With the ‘most wonderful time of the year’ right around the corner, I thought it would be fitting to recall stories of things that have gone terribly or wrong at work holiday parties.
Here’s what not to do in the upcoming weeks, at your own office party:
(Find the original thread source at the end of the article).
“Our company Christmas party had a tequila ice luge. One of our class A drivers got so wasted he was doing flips on the dance floor and juggling corona bottles, then he went and sat on a 19-year-old girls lap and her mom went ballistic.
He was kicked out and proceeded to drive himself home anyways. He drove for the circus for years and apparently picked up a couple tricks along the way. The worst part of him driving was the company paid for Ubers to and from the party.
What a guy.”
“I worked at a Polish retirement home.
The Christmas party every year is held in the residents party room.
Approximately 30 late 40’s/early 50’s polish women pounded back the drinks like they should be alive afterwards.
Many insane things each year. Always some passed out, always some of them competed to get the attention of the one and only male – the maintenance man, and always at least one person ended up crying. Once they all happened at once:
Nurses got blasted.
Maintenance dude got blasted.
Nurses had him sit with them at one of the tables.
They played some odd games (as best I could tell).
They would make out with him, then have another after.
Then they all cheer.
Eventually, I hear chanting and look over. One of the girls is on her knees now, and you could imagine what was happening (except the chanting sounds more like yelling). I looked closer she doesn’t seem to be moving.
One of the other women is moving to (I wasn’t sure) help the other one?
Nope, she grabs the girl under the shoulders and pulls her off of him and I hear horrible coughing and the girl lands on her back. Then, this guy’s junk is covered in stuff as he bursts out crying.
The guy starts muttering something about how he almost killed her. He’s balling. While his junk is still out and waving around.
The woman is on the floor and coughing but one of the other ‘nurses’ tries to give her mouth to mouth.
Far as I could tell I think the woman choked but was out so cold she was just gonna die.
So someone tries to do CPR on the now conscious woman and she doesn’t want (or need it), so they start fighting and wrestling on the ground, and the chanting starts again.
The dude is still crying with his junk out but now he’s standing over them yelling ‘don’t fight over me.’
Now this is all during the day, and there are other workers on shift cause the place doesn’t shut down just cause of the party.
So a couple of sober nurses were called to help. Someone had radioed them cause of the person choking.
They burst in and yell, ‘what the heck?’ And then finally, the dude with his junk out turns around, faces them and both scream and run out of the room.
“It was the first Christmas party at a technology startup company.
I go to the bathroom towards the end of the night and realize mid-piss that the sounds coming from the stall next to mine are the chief technology officer and his wife going at it.
I step out of the stall and the CEO and some sales guys are doing lines. The CEO sees me and shouts, ‘hey, it’s Jared!’ My name isn’t Jared.
He called me Jared for about 6 months after that until I pulled him aside and corrected him one day.
“We had a ‘Mardi Gras’ themed holiday party. One guy decided to bring his saxophone and be a ‘jazz man.’ Normal enough, right? Well, he also thought that to be a jazz man, he needed to show up in blackface.
Luckily, this is rural Wisconsin and no one at the company was black so we all just got really really messed and told him he was beyond a jerk.”
“I didn’t witness this one but heard that this happened just a few months before I was hired. We had a wine tasting for the managers with just some cheese, minor hors d’ouvres, etc.
One particular manager got completely sloshed on wine and got super flirty with another manager from a different department who was significantly younger and good looking.
At some point, this young lady put some scented lotion on her hands. Smelling this, the manager came over to her and pulled his junk out and asked her to put some lotion on there too. Right in the middle of the room and tasting.
I heard he was gone instantly. He was recently found out to currently be a tour guide on a duck boat and a bad one at that.”
“At my last work party, one guy took a crap in the toilet and clogged it up. He then followed by grabbing the vacuum cleaner and sucking it all up.”
“The general manager (guy) and controller (girl) were grinding on the dance floor. The GM’s wife confronts them on the dance floor in front of everyone, ‘Is this the woman you’ve screwing?’ Needle off the record moment.
The controller’s husband had been suspicious for a while and considered this confirmation. Both couples divorced shortly after. The GM and controller are now married.”
“We bought our boss Sexy Santa lingerie as a gag gift. She tried it on in front of us and proceeded to do a strip tease dance all the while screaming out how her husband was going to love this. She’s 54.
I worked at a call centre. I am a female, was 16 years old at the time; so the answer was and still is , no I did not particularly enjoy it.”
“I use to work for a big bank. We had a little potluck for Christmas, and long story short about 2 hours later, someone took a crap in the bathroom and smeared it literally, and I mean literally, all over the bathroom stalls. The wall, the stall door handle, the toilet sensor; everywhere.
It looked like a XXL Hershey bar stepped on an improvised explosive device.
We never did quite catch the elusive poop handle bandit. Legend says he’s still out there, ravaging the latrines of financial institutions to this day.”
“I saw a woman squirt ‘champagne’ from her lady bit into the mouth of the woman who’d just inserted a champagne bottle into said lady bit.
I worked as a adult film editor at the time, so it was appropriate to the situation.”
“I went out for drinks with coworkers after service ( it was a lunch focused restaurant) and by the end of the night, one of our cashiers decided to lactate on me from across the table…”
“I went to a customer’s holiday party, it was a bit of a good old boy company, so it was at the shop and mostly drinking and grilling with funny awards. It was mandatory and had a dress code, so all these guys were as cleaned up as they could get, but in clothes that didn’t fit right anymore or ever and what not.
Also there were a lot of single males since women are rare in that industry.
The guys drank like it was water in the desert and decided to move it to a local bar they frequently went to. Well that bar was hosting the holiday party for a lab and was full of women until we showed up.
You mix drunk nerdy girls and drunk manly men and you end up with a lot of finger banging and it ain’t discrete. It was a match made in heaven.
Absolutely no fallout, the female bartender was egging them on and the boss men had gone to a different bar. They often ran into those girls at lunch there, but there were no repeat performances.”
“It was Karaoke and it started with 2 assistants, both women, doing a ballad together.
In rapid succession, on the ‘stage’, and with plenty of drinks between the two. The following things happened:
Those two women sang a few songs while clutching each other and giggling the entire time.
Some less than wholesome dancing together to a George Michael song.
Remaining on the ‘stage’ one of them sits in a rolling chair while the other serenades and gives a lap dance to her while singing ‘Santa Baby.’
At this point another woman in the office decides it’s best to throw some cold water on this party by cutting off the Karaoke and playing a Christmas music CD. The first song was ‘All I Want for Christmas is You.’
The two women turn this into what seems like the perfect song to sexy slow dance to. There much caressing and grinding happening.
They finally broke up once they start making out and light groping each other while trying to hide behind a Santa hat that one of them was holding up covering their faces.”
Points are edited for clarity.