It seems like it always the moments that people least expect that things go terribly wrong. Even though, there are situations that scream "Red Flag." Like who knew hardcore parkour could end someone up in the hospital? These people share the dumbest reason they’ve ever been injured. Content has been edited for clarity purposes.
Pet Owner Problems
“About a year and a half ago, I moved into my first apartment with a high school buddy. While we were there, we got a cat. And the whole time we were there, I maybe saw 10 fleas on him. I had sprayed the store-bought flea spray on him and gave him a bath, which made the flea problem go away. Everything was fine until I moved back into my parents’ house. I brought the cat with me, and the fleas took over. They were in just about every room of the house but they were the worst in my room because that was where the cat spent most of his time at. I would dread walking across my room because I would literally get like 10 fleas or more on me at a time.
Then one day I got bit by a flea on my leg, and I decided it was time to retaliate. I was gonna grab that flea between my two fingers and smash it between my fingers like the sick parasite it was. I flung my leg up with all the force I had up towards my hand, which in hindsight was a really stupid idea. My leg never made it to my hand. You see I work in IT, and when you work in IT you accumulate a bunch of old computer parts. It just happens, I don’t know where half the stuff I got came from. It just so happens a computer case with a nice sharp metal piece sticking out the back was right in the path of my ankle.
I smacked my ankle and thought, ‘Ow! Ok, that hurts! Walk it off!’
But when I put my foot down, I immediately felt a wet and sticky sensation under my foot. I looked down to see blood gushing from a huge gash in my ankle that went down to the bone. I knew I had to stop the blood flow, but the problem was, all I had was napkins and duct tape. And they were on the other side of my room, and I wasn’t trying to brag but my room is not small. I hurriedly limped to the other side of my room, leaving literal puddles of blood behind me. After what felt like an eternity, I finally made it and smashed paper towels on the wound, and wrapped it up with duct tape.
I then mopped up my own blood and went to bed in shame because this all happened at two in the morning. The next day I went to the doctor and got five stitches put in my foot. It was the absolute oddest wound I’ve ever had to deal with healing. My shoe would rub on it so I had a limp while I had shoes on but I had walked just fine without them. Also for those wondering about the fleas, I got some anti flea drops from my vet that killed the fleas on my cat and kept them off, while I used flea spray to kill the remaining fleas in the house.
To this day, this is the only time I’ve ever had to get stitches.”
What Not To Do During A Typhoon 101
“I was a marine in Okinawa, during the typhoons. We were locked in our barracks (think of really small apartments) for days on end often without power, so we were all bored to death. Our hallways were long and straight with a fire escape on both ends, so in all our collective brainpower we thought it would be fun to grab a longboard and strap a tarp to our ankles and wrists which made a weird kite. Then, have both fires escapes open at the same time which created a powerful typhoon-powered wind tunnel.
I was launched down the hall with such immense speed that I lost control and hit the corner of a wall. I broke a bone in my hand in the process. It took another guy getting hurt before we decided hallway typhoon parasailing was a bad idea. Our first sergeant was less than happy to see two typical marine shenanigan related injuries when we returned to work. It was worth the extra duty we were given. And that’s why safety briefs nowadays sometimes mention not going hallway parasailing.”
The Mishaps Of A Mechanic
“I once inflated the tip of my left index finger. I was working as a mechanic at a truck stop. The injury resulted from two consecutive repair jobs.
First, I was troubleshooting some trailer lights. I was using a test light with a sharp probe end to poke through the wire insulation to check for voltage. I slipped while trying to poke through a wire and instead I poked the right side of the tip of my left index finger, which I was using to hold the wire. Poked all the way through the skin. These things happen, so I thought nothing of it.
Next, I had to replace a tire. I jacked up the truck, unbolted the wheel, deflated the tire, removed the old tire, replaced the valve stem, installed the new tire, and rolled the assembly into the tire inflation cage. Then I removed the valve core from the new valve stem. I always did this to allow the tire to inflate faster. I clipped the air hose onto the valve stem and turned the air valve and waited for the tire to inflate to 100 pounds per square inch (psi). Once the tire was inflated, the fun began.
