Life is a big tangled web of different motivations, decisions and desires all clashing against each other. It can get pretty complicated, but every once in a while a truth emerges from mess and presents itself to you. If you’re smart enough to recognize it that is.
Here, people share the hard truths that they needed to learn. Truths that ultimately made them better people. Enjoy! And make sure to check out the sources at the bottom for more wisdom.
1. A deadly disease.
Based on some estimates nearly two-thirds of the people who go to the doctors office are hypochondriacs – they have an unwarranted, excessive anxiety about their health. If that statistic were true, it would still pale in comparison with all the people suffering from a far more debilitating condition. I call it Ability Excusitis, defined as an unwarranted, excessive anxiety about ones abilities. Ability Excusitis is the disease responsible for all your failures in life. I repeat, this is responsible for ALL your failures. Learn how to cure this and its smooth sailing. Okay, not really, its never smooth sailing, but, thered be significantly less resistance to your success.
Just like a hypochondriac believes that he is sick when he isnt, so a person with Ability Excusiits believes that he is lacking in ability when he isnt. Just like a hypochondriac might drive himself sick though his excessive worrying, so will a person affected with Ability Excusitis create the deficiency that he is worried about in the first place. Its a classic case of a belief translating to reality, which in turn reinforces that belief.
Theres four main ways in which Excusitis rears its ugly head. Lets review each one and go over things YOU can do to start curing your Ability Excusitis once and for all.
There are those who will always find a reason as to why they cant do something. Health is usually at the top of the list. When faced with overwhelming evidence that their reasoning is faulty theyd rather sulk in a corner, than face their imperfections and learn to use them. Thats weak peoples thinking. Successful people always think in terms of how can I achieve this, instead of this is why I cant.
I vividly remember of a story I read in Evan Osnoss book Age of Ambition. He devotes several chapters to a blind Chinese lawyer named Chen Guangcheng. Chen, who was born in rural China, lost his eyesight when he was six months old. Growing up, he asked his brothers to read legal texts to him, because this is what interested him. This allowed him, despite his disability and deplorable living conditions, to later organize a class-action lawsuit against the Chinese authorities for their excessive enforcement of the one-child policy. He managed to create such a buzz that the authorities were forced to send him to jail for four years and three months. He is a great man who has plenty of excuses to give. He gives none. Neither should you.
Perhaps if this was 13th century Europe, one would be somewhat justified in using health as an excuse. It isnt. We are blessed to live in a society that has all sorts of support systems to help us if things go awry.
Here are some ways you can cure your Health Excusitis:
1. Refuse to talk about your health. The more you talk about something bothering you, the worse its going to get. Chronically complaining will not win you anything, at most it will push people away.
2. Refuse to worry about your health. Exercise self-control.
3. Be genuinely thankful that you health is as good as it is.
4. Live fully. Dont waste your time with worrying and coming up with excuses.
Intelligence Excusitis
This is perhaps the most prevalent form of Ability Excusitis. It is also the one that fewest people will willingly admit to. Theyd rather suffer in silence than admit that they lack intelligence. Things would be different if they only knew two basic rules.
We almost always underestimate our own brainpower. We almost always overestimate the other persons brainpower.
Brainpower is not nearly as important as people tend to think. In fact, the thinking that directs your intelligence is much more important than how much intelligence you possess. If you approach a goal with a positive attitude and you have the ability to persist in your efforts, you will achieve orders of magnitude more than an intelligent, negative person who will give up at the first sign of trouble.
Even Warren Buffet says that if you have over 120 IQ, you should sell the excess.
Ask any successful person you know whether they think intelligence is the defining factor for anything in their life and I guarantee you nobody will say yes.
Finally, even if you are still unconvinced that intelligence is not all that important, I invite you to join me on a mental exercise.
Imagine for a second that intelligence is everything. If that was the case, there are two options. Either you are born with a certain amount you can build on, or you are born with a certain amount that you cant control.
If you can build on it, then worrying about your intelligence will achieve nothing – only utilizing what you do have, in order to achieve more, will help you.
Else, if you are born with a certain amount that you cant add to, then there is still no use in worrying. Excuses will not help you either way.
