_It can be hard to find alone time when you've got a couple rascals running around, and despite people's best efforts to protect them from seeing something they shouldn't, kids will sometimes manage to burst in at the most inopportune times. _
Parents of Reddit were asked: "What is the worst thing your child has caught you doing?" These are some of the best answers. Check them out! A source to even more can be found on the last page.
“One day, son…”
Once when I was in the shower my four-year-old yanked the curtain open and asked me why I had hair on my junk.
When I tried to tell him that I don’t have jun because I’m female he asked me if it was my butt. Try explaining that girls don’t have front butts or junk while standing naked in the shower with the door wide open. Finally, I just told him he’d have hair on his butt one day and he cried and ran away.
I’m a single mom and when my son was four or so, he walked in on my changing and asked me why my chest was so much bigger than his. He said he didn’t realize that it was actually my body that was big in my shirt, he thought it was just a type of shirt girls wear.
Fast forward a few weeks, I guess he had been talking about this in his pre- kindergarten. The teacher emailed me about it and I said I would talk to him about it. He came home and I started talking about what was okay to say in school and what wasn’t and he says “But mom, they didn’t believe me when I said that boys have nipples and girls have boobs!”
Scarred for life.
My bed faces the door. It’s like 3:00 in the morning, think the kids are passed out. Too stupid/lazy/trusting to close the door so I instead reverse cowgirl-it so I can watch the door. Few minutes in, I lock eyes with my son. I’ll never forget his expression. The next day, he ask for me not to be naked in my bed anymore. Okay, son. Sorry.
The ol’ tickle fight excuse.
I think my son was about 6 when I had my lady friend over one night. Being fairly un-wealthy, I had a one bedroom apartment and my son’s bed was tucked away in the living room behind a couch, a mere 12ft from my bedroom door. Cue loud moaning from the very enthusiastic lady friend. The next morning my son asked why she had made a weird noise. I said she was trying to stop me from tickling her. Poor excuse, but I think he bought it.
Lesson learned, I hope.
My husband was acting like an idiot while he changed after work, he doesn’t wear boxers under his uniform so there he was flailing his dong around like an idiot. Right as he started to helicopter it, noises included, my five year old woke up and barged into out room. There he stood with his butt pressed to out wall holding his boxers in front of him telling her to get out. I was no help for about a minute as I was just giggling.
It’s not a game!
Recently divorced, my girls were about 7 and 5. I was laying on the couch when my 5-year-old brings me my big old vibrator she found under my bed. “Mommy, what is this?”
I jump up and grab it from her and take off upstairs to hide it when my 7-year-old is hot on my heels: “Mommy what was it, tell me!” I walk out of the room and I hear my 7-year-old grilling my 5-year-old, “Describe it!”, she said. My 5 year old says, “I don’t know, it was some game and it shook like this (starts shaking.”
Would have loved to have heard what they told their dad.
Disaster after disaster.
One night my wife and I were going at it pretty hard after the kids went to sleep. We were both just totally caught up in the moment. It was exactly at that moment that I hear “What are you doing? Why don’t you have any clothes on, Daddy?” I look over and find myself face to face with my 3 year old daughter. I tell her that I am looking for my clothes. Trying desperately to distract her I ask her why she is out of bed. Her reply: “Mommy’s breathing woke me up. Is she sick?”
So yeah, top that.
My 4-year-old boy walked in on his father and I in a position….I saw the door open over his shoulder and heard the little voice say, “Mommy?” My husband had gouge marks on his back for two weeks from the panicked reflex I had to save my son from this life-altering sight of his parents. Alas.
An…odd game of Hide ‘N Seek.
We sleep in the same room as our kid (still co-sleeping, she’s 2.5). Sometimes we don’t get a time to ourselves in a week, and urges happen. One night we rolled her from our shared King bed to her twin (next to the king) and hubby starts going to down on me. We’re insanely quiet. She starts to wake up, then pops up. Sees me.
“Hi baby. It’s okay I’m still here. Go back to sleep.” “Where’s daddy?” I try to explain, but after a few moments from under the blanket “I’m here.” Fortunately she plays tent/hide with the blanket often enough she laughed and thought that’s what we were doing, but it was awkward for us.
‘How Daddy does it’.
Peeing in the backyard. No big deal as a man, right?… Until you walk by a back window a few days later and see your 3-year-old daughter squatting in the yard because “that’s how Daddy does it”. Mom was not impressed.
This is so sad 🙁
My six year old heard me tell my boyfriend that I didn’t ever want a girl, I wanted a boy, and that I cried when I got the ultrasound revealing her gender. She came out of her room in absolute tears. I felt awful and reassured her that I am, in fact, incredibly happy that I have a daughter as wonderful as her.
