Absurd Things Adults Should Already Know.

1. Ring The Alarm

I’ve met more than one person who doesn’t get fire alarms. When my husband and I first got an apartment together, we were cooking and we burned something; the smoke caused the smoke alarm to start beeping. Instead of opening the window to let the smoke out, like a normal person, he calmly walked to the door and began putting on his shoes to go outside and wait for the fire department to come – because he thought that when the smoke alarm goes off, that’s what you do. After all, why else would we have gone through all those fire drills in elementary school?

montereyo

2. Hot And Cold

My mom can’t remember whether blue or red is associated with hot or cold. When she’s in the car and wants to turn on the air conditioning, she just randomly sets the dial to one side or the other and waits for the air to come on to see whether she’s right or not.

montereyo

3. Space Bar

I work in technical support. I regularly deal with customers who have no clue what/where the space bar is.

It has been in the same location as since the mass production of the Remington typewriter, May 1st, 1873.

Tekken7

4. When I Was Your Age

My grandmother is 88 years old. Drives a Ford Mustang.

Does not know how to put gas in her car. Has literally driven cars for 70 years without ever once using a gas pump. She calls me every few weeks to go over there and follow her to the gas station, so I can pump for her.

I don’t have the heart to tell her that the employees will do it if she asks nicely, since it’s one of the few occasions where I see her.

raging_asshole

5. Make Me A Sandwich

My college roommate asked me how to make a sandwich. Like how to actually put mayonnaise on the bread and slice a tomato. He was 22 and had recently been accepted to medical school.

nedguychai

6. Boiling Point

My girlfriend in college didn’t know how to boil water. I explained how easy it was (water goes into pot, pot goes on stove, turn on the stove) and she did it, then left the pot there for four hours waiting for the water to “finish boiling”. Of course all of the water evaporated, she completely burned the pot, and then started to panic and cry because she didn’t know how to turn the stove off.

I am no longer with this girl.

capcalhoon

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7. The Key To Life

Met a woman in a parking garage that didn’t know that her key could unlock the door. She flagged me down to ask if I could give her a ride to get a battery for the button that unlocked the door so she could get into her car.

Nezerin

8. Finger Food

I dated a guy, he was 19, that did not know how to use a steak knife. Instead of sawing the meat, he attempted to force the knife through it by simply pushing down. I don’t know if you don’t know this, but steak is not quite the same consistency as softened butter. He kept shaking the entire table,we were in a restaurant, as he tried to force the knife into the meat. Eventually I stopped him, took his knife, and showed him how to saw the meat – his mind was completely blown. When I asked him how it was possible that he didn’t know how to do this, he told me “oh, my parents usually just let me pick up the meat in my hands at home.”

We broke up a couple months later.

throwsuperaway

9. Soaking Wet

How to wash your face.

I think most people dating back to early humans have figured out the cup your hands under running water, lean your head over the sink and bring your hands up to your face process.

I lived with an adult girl who did NOT know to do this. She would just swat the water up at her face and get the sink, the counter, the mirror, the toilet, EVERYTHING soaking wet.

[deleted]

10. Take Me Home

I’m a senior in college and I still find myself shaking my head when my classmates don’t know how to use the campus bus routes to get back home.

B_Rich

11. Kettle Rice

A friend of mine tried to cook rice in the kettle because she understood it involved heat and water. That was her logical conclusion… She’s 27.

FUCKING_EVERYTHING

12. Oil Change

My girlfriend went 15,000 miles without getting an oil change. She thought you only bring it in when there is a problem.

par016

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13. What’s That?

I’ve recently had to explain to someone in their twenties what sexually transmitted disease’s are. This person had no idea.

[deleted]

14. Waste Not, Want Not

My current roommate has no idea how to shop for groceries/manage the food he has already bought. Now, we live about a 3 minute walk from a pretty large grocery store, so food shopping is by no means inconvenient. His food is constantly rotting in the fridge; when he orders out he leaves the leftovers in the fridge until they have to be thrown away; he currently has 3 half-eaten bags of chips. He probably ends up throwing away $100 worth of food every month.