We cant do anything about the amount of ability we are born with, but we can all definitely control the way we use our ability.
Here are the ways to cure your Intelligence Excusitis. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
1. Dont underestimate your intelligence and dont overestimate others intelligence.
2. Remember its not the amount of brains that matters, but the way you use them.
3. Always remind yourself that your attitudes are more important than your intelligence.
4. Look for the reasons to do things, instead of the reasons not to.
5. Use your mind for thinking. A lot of very intelligent people forget to use their mind to the best of their abilities. Rather, they use it as a storage for facts. We have computers for that, you need to learn to think instead.
Age Excusitis
Age excusitis doesnt require a definition. Weve all seen, or perhaps even experienced, some form of it. It manifests in two ways. One is “Im too old” and the other is “Im too young”. Sometimes even if we really wanted to do something we were still held back by these excuses. Enough of that.
Refuse to accept your age as a limitation. Always do the things you want to do. You are NEVER too old and you are almost never too young. Now, if you want to drive a car at 12, then yes, you are probably too young. But if you are past 15 youre probably old enough to do absolutely anything your heart desires.
The only limitations are the ones we create. Nothing has the power to stop you if you dont let it. Age is definitely no exception.
The cure for Age Excusitis is this:
1. Look at your age in a positive light. Dont think you are too old or too young, rather think of yourself as “just the right age”. Repeat it, think it, believe it, live it.
2. Think about how much productive time you have and all the things you could do with it.
3. Remember that most people seriously overestimate what they can do in a day, but underestimate what they can do in a year.
4. Its too late, or too early, only when you let yourself believe it.
5. Always know that your best years are ahead of you.
Bad Luck Excusitis
The good old “I dont have any luck” excuse. “This fellow is just lucky, thats all.” “Im doomed to fail.” “If only the cards werent stacked against me.”
There is a cause for everything. What you might consider random, is very obviously non-random, if looked at from a different perspective.
However, there is almost no point trying to convince you that luck is nonexistent. Just as with God, I can never disprove something, to those who believe it, when the sole basis of their belief is faith. Despite this, the parallels can be clearly seen, because most people have indeed made luck their God. They attribute everything that happens to them to Luck, good or bad. They say thats just the way Luck is.
What I can do is tell you why you should start living as if EVERYTHING is you fault. I know, everything is quite a lot of stuff and its absurd that this would be the case. Of course, everything isnt your fault. But you should still start living as if it were.
Heres how that sort of thinking will improve your life:
1. It would force you to be more introspective. When looking for reasons you wont blame luck anymore. This will free up your brainpower to think about ways to do better in the future, even if it was just luck.
2. You will become happier, because you will stop feeling as if the whole world is against you. It really isnt.
3. You will learn to take responsibility for your actions – an incredibly necessary skill.
Teodor Mavrodiev
2. Growing up all at once.
During my college years, my father died by the time I was 19 after approximately 4 years of battling sickness. Immediately after he passed, my mother began several years of fighting breast cancer and I learned two weeks prior to the beginning of my senior year that she only had six months to live since she had an inoperable brain tumor. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
The six month estimation turned out to only be two months, and my mother actually died on her birthday in the wee hours of the night. Against my wishes, I had stayed in school and tried to remain focused on obtaining my degree, so I was on campus when this occurred and my aunt who notified me made me agree to wait until the morning to come home.
That morning, I quickly notified my professors of what was going on and began driving home, singing along with some music while glancing periodically at the wrapped birthday present in the passenger seat of my car. I tried to pretend that I was going home to present her with her gift and she was going to love it, but I finally broke down halfway home and had to pull over until I could see through the flood of tears covering my face.
This was the hardest truth I had to face for multiple reasons:
1) I was now orphaned in my 20s (yes, it hurts older people similar to children)
2) Although I wasn’t a troublemaker, I still realized that if I screwed up by driving drunk, getting someone pregnant or exhibiting some other foolish behaviour that got me into trouble, I had no one to “fall back on”
3) I realized that my parents would miss every major accomplishment I would complete for the remainder of my life, including (at this point) attaining my degree, getting married, having children, getting licensed and ordained as a minister, becoming a pastor, rising professionally as a software engineer to be the director of technology at my corporation, etc.
