The shower is such an intimate space of enlightenment. You may walk in completely exhausted (and filthy) but when you step out it feels like you are a completely new person…with a whole lot of new realizations.
“Who the heck uses the the 6th setting on the toaster? Like seriously why is it even there?
Perhaps some (men) just want to watch the toast burn…Or the different settings might be there to accommodate differences in atmospheric pressure, humidity and ambient temperature which all play a part in ritualistically burning a slice of bread straight to the ground.”
“Michael phelps was born because he was the fastest swimmer.
Although, the first sperm starts breaking the wall, it’s not really the first one that gets in. So I’ve heard.
Sperm work together to help break down the protective layer surrounding the egg. One single sperm getting there first doesnt fertilize it.”
“The best time to look for a new job is when you already have one. The worst time to look for a new girlfriend is when you already have one.
But maybe, just like a girlfriend, it’s easier to get a job when you already have one.”
“In 40 years, all of the different Spice Girls will just be Old Spice (some might argue that time is now).
But, one thing is for sure older men will (still) want to splash them all over their face.”
“Where do hamsters live in the wild? You never hear of wild hamsters.
Syria, typically in and amongst tall grasses and well as for Russian Dwarf Hamsters…I guess we may never know.”
“Humans are such a curious species that a wreck can cause traffic on the opposite side of the freeway.
I frequently drive on highway 401 (Ontario, Canada), which has the unique distinction of being North America’s busiest highway.
It’s extremely common to see massive traffic slowdowns that result from motorists tapping the brakes a little and looking at a car at the side of the road with a flat tire. You can quite literally be caught in such a huge slingshot effect that you can sit in traffic crawling along for an hour, only to get past a side-of-the-road distraction and immediately speed back up to 100 kilometers per hour.”
“If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Trees has 5 letters
Banks = 5 letters
Money = 5 letters
5+5+5 = 15
Branches = 8 letters
15-8 = 9
9 flipped is 6
6 6 6 = satanic
“The security guard at a Samsung store is essentially the Guardian of the Galaxies.
As long as a security guard at the Microsoft store is a Windows Defender.”
“In the time it likely took you to read this, the estimated 7.6 billion people on Earth experienced a combined amount of time totalling over 1000 years.
So if it takes 5 seconds to read this, then for every 1000 people that read this, youre costing the world 1 hour 23 minutes and 20 seconds of an individuals time. You time wasting windbag, youre preventing progress!”
“If the show ‘Home Improvement’ came out today, people would just google what Wilson looked like after the first episode.
For those who don’t know, Wilson was the main character’s (Tim) next door neighbour. He was slightly taller than the fence, so whenever Tim and him spoke, you could only see the top of his face.
It was a running gag, and even when not behind the fence they found several unlikely ways to hide the bottom of his face. You never saw it, not once in the entire show, until the series finale.”
“Maybe, more people would stop texting while driving if we told them that they could be the killers instead of the killed.
Similarly, how about replacing ‘Smoking Kills’ with ‘Smoking Harms Everyone Around You?’
I suppose that reckless behavior is caused by the basic human tendency to feel like we will live forever … yet recognize others’ fragility.”
“Since we’re all down to one heart, are we all low on health?
Nonetheless, we’re all playing on hardcore mode.
Unfortunately it’s a pay-to-win system so those with more money have an easier time.”
“UberEats drivers must have a lot of self control to be able to pick up and drive French fries to someones house without eating them on the way.
Although, I used to work at a restaurant at the takeout counter. We legit stopped using UberEats because they were eating the food.”
“Driving anywhere is basically an interactive loading screen, unless you are racing cars.
Traffic would be considered buffering. In any case, driving is more fun because you can die.”
“The reason why single people give so much relationship advice is because the advice are all things that they wish they could and would do.
Similarly why any issue, no matter how minor, gets ‘DUMP HIM OR HER’.”
“You put your paper in a folder so it doesn’t get folded.
And, you place your unfolded paper on an unfolded folder, then you fold that folder around your unfolded paper in an effort to keep that unfolded paper unfolded.”
“A baby has no idea that they will stop being a baby at some point.
Come to think of it, a baby has no idea it’s even baby.
But when they do move on to being a toddler, they do not like being called a baby anymore so the certainly know when that stage is over.”
“If Horton heard a Who, and Cindy Lou is a Who, then the Grinch is super tiny.
But you may have got that from the fact that the grinch’s entire world is nestled in a snowflake?”
“If ostriches could fly the sky would be a terrifying place.
I can think of many terrifying scenarios but what if one of those things just fell out the sky and hit someone.”
“Following the phrase ‘the only thing to fear is fear itself’ when encountering fear, would cause you to enter an infinite loop of becoming more and more fearful.
“Birth certificates are basically receipts. Except you cant really return what you got.
Although, the birth certificate belongs to the child, whereas the receipt doesn’t belong to the milk.”
“What if squirrels don’t forget where they bury their nuts, maybe they are trying to plant their future home.
Squirrels don’t live long enough to benefit from any newly planted tree seeds during their lifetime.
Their future generations might be a different story…”
“If someone’s story ends with ‘and then a bunch of strangers stood up and cheered’ it probably never happened.
When I was about 4, I was in a McDonald’s play pen, in a big saucer-shaped structure with windows all around that contained a ball pit. As told to me by my parents (because I don’t remember):
They saw me stand up and wave my arms dramatically, addressing all the kids in the pit. I gave a speech they couldn’t hear, and stood, waiting expectantly. Then all the kids pelted balls at me in unison, until I fell into the pit and I have no clue what I said.
But strangers were cheering.”
Points were edited for clarity.