As we develop as a race, human beings have become a lot more sensitive to communication and psychology. According to one expert, there are a few things you should avoid saying to your kids in order to manipulate them into becoming valued, happy members of society.
Becoming a parent is one of the wildest and most taxing things that almost anyone can just go right ahead and do without anyone’s permission. This means that a lot of people have kids without any real knowledge of how to bring them up.
But, thankfully, for anyone interested in researching, there is a wealth of information out there. Experts have done all sorts of studies into how to bring up children ‘the right way.’ According to child psychologist Reem Raouda, there are a few phrases you should avoid saying to your kid between their twice-daily beatings.
Kind Words And Positive Reinforcement
There are certain phrases people use with kids that have been in our vocabulary for ages. Taking something like “because I say so,” for example, is a go-to phrase for most parents and kids. But, according to Raouda, that’s a no-go.
“‘Because I said so’ shuts down communication and teaches blind obedience,” she tells the NY Post. Instead, explaining the reasoning behind the decision and encouraging understanding is much better. But, kids in the US recite the Pledge of Allegiance every morning in school. Blind obedience is already pretty drilled in.
Furthermore, reprimanding a kid by saying, “If you don’t listen, you’ll lose a certain privilege” is another toxic phrase used by parents. Instead, it should be phrased that when they’re ready to do something, they can do a preferred activity.
It’s a simple case of positive reinforcement. The agency becomes the kids, with the option of a reward at the end. When you stop trying to put your sister in the oven, you can come down from the attic. Simple, really.
Another phrase, that has been considered toxic for kids and parents for a long time, is the dismissal of negative emotions. Whether it’s pain, sadness, or frustration, telling a child to shut up because they’re fine isn’t conducive to healthy development.
“Dismissing a child’s emotions teaches them that their feelings are wrong or too much to handle. Emotional invalidation leads to disconnection, and disconnected kids don’t cooperate,” our expert states. Instead, a parent should listen and try to help the child work through whatever it is they’re sad about.
However, if you bring your screaming child anywhere near me, I will not feel the need to be the responsible, understanding, 21st-century parent you do.