We’ve compiled the craziest, most absurd, and downright upsetting wedding horror stories. Let’s dive in.
1. Oh. My. God.
I worked the most amazing wedding ever! The marriage didn’t last 6 hours! I was bartending for the reception. Everything seemed pretty typical and standard as guests arrived, drank, and conversed.
Everything was going as per usual for a wedding—until the best man finished his speech and the food began to be served. The groom grabbed the mic after the best man’s toast and wished everyone a great night and a nice meal.
Thats when the outhouse collided with the windmill.
After his well wishes, he asked for the attention of his best man and bride. He told them that he knew they were having sex behind his back for the entirety of the engagement, and that he would be filing for an annulment on Monday. He thanked everyone for coming, and apologized to the father of the bride saying ” I would have called it off weeks ago, but I figured you would be way more pissed at your little princess when you couldn’t get out of the bill for the reception.”
He turned to his wife and said “F*** Y**”, then turned to his best friend and said, “From what I overheard–my d**k is still bigger than yours”
Mic dropped—groom out the door—absolute chaos. Me and my fellow bartender looked on in amazement. We had to go into the kitchen to die of laughter.
Bride ran directly to the bathroom both furious and inconsolable, bridesmaids running after her. Mother, aunts, and about 20 other women tried breaking into the bathroom which she apparently locked herself in. She refused to come out until everyone left.
The best man made a run for the door, only to be followed by his parents who had the most saddening look of disgust on their faces. He made it out the door. He got in a cab with his family. Apparently his mother was crying from the moment he was outed until they left the facility. He was gone with his family in a matter of minutes.
The Brides father went from complete disbelief–anger–rage–tears, all in a matter of minutes. Nobody would say a word to him. Friends tried to approach and he pushed everyone away. He kept his composure better than most would from what I saw and heard. Just kind of faded to the back and tried to apologize as people gathered their things and left. Weeks later I found out that my boss did give him a big break on the bill.
The crowd was like a group of zombies walking out the door. Quiet whispers and shuffling feet–with looks of horror on their faces. I remember one guy started laughing, and his SO hit him with a purse. That place was cleared out in about 15mins. Bride still waited another hour before she thought she could leave and spare further embarrassment.
2. You’re not poor right?
Minister friend did a wedding once where in the vows the woman wouldn’t say “for richer or poorer”. Just kept saying “for richer or richer”. And she wasn’t joking. They didn’t last long.
3. “Better late than never?”
The poor bride was 6 months pregnant at the time of the wedding, puking regularly. The groom was 3 hours late to the ceremony. By hour 2, he hadn’t even picked up his tux. The venue almost cancelled the reception because the groom’s number was the only contact they had and nobody knew what was going on. He finally showed up and everything went as planned, albeit 3 hours later.
4. “Do NOT mess with her”
Slightly off topic but we had about 350 (!) guests for our wedding. Nothing too fancy, but needed a big hall and a decent caterer. Sat down with a guy about a year before who catered for the local Greek church hall, set up a fair price, gave him a $500 deposit and were ready to go. He was a well known guy and had a good rep. He said he’d get the contract together and call back for us to sign.
Caterer does not return calls for 9 months! Right before sending out invitations, he calls back and says that the cost has DOUBLED! He then has the balls to say to my wife, “It’s not like you have a choice at this point.”
My wife, being the feisty Italian/Greek/Hispanic that she is says, “I will have my wedding in my backyard before I ever have you cater my wedding, and you can take that $500 deposit and either donate it to the church, or shove it up your a**!”
He lost a lot of money that day. As luck would have it our first choice had a cancellation THAT DAY and they were desperate to fill it, so we got it basically at cost.
5. That escalated quickly
Event Manager with a caterer. Pregnant maid of honor told the bride’s sister that she’s been having sex with the groom and the baby is his. She was dead sober, which is what made it so odd that it came out like that. Needless to say we got to go home early that night.
6. Someone needs a reality check
The bride had a father who was mortgaging his home to pay for the wedding. She had been given everything as a child and became accustomed to life on a silver platter. She worked for Christian Dior in makeup sales and therefore insisted everything must be designer.
