People on Reddit were asked: “What’s the cringiest thing your current or ex SO has ever done that they considered to be romantic?” These are some of the best answers.
1. When my grandfather passed away, my ex comforted me by asking if I ever cheated on her. She was full of romance.
2. My one girlfriend hobbled into our bedroom excitedly. I was about to ask why she was limping when she shot onto the bed, got on all fours, butt facing me, and shot a rubber cork out of her butt. She said she was training for anal, but it just felt like a circus stunt gone wrong.
3. My girlfriend when I was 16 tried to give me a lap dance while I was editing her English paper. She threw her head back and broke my nose. At 16 that was still kind of hot.
4. I caught my boyfriend looking at some girls’ chest. When I confronted him he said he was only looking at her boobs because they reminded him of mine. Yeah sure mate.
5. Had an ex who thought that it would be hot to surprise me by getting Hershey’s syrup, whipped cream, and a banana to make a sundae IN HERSELF. Do you want yeast infections?…because that’s how you get yeast infections. She got a yeast infection.
6. My current boyfriend once told me “You give my soul a stiffy”. It was the most unromantic thing that he has said while trying to be romantic. I really don’t understand how he thought it would work.
7. Daycare worker, told me she had a kid on her lap and came thinking about me, got the kid wet. I ended it shortly after that.
8. He used to think that whispering sweet nothings into my ear meant literally whispering the phrase, “sweet nothings.” Took me about a year before I couldn’t keep a straight face anymore.
9. Told me he discussed my boobs with his dad. I should add that he had never even seen, nor touched my boobs at this point, and because of it, he never did after either.
10. After a long week of exams, I came home to take a nap before we went out for the weekend. My ex lied to my roommates to get a key to the place and proceeded to watch me sleep for 4 hours to make sure I wasn’t “disturbed”.
11. Came into my house last night and found a stuffed elephant sitting on the table. While I’m contemplating why there is a Babies-R-Us elephant on a plate, my now fiancee says from the doorway “I think it’s time we address the elephant in the room” and dropped to one knee with a ring box. I’m still giggling over that one.
12. Bought me one praying mantis egg because she thought it would contain one praying mantis. It hatched in my room and there were like 500 babies eating each other and crawling everywhere, since they were small enough to fit through the vents in the bug cage.
13. She tried baby talk during sex. Once. I had to stop and couldn’t finish.
14. Actually, it was pretty cute and I loved it at the time because it was dorky… Still a little groan-worthy. Back in high school my ex and I played World of Warcraft with our friends – we did an in-game “date” where he had me put him on auto-follow and asked me to keep my eyes closed. Then he took our characters to this “hidden” spot with a pretty waterfall, pond, pretty view etc. and we proceeded to have a “picnic” with our characters.
Thinking about it makes me hide my face in my hands, but we both knew it was dorky and was just a little fun. I’m just glad we went on real, regular dates too or else that would’ve been a problem.
15. He gave me a picture of “him”, it was an old pic of him and his ex cut in half. He cut it right in front of me and put the other half back in his drawer…
16. We were 17. She made cute caricatures of all 4 of our future children. We had been dating 3 months. She’s lucky the sex was amazing.
17. My ex during Valentine’s day decided to surprise serenade me with a guitar outside my dorm window. The thing is, I lived on the fourth floor and he decided to do it at 8AM. So, he was on the street and bellowing to me at the top of his lungs so that I could hear from my window while waking up everyone in the building.
Everything would have been dandy if he was a good singer. But he’s not. There were so many people walking back and forth staring at him. He couldn’t hear me when I was yelling at him to stop. It was just an awful situation. This was the same ex who wrecked his front bumper because he dropped his car too low.
18. Draw a heart on the dinner table… with his semen… and surround it with candles.
19. While he was getting lowered into a police car for domestic violence, the last words I ever heard from him were but I bought you Midol today!!” Apparently he thought this was a romantic gesture…
20. I had an ex propose to me after 3 weeks of dating.
21. My now-husband, after a night of drinking in college, decided he would sneak into my dorm room (I had to work the following morning) and kiss me awake and we’d have some sexytime.