My usual procedure was to unclip the air hose and quickly install the valve core while 100 psi air was rushing out of the valve stem. To do this, I would hold the valve core between my left index finger and thumb, while holding and turning the valve core installation tool with my right hand. The recently poked hole in my left index finger happened to align perfectly with the stream of 100psi air rushing out of the valve stem. The tip of my finger inflated, and oddly enough, the wound functioned like a one-way valve. The air didn’t come out. I even went and got my test light and poked it some more to try to deflate my finger. Didn’t work. It did deflate on its own though after about an hour.”
Lesson Learned: No Drinking And Cycling
“This was a few years ago. My friends and I would always go clubbing on the weekends. This night I was pretty hammered, nothing unusual.
It was the end of the night and all the clubs were closing so we decided to go home. We always took the bicycle to go to the city because we lived in a town. It only took about half an hour. We were cycling back home and when we were almost home, like literally a street away, I naturally decided and try to race everyone. Well, this didn’t go too well. The road was cracked and while I was cycling as my life depended on it, I lost control and crashed face forward on the road.
My chin, lips, and the left part of my face were grazed like crazy. Both of my hands were not looking too great either. When I stood up, I was in shock not knowing what happened, I didn’t feel much pain, just stung a bit. My friends told me that I had to get home fast.
Luckily, I was almost home so when I got home to see how bad it was in the bathroom, I realized how bad it actually was. I woke up my parents and we immediately went to the hospital to check if everything was alright.
Yeah, no, it wasn’t alright. I broke my jaw and had to go eight weeks with four pins and an elastic band in my mouth to correct it. I couldn’t eat for two weeks so everything edible had to go through the blender. Let me tell you, carpaccio through a blender is not something you wanna try.
To this day my jaw still hurts sometimes so I don’t think it grew back correctly. Yeah, I’m way more careful when cycling especially when I’ve had something to drink.”
“They Had To Break The Bone Again”
“I was 18, just moved back to Florida after graduating high school in Iowa. I went running full-speed out of this parking lot to this park in my friend’s neighborhood that we were all playing ‘zombie’ in so I could answer a phone call from my girlfriend in Iowa when I suddenly tripped over this black chain (it was night time too) across the entrance to the park.
In a split second, I was able to get my iPhone into the grass so I wouldn’t damage it but landed on my elbow and fractured my olecranon (bone in your elbow that holds your tricep in place). I screamed so loud in agony that I think everyone literally thought I was gonna die. Yet strange how the Home Owner Association neighbors who put the chain up in the first place didn’t even come out of their homes to see what was going on.
Anyways, long story short, I went two years without getting it checked out and without being able to use my tricep in my right arm because I wasn’t sure if I had insurance or Medicare or not. Once I got a solid full-time job with great benefits, I went to get it checked out. They had to break the bone again (cause it healed wrong), and reattach the tricep. I went through a month of horrendous healing and two months of brutal physical therapy. Oh, and that girlfriend of mine cheated on me a month after that incident happened so there was that too. Good thing though, I got married almost two years later to the love of my life.”
They Decided To Fish One Mean Ol’ Creature
“The first one, I was with a friend at the beach and we decided to fish. Normally, you would fish small fishes and the likes, right? No. We specifically tried to capture a moray. For those who don’t know what a moray is, imagine an eel, but with sharp teeth and a lot of hate for every living being near them. And tastes really good.
Anyway, one took the bait, but we didn’t think that far, and we had to get it out of the water somehow. And an angry moray isn’t fun to be around. So I did the only thing I could come up with: try and take it with my hands. Do not try it, please. The little fishy got my middle finger (in both ways) and almost cut it. I had to get a couple of stitches to keep it closed, all while laughing like an idiot. Then the effect of the adrenaline ended, and I didn’t laugh as much. And that was the story of how I can give a more interesting middle finger to someone.
The other story is actually about my brother’s scar. We were like 10 and 12-year-olds, and we were having a barbecue and we brought some marshmallows. I cooked mine and turned around to go somewhere peaceful to eat it, and accidentally hit my little brother with an half-fused marshmallow in the shoulder. He still has a weird scar in the same exact spot, and I always bring that up when we eat marshmallows.”
