People Share The Most Ridiculous Excuse They've Ever Heard That Left Them Speechless

There are plenty of sound and legitimate excuses for showing up late to work, meeting, or date — from nightmarish traffic to terrible weather conditions. However, no matter how believable these excuses may seem, some can come up as too exaggerated, which leaves one speechless.

In this article, people share the most ridiculous excuse theyve ever heard.

[Source can be found at the end of the article]

This happened in my previous office.

So, one of the female team members had gone on a vacation to Goa. I was the one mentoring her, and had approved her leave from 24th 27th August.

On 25th August, she sent a mail stating that:

She had missed her bus on 26th of August, and would catch a bus on 27th of August. So, she wanted an extra day of leave.

Initially, I was perplexed.

How can you miss a bus which is on the 26th and send the mail on 25th?

I kept thinking about it, wondering if I had missed out on something. I asked my colleagues around and everyone was literally rolling on the floor looking at the mail.

The person in question reported back on the 28th.

When I showed her the email, she denied remembering sending it.

And when I asked the reason for extending her vacation by a day, she kept quiet for a long time and replied, I am not feeling well. Can I get an off today, please?

And all the team members burst out laughing.

When my sister was in her teens, she started wearing makeup. My mother never wore much more than a bit of face powder.

One evening my sister has some sort of reason to go out, and she dolled herself up. As it was after supper, my mother asked her to make sure she did her chores before she left.

My sisters excuse? I cant do dishes, I have makeup on.

We all just burst out laughing. This response has become a nonsensical tag line for any lame reason to not do anything. Dont want to pass the remote, or get a glass of water? Sorry, no can do. I have makeup on.

My new hire did not show up on his first day. He called in about an hour later, telling me his wife had got into an auto accident that morning on the way to work, and he was at the hospital with her. I did the usual sympathetic reaction: asked if she was okay, etc. I told him to stay with her and just come in the next day.

About an hour after that, his wife called looking for him. When I told her that he was supposed to be with her at the hospital, she hesitated a fraction of a second before replying. I’m not sure if she was just surprised or maybe had a fleeting thought to lie “protect” him. At any rate, she said she was not in the hospital, there was no accident, he does this all the time because he doesn’t want to work, and would I please, please not fire him. I really felt sorry for her, being saddled with such an ass, but I did inform her that the next time she spoke to him, she could tell him not to bother coming in tomorrow.

Another hour passed, and then he called me again. He said that he WAS in the hospital with her, that the accident had given her a traumatic brain injury and she didn’t really know what she was saying or doing. In fact, he was shocked that she was even able use the phone, look up the phone number, and talk coherently with me.

Yeah, right. I fired him… again.

My uncle was a teacher for 35 years. One Monday a student who had always done his homework came up to him and said he didn’t have his work. My uncle thought he was a straight shooter and having taught high school kids for 30 years at that point, he was pretty adept at detecting lies.

That’s why he believed the student when he told him:

“I didn’t do my homework this weekend but I have a really good excuse— I died.

Apparently (I don’t remember the whole story, it was a long time ago) he got hypothermia (outside, I’m guessing) and his heart actually stopped for a few seconds.

Maybe it was over vacation or something, rather than a weekend— I can’t rightly recall, but its a heck of an excuse.

I once was out late on a weekend night. When it was time to go home, my car barely started – the battery was very weak. It turned out to be a bad alternator, but at the time I only knew that the car was struggling to get home on a dying battery. We were living in a complex at that time with assigned parking spaces. I crept into the lot, only to find a car in my assigned spot, and no free spots available. It was very late, and there were no lights on in the complex, no indication of who this car might belong to, so I parked behind it, blocking it in. I pulled the battery out and took it inside to hook up to a charger. In the morning, I slept in late, had a leisurely breakfast, then headed out to look at the car. A lady came out of a nearby unit and complained that I was preventing her from leaving. I said that she was in my spot. Her response? I wouldnt have been in your spot if you hadnt blocked me in! I explained about my car problems and that the battery was charging. That battery took a very long time to charge that day… Eventually I moved and let her leave.

