You don’t want any pickles on your hamburger? Fine. You want soy milk instead of regular milk? Fine. You want me to microwave your milkshake because you’re “allergic to cold”? That’s weird.
This piece is based on an AskReddit thread. Link on the last page.
1. Spice girl.
I had a lady tell me it was impossible to make a dish too spicy. When I told the cooks, they took it as a personal challenge.
I don’t remember what they put in it, but I do know that someone ran to a grocery store for a special ingredient. It was literally the spiciest thing I have ever smelled. Just being an arms length away from it for 30 seconds while I delivered it had me coughing and tears steaming down my face. Guests at nearby tables complained about the smell.
She ate everything. She ate every single bite and then scraped up the remaining sauce and ate that too.
2. Now THAT’S how you treat a hangover.
I worked in fine dining for a while.
I had one lady order creme brle french toast with a fruit loops crust and a bottle of champagne with two carafes of orange juice.
We made it. Actually, we made a whole batch and the workers ate it. It was actually really good.
3. Like a baby bird.
It wasn’t so much the order that was disturbing, but the post order request. He asked me to chew up the food and put it back onto his plate. No medical reason. No missing teeth. Not old. Just creepy. He got very upset when I declined.
4. Rock lobster.
I worked at a restaurant/fishmarket type of establishment, where we sold raw product but would also prepare the food on the spot. One day I was helping an old lady out and she told me had never had a whole lobster and would love to try one. As she was shopping in the fishMARKET portion, I assumed she wanted it alive.
So we went over to the lobster tank and she picked the happiest little lobster out there. I asked her if she wanted to pay $16.99 for it alive or $22.99 for us to cook and serve it to her. She decided to take it alive, so I took some time to weigh it out, and wrap it up in a takeout box for her to take home. I put it down on the table and walk away.
A minute or two later I hear a commotion and come out to see this little old lady with a knife trying to cut off the claw of the lobster… Apparently she thought that she was supposed to eat this thing alive. I cooked it for her.
5. Wing man.
I had someone ask me how many wings are in our dozen wing special. I simply replied somewhere between 11 and 13.
6. Would you like a dictionary on the side?
Over the summer, I had a customer who came in for Sunday brunch and ordered a spinach and feta cheese omelet. She then adds that she would like it made without eggs.
I clarified that she wanted an omelet WITHOUT eggs, not made with egg whites which is quite normal.
We made her a spinach feta salad and the customer was happy.
7. A side of entree.
Customer asked for a spaghetti with a side of more noodles and extra sauce because they were going to share. So, I said “you’d like one spaghetti and then an additional order of spaghetti?”
They told me I wasn’t getting it and they just wanted extra noodles and some sauce on the side. I told them we would have to charge for extra noodles, and they ended up not wanting it. They somehow thought free spaghetti was a reasonable request.
8. I don’t think you know what words mean…
Had a lady order our filet mignon. When it was brought out to her she said with disgust that she had ordered the filet, not a steak.
She proceeded to argue that a filet mignon was a type of baked potato rather than a steak.
9. Burnt offerings.
Im a chef. Had a lady order her tofu scramble burnt. So I cooked it hard. She sent it back because it wasn’t burnt enough. So I cooked it harder. She sent it back again and the waiter said she really wants it burnt. So I got a wok super hot, put too much oil in and proceeded to burn the crap out of it.
My chef came by and lost his mind. I explained it to him and he watched me burn and just ruin the thing. It was black and smelled like a tire fire. She ate all of it and said we were the only place to get it right. She came back every weekend for it and we had to train new cooks how to burn the living hell out of her food for her.
10. These people must starve at home.
One couple in particular made the chef rage so hard she just walked out. Wife orders some meal and makes a ton of changes to it. She gets the plate, takes one bite, and sends it back because she doesn’t like it. Husband orders $60 lobster plate. The lobster tail comes with pepper sprinkled on top. The husband sends it back and wants a whole new one with no pepper on top. Apparently his wife wanted to try one piece but doesn’t like pepper.
11. Chilled cheese.
“I’ll have a cold grilled cheese please.”
“No! Cook it, just serve it cold!”
12. It’s there in black and white.
I worked at a coffee shop and a girl ordered a hot cocoa. We have milk, dark or white chocolate, so I asked her which she would like- it was a very standard question that we asked everyone. Then this happened…
“None of those, I just want oreos on top.”
“Oh… um… do you just want warm milk with whipped cream and oreos?”
(Disgusted look and tons of sass.) “No. I want hot chocolate with whipped cream and oreos on top.”