It was a hard pill to swallow at the time, but it made me stronger because I didn’t have the luxury of aimlessly pursuing fun, “sowing my wild oats” further than I had previously done, acting irresponsible or doing other things which would be detrimental to my future. When this reality set in, I became much more serious about my decisions and actions (although I was a respectful person who was pretty focused and mature about my goals beforehand), so while I regret their deaths and I’m still not totally over the sense of loss that occurred decades ago (especially item #3), it definitely empowered me to become the asset to society that I am today. I’m a leader in my family, church, corporation, on boards and in volunteer efforts.
Brian Fox
3. Basketball diaries.
I was 15 years old, reaching the pinnacle of my obsession for basketball, when my family moved from LA to Israel. To adapt to the 7600-mile move, I played all day it was the universal language that allowed me to adapt. I gained respect on the court and a spot on my club team, Hapoel Tel-Aviv. Fast-forward two years, and Im going in for a standard physical.
I was given the devastating news; there was a leak in one of my the valves connected to my heart.
I had to give up playing basketball on competitive level. To say I was in a deep depression is an understatement; I didnt know how to fill my days. I gained 20 pounds, became anti-social, and lost my self-esteem. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
The Strength It Gave Me:
Being active in sports my whole life, competitiveness was part of my DNA. With no basketball, I had to fill the void. I turned to books. One of the first books I read, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
I grew an obsession with the behaviours of the worlds most successful people. I began studying their habits, and implementing to my life. I found a new love, personal development. The benefits I saw in my life through reading made me realize how important my daily actions are. I began waking up at 6am, reading daily, meditating, eating well, and lifting.
Changing my life through these habits gave me that confidence I had when I was playing basketball. With each new habit, I felt even more unstoppable, my body started to feel useful again, my mind wasn’t bogged down with incessant negativity and I was happy again. My willpower grew to such a level that I felt invincible.
Ari Banayan
4. Like winter and summer.
Hard times await. No matter how hard you try to avoid them, they are coming.
The best thing you can do is accept it.
For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Duality is a part of life. The sun sets and the sun rises. We inhale and we exhale. We create and we rest. Don’t expect happiness to last, but don’t expect depression to either. The only thing you should expect is balance. Enjoy the balance because it is only natural.
When I finally realized this, it was one of the most profound experiences of my life.
For a while, I used to hate how my life used to come in go in waves. I would have six months of extreme confidencethen, six months of insecurity. A couple months of productivitythen, a couple months of laziness. Every time I thought I turned the corner and was going to stay happy or productive forever, those undesirable states would reemerge.
And I would beat myself up for it. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
Eventually, I learned to stop identifying those low points as bad, and began to embrace the duality. By identifying one side of the duality as bad, I was at odds with a law of the universe. I was at odds with the everlasting presence of Yin and Yang. That caused so much pain.
Beating yourself for not feeling confident all the time will destroy you. Worrying that your feeling of laziness it will last forever is like watching the sun go down and fearing it will never rise again.
So when you are suffering, feeling lazy, or lacking confidence recognize that you will always rebound. It is the law of the universe. Duality is ever present and will always have sway over your life.
Become aware of the duality and embrace both sides.
In doing so, productivity and laziness will turn into creation and rest. Confidence and insecurity will turn into self esteem and self growth.
When you are aware and appreciative of both sides of the duality, you will exist in harmony with a universal lawone that will carry-on throughout the rest of your life.
Sal Morotta
5. The many lessons of life.
When I was 14, a kid from a relatively unheard of school beat me in a state level English extempore competition. For a person who breathes, speaks, thinks, and poops English, this was a hard blow. Thats when I realized never to judge someone based on anything superficial.
When I was 16, after scoring 58/100 in an English paper, I was told to read more books to improve my language skills. I will forever be indebted to Monalisa Maam. She made me realize that teachers indeed are compasses to a childs life.
I was 19 when the girl I thought I really loved with everything I had rejected me. This made me realize that love is not love unless shared both ways.
When I was 21, I had my first major break up with my first real girlfriend, who was also 3.5 years older than me. My friends were dead against it from the start. They said, Shell find a guy her age or older, get married, have kids, settle down, and in between all that, forget about you. Well, they were right. Everything happened exactly the way they predicted and made me realize that sometimes friends see things with more clarity than I do.
