Being a bouncer has to be one of the more colorful jobs out there. When you're paid to take out the trash from bars you're sure to run into some characters and have some tales to tell. These bouncers share their craziest instances while on the job.
“Superman! Superman!”
“I worked the door at a punk dive bar, big part of the job is bouncing people who’ve had too much with the attitude ‘Its cool dude, we’re all friends, but you’ve had enough tonight come back tomorrow.’ 99% of people that’s fine and it works. One dude who had probably smoked some anphetamines that night was fixated on the bartender wearing a Superman shirt and ran home to shave his head and came back challenging him to a fight. I urged him outside to get ready for the fight with a pre-fight smoke.
We smoked cigs and gently convinced him it was time to go home, which worked until he got halfway down the street and sprinted back and threw himself at the door screaming ‘Superman! Superman! You can’t hide from Lex Luther, Superman!’ One of the bartenders exited out of the side entrance and started yelling ‘Holy sh** all the cops are coming, everybody run!’ and the dude disappeared. I saw him at the corner bodega the next afternoon and he looked at me and smiled and said ‘I might have been a handful last night, sorry, see you tonight?'”
Bouncer vs. Bridezilla
“I have moonlit as a bouncer in the past. I even got to work security for a Bubba Sparxx show.
My town, small as it is, has a very…..vibrant nightlife. It’s the Northwoods and in wintertime, it’s either ice fishing or the tavern. Wisconsin is a drinking state with a football problem.
I was working the door at a local joint some years ago, and we had a party bus come through. Basically these people ride this bus around, drink Busch Light, and hit all the bars for shots and stuff. This was a wedding party. Like 30 people, going in and out of my bar, and the two bars across the street. I was chasing idiots out that kept bringing drinks inside from the bus and having a difficult time of it. We went from a full bar to elbow to elbow with the party bus sitting right outside the back door. Absolute chaos. So I have had enough, I 86’ed a bunch of people from the party bus, and a minor they had snuck in. The minor was the bride’s sister, and in WI, if you’re with your parents you can drink at the bar. Well, I had thrown mom and dad out for bringing brewskies inside, so the bride complains to the head bartender, Sal. Sal tells bridezilla that the head bouncer (me) word is final. So oh lord, here she comes. I tell her under no circumstances, are mom, dad, and now her sister, re-entering the tavern. So she stomps off around to the corner table by the jukebox and gets her husband and the best man. They try to reason with me and even buy me off. I tell them to get out of my face and let me work, or they’re gonna get 86’ed too. Waving a tenner in my face to get me to risk my job is NOT gonna make me any happier.
So, they go back to bridezilla, and she LOSES her mind. Like full-on, ‘THIS IS MY DAY, I’M NOT GONNA HAVE IT RUINED BY YOU’ and they ‘Let everyone else in, n-words and Mexicans’ and she just went full on bigoted, white trash, tantrum. Now, there were only a few Dominican guys other than the white folks in there. I knew the Dominican guys, and they were cool. In fact, they were my neighbors and worked at the same place I did during the day. To their credit, they ignored her. Sal, however, didn’t and told her to get her fat, ignorant face out of the bar. The whole party, 86’ed. I go outside and tell the bus driver he’s gotta clear the parking lot. A few people, including one of the Dominican guys, had come out to smoke and watch the show.
Cue bridezilla. She tells her hubby, the best man, and daddy that ‘That n-word and that n-word loving bouncer ruined everything, etc, and I want you to kick their butts.’ I come around the front of the bus, and it’s ON. Like bottles and ice chunks getting thrown. Some little white dude is throwing the ashcan at the bride. It’s me, the little white dude, and the Dominican guy against like six wasted rednecks. I know I knocked out the father of the bride at some point. Bridezilla herself called the cops and I quote ‘These black guys are beating up my dad. They’re gonna kill my brother in law.’
