Has something truly unexpected happened to you in only a short matter of time? Perhaps you left a room for a moment, only to come back to chaos. Or maybe you left your car parked on the side of the road for five minutes, only for it to be towed during that time.
Here, baffled people share their “I was only gone for one minute, what the hell happened?!” moment.
1. “The Poopening of 2015”
A little over a year ago my now husband and I were prepping for a move and needed to take a handful of garbage bags to the dumpster in our apartment community. We patted each of our dogs (two small dogs, this is very important later on) on the head and headed out. Less than 5 minutes later we come back, both of the dogs meeting us at the door with wagging tails and big smiles.
All seems perfect until we round the corner into the dining room…
One of the dogs pooped clear up two walls, about 4 and a half feet up across about 6 feet wide worth of wall. I was laughing too hard to clean it up, my husband saved the day and cleaned it up.
We were seriously only gone 5 minutes…
We now refer to it as The Poopening of 2015.
2. Ma, there’s a zebra in the backyard again!
I grew up in the country. One day in high school, I came home, made myself a snack, and then went back outside to eat my snack on the deck. When I got home, the yard was empty. When I came back out, there was a zebra in the yard.
And that’s how we found out the new neighbors ran an exotic animal petting zoo. And that they weren’t very good at it. They lived there for a couple years, and we got really nonchalant about that zebra getting out.
My grandma came to visit once and came in all in a tizzy about it. I think it was even more shocking when our response was basically “that damn zebra again.”
3. At least he was thorough.
Baby Powder. Everywhere.
I’m talking in the silverware drawer, under the couch, inside the couch, on top of the pictures frames…
It clogged/broke the vacuum, I slipped on a thin layer of it trying to get the vacuum out of the closet (baby powder on tile is very dangerous)
I hate baby powder.
4. I was confused, he was confused, we were all confused.
Left the mail room to go get my wipes to clean off the scanner glass. Was gone 3 minutes.
Came back to find the entire mailroom coated in toner, and a toner-covered coworker just standing there looking confused and alarmed.
Never even asked, just went to get our boss to go deal with it.
5. He didn’t know she had a game plan for him.
Nipped upstairs for a piss. Was gone no more than two minutes.
Came back down to find my daughter had pooped on the living room floor and was gleefully stomping it into the carpet.
“It’s a muddy puddle, Daddy!”
6. It’s like they were purposefully waiting for him to shower.
Comcast and FedEx both left a “Just missed you” on my door when I was gone for 5 minutes to shower during the latter quarter of a 5-6 hour time frame.
7. Tow trucks these days…they have minds of their own.
I experienced being hunted by a tow truck in Chicago. A friend and I were delivering a couple big monitors to his apartment. We pulled around behind the building but he didn’t have the key for the back door so we quickly ran around front and came out the back door of his apartment to see the car gone.
Like not going… or the tow truck loading up the car. It was GONE. We couldn’t have taken more than 90 seconds.
8. I mean, it’s impressive for a dog of his stature and size.
Back in 2008, when everyone was getting $600 tax rebate checks in the mail, I left mine unopened on my coffee table, went to use the restroom and when I got back I saw the envelope chewed in half and my dog nowhere to be seen.
Somehow my miniature dachshund puppy got up on the coffee table, picked through all my other mail to find this specific one, chew it up and run under a bed, all in about one minute. I had to tell the IRS that my dog chewed up my rebate check, which was funny.
9. Give that back right meow.
Turned away from a closed pizza box to get plates. Turned back and my cat was running off with a piece.
First day of summer break after 7th grade, I went to a skate park with a few friends, and one of their dads drove us all. He went to get a coffee and said, “Don’t break anything until I get back” and I did not listen.
I went down a quarter pipe and broke both my radius and ulna on my first try. He got back and I was sitting on a bench holding my crooked arm.
11. Probably just wanted to bake you some cookies.
I have a two-year-old. The other day, I ran to the bathroom and he was sitting down. Pacified with Daniel Tiger and home made trail mix. I came back. Probably two minutes later to find a mushroom cloud of flour and him standing on top of a bookshelf with a closed jar of peanut butter and covered in flour.
12. Abort mission.
Just last night: After putting the kids to bed and having a bit of a workout, my wife told me to shower off and get to the bedroom. I jumped in the shower, scrubbed up, rinsed and was out in a matter of minutes.
She was already asleep. There’s nothing more fun than trying to go to sleep once the Launch Sequence has been initiated.
13. Efficiency is key.
Back in 11th grade, I had my friend and his girlfriend come over to hang out on a night that my parents went home. The worst part was that we weren’t drinking. We were all playing Mario Party.
I got up and went to the bathroom for literally 30 seconds. I come back and they are completely naked and having sex on my bed.
14. Sleep with one eye open.
Fell asleep on the couch for like 10 minutes, I swear! Woke up to mayhem: Two toddlers had scribbled all over the walls. The younger one had begun scribbling with crayon, and the older one (3), became upset he was breaking the rules.