He Googled What Was Wrong With Her
“So this was a few years ago, but my wife and I were about to enjoy some late-night festivities to celebrate my birthday while camping in an RV. As she was getting into position on top, she drilled the back of her head on the slide out’s ceiling and immediately passed out. I had to quickly catch her limp body and began to roll us over to check her out. She eventually woke up laughing hysterically and was embarrassed.
So after a couple of minutes of her non-stop laughter, I told her that she needed to get dressed so we could get this concussion checked out (my wife is usually pretty serious and doesn’t laugh too much). She refused, turned her laugh down to just a giggle, and said that she wanted to try again with the fun times.
I thought, What?! No!
I insisted that she goes to the hospital and I picked up her clothes to help her start getting dressed. She took off running and laughing like crazy again. I chased her down, but she refused and resisted getting dressed while saying that she didn’t want to ruin the moment. So I tried to calmly explain that the moment passed out when she did and that now I was just really worried about her.
Anyway, after much debate and some Google searches, we finally came to an agreement that we would sit together for the next four hours to see how she recovered from the concussion. She was ultimately fine, but now when she’s in a bad mood I make a joke that she could just cheer herself up with a quick concussion, which always makes her laugh.”
Her Classmates Thought She Was A Goner
“In fifth grade, I gave my friend a piggyback ride. The wood chips were wet on the playground and I lost my footing and fell. I was laying on the ground and couldn’t get up. As a teacher started to come over, my friend was freaking out telling me to ‘get up’ so we wouldn’t get yelled at. I couldn’t move though.
Luckily, it was the gym teacher who came over and immediately recognized I had dislocated my hip. It was surprisingly not painful at the time and I had to be taken to the hospital. They knocked me out and dealt with my leg (it had popped out, then back in 90 degrees off so my knee was pointing at my other leg). I was told several times that I was the youngest person they had seen dislocate their hip by like 40 years.
Also found out later that my whole class saw me get loaded into the ambulance as it had windows toward the front of the school and my teacher had to spend a bit of time convincing them I hadn’t died. My dad actually had to go to the classroom and explain because they had a hard time convincing my classmates.”
Hardcore Parkour Gone Wrong
“It was about a year ago almost exactly. I left the bar I was drinking at and was about a two-block walk from my apartment. Instead of going straight home, I decided to do some ‘hard-core parkour’ or something like that. I was jumping between these concrete decoration posts with these wide bases you could land on. Instead of quitting while I was ahead, on the last jump, I didn’t quite make it all the way and I went face-first into the sidewalk below. To save my face and brain, I put out my arms to brace myself.
I hyperextended my right elbow and broke two bones on the inside of it, broke the base of my right thumb, and severely sprained my wrist. On the left, I broke the inside of my wrist near the thumb, and also severely sprained the wrist as well. To top it off, I smacked the heck out of my head on the ground, gave myself a nice headache for few hours, and what I assume was a moderate concussion. My head was bleeding, I just assumed my brain wasn’t, so I wasn’t concerned. Performed that beautiful display of athleticism right in front of the bar.
I picked myself up where my blood and dignity were left lying on the sidewalk and limped home with my right arm clutched to me at a 90-degree angle. By the time I got inside my apartment, I realized I was in the worst pain of my entire life and couldn’t drive or barely move anything without hurting. Using my phone was some a mockery even too, but I eventually got ahold of a friend who could give me a ride after they opened the place they worked at.
Perfect, now all I had to do was sit on the couch for nine to ten hours without any painkillers or nada until my friend came and took me to Urgency Care (because I was cheap/broke and didn’t want to pay for the emergency room). They gave me a Tylenol 500 milligrams prescription and said I had sprained wrists and maybe a fractured elbow. Sweet. Ended up getting surgery a week later on my right thumb, and was in two wrist braces and a sling for months.
The moral of the story, parkour is for people who don’t like their bones (I don’t actually do parkour, I was blasted), and I learned I had to quit drinking. I’ve quit off and on. On my way to sobriety. Good lesson. Stupid, stupid injury.”
Everyday Was Bad Hair Day,
“I had a friend’s older brother decide to chase us around the outside of the house with a BB weapon, shooting at us. He missed every shot but one – to the top back of my head. It hurt a bit at first, but mostly it bled like crazy. Once the bleeding stopped I didn’t think much about it until several days later. When I was laying in bed and folded my hands under my head, I felt a hard little bump – the BB had gone up under the skin. This was the first time anyone had felt around up there. I just had a little wound that would’ve healed on its own from the BB itself, but after having it cut out I got six stitches and my hair has never laid right in that spot since.”