She had a destination wedding that lasted a month at a villa in Italy. More that 50 people flew out and she had designer dresses and accessory for every single planned event for an entire month. There were nonstop events planned. She was the star of everything. Her husband was an afterthought and only beckoned for pictures when her personal photographer reminded her that they should take some together.
The extravagance of the wedding put my estimate at 2 years tops. They made it about two years, pregnancy likely playing a big part in the longevity of the 2 year marriage.
The father of the bride ended up living in the spare room of her condo with her and her new husband because the fathers of the bride had a wife that was not the bride’s mother and the cost of the wedding was so outrageous that they divorced over it. Father of the bride was a sales rep for a medical company, not a millionaire. Bride doesnt care because everything is about her and want she wants regardless of who it harms or affects.
Rule of thumb: the more extravagant the wedding, the more likely they are compensating for a hollow relationship.
7. “I can’t talk to you when you have your pouty face.”
Not a wedding planner, but…The night before our wedding, my husband and I were staying at the hotel we would be getting married at the next day. Another couple had gotten married there that night and our room happened to be right next to theirs. The couple had decided to continue the party in their room – blasting music, screaming at their friends from the balcony, and generally making so much noise at such a late time that we called the front desk.
The next night, our own wedding was done. We were hanging out in our room, gorging on leftover cupcakes, and getting ready to go to bed. The couple next to us, it turns out, had decided to stay an extra night. But this time they were screaming at each other. We couldn’t figure out what exactly was going on, but we clearly heard the woman yell, “I can’t talk to you when you have your pouty face.”
Three years later we still use that on each other and it instantly diffuses any argument. I often wonder what happened to them.
8. The real winner
My sister-in-law. She announced in front of everyone how her wedding was blessed by God and mine wasn’t because she was married in a Church and I had a civil ceremony. 7 years later and I’m the only one still married.
9. ‘Tonight, we will do it MY WAY, wifey!!!’
Years ago I was a waitress at a fancy restaurant where we regularly had weddings.
One night we had this massive wedding party. His side were one of those families with loads of money but not an ounce of class. Just rowdy, loud and incredibly rude, making sure to let everyone know how rich they were. She was a quiet, shy girl with a small family full of boring mousy types. As the night progressed his family just got drunker and louder as hers hid in the corners, visibly annoyed.
At one stage the groom grabbed the microphone, and did a heavily intoxicated version of Frank Sinatras ‘My Way’ whilst his whole family cheered him on. Afterwards he turned to his bride and slurred over the speakers: ‘Tonight, we will do it MY WAY, wifey!!!’ and then proceeded to make doggy style thrusting gestures.
The bride flushed bright red, got up and walked out, her mum on her heels. She didn’t come back. The groom stayed and got so trashed his disgusting family had to carry him out at the end of the night.
It was spectacular. They didn’t last long.
10. Groomzillas exist!
This is a small example, but one time a couple was getting married at a resort. It was 1-2 days before the wedding, and the forecast was saying rain and lightning storms. They had an outdoor garden wedding planned, which will obviously not work out in a lightning storm. So, as most venues do, if it’s an outdoor wedding, there’s a back up plan in case it rains. The bride was totally cool with it. The groom, on the other hand, was acting like a total fartnugget. “I don’t want to get married inside!” Well, guess what, you’re getting married tomorrow. We’re not refunding you at this point nor are we going to ask the rain to stop raining.
Most of the time when a bride was a handful, the groom was as well; so they were like a match made in heaven. This, though, was an example of a bride who was super nice and receptive to things, while her grown husband is sitting there throwing a tantrum about rain.
11. “Do them over…NOW!”
Had a wedding I coordinated where the bride literally went from this sweet, kind and very fun person, to a meltdown-laden bridezilla. It was bad. I knew it wasn’t going last the moment she arrived at the venue. She tore up the guest list, and was furious at the groom because his family, most of them either elderly and disabled, weren’t at the ceremony yet (they were 5 minutes late, and parking was awful). So she decided to start the ceremony even though they weren’t there yet. The groom had zero say as he was a really quiet guy. During the bridal procession down the aisle, people kept arriving and having to walk down the aisle to get to their seats. She insulted each member of his family as they would enter the venue.