So she grabbed a pencil and began marking gigantic X’s as large as she could make: “You cannot draw here or here or heeerrrre!!”
I woke up to the entire first floor covered in Pencil X’s and crayon scribbles everywhere.
15. Permission to launch?
My dog followed me to the door and then I shut it, was in there for about 45 seconds, then opened the door to find puddles of dog diarrhea all over the living room.
16. Sounds like the setup for a romantic movie.
I live above the pizza place that I work at. I’m also full time in college. Last night they called me in just for an hour or two to help close, no big deal. After a full school day and going into work for a bit I was exhausted. I walked up the stairs and into my apartment.
There were new decorations everywhere, my furniture was gone, and my bedroom door was open. I screamed HOLY [CRAP] and kicked open the door to see who was in my room. I was only gone for an hour.
How could someone move in and move out all my [crap] ?! As I made contact with the girl laying in bed watching Netflix, I realized I was on the second floor, not the third floor.
The apartment below me has the exact same layout as mine, and this girl happened to have her door unlocked like I usually leave mine (multiple roommates). I simply said, “OOPS WRONG ROOM” and ran back to my room. I’m going to go down today and apologize for scaring that poor girl half to death at 11 pm.
17. Yup, pizza it is.
I was cooking dinner for my visiting sister and her boyfriend (they were on their way) to visit my 4-year-old and my pregnant ex-wife.
I left the pan for 45 seconds to do something else and came to my 4-year-old vomiting over his own poop (strategically positioned in front of the entrance door) and my pregnant ex-wife vomiting over the pan because she couldn’t deal with the smell/sight. Oh and my sister was ringing the doorbell.
I had to call for a pizza.
So, my wife is pregnant right now. First trimester is pretty exciting.
We were at our friends’ house, and I was helping my brother cook some burgers. Wife was hanging out in the kitchen with my buddy’s wife, and was holding their baby. I’m walking back and forth between the grill and the kitchen -get a fork, get a plate, oh, get that seasoning, etc. etc.
Anyway, I’m in and out of the kitchen for less than a minute and see my wife puking into their kitchen sink, with the entire front of her clothes covered in baby poop. I guess their baby decided to drop the mother of all poop bombs right in my wife’s lap.
First trimester so she’s totally sensitive to smells and whatever, but she totally lost all of her cookies right in front of everyone at our friends’ house.
19. What did I miss?!
That Superbowl where Janet Jackson was topless. Well lucky me I had to pee RIGHT before the halftime show fiasco because it was getting really boring. I whipped my dingy out and everybody started screaming and hooting and I had a mini heart attack and peed on the back of the toilet.
I was boiling water on an electric stove top, seemed safe enough. Left for 30 seconds, came back, entire stove was on fire with two foot flames. Someone had let some oily food fall between the burner and the tinfoil we keep underneath. Another 30 seconds and the kitchen would have caught fire.
21. Good ol’ Waldo.
Years back I had a little thing celebrating my new apartment. Just a few close friends and a couple of not so close friends. We were having a good time, drinks were had and eventually the need for greasy take out food was too strong to ignore.
Everyone was pretty marinated – some more than others but driving was out of the question. Me and my bro take everyone’s orders and we stroll to the taco place around the corner.
When we return, mostly everyone is on the porch smoking. Everything seemed normal. When I walk into the apartment, there he is – we’ll call him Waldo, passed out on my couch. Vomit running down the side of his face, vomit dripping down my new couch, vomit on my brand new rug. Apparently, when we left they started chugging whiskey which obviously didn’t agree with ‘ol Waldo.
I only went for tacos!
22. Perfect timing.
Was at work. Went outside to grab a smoke. Come back in and one of the receptionists that I had a crush on is blushing and everyone else is laughing. I ask what happened and they let me know that she got her belly button pierced the night before, and wanted to show everyone, but was wearing a dress.
She decided to flip up her dress to show everyone anyway, and forgot she wasn’t wearing any underwear. Still can’t believe I missed that one.
23. “I just need my pot!”
One night in college I left my apartment to go to a party at my girlfriend’s place.
About an hour later I realize I’d forgot my weed, so I walked back to my place.
I hear music thumping and figure there’s no way it’s my apartment. My roommates weren’t big party people. Get outside the door and it’s def my place.
I open the door. The lights are off. A strobe light is going. Weird techno music is blasting. Most of the dudes present are shirtless, seemingly tripping balls, and totally covered in red paint for some reason.
Unintelligible yelling in my direction as I walk in.
“JUST NEED MY POT YOU GUYS HAVE FUN I HAVE TO GO NOW BYE BYE!”
24. Never underestimate a baby turtle.
I had a baby pet turtle.
I left Sherman Myrtle in a tupperware dish on my nightstand. I come back, maybe 5 mins later, turtle is on top of a separate dresser, out of his container.