At this point, the other bouncer is outside, and half the patrons. The Dominicans grab their buddy and hide him inside. Cue every on-duty cop and deputy in the area. Like 10-15 cops, cause dad is unconscious on the bus, brother-in-law is laying on a picnic table with a chunk of bottle glass in his leg, and I’m bleeding from a laceration from my forehead across my scalp to above my ear.
The cops sort everything out, and Bridezilla, dad, husband, brother in law, mom, sister in law, and sister all get arrested. Nobody on my side of things catches So much as a ticket. I got 41 stitches in my scalp. Apparently, in the melee, sister in law bashed be in the head a few times with a Rumpleminze bottle. She, her husband, and the groom all caught felony assault charges. They all plead out and did jail time.
Fast forward two years ago. The groom came and applied for a job where I worked. He walked in, sat down, and was chatting with my boss. He didn’t recognize me, not at first. Then I called him by name across the shop. Without saying a word to my boss, he turned and RAN out of the shop and peeled rubber outta the parking lot. My boss was so confused. I haven’t seen him since. I see her every time I go into a certain local establishment. After her conviction, she lost her nursing license and job. She works in a gas station and as a waitress, and they divorced less than a year after they got married. She has never spoken to me, and will not even render service. Sometimes I go into the gas station just because I know she remembers every time she sees me. Forget those people…”
Mr. Sucker Punch Had A Few Things To Say
“I’ve bounced off and on for about 15 years in the same mid-size city (about 150k people). One night as people were leaving this guy sucker-punched another patron right inside the door. Several other people quickly got involved. I grabbed Mr. Sucker Punch and he spins around and squares up with me. I guess because I’m tall (6’6) people always seem to try and rush me and wrestle me by the waist. Mr. Sucker Punch was no different. We end up wrestling for a second before I finally get a solid grip on him. He’s still trying to fight at this point. I ended up picking him up and throwing him through the exit doors, breaking one of them off the hinges. About a week later I’m out to eat with my mom of all people and in walks Mr. Sucker Punch and sits down two tables over. I wasn’t particularly worried about it, but I really didn’t wanna have to beat someone up in front of my mom. About five minutes later I see him talking to the waitress and she makes her way over to our table. ‘That guy over there said you threw him through a door the other night at the bar. He wanted me to tell you he’s sorry for being a dumb idiot.’
It’s Only Fate!
“I’ve tossed the same guy out of bars in FOUR SEPARATE STATES. Twice as a bouncer, once as a bartender, once as an owner.
First was in New Orleans, he got in a fight, I broke it up and tossed him…had normal words on the street and then it ended.
The second was in Oregon, didn’t recognize him when he entered, but later he got into it with one of the regulars, a couple of pushes exchanged and I tossed him. He complained about how unfair it was…I reminded him about New Orleans…the shock/confusion…he wandered off.
The third was San Francisco…I didn’t see him come in but was called over by another bartender because of a guy hanging in her well harassing a woman patron, when I got there and recognized him and he recognized me, I just had to point to the door and that was it.
The fourth was Colorado, again didn’t see him come in, but saw him in the bar after he’d been there for a while. We locked eyes, he just put down his drink, said ‘What the f*!’ got up, and left.
I followed him out and we talked a bit, had a laugh, talking about a small word, and haven’t run into him since….but I still expect to sometimes.”
What A Plot Twist
“I used to work as a bouncer at a strip joint. It was a tiny hole in the wall place that almost never had issues. I was dating one of the girls, and the owner offered me the gig after I walked all the girls to their cars while waiting for mine to finish changing.
We had a guy come in, and as soon as the first girl (my girlfriend) got on stage he started screaming at her and calling her a floozy. I had to lead him out. I get him outside, trying to get him to calm down, so we didn’t have to call the cops. (The owner had an adult video store attached to the club and was already having issues with protestors, so he didn’t want even more bad press)
‘Dude, you gotta calm down. You don’t want cops involved. Just walk away. She’s just dancing, there’s nothing funny going on here.’
‘How would you react to see your wife on a stage stripping?’
I had trust issues for a while after that.”