What’s That Smell?
“When I was a teen, I went to put a log in the fireplace. My hand went into the flame and I almost burned it. I held my hand up above me, thinking how lucky I pulled it back so quickly. Oh, wait, what’s that smell? Oh, it’s my flesh.
My arm was touching the hot metal on the inside of the fireplace and I ended up cooking part of my arm.
The even stupider part of this was that I just went back to watching tv and didn’t do any basic first aid to it. It wasn’t until about two and a half hours later that I even thought to approach my parents about my now irritated arm. I stood there and waited until they finished their conversation which was about 30 minutes.
Dad: ‘Did you need something?’
Me: ‘Yeah. Where’s our first aid kit? I need an ice pack.’
Mom and dad: ‘Why?’
Me: ‘I burned my arm.’
Me: ‘About three hours ago.’
Dad: ‘Why didn’t you say anything?!’
Me: ‘It didn’t hurt then?’
“When I was five years old, I shaved my tongue.
I had lines on my tongue I thought were from buildup from not burnishing my tongue very well, and I guess I thought the lines were hair? So I took my dad’s razor and just did a quick swipe down my tongue (starting as far back as I could) and just remember watching my tongue immediately start seeping blood and then the pain set in. I remember running to my mom (perfect timing) who had guests over.
I just cried, ‘Daved my tong!’ while blood poured out of my mouth.
I remember not being able taste anything for a long time, but in reality was probably only a week or two. I was not a bright kid.”
Maybe Sword Fighting Wasn’t A Good Idea?
“A couple of my friends and I were drinking (how any good story should start). Well, I really wanted to do some sword-clashed a la anime style. But with woods of course and see if I could overpower my friends with a weapon.
I used my pine long sword I made as a kid and my friend used a finished bokken we bought at a convention (like a real one supposedly used for real training). Well, my friend didn’t like the idea, thinking he would get injured but I promised him no matter how wasted I am that I can maintain a solid sober focused state. This is true, I have been completely blazed yet no one around could tell and I have done several things that required precision while wasted with no effort. (Thank you, Irish Heritage).
Well, we clashed once but he really was not into it.
I was like, ‘Come on dude, really put your full effort into it.’
Again, I easily overpowered him. So I continued to goad. Well, he finally took a real swing and I managed to overpower him again. I was kinda disappointed. He was about the same size as me but I guess I had a weight advantage or something because he really didn’t have any power behind them.
I said, ‘Do your best to break my sword. I really want you to just go for it.’
Well, this time his sword broke. My little pine sword from high school snapped his clean in two. The problem was, he wasn’t swinging away from me as I had asked but towards me. We were supposed to be swinging at each other’s weapons, not at the person to avoid injury.
Well, the piece that broke smacked me right in my head. I managed to tilt my head a little on impact to lessen it but it still hurt. I cussed and put my hand up to the area it hit. It didn’t honestly hurt that bad so I thought it was simply a little bump or bruise.
After a second, I pulled my hand back and it was covered in blood down past my elbow. An absolutely worrying amount of blood, so I calmly went inside while keeping pressure.
Basically, the corner of the woodcut me just below my eyeball right down to my bone. Head injuries bleed like a stuffed pig.
I didn’t want to pay for an ambulance (In America and I was a broken college student) but the injury absolutely needed stitches. So in my semi-wasted and blood loss state, I figured walking to the hospital was the best idea. Keep in mind, it was three in the morning and the walk was five miles. No it wasn’t a good idea, but I didn’t have a car. No one else there did either.
So my other friend there walked with me (while the one that injured me decided he would rather not walk that much and went to sleep). We made it to the Walmart about three blocks from the hospital. We stopped there cause I was thirsty. The staff wouldn’t let me leave and called an ambulance to pick me up (despite my protests). I think I got eight stitches in an ‘L’ pattern right above my eye.
I have been injured a lot over the years. But that one definitely takes the cake as the dumbest.
Next time, I’ll wear eye goggles.”