Smoking. I normally smoke outside and away from the house a bit. He’s caught me a few times, and every time I have this moral dilemma where I feel I should quit on the spot.
No time for a wrestling match.
One of my kids walked in on me and my wife with our girlfriend. Incidentally, the “we were just wrestling” line becomes a lot more probable when a third participant is involved.
I didn’t know you were there!
About an hour ago, I walked into the apartment and addressed my wife with, “There’s my naughty girl.” and a slap on the butt. Two seconds later, our six-year-old son walked out of his bedroom and said, “Hey, Dada.”
He’s also found ‘toys’ on several occasions.
No, please no.
My two boys had just come home from elementary school lecture and I was working in our garage. They climbed up in the rafters where they had their “fort” while I worked below and asked me if I would answer some additional questions for them about the things they had talked about at school. Believing myself to have conquered most all of my hang-ups, I said sure. My youngest boy asked me what discharge tasted like. I asked him what his tears/blood tasted like. He said salty and I said that the same was true for discharge. He thought about it for a while and then asked, “How doyou know, dad?
Apparently, my three-year-old woke up the other night without my hubby and I knowing. We were in the middle of doing the deed and she watched from the door without making a peep. She watches us and then sneaks back into her room, closes the door and goes to sleep. Something she has NEVER done.
The next morning we are eating breakfast together and she says out of nowhere” mommy why was daddy dancing on your butt last night?” I literally choked on my coffee and said “WHAT are you talking about” and then she proceeded to tell me how last night she woke up and saw daddy dancing on my butt. My hubby could not lift his head out of embarrassment and left me to answer her question. The only thing I could think to say was we were having a dance competition.
“Those are mine!”
My son has Crohn’s Disease and when he was diagnosed at 6, he had a lot of trouble with an abscess, for which he needed minor surgery. So, after the surgery, he was left with a wick in place (on his butt) to help the abscess drain. Anyone who has ever been through this knows its common for people to wear a pad or panty liner during the draining phase, for convenience. So, my little then-7-year-old would go happily off to school with a secret backpack pocket full of panty liners, in case he needed them. Predictably, being 7 and being male, he thought this was the _only _use for panty liners.
Cut to a few months later, I am alone in the bathroom and starting to suspect its about to be that time of the month. My son ended up walking right in just as I was affixing a panty liner in place. I cannot accurately describe the look of shock and confusion on his little face. He looked right at me and yelled, “Mom! I see you with my butt things! Take that off! Those are mine!”
He’s come to be convinced I had secret butt surgery and didn’t tell anyone.
I don’t think so, son.
My wife and I were fooling around and, being responsible adults, I assumed I had locked the door to our room after putting the kids to sleep when suddenly our 7 year old son wanders in and he says “Mom? Agh! Oh, ummm…”
We quickly attempt to cover up while he throws his hands over his face in an attempt to unsee the terrible things except he leaves his fingers spread apart and puts his hands near his forehead, his body frozen in place in horror. I start laughing, mostly due to embarrassment and his ineffective attempt to hide. My wife takes him to his room and talks to him, asking if he has any questions. All he could come up with was, “Does this mean I am going to have another sister?”
When I was 7~ years old, I was sleeping over at my friend’s place, and I walked in on his mom in the shower and felt embarrassed because I walked in on her naked.
I can’t imagine how embarrassed she must have felt.. now 14 years later, I still can’t look her in the eye!
My almost 13-year-old son just burst into my room the other day while I was getting dressed. I realize this isn’t as bad as catching your parents going to town but I’m pretty sure seeing his mother in all her naked glory and being at the age of knowing exactly what he’s seeing just traumatized the living crap out of him. His total embarrassment and refusal to acknowledge the situation amuses me greatly.
Christmas is ruined.
When I was younger, I was laying in bed on Christmas eve and I thought I heard Santa Claus in my living room! So, of course, I sneak down the stairs in hopes to catch a glimpse of Santa, but instead, I just found my parents fooling around on the couch.
I saw my dad in the shower once when I was like three or four. I asked him how many of “those” (pointing at his testicles) he had, and he said, “Five. You grow more as you get older.”
I believed that until I was like 11. I got worried once because I still only had two. I used to ask my friends how many they had.
Just following orders.
My wife explained the birds and the bees to my mortified 9-year-old daughter. The next day she asked me “Did you and mommy do that so I would be born?” Looking down at my sweet daughter, I had to soften the blow. I couldn’t destroy her little world with the knowledge that daddy had willingly done these disgusting things to her mother. So I said the first thing that came to my mind: “Mommy made me do it.”