None Of That Language In His Bar
“Back in my bouncing days, I had a couple of white guys sitting at the bar close to the front door say some questionably discriminatory things that I dare not repeat… Just believe me it was unbelievably offensive to anyone that would have heard it… At the time, there weren’t many other people in the bar, and they were alone at their end of the bar, we had hit a low between our dinner crowd and the drinking crowd. I politely at the time walked over to him and his friend and told them we do not tolerate that kind of speak in this bar. Guy A was quick to apologize, and Guy B was reluctantly and almost offended that I even dare come over to them apologized as well… (at which point the bartender came over and apparently knew these two clowns.) So, I allowed them to stay, with the simple message that if I hear any more of that from them I’m dumping their drinks and they’re leaving…
Fast forward 30 minutes or so, maybe, and my partner showed up for the night. I had left the door with him and I walked behind the bar to get water or something. By this point the bar was full, and I overheard these dudes start up again. I walked right over to the two of them from behind the bar, picked up their drinks, and proceeded to dump them out in the sink while staring at them. Telling them that it’s time to leave.
They both got aggressive and loud… I stood my ground and told them, ‘I told you exactly what was going to happen if I heard any more of your bigoted stuff. And guess what, it happened didn’t it. You can go now.’
The most ignorant of the two guys leaned over the bar at me and my partner immediately put him in a Full Nelson and proceeded to drag him out. His buddy turned and went to attack my partner. Which sprung me to leap over the bar, and quite literally tackle him. We got them outside and they got all calm down and just threatened to call the cops… I laughed and told them to feel free, that it was only going to end one way…
Spent a large portion of the rest of the night telling the story to the police, and giving them the security footage. Long story short, they both were charged with Public Intoxication, (which was comical in itself because they were barely above the legal limit from what I remember) and the police had asked my partner if he wanted to press assault charges on the dude that landed a punch on him.
I lost the video when I changed phones a couple of years ago, but I used to watch it every now and again to remind myself that there was a time I was athletic enough to leap over a bar with little help or pain.”
Rolling With Celebs And Addicts Alike
“Not a bouncer but armed security for a casino. Our job was such that we often came up against some fairly unsavory characters, namely crystal users and dealers. Turns out crack heads love places that are open 24/7 and even better if it’s not weird that they’re there at otherwise odd-hours. In the five years I worked there we made hundreds of ‘arrests’ (we didn’t arrest people but we detained them until the police got there) for crystal-related crimes. One night we arrested someone I went to high school with. At the time, I don’t think he realized who I was as we weren’t friends in HS but we knew each other. Months later I went to a friend’s house and walked in only to be greeted by this person and about 6 of their cousins and friends. I didn’t say anything about our run-in, hoping that he wouldn’t connect the dots. About an hour later, after I’ve stopped being paranoid and started having an OK time, the dude finally realizes who I am. He and his friends are sitting in the living room and he says ‘Yo, didn’t you arrest me a few months ago?’
And then things got awkward-scene-in-a-movie quiet. A couple of the friends start making moves to get up and this dude just says ‘Nah, let’s talk it out and see what’s up’ I tell him it was me, reminding him that I tried to get him out of trouble and that I didn’t personally put cuffs on him or catch him doing what got him in cuffs in the first place. I was there but didn’t do anything but try and help him… I told him to not let us search his friend’s car and to just leave. They didn’t want to do that so they let us search their car and then everyone got arrested after we found crystal in the car. After a few very tense minutes, he laughed it off and said he didn’t hold any grudges and he remembered me telling him to just leave. He said he didn’t know there was crystal in the car and that he’d just caught a ride with the people he was with. Details after that are a bit fuzzy as this was 15 years ago, but I know I didn’t get my butt kicked that night.
As an aside: Tyrese Gibson was a total prick every time he came to the casino, which was often. Bill Cosby was a complete prick, the band Chicago makes 60+-year-old women want to flash their stuff like it’s 1974 and Larry the Cable Guy is the nicest famous person I’ve ever met.”