He completely overestimated the level of suaveness he could pull off while plastered. He makes it through the door without me hearing, but I wake up to a naked dude crawling up my body from the bottom of my twin bed. I screamed and shoved – as one should in such a scenario – and he ended up on the floor, where he very nearly passed out.
About this time, I realized who it was, got his naked butt up off the floor, closed the door after assuring my sleepy neighbor that he was fine, and shoved him into my bed. I got into bed, and he attempted to crawl on top of me, mumbling something about how sexy I was in the middle of the night. It took two “Go to SLEEP”s before he finally rolled over and passed out. He had no idea the next day how he’d ended up in my bed.
22. My girlfriend of 6 months told me one night when we were about to go to get into bed for the night. That she finally felt comfortable enough with me that she pooped without worrying if I heard…
23. There was this guy that I was making out with, but I was hell-bent on not letting it get serious. He was handsome, but he was way too cringy. So one night, he texts me to come up to his dorm, and I’m expecting the usual make out session.
When I arrive, he greets me at the door. Candles glittering like a godamn Toni Braxton video. We weren’t even allowed to have candles. He picks me up in bridegroom pose and whisks me over to his twin bed. All the while, his poor roommate is hunched over his computer in the corner with his headphones on, just pretending that this is all not happening. The guy proceeds to play me a song he wrote on his acoustic guitar and sings to me with tears in his eyes. I just kept glancing at the roommate for some intervention, but nah, he wasn’t having it.
When he finishes, he puffs his chest for courage and confidently declares his love for me. There was a long, cliffhanger of a silence before I said: “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same.” That was about the time he literally ripped off his button-up shirt in some display of brute strength and started banging his head on the wall, sobbing and murmuring about being pathetic. I actually walked over and used my hand as a cushion between his forehead and the wall to get him to stop. Meanwhile, his roommate never acknowledged what was going on around him. Not even once.
24. One of my best friends accidentally mentioned her ex had a big penis to her new boyfriend, she then tried to make him feel better by saying ‘a smaller penis is better for me, sometimes his was so big we couldn’t actually have sex’
Needless to say- he was pissed, and I found it hilarious.
25. Im into giving romantic gifts. I bought my ex girlfriend a lovely necklace with a heart on it. She bought me a remote control toy jet that shattered when it flew the first time.
26. Smelt my armpit. We were making out, and then he just sort of muzzled his nose in my armpit and shouted “HOW DOES YOUR ARMPIT ALSO SMELL SO GOOD” It was weird… Oh, and after the make out session, after a while, when we were about to sleep he put his nose in my armpit and slept. cringe
27. I was in bed with this girl I was dating and she actually whispered, “Out of all the guys I’ve been with, you’ve got the 3rd biggest penis.”
28. We were on our first weekend away sort of vacation, and we went to go hang out with a lot of his college friends over the weekend for various lunches and hang outs and such. Turns out several of the girls we met up with he had some thing or other with, but I didn’t know until like after meeting them or right before. It was so so so awkward for me. I still don’t understand why it went the way it did, but we are fantastic now that I’ve gotten over it. He’s a great person and very much a feminist so he has lots of respect for the ladies and lots of friends who are ladies but this was not cool.
29. At 18, I proposed to my SO in the parking lot of Border’s Bookstore. Yeah, we never got married. We do have an amazing son and a great friendship though. We still laugh at the ridiculousness of this.
In my defense, she is OBSESSED with reading and has many fantasies based on books and literary characters so I was close… right?
30. When I was about 15, I started dating a boy who lived about 2 hour drive away from me. He would write me letters but he was obsessed with Buffy. He said he was my Angel. He would start each letter with “Dear Buffy” and then tell me how he beat people up as he defended the streets. I have so many of these letters which even continued after we broke up.
I am not blonde either