25. Also, never underestimate a fat, stubby-legged basset hound.
I was in the process of making dinner and had left a plate of flour tortillas on the kitchen bar. Went out to the garage with my husband for about 90 seconds to look at something. Hear a very loud thud from kitchen. That thud was our dog jumping down off the bar, and now standing in the middle of the kitchen, wolfing down flour tortillas like they were going out of style.
What makes it funny is that our bar is about 42″ high, and the dog was a basset hound. A fat stubby-legged basset hound. To this day, we still can’t figure out how he got up there OR how he got down without breaking a leg.
26. And also, never underestimate your cat…
One night I was on my own and decided to make a nice meal for myself. I spent about half an hour preparing and baking a delicious chicken breast with sun-dried tomatoes and brie cheese.
So I got everything ready, set up my dinner and my beer on the coffee table and sat down to eat and watch some TV.
At this point my cat waltzed in and sat on the couch next to me. Then he dropped something out of his mouth next to me. I turned to look at it; it was a snake. Crap.
OK, no big deal, it’s not a big one. So I got up and grabbed some snake-wrangling tools (a dustpan and brush) and scooped this little guy up. I walked out the front door and tossed the snake back into the bushes, hoping the cat won’t go after it again.
I was gone for about 15 seconds.
I came back inside and my dinner was gone. The cat was under the table, hunched over a half-eaten chicken breast, and growling every time I came near.
And that’s the first time my cat distracted me with a snake in order to steal my dinner.
27. She got more than she bargained for.
I was outside at a house party and needed to pee. There was someone in the bathroom so I told my friends I was going to go around to the side of the house to pee where no one could see. A few minutes later, I came back all bloody and dirty and they freaked out.
What I didn’t know was there was a steep ditch right next to the house. Being a female, if I pee outside, I try to support myself by doing a sort of wall sit so I don’t wind up peeing on my legs or clothes. So I pulled my pants down and tried to do the wall sit on the side of the house. I was crazy drunk so I lost my balance (due to the incline of the ditch), scraped myself up on the brick wall trying to catch myself, and tumbled pants down in the ditch.
I pulled myself up, went back to my friends and said, “I think it’s time for me to go home.”
28. This is why I don’t trust cats and never will.
I got up to get salsa and when I returned my plate was upside down on the floor and both of my microwave burritos were missing. And my cat was nowhere to be found.
29. Mmm…delicious and nutritious.
I left my two year old twins for TWO minutes. They were happily glued to the tv and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to sneak to the kitchen and finish making my coffee. They continued being quiet and I found it strange as they normally come and follow me when I leave the room.
I came back and there was soil scattered all over my carpet. One was feeding the other a plant.
30. That’s impressive.
When my daughter was around 3 and a half, I picked her up from daycare on my way home from work, walked in the door and set her down in the living room to play while I put the mail I had grabbed on the way into the house on the table in the kitchen (which was less than 10 feet away.)
I drop the mail on the kitchen table, turn around and walk back into the living room and she’s butt naked.
It was literally less than 5 seconds….I’m still amazed when I think about it. I can’t even get my shoes off that fast….
31. Left for the pee, came back for the drama.
I was in middle school. I went to the bathroom because the lesson was boring me out of my mind and stayed there for approximately 10 minutes.
While I was returning to class, I saw two cops dragging two of my classmates. They were handcuffed and visibly terrified. Found out some time later that they were arrested for drugs, and the cops came in the class and handcuffed them right there.
32. Babies wait for no one.
I went out to get the mail and when I come back everyone is scrambling to get dressed to go to the hospital because my sister’s water had broke.
33. Never leave fully grown adults alone with a tattoo gun.
I wanted to try tattooing. Bought a gun and practiced on some oranges and stuff, had some friends come over and one of them volunteered to get a simple little bomb done on him. Did it, turned out well, went for a smoke break for 5 minutes and then came back to the rest of the guys tattooing themselves with the same damn needle.
One of them tattooed a circle on their arm by literally holding it like a child holds a crayon and just did overlapping circles (imagine you do a light sketch with a pencil to make a circle) and the other tattooed his ex wife’s name across his forearm in a similar fashion. Started ok but slowly got bigger and worse near the end of the name … serious WTF moment.
34. Perfect timing.
It was bath time for my two kids when they were about 2 and 6. All clean, fished the 2-year-old out, dried him off, put pyjamas on and sent him on his way.
Fished 6-year-old out, dried him, put pyjamas on, then headed out to the living room. Discovered 2-year-old with face covered in red sharpie spots. He was alone for perhaps 45 seconds.
He’d recently seen an episode of Fireman Sam where Naughty Norman does this to fake having measles.
35. You’re never too old.
I was at a wedding helping my cousins set up chairs. My uncle left us alone for about 5 minutes. He came back to find my cousins and I being escorted out for trying to catch the goldfish in the fountain.
We’re all in our 20s. I successfully caught the most by the way.