The honeymoon period is usually the most romantic and relaxed time in any married couples life. As time goes on, and couples get busy with day-to-day life and kids, the excitement of marriage and those butterfly feelings they had in the beginning slowly fade away. Their marriage maneuvers through rough patches, and if overlooked, it comes to an end before too long.
In this article, married people share the little things they do to keep their marriage healthy.
[Source can be found at the end of the article]
I set a google reminder once per week to do something nice for my wife and a reminder once per month to do a self-assessment that I’m being fair, honest, and appreciative.
I’m a divorce lawyer, I don’t have any special insights, but the worst parts of our marriage have been when I wasn’t being fair, when one of us wasn’t being forthright, or too many instances of unappreciation had accrued. Not all of those things at once necessarily, but any of them lead to strife.
Taking time to make sure I’m treating her the way I want her to be treated, the way I expect my brothers in law to treat my sisters, pays dividends that I can’t quantify.
Giving each other personal space but expressing our love for each other every chance we get. There have been many days where we’ll find ourselves busy but one will always come to the other at some point to say we haven’t looked at the other enough. We’ll hold each other, look at each other for a few minutes, just being present with other and tell each other we’re madly in love with the other and kiss.
We’re also open with each other and tackle problems as a team. Neither of us ever set out to “win” an argument. It’s always us versus the issue. We never go to bed angry if we do argue and to be honest that’s rare.
Also, we keep things fresh and exciting in the bedroom.
In short, we’ve been married fourteen years but we’ve never once stopped dating each other. Because of that, the spark we initially felt when we first met has never left, never diminished but it’s gotten much, much stronger and richer.
He has an alarm that goes off at 9:15 every night that he calls his “[my name]” alarm. He stops whatever he is doing, sings a little song and then asks me if he can do anything for me. Most of the time I just want a hug and a kiss.
Think of your marriage as a jar. When you have positive interactions such as a compliment, praise, a hug, a smile, you are putting into the jar. Negative takes out of the jar 3fold. Dont let the jar go empty. Make it as full as you can at all times.
I’m one of those people that absolutely sucks at knowing what to say when trying to comfort someone and I’ll always wind up saying something that just makes it worse. I think the best relationship advice I have ever received is that you don’t have to always verbally comfort them and you can still let them know you care by just being there – holding their hand or just sitting with them while they’re sad. This saved me many times.
He helps with everything around the house; laundry, dishes, cleaning, our daughter. I help with everything outside the house; mow, trim, move heavy stuff, car maintenance…etc. There is no his and hers chores. We all live under the same roof, we’re all into taking care of it together.
We also power-lift together. He spots me, I spot him. We cheer each other on and help each other reach goals. The encouragement goes outside the gym and really makes us a solid team. He’s truly my best buddy.
We are each other’s number one priority. All the time. No exceptions. Does that rule every interaction and impact anything on most days? Nope. But when we need it to, it is an automatic trump card.
“Hey, that guy at your work makes me uncomfortable. Can you not have lunch alone with him anymore?” Done.
“Hey, I know work is busy this week, but I am nervous for my doctor’s appointment. Can you come?” Done.
“When we visit your family, I get a little overwhelmed. Can we have lunch, just the 2 of us, to get some breathing room?” Done.
“The baby is getting on my nerves. Can you take her so I can take a bath/watch the game/get a nap/just breathe?” Done.
These situations are actually pretty rare, but to know someone will 100% support you means all the difference in the world.
Not married but in an 8 year long term relationship. I say it would be doing something your partner values. I give my boyfriend long massages and he loves it so much that, if he were going to break up with me, he would have to debate whether or not it was worth losing the massages.
Do little things for the other person. My girlfriend (been dating 10+ years, not married by choice neither of us are religious and we don’t care) loves coffee, I hate it but whenever I notice her coffee pot is running out of water in the reservoir, I’ll fill it up for her or I’ll fill her bowl full of sugar cubes back up again when I notice it’s low. I also just randomly text her I love you.
We make each other laugh. A tickle, sharing a joke or a silly gif, or just being goofy (especially nothing that’s particularly funny to other people, but little things that are silly to us).
I think it makes us truly happy around each other, and if one of us is having a bad day or we’re at the end of an argument, a smile or a chuckle goes a long way in shaking off those moments. Like, the bad days are still bad and hurt feelings are still hurt, but that smile or chuckle reminded us that there’s good out there and that we’re there for each other.
Friendship. My wife is my best friend, my best buddy, and someone I can lean onto in times of need. We do love each other, but our friendship is the one thing that holds us together.
It’s not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that results in unhappy marriages.
Saying you love them every day. Being there when they need you. Asking how their day was. Being interested in what happens. Having a date night every so often. Cuddling.
It’s actually “the little things” that keep a marriage healthy. If you slack on the little things, it doesn’t matter what the big picture is. Those little things will start grinding.
I got advice a while back to “never stop dating.” We try to keep it consistent and go on a date once a month.
Sure, we go out to eat often and do other things here and there, but on our date night is special. Each month we rotate who plans the dinner, activity.