BrianSnow

15. Here’s A Tip

Giving tip! My friends are sweet and DO tip, but figuring out 10% or 20% is like rocket science to them. – Move the decimal over, BOOM. 10%. Need 20%? Double that.

Bananapopcicle

16. Hall Pass

I was asking my chemistry teacher about something in high school, junior year, a few years back and a girl was behind me with her student notebook out. I knew she probably wanted to go to the bathroom so I told her to go ahead and she gave her notebook to the teacher to sign her a hall pass but he handed it back because it was blank and asked her to write the date and time. She turned around and stared at the analog clock for about 10 seconds and said ‘I can’t tell time’.

kwakward

17. Blinded By Science

I had an ex-girlfriend that still couldn’t figure out how to open/close blinds. She was 23.

Mrsmith4

18. Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Roommate once asked where the stamp goes on the letter he was sending.

sunnycuts

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19. Can’t Die

I have one friend who is ridiculous with this kind of thing. He’s 28, and the most notable thing I remember is that he was planning to buy a bouquet of tulips for a girl a week before his date, because he thought they didn’t die. His reasoning was that they stay alive all summer in the ground.

kaitmeister

20. We Didn’t Start The Fire

My wife, lighting her cigarette in my gas-leaking Jeep after asking why it smells like gas in here.

jeepnjeff7

21. Name Of The Game

You are 70 years old; I refuse to believe that you do not yet understand the concept of promptly paying for your purchases. That has been the name of the game for over 20 years now.

Faranya

22. Taco Tuesday

Had to teach my 20 year old girlfriend how to grate cheese. She said her mom just put it in the blender. It made me sad to think about all of those taco nights without properly grated cheese.

SmackySmack

23. Super Powder

My 23 year old brother and I bought one of those big jugs of iced tea powder and he asked me, “So, do you just dump the whole thing in and add the water?”. I said yes. Priceless.

InBloom91

24. What Time Is It?

My boyfriend cannot understand anything but the exact time in exact numbers. If you say “quarter after 4” he has no idea what you’re talking about. Also, refuses to learn.

vbm923

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25. Working At The Car Wash

My sister, in her late 30’s, only recently discovered that the wand at the car wash sprays a lot harder if you pull the trigger.

[deleted]

26. Hammer Time

Showed a grown man how to use a hammer. He started off trying to use two hands.

LandoAmsterdam

27. Navigating the Internet

I helped my 40-year-old neighbor with his computer after he said his internet had went down and wasn’t working.

When I checked it out, his internet hadn’t gone down, he had just closed the internet explorer on accident.

I told him “all you have to do is go to this icon and double click” and he says “Whats double click, ohh that’s a good one i’ll have to remember that” and then he grabbed a pencil and pad and literally wrote down “double click” and “blue e”

I was shocked in disbelief, I thought he was joking but he was completely serious, I felt bad for the guy. I guess his sister bought him the computer and set up the internet for him so she could keep in contact with him better, I’m not sure if it is going to work out like she planned.

[deleted]

28. Hanging On

My mom had to show my college roommate how to hang her clothes on hangers. I wish I was kidding.

LaFemmeChiquita

29. Do It For Me

When I was a junior in college, I had a roommate that didn’t know how to use a can opener.

I tried to show him several times how it works and he would always get frustrated and shout “just do it for me!”

browayoflife

30. Fried Chicken

My older sister didn’t know that people can make fried chicken themselves at home. She thought it was some special thing that only restaurants made. She found out the truth when her mother-in-law made it one afternoon. We grew up in the South, too!

J_for_Jules

31. Expiration Date

My roommate had to ask me if the turkey was still good. He bought it. He never thought of checking the expiration date. He’s 21.

ralphbluecoat

32. Squeeze The Bean

Knew a girl who didn’t understand ingredients to making coffee. She didn’t know coffee required water, instead she just thought the coffee maker squeezed the water from the beans.

5ArrowsArchery

33. Money Down The Drain

My wife called me from work one day to ask “how do you make upper-case letters? The caps lock key is broke.” I said that she needed to call her parents and apologize for wasting 5 years of university tuition. She asked why. I told her to use the shift keys.