I had a date with a violinist from a very famous rock band. It was good, pleasant. Afternoon coffee and maybe a sandwich, I dont recall. I liked her. Very pretty, good listener—was actually intrigued by my tragic life in software. In other words, surprisingly down to earth.

A day or two later I asked her out again. It was just a simple text.

Her reply was that although she liked me, she was heading to Boston the next day to be artificially inseminated. Or start the process. Some kind of process that resulted in a baby, without sex. She said it was probably not a good time to be dating.

My first inclination was to offer my own services at once. Second was, can I date a pregnant woman? Third was, is she just making that up?

I see her on multiple dating apps all the time. I dont know what happened but I dont really think she has an infant.

I had a coworker who was a compulsive liar, a bad one at that. One day he called in saying he wasn’t able to come to work the next day.

It was just after the 2015 Paris attacks, and he claimed his grandfather had been killed. He was flying to Paris the next day for the memorial service.

He came in for an opening shift the day after that, around 30 hours later. He told us about the memorial service and the numerous places he had visited in France.

No one bothered explaining to him that LA to Paris is an 11 hour flight, a few more for check-in and customs, and had he miraculously found time between he would have been attending the service and visiting the Louvre at 3am.

Interview with a mechanical engineer:

Me — You had good grades throughout, and suddenly you got reappear in 6-month training project. What happened?

He — Sir, there were some personal reasons.

Me — If you don’t mind, could you please elaborate.

He — Sir, I had a breakup with a girl whom I liked. So I couldn’t complete it.

Me (Actually got surprised) — But somebody earlier told me that it’s a 2 member project.

He — Sir, that’s the problem actually. My group mate is the new boyfriend of my ex-girlfriend. So I left the project in between.

I was 15 years old when mutual friends decided to arrange a blind date for a guy and myself. We were both the serious teens in each of our groups, so our friends thought we had a match.

We were scheduled to meet in a cafe one Saturday morning at 11 oclock. A couple of minutes before the appointment, I received a message that read kind of like this:

Sorry, I cant make it. My mother is about to give birth and I need to cut the umbilical cord. Family tradition.

Kudos for being creative?

I am closing on my first house tomorrow. My husband left a year or so ago for his affair partner, who was pregnant, so I sold the house with the bad memories.

This is a big occasion for me; and it’s taken a great deal of effort, like climbing a mountain while being shot at while stepping on fire ant hills, because of extenuating circumstances I’ll leave out of this story.

I found out last week that I have to bring a witness, so I asked an acquaintance I trust. I don’t know many people in the area because I was fairly restricted during the marriage for various reasons.

He said no.

His reason, four days in advance?

My dog is throwing up.

Pretty sure that is on the same level as I’m going to be washing my hair. I was asking for like 30 minutes of time and he was at work. So clearly it wasn’t life-threatening. I have a dog, too. He throws up occasionally.

She walks in late for a 10AM meeting. It’s Daylight Saving Time; I forgot to set my clocks.

Except that this was Wednesday, not Monday.

And, she had had no trouble getting in by 8:30 (her normal start time) on Monday or Tuesday.

And, an hour time change wouldn’t have made her an 90 minutes late.

And… it was the fall change — had she forgotten to change her clocks, she’d have been an hour early, not 90 minutes late!

Almost 15 minutes after the beginning of the lesson, a young student of age 13 years knocks at the door of the classroom and asks me if he could get in. We were already taking notes, and most of all everyone knows my not late rule.

So he was there with his puppy eyes, looking exhausted and having difficulty catching his breath because he was running his way to school and trying to explain why he was late this morning. It was hard to understand but finally I got this sentence:

I was on my way and on time but I had to pull all these snails out of the way so that people dont step on them. I know its silly but I hate it when snails get killed like that.

It was in fact a rainy morning and it was a countryside school.

It was not silly, I have been doing the same since I was a kid and still do it.

I pulled over a car that plowed through a STOP sign and was 12 miles over the residential speed limit of 25 mph. Agitated, I demanded they show me their ID, insurance and registration. I asked the guy who was driving irresponsibly, Sir, why did you not stop at the STOP sign and do you realize you were speeding?