It’s really nice because I get to make her feel special and cared about. That’s what matter most. We all get busy with work, kids, hobbies, family, etc. It’s important to carve out time to maintain your relationship.
If something about your significant other annoys you, come right out and say so instead of bottling it up. Having constructive arguments is hard enough even without anger about something that happened a year ago randomly thrown in.
Also, if your significant other does something you find amazing, tell them. If they do something for you, thank them. It shows that you are aware of what they’re doing for you, and that you value them as a person.
It’s the all about the small things like listening and paying attention to each other. Partners are supposed to bring out the best in each other, after all.
My husband and I say thank you not just for the big stuff but also the little things, like running a chore or making dinner, and we are both incredibly grateful to be loved by the other. Were each others biggest fans and supporters. Its us against the world, and that helps us get over the petty stuff.
Find shared interests, and find separate interests. I’m a gamer and my wife is not, but we moved the computer into the living room. This way she can watch tv and read while I’m gaming. She loves hearing the interactions I have online. We both really enjoy the craft beer scene and love sci-fi and action movies, and the same tv shows, so we have things to do together, yet I game separately. Also I play guitar, so when I go into my music room to play, she throws on headphones and plays things on her iPad or she often listens and gives me critiques.
I have been married 7 years now. I think one of the absolute best things is that both of us dont want it to end. We mutually hate new dating and we are each others best friends. All the stress, pain, life taking a big ol dump on the marriage can all be overcome by both people simply wanting it to.
Every couple is going to be a little different. I have many married couples as friends and all of them could draw a line on my wife or myself and say that things wouldnt fly if we were married. My marriage is good because we both value the same things in life and we seem to not care about a lot of the same things. My wife and I also have great communication. She trusts me to handle the finances so we never have to stress about money. If there is a purchase we cant afford, she trusts my judgement when I say we cant do it.
Always checking in on each other as to the state of the relationship. Being in contact every day, if we can. Having a default mode of ‘yes’ when it comes to making love. Communicating about finances, future plans and family – they are all joint issues and either one of us has to be ready to step up if there is a problem. This feels like the most healthy relationship I’ve ever had in my life.
Actually being brave enough to have the argument or difficult discussion when you need to — crappy days and moods happen and sometimes the air just needs to be cleared. But never stooping to bad levels during it, i.e. no name calling or cruelty – you cannot put that back in the tube. Even when my husband is driving me mad and I cannot fathom his thought process on something and every inch of me wants to scream at him until he sees the light, I still fully respect him as a person and want the best for him and us. I can’t imagine my life without him in it. I mean, it would be tidier, but apart from that…
We tell each other at the time of our anniversary date (anniversary 10/23, time at 10:23) and say I love you.
I wake up earlier for work than she does. I always kiss my wife before leaving and have a cup of coffee on her nightstand for when she gets up.
Off topic, but my wife is unbelievably wonderful. I was recently diagnosed with cancer and have a poor prognosis. We’ve prepared for the worst and have grown closer through this process. She’s been with me for every hospitalization and procedure. She’s been my patient advocate and my rock to getting through this as well as I can mentally.
Getting them little gifts just to let them know you were thinking about them during a trivial moment like grocery shopping. Even if it’s just a small chocolate. It makes a huge difference.
Other little acts of service like making tea or coffee for the other one.
We genuinely enjoy being around each other, but also allow each other to have hobbies/activities that don’t involve us.
We’ll happily sit with each other and watch youtube videos about how different scenes in a show are shot, or something. Then he’d go to his computer to play Civ and I’ll go to my craft table to make dolls, and while we have no interest in the other person’s hobby, we also don’t disparage them for it.
We also don’t get jealous easy. He plays creepy anime games. I play dumb dating sims. We’ll give each other crap for that, but will also say, “Hey, this game seems to be getting good reviews, do you want to get it?”
We have two little kids, so it’s hard to have quality time together sometimes, but it’s the little things that make me feel most connected to him. The funny text, the hidden joke, the silly thing we’ll say or do to each other in a discreet way. I made him a pancake with a hidden adult cartoon character on one side a few days ago (so the kids didn’t know, hahaha). He got a kick out of that. The kids didn’t know why we thought pancakes were so funny that morning.
It’s stuff like that that makes me feel like even if the kids and jobs monopolize a lot of our time, we still have these secret moments just between us to bond over and laugh together.
We both agreed that whenever we start to have an argument to do a “gut check,” i.e. check if either one of us is hungry. If so, end the argument immediately, eat something, and wait half an hour to see if we want to resume arguing.
We now argue about twice a year.
Saying you’re sorry and explaining why you were upset. Not an excuse to do something mean, but if you lash out because there’s something underneath your anger; take a few minutes and figure out the root of the problem. Then after you’ve calmed down, go back, apologize and explain why you were upset.
I hear of so many marriages ending because of “bad communication” and it all starts when you stop telling each other what’s wrong and start building a relationship from being passive/aggressive to one-another. One day, that wall will be too large to even chisel away at and the love that lies at the foundation will be gone.