used the words, “Do you know who I am? Get this done, now”.
Luckily there was nothing we could so, so he could go screw.
25. Yes, better to be a pretentious, insulting, and ignorant human being like you.
I am an electrician, I was working on lights in a bank. Overheard a woman gesturing towards me to her kid, “That’s why you want to get good grades, so you don’t have a job like that.”
I was vibrating with anger/adrenaline for a good hour after that.
26. Walk in someone else’s shoes for once.
An older rich lady called me part of “the ME generation” when I made some off remark about my un-wealthy situation in life, while at her rented lake front property for the annual summer party.
Most rich people think that poor people are just complainers obsessed with their own personal comfort. Do they understand the “can’t see the forest for the trees” phrase?
27. Maybe the “peasants” don’t want to pee with you.
Overheard a woman say, when asked why she doesn’t use a public restroom, “Because, I don’t pee with the peasants”.
28. *Pulls out an erasable pen*
“I always write in pen because I never make mistakes.”
29. “My work is just really obscure, you wouldn’t understand.”
A filmmaker friend once compared himself to Stanley Kubrick. And no, you’ve never seen anything he’s made.
Professor: “Many of you don’t participate in class, is the reading too difficult? Is it a lot?”
Pretentious jerk: “Well, I’m a little more academically seasoned so I actually think is quite easy to understand. But that’s just me.”