Then, during the actual vows, the groom was so terrified, he literally couldn’t look at her. Instead, he did his vows while looking at the minister. She grabbed his face mid-vows, pointed his face to hers, then said “Do them over…NOW!”. Probably the most cringe-worthy moment I’ve ever seen in my entire career. The guests tried to laugh it off, but we all felt bad for him.
The icing on the cake was during the toast. She decided to talk about his mom…then passive-aggressively insult her… then completely insult the crowd… then her new husband (yes, she was sober). After the dinner, about 75% of the guests just up and left. I knew, this one wouldn’t last. And it didn’t. They divorced a few weeks later. How do I know? She stiffed me on payment and kept blaming her now-ex-husband for not having any money and everything that went wrong in their marriage.
12. “An unwillingness to compromise”
I had a wedding couple come to see me by appointment to plan the music for their church wedding ceremony. They each brought their respective mothers to the planning session.
Right out of the gate, they started arguing over choices for the Processional. The groom-to-be wanted something to show off the full organ whereas the bride-to-be wanted something smaller scaled and gentle. There was no middle ground, no matter what organ pieces I showed them.
Then, of course, their mothers took sides and further intensified their bickering, even though I asked them politely to let the couple choose their own selections.
In the end, it really wasn’t about the choice of music. It was about a fundamental crack in the foundation of their soon-to-be marriage: an unwillingness to compromise or to even hear what the other was attempting to convey.
Sadly, their marriage ended in divorce in less than 2 years. How they made it that long I’ll never know.
Not a wedding planner, but I was dating a girl that was a bridesmaid for her friend’s wedding and I called the groom’s infidelity to within a week.
The ceremony didn’t focus much on the bride, moreso the groom and his church buddies. I only had dinner with him once and took an instant hatred to him which is surprisingly rare for me. He was one of those frat partyboy name-dropper one-upper types that’s miserable to have to listen to but is super content talking nonstop.
After an hour of Jesus Jesus Fellowship Jesus, I told my girlfriend that I give it six months. Almost six months to the day he calls the bride from a different city/state, admits he cheated, and has his parents go get his stuff from their house. Classy gent.
14. Leave the dog out of this!
Was a groomsman in a friend’s wedding about 8 years ago. He was in the army and had a Chaplin he was friends with officiate it. So we are all standing there listening trying to act like we are paying attention. The Chaplin is going on about “Couples today sometimes get married for the wrong reason. They don’t know each other well enough, don’t think things through, or rush into something they aren’t ready for.” So then he’s silent for a moment and they starts the vows. We were all in shock. The parents on both sides were furious.
They lasted about 8 months. He was a reservist and got deployed out (was a cop when home) and she started sleeping with his patrol partner, like two days after he left. He got an email from her saying it was over, she wasn’t happy, that she hated his husky and had tied her up and left the house a week ago. We all rushed over there as soon as he let some of us know. She was half starved but okay after some food water and a rush to the vet.
15. Subtle signs
I catered weddings for several years, and the subtle sign I always paid attention to was how closely the bride and groom sat next to each other during the speeches, dinner, etc.
The happy couples were always right on top of each other, sharing food, laughing, and just generally chatting. They were in their own world, while the rest of the wedding went on around them.
Other times, the two would be practically on the other side of the table from one another. The groom would spend the whole meal turned away chatting with his groomsmen, while the bride looked the other way staring into space.
Families can be jerks, people get drunk, and nightmares happen, especially as the night progresses, but if you don’t care enough to appreciate the presence of your spouse the very first time you sit down next to them, you have no chance once the real world takes over.
16. Who’s laughing now?
We had friends taking bets at our wedding on how long we were going to last. Most of them confessed they bet six months. I couldn’t really blame them, we were together less than a year, just turned 18 and both going into the military.
Worked out though. Celebrating 11 years next month. If only we got all those bets in writing, we’d be rich!