Fancy Seeing You Here
“I’ve been a bouncer for almost four years so I have some stories. I work in a small music venue/nightclub and one night we hosted a rave night. Now, most of these guys are late 20s early 30s and it seems like all of them have a lot of money. So obviously we were charging $20 on the door since we could fill the place out even if we were charging people a lot to get in. Now this one guy didn’t want to pay that much and decided he would have a go of trying to sneaking in and telling me he already paid which he obviously didn’t as I’ve been on the door all day and never left that spot. Anyway, he’s arguing with me throwing all his credit and debit cards at me so I’m annoyed and go to pick them up until he slaps me on the top of the head with one of his cards now I pride myself on being calm and rarely ever having to put my hand on someone.
But this guy went too far so I put him in a headlock and drag him out while his friends are laughing at him, oh did I mention to get into the out bar you have to go down a flight of stairs? Well, imagine how hard it is to get someone out who doesn’t want to leave. Well, I and the other bouncer carried this guy up the stairs and dumped him outside. Anyway about two weeks later and shopping in Morrisons (supermarket) and he spots me and approached me he apologized and he wanted to make it up to me so paid for my meal deal and shook my hand so I would say that one went pretty well.”
This Guy Has The Worst Luck
“I worked as a bouncer at a nightclub/music venue. One time this dude and his date were completely smashed and started arguing. I kept an eye on it because it looked like it was pretty heated. Eventually, they started getting physical, shoving each other. Me and another bouncer go over to break it up and cut them off for the night (we always go with backup). My buddy puts his hand on the dude’s shoulder and tells him to lay off and no more drinks for him, and the dude swings at him, hits him square in the jaw. He and I jump on the dude and restrain him. We drag him through the crowd and out the front door while he tries to buck us. We kick the front door open and toss his butt out. Classic. Here’s the good part. He gets up and comes at us again, but some rando outside grabs the dude from behind and tries to hold him back. The dude turns and swings on the rando, hits him in the face, and the rando pulls out a badge and arrests him. Off duty cop. So that quickly turned into assaulting an officer for him.”
This Guy Is A Legend
“Used to work as a bouncer for around 5 years. Had to throw many people out but this story is about not throwing someone out. You will understand shortly. So it’s a packed Saturday night and we had a $5 cover and $1 you call it’s. Basically, it was all well spirits or domestic drinks and all else was regular price. This brought out people that would get hammered so we always were throwing people out for getting rowdy. One of our rules was that if you got sick, you were out. I’m on duty sitting on the back patio just watching the crowd and chatting with another co-worker. Here comes the culprit that is about to break our rules. This guy sits down on a bench with a glass of Miller that only has a mouthful left. The guy looks a bit white in the face and I point this out to my colleague.
We can’t do anything yet so we just watch and wait for the inevitable. Working the bars for so long you kind of get a sixth sense for what is about to happen sometimes. Que the vomit a few moments later. Only this guy was nice enough to somehow make everything in the glass. We approach the guy and explain he must go. The guy pleads with us that he was just given a bar mat shot as a joke and was trying to stomach it. If you don’t know, a bar mat shot is a shot poured from the waste that doesn’t make it into the glass by the bartenders and is usually a mix of all sorts of different spirits. They are disgusting. We tried to tell him it didn’t matter and we had to follow rules. The guy pleads further that he was just fine and that he wouldn’t be any further problem for us. My coworker decides to give him a chance thinking the guy would opt-out immediately and leave voluntarily.
My coworker told him if he could down the drink/vomit mixture and stomach it for 10 minutes he could remain at the bar. The guy sits there for a few seconds pondering it over and then just gulps this down like he’s in a chugging contest in a few seconds. He lets out a loud burp and gets a brief look of disgust on his face. Other people are watching in awe and my coworker and I just look at each other in shock. Well, the guy just casually smiled back and surprisingly actually looked to be in better shape than when he first came out on the patio. He sat there for 10 minutes and we held our word and allowed him to stay. Chatted with the guy for a while and he was a nice guy and we didn’t have any further troubles.”