By the time I reached 2425, I had lost my best friend over a stupid fight. Her boyfriend began stopping her from not just doing certain things, but also from saying certain things. We couldnt speak the way we always did and this bummed me out and we fought. I was hurt, disappointed, and pissed off. I didnt bother apologizing, and consequently, I lost her. It was already too late by the time I realized my ego, which is probably the size of a rhinos bum, is worth nothing. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
When I was somewhere between 26 and 27, my girlfriend of six years left me for a guy who was better off financially. Six years of a relationship down the dumps in one night of madness taught me that theres always going to be someone better who shes going to leave me for.
It took me 2 years to get out of the trauma and the heartache. But those two years taught me that time is a magician that can heal anything.
Somewhere in between, during my masters, I was told that I cannot specialise in the stream I had always wanted to since I was a kid. Suddenly I was blank. I was lost. I didnt know what to do. A life without astrophysics seemed like no life at all and I realised that Im not always going to get what I want.
I was out for 3 days on the streets of an unknown city, penniless. I fell sick before a major university exam twice in consecutive years and ended up losing valuable years of my life. I was miserable for the better part of 2 years, drinking and smoking my life away, thinking of the easiest way to off myself. I was rejected over and over again in life.
But today, Im in a much better place. Im happy, Im content, and Im at peace. Today, I know that everything happens for a reason and more importantly, eventually everything works out just fine.
And I also learnt that patience is key to surviving this journey called life.
Neil Menon
6. Learning a lesson in you.
That it’s entirely possible that no-one will rescue you when push comes to shove. So you should not rely on anyone just because they seem objective, competent, have a degree in psychology or are your friends or your “soulmate”. It’s absolutely possible to find someone you connect to on many levels like to no other and you both having the same understanding of many things, including human relationships, love and friendship, and them treating you like dirt, using your kindness and being able to justify it. No one really knows better than you about yourself – regardless of their perceived IQ level, education or experience. The biggest mistake you can make is go against your intuition. Not saying your intuition is always 100% right, but it’s better to regret choosing what felt right to you than choosing not doing what felt right.
When you’re open-minded and unassuming, it will most probably be used against you when you’re trying to understand something or rather someone. In other words, when you argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Believe me, it’s not just a saying, it’s true.
That a lot of people will use their power and use your weaknesses just because they can. That navet will sooner be exploited rather than yield protection, even by your partner.
That people assume a lot for themselves but question your right to have the same thing. The more unassuming you are and open-minded, the more they will exploit it. And they won’t care when they contradict themselves. I’m not sure if it’s possible to avoid some tough life lessons when you are unassertive, but if it is: please, by all means, just do what feels right to you, trust yourself no matter what all the others around say. Especially when it comes to feelings, no matter how inexperienced you are. A lot of people don’t really care about the truth, fairness and your feelings, even if they are “supposed to” (because they’re your SO or family, for example).
That what you did in the past was the best thing that could be done at that time, in those circumstances. Otherwise, you would not have done it. And next time you will know better. So you can actually grow from your bad experiences. You’re OK as you are, no matter who you are and what you did; you cannot know everything – life is learning and you learn also through your mistakes. Trust your intuition and experience rather than other people and theory.
That if people act like they don’t care, they probably don’t care. Yes, they might have their issues, but kindness and honesty is not something that you have to fight for or deserve.
That some tough lessons just have to be learnt first-hand. Open-mindedness and curiosity may actually take you to those lessons, because you’re digging for something in dirt and mist while others would have just given up. Nevertheless, a lesson is a lesson, and the tougher it is and the more effort you put it in, the more you will remember it.
Thanks to some bad experiences, I am even more fixated on always telling the truth. It’s quite a good weapon in itself – against illusory relationships, uncertainty and self-delusion. It’s so good that oftentimes you will find you’re the only that wants to use it and others suddenly don’t care to fight anymore, they back out. You’re left alone. But better to be alone than be fake. Being true to yourself makes life so much easier, whether you’re with someone or there’s no one else in the room.
Slywia Pro