“Okay great, so for us to make hot chocolate, we melt these little chocolate chips into milk. We have milk chocolate, dark chocolate and white chocolate chips, which would you like us to use?”
“No. You don’t get it. I want hot chocolate with whipped cream and oreos on top. I don’t want those chocolate chips.”
I just gave up trying and used milk chocolate. She wasnt a kid either. She was at least 16 years old.
13. That’s basically just bread.
I worked at a national pizza chain for a while as a manager. We used to get this guy all the time. He was lactose intolerant so couldn’t have cheese, and had severe heart burn when he ate red sauce. He would order an XL Supreme with no sauce and no cheese.
I told the guy if i did that, the toppings would just fly all over the box but he didnt care. We ended up just baking the dough separate from the toppings and put the toppings in a small wing box on the side for him. Guy said no other pizza place would do that for him and he turned out to be a great repeat customer who always tipped well.
14. May as well bring your own ingredients.
I once had this old lady come into Olive Garden and order something and literally customize every ingredient. We had one promo entree that contained risotto. She asked me what risotto was, and then asked me to switch it out for plain brown rice and squash. Neither of which we had.
We made all our sauces in house, but they weren’t made on the spot for each order. She even tried to customize the ingredients in the sauce. And the end of everything after I ran around trying to make her happy, she complained to management that I was incompetent for not being a magician and changing how a restaurant works.
I had a grown 35 year old man whine that our straws were too long for our cups.
Put it farther from your face. Jesus.
16. It’s NOT spaghetti.
I once had a guy place his order, and then say “And give me one of those spaghetti appetizers.”
I had been working there for a couple months, and we had no pasta dishes whatsoever on the menu. I politely tried to clarify this, but he wasn’t having it. He just kept getting more irate. He insisted that he eats here all the time, and he always gets the spaghetti appetizer.
Eventually, he gets up from his table, storms over to another one, and points at what he wants on another diner’s table. He was pointing at their coleslaw. And yes, as far as he was concerned, I was still an imbecile for not knowing what he was talking about.
17. Expect the unexpected.
Lady ordered mac and cheese, sent it back because there was cheese.
I asked her. Verbatim “what did you expect?” Apparently she didnt like looking like a moron in front of her peers.
Had a guy send one of our servers to the kitchen about 7 times, which is down the stairs far away from her section, to inquire about the weight of different hamburgers. All of them were the same yet he insisted she go down and check and would watch to make sure she did.
He sends her away to mull it over for a while and you can see him snickering with his two equally stupid-looking sons. Finally the guy decides he wants a 24oz grilled “burger” with nothing else but the patty, no seasoning or anything. Ate a bite, said he didn’t like it and ordered another burger. Tipped a very solid 0% after telling her “itll all be worth it!”
This is why we’re all mildly functioning alcoholics.
19. Shot through the heart.
I used to barista at a caf. I had someone order a 10 shot latte.
I decided I’d make the same thing. I’ve never felt so disgusting in my life. I love coffee…but too much. I was shaking all day.
20. Cold blooded.
I had a woman ask me to microwave a milkshake she ordered.
She claimed she was allergic to cold things. Is this even possible? When I told the management (we’re supposed to tell the managers if anyone has an allergy) we all kind of just sat there for a minute and thought about what was just said, laughed a little, then microwaved her shake.
21. Tough to top.
I worked at a pizza parlor. A lady calls and orders a “small pepperoni pizza with no pepperoni” I clarify and ask her “So just a small cheese?” To which the woman, clearly annoyed by my lack of understanding , says “NO. A small pepperoni with no pepperoni.” I again clarify and ask “You want a pizza with sauce and cheese only?” “Yes.” “Ok so a cheese pizza.” “NO I WANT A SMALL PEPPERONI WITH NO PEPPERONI.”
We made her a cheese pizza.
22. At least he’s not a vampire.
I used to work at Whole Foods as a juicer and this one guy would come in everyday and order 12 ounces of garlic juice to go (which is like 20 dollars btw).
After a couple weeks of seeing him order the same thing I asked him to drink it in front of me because I didn’t believe it was humanly possible to ingest that much garlic. He downed it all in front of me and said this “along with much garlic comes much loneliness” i laughed and he said “no seriously I work from home.”
23. You can’t catch up.
Used to be a waiter. Had a family come in and eat. Little boy eventually orders dessert. Vanilla ice cream and ketchup.
Yes, he put the ketchup on the ice cream. No, I didn’t stick around to watch. I would’ve thrown up.