He had a wry smile and told me, You see that party down the block in that park? They have some really, really bad tacos there. I had too many and now I really, really have to go to #2. I am not kidding, you can follow me if you wish to, I am heading to the closest Wawa.

I wasn’t planning on giving him a citation anyway and when I checked his record, it was clean. Did not have any previous outstanding tickets nor warned for anything in the past. I returned to his vehicle and started telling him to be careful and follow the signs and speed limits properly, and yes, with a smile told him use the restroom if he has access to it, I might have cracked a joke on tacos and diarrhea. He heard most of it quietly, without making eye contact and then could not take anymore of it, especially my jokes and yelled out loud: Officer, I really need to go, I am sorry! visibly incensed. Seeing this, I knew he was probably not lying.

Was this excuse weird? Yes, because it was the first time somebody had said they were speeding to take a dump.

My boyfriend and I were in a building that had a piano in one of its abandoned corridors. He, or I, I dont remember, started playing Rachmaninoffs famous Prelude no. 1 Opus 2. The first page of this is quite easy; the second much less so. As we are playing, a very old lady with a stern, determined face tells us to stop: Thats not how it should be played! I will show you.

Brooking no dissent she sits down at the piano, which we obediently vacated, and plays the first page in its entirety. Then, she stops.

Well? I say. The second page too, please! Do go on!

Without a trace of humour she says: I cant. I was practising this piece, and Id gotten to this point. Then came the war.

Literally so: Then came the war. That is: the Second World War. Best excuse Ive ever heard for only being able to play the easy part of a piece of music.

Of course we nodded understandingly.

I had a complete stranger come up and ask me for a few bucks at a Walmart. He had a semi-plausible story ready:

His car was in the shop nearby. The repair was going to cost $400, but … there was an $8 product in the store called “Fix-it” that would do the repaid, and the auto repair place was willing to let him try that first. He only had two bucks on him.

So I gave him the three I had, not even realizing until later that he had to have a debit/ credit card in order to pay the $400, if it came to that. And he was NOT headed to the auto section. When I saw him at the front of the store two minutes later, I reported him to an assistant manager, who told me…the store manager was already out there looking for him. Someone else had reported him.

I have no problem giving a few dollars to someone down on their luck, but this guy had a better cell phone than I do. Um, no.

I had a young guy working for me that called and said that he needed some time off because his grandmother had just died. I told him to take the time he needed and we agreed on a date for him to return to work. A few months later he called saying that he needed more time off because his other grandmother had died. Again I gave him a few days off to be with his family.

Less than a year later we received another call from the same guy. Once again his grandmother had died and he needed time off. I couldnt believe that someone would have used such an unbelievable excuse to get time off of work and was angry at him for taking advantage of our understanding. When he came back to work I suspended him with the intent of firing him. He went home and a few hours later his father called and chewed my head for suspending his son. Turns out the old man had married twice and there were three grandmothers in his sons life.

My friend and I were planning to go on a road trip through Sweden this weekend, so yesterday (Thursday) when I was about to double check with him that hed done his packing and what not, he responded:

About that, I was about to tell you, I kinda ended up in North Korea, so Im a bit tied up right now…

I certainly didnt expect that to happen just out of the blue. Thats literally the other side of the globe from here…

This didn’t happen to me, but it’s too good to not share.

An ex colleague of mine had moved on to another firm. Then he and his girlfriend split up and his timekeeping became abysmal.

His new work tried to be understanding but he could be hours late.

He went through informal meetings, formal meetings and finally a disciplinary process. At the last meeting his boss told him, “If you are even 1 minute late tomorrow you are fired.”

Needless to say he came in 5 minutes late. His boss called him into the office and fired him.

His response, But thats the earliest Ive ever been late!

It wasn’t to me, I just overheard it a few weeks ago.

At the time, I was taking my mom out to lunch for her birthday. As we walked out of the restaurant, a woman with a dog on a leash was standing outside with a sign, begging for money.