There’s something going on here…
Our four-year-old walked in right in the middle of some early-morning alone time. We thought he was asleep and forgot to lock the door. We covered up fast, but then it took forever to convince him to leave. He knew something was going on and was determined to figure out what it was.
My girlfriend and I were doing the deed one night after our three-year-old went to bed. We had had some wine and must have just passed out after we were finished and forgot to “clean up”.
Next morning, we wake up to a ‘toy’ slowly rising like the sun over the edge of the bed held by a tiny three-year-old hand. As his face rose up, his extended arm holding the toy high above his head, he grinned and said in a sing-song, overly-cheery tone, “Raise your hand if this is yours….!!!”
My girlfriend quickly grabbed it out of his hand and yelled in his face: “THAT’S MOMMY’S SPECIAL MICROPHONE!”
Not to be imitated.
Probably not the worst thing, but sort of related. She saw me peeing once. As a Dad no big deal. Explain it, move on. She tried it recently with predictable results. The mats needed a cleaning anyway.
I took video of a chick going to town on me and my 12-year-old daughter snooped through my phone and found it. It was pretty bad. She told my ex-wife and I had to hear about it from her too.
When it’s exactly what it looks like.
My three-year-old daughter’s frog dies. I am trying to shake his sticky dead body from the cardboard box he’s on. As I’m in front of trash can in the garage desperately trying to get the frog to go in, she shows up and scares me with, “Mommy, why are you throwing my froggy in the garbage?!” Yes, I said so he could catch more bugs. Wow, did I ever feel awful.
Probably not raccoons, in hindsight.
When I was younger, during the summers we would go on vacations to Pennsylvania. We had a place in a trailer park. It wasn’t one of those run down, lame places. It was a recreational area where everyone goes to enjoy. So one night, it was me and my sisters. I was probably 8 or so at the time and my two younger sisters were 4 and 6. We felt the trailer rocking. The trailer had its own bedroom where my parents slept. We were all scared since we didn’t know what was going on. The next morning I asked my mom about it. She told me sometimes groups of raccoons will come and shake the trailer… back then it was good enough for me. After a few years, I thought about it and yeah… I don’t think it was a gang of raccoons.
This one’s pretty cute.
My two-year-old daughter walked in on me putting a sanitary napkin on my underwear and asked if that was my Pamper. So I went along with it and said it was. Later on that week, I took her grocery shopping with me. We were walking down the isle when she pointed to the feminine products and yelled, “Look! Mommy’s Pampers!” People stared and some of them laughed.
Those don’t look like kittens…
While I am old enough to have graduated college and own a house, my sister is not even in grade school yet. I was showing her pictures of the kittens my girlfriend and I just got. When she swiped one picture further than she should have and immediately got the nude selfie I sent my girlfriend a week ago. I got it off the screen, but the damage had been done. “Why were you naked in that picture?” Ugh.
I was sleepwalking and my four-year-old found me stabbing my dog with a knife.
I have to get my girlfriend to lock me in the basement at night. The doctor is unsure why I become so violent during my sleepwalking episodes, or how I always sleep so deeply.
It’s always important to knock!
Went to my mom’s room to ask if I could get a snack. Opened the door to find her on her knees between my step-father’s legs. Something told me I walked in on something I shouldn’t have seen so I just backed out and left. They kept eye-contact without saying a word to me the whole time. They looked even more shocked, if anything. Later my mom came and found me and told me she was checking for a rash on his thigh. Few years later I learned what they were really doing and wow, I can’t go downstairs for another hour now because I’m having flashbacks all over again.
The first time is always memorable.
It probably doesn’t sound like a big deal, but early on in my dad’s chemotherapy treatment I got home early and came across him sitting in the bathtub with the door wide open. I’d never seen my dad taking a bath before and I felt pretty bad about catching him in such a vulnerable position.
When my daughter was about 11, she was looking through my unlocked phone while I was in the bathroom. I had texted my cousin all kinds of nasty things that I wanted to do to Gwen Stefani and Katy Perry. I walked out of the bathroom and she had put the phone down before I entered the room. Later on that night she said she saw those gross things I’d texted to my cousin and I almost fainted. Of course I know I should’ve locked my phone but I didn’t think she was going to go through it! My phones have been locked ever since. Very embarrassing story.
Bedtimes exist for a reason!
Our six-year-old heard my wife and I going at it after her bedtime, even though we took measures to prevent sound from making it to her room (multiple closed doors between us and her, and trying to keep it quiet). The next day she said that she’d been terrified because she thought we had turned into zombies downstairs. We had to play it off and say that we were just goofing around and laughing together.
Note: Comments have been edited for clarity.