Another patron of the restaurant walked outside and, as he passed by her, she asked him for money. The man replied: No, get a job!

The beggar replied: I can’t! I have a dog!

My mother and I looked at each other and were completely perplexed…since when does dog ownership preclude one from working?

A few years back, I was taught by a math tutor who was very punctual about time. He was an excellent teacher, but used to refuse to teach that particular class if one student was late.

One of the students, who came on bicycle, was continuously late for the whole week. He got a good scolding from him. By the end of the week, he promised that this wont happen from the next week.

Come Monday, he was even more late than usual. The teacher was obviously annoyed at his behavior. He asked him to say a very legit reason, only then he could allow him in the class.

And the best excuse he could come up with was The wind was too strong, Sir.

Exactly! The tutor also said the same thing! So???

He replied saying:

I was unable to ride the bicycle as the wind was too strong. And I couldnt pull the bicycle.

I was managing a small general store, and had hired a new girl to work the 106 shift. On her first Saturday morning, I received a call from her grandmother saying: I’m sorry but {Lily} won’t be able to make it to work today. She wanted me to tell you that she’s sick, but actually she was out all night and she’s still drunk. I thanked her for her honesty, and the next day I talked with {Lily} and we decided that her future lay elsewhere. I guess that this would count as Called in drunk.

A house painter I contracted had weirder and weirder excuses for being late.

Once he left his wallet and car keys on the side of the bay and went for a swim, and they were gone when he came back, so he couldnt drive in.

Then he said he was late because his fish escaped.

Hed left the tap on in a pond and all his goldfish were washed down into a creek, and he spent all morning trying to find them.

His other one was he had to look after his father-in-law or hed wander off. Id had enough and said bring him here then. Turned out to be true, and his father-in-law sat on the verandah all day, not really knowing where he was.

A technician who reported to me some years ago was habitually late. Most of his excuses werent particularly credible, and I was really starting to lose patience with him. Then, one day, he showed up more than two hours late.

I had to wait for my plumber to show up, he explained.

But you told me yesterday that you were late because of the plumber. You also said that the plumber had finished the job.

Yes, my employee agreed.

So?

Well, I was hearing weird sounds all night. And this morning I woke up and I couldnt find my cat. I called and called, but she never came.

I admitted that the connection was eluding me.

It turned out that the plumber had made a hole in my bathroom wall to get at the pipes. When he took a break for lunch, the cat must have crawled into the hole. And then he came back after lunch and plastered it up again.

So your cat was trapped in the wall?

Yes. The plumber had to come back and open up the hole again. And then it took a while to coax her back out. She was pretty spooked.

I decided that, if he had made that one up, his talents were being wasted as a technician. So I let it slide.

I once had someone over to be a potential housemate, and offered to make them dinner as well. Maybe she didn’t like my cooking or something because halfway through the meal, she got up and announced, Sorry I have to leave now. My roommate has fallen down the stairs and broken her leg.

Maybe she had telepathic powers, because she sure didn’t receive a phone call or anything. I hope her roommate is okay though…

This one happened recently. So I am lower level management at a grocery store and as such, I hear all kinds of weird reasons—some true, some most likely not—for people calling out of their shifts.

But one girl really took the cake when she came in for her shift but claimed she needed to leave four hours early because she had a gynecologist appointment.

An appointment that she had neglected to notify us of because she made it today. An appointment to see a medical specialist at 4 PM on a Saturday.

When she was asked about how and WHY she had chosen to make this appointment when she knew she had a shift that day, her response was that, It is illegal in this state to not have seen a gynaecologist by a certain age.

In high school I was a crew chief at McDonald’s. While I didn’t actually hire or fire anyone during the training period they mostly answered to me. There was this one girl that was sort of prissy. She didnt want to mess up her hair and loudly complained about the hat she’d have to wear. One day she just didn’t show up. I saw her at school the next day and she told me to take her off the schedule permanently. When I asked why she wasn’t coming back she said that the heat from the oil in the fry machine had melted the mascara on her eyelashes and she didn’t like the feeling.

Serious eye roll for that. Better she didn’t work there after all.

(Source)