1. I had a group of lazy AP kids a few years ago and at progress report time, about 2/3 were failing. I read them the riot act explaining that I wouldn’t round up their grades at the end of the quarter to a D- just so they’d pass.
I kept saying, “I’m not going to just give you the D, you need to earn the D.” The kids held out the first two times I said it, but the third they started giggling and I heard it and we all laughed to the point of crying.
It was worse than the time I said I was going to “Netflix and chill” with my cat one weekend because I didn’t know what that meant yet.
2. In band rehearsal once, I accidentally passed gas.
One of my tuba players nearby heard it and tooted a low B flat on the tuba, matching pitch. We both just looked at each other and laughed.
3. I’m a professor at a university, and I know this doesn’t exactly answer the question, but 5 minutes ago I let my class go 30 minutes early because I felt a huge fart coming.
4. I had a teacher that would tell everyone coming into class in the winter “jacket off” repeatedly every day. Everyone made sure to wear jackets to class just to hear it.
This was a school rule. He was the only teacher who didn’t say something like “coats off” or “hang up your jackets”. I don’t think he got the joke.
5. My teacher had a Smartboard and was teaching a lesson. When he finished, he sat down but forgot his computer was still hooked up. We watched him go to his email, open a chat, and ask whoever it was for ‘another hot hole picture.’
He got fired two years later for something similar.
6. My nose was super clogged from a head cold, and I hate blowing my nose in front of my students. I have a closet in the back of the room that I escape to to release some of the pressure.
At home, my husband and I joke that when I blow my nose it feels like parts of my brain are coming out too from all the pressure release. One thing lead to another, and I casually mentioned I was heading to the closet to “blow my brains out.”
The students were understandably concerned.
7. I was showing a class of 8th graders how to make something out of clay and as I was demonstrating I said, “Now slap your balls back and forth in your hands.”
8. A few semesters I also taught PE. One day I packed a pair of translucent yellow gym shorts. I didn’t realize they were translucent and showed my leopard print underwear until after teaching an entire step class – one of my students told me after.
9. I’m a fourth grade teacher and before winter break my class was making ornaments to take home. They were simple glass balls that we filled with paint. We were starting to clean up and a few boys were still working on the ornaments on the other side of the room. I yelled over to them:
“Adam and Scott, get your balls over here right now!”
10. Once when I was still subbing, I covered a health class for high school freshmen. The teacher had me play a video about the dangers of smoking.
One of the kids asked, “Mister, you ever smoked?”
Without thinking, I said, “Tobacco? No.”
11. When I was a TA in university I used the washroom just before a lab started. Normally, I don’t have any issues, but one time I let out 2 drops after I zipped up. I also happened to be wearing light blue jeans. There was no way I could dry this in time and it was important I was there on time.
There were about 20 first year students and they definitely noticed. I was the TA who peed himself.
12. This one’s my mom’s story. She has a lot of allergies, so for a while she was using a neti pot every morning (one of those new agey things where you rinse your sinuses with salt water).
One day during her first period class, I think sophomore Spanish, a kid asks for help with a worksheet. So my mom walks over to his desk, bends over… and water pours out of her nose all over his paper, ruining the sheet. I guess you have to tip your head just right to get all the water out. She hasn’t done the neti pot since then.
13. We were reading a story about the Victorian era where the word “corset” was used. Kids didn’t know what that was, so I trotted over to the LED projector hooked to my laptop and googled “corset.”
Yeah my mind was in the Victorian era, but Google was in Victoria’s Secret. All those images–many of them with full nips showing–just got blown up across the wall of my classroom.
And that’s when the principal walked in for my quarterly evaluation.
14. I had to get a little stern with my class about not being late. To drive my point home I finished my rant with “the clock is right there” while pointing at the clock on the back wall.
Only, for reasons I’m still not sure of, my tongue just froze up for a second and decided not to pronounce the “L” in clock… I didn’t have much control of the class for the rest of the day.
15. My economy professor stood on a little stage thing in the huge 1500 people auditorium. All went well, but at one point during the class there is a large popup on his projected presentation, some kind of Bluetooth pairing thing popped up and said:
“Bombshell69 wants to connect”
Everyone burst out laughing.
Prof looks bewildered for a second, hits decline, disables something in the settings, then looks up, smiles, and says “maybe we should connect after the lecture….”
16. Most of my embarrassing moments happen when I’m teaching P.E. because I never catch potential sexual innuendos ahead of time. I’ve said things like:
“Ok, now everyone grab your two balls and hang onto them”
“If you don’t put it in right now you are out of the game”
“You can swallow it or spit it out, your choice” (gum)
And on and on. I usually only notice when the class starts giggling, and then I have to pretend that I don’t know why they are.
17. Not so much embarrassing as confusing and concerning, but while I was student teaching last semester I was on the sidelines as the students were doing a quiz or something and accidentally said the ‘f-word’ under my breath. A student who was walking by heard me so I started apologizing profusely, to which they responded “That’s okay. That’s not even the worst thing I’ve heard you say.”
I have no idea what I said and they would not give me any other details. I still think about it sometimes.
18. First day of school, in my first year teaching, I was sitting on a desk and going over the syllabus. The desk tipped out from under me, resulting in me falling off. I teach high school theater and since it was the first day of class, the kids were dead silent. So I said, “guys.. Laugh! That was hysterical!” and they burst into laughter. What a way to break the ice.
19. As a camp counselor I was kind of absentminded when the kids were telling me stories one day. One told me that he had fainted once from heat stroke. While listening I was thinking out loud and said, “What if you actually died that day and we’re all actually just waiting in purgatory?”
There was an awkward silence and the boy said, “Ms. Mae, I don’t like that.”
20. Recently I said “penis” instead of “pieces” while reading Of Mice and Men aloud to a class of 9th grade boys. I work at a Catholic school.
One kid’s response was simply, “Niiiiice.”
21. The most embarrassing thing I said was during student teaching. I used to have a terrible habit of blurting out the same response to certain questions/statements. Things like “YOU’RE dumb” in response to “that’s dumb.” But I kept it in check while I was in school.
Except this one time. A kid asked my where my jacket was and I said what I always said when someone asked me where something was:
“I sold it for drug money.”
22. I had just begun class, freshman comp at a community college, and was going over what the day’s plan was. A student walked in a few minutes late, sat down, and pulled out his computer. Upon opening the computer, very loud moaning sounds of porn emanated into the room for approximately three seconds. Once he got it to stop, he shakily said, “I’m sorry.”
I stood at the podium and said um and uh a couple of times and then, “Give me just a minute, guys.” I sat stood there looking down at the podium, trying to collect my thoughts as calmly as humanly possible, so I could continue class like nothing happened. After around 15 seconds of pure and uncomfortable silence, a kid from the back of the room let out a brief chuckle.
Then all hell broke loose.
(story continued on the next page…)
I lowered my head to behind the podium and LOST IT. I laughed hysterically and uncontrollably for at least 30 to 45 seconds, emulating Stewie’s ridiculous laugh from that episode of Family Guy but with far more wheezing and high-pitched squealing. The entire class started laughing with me as soon as I started.
After I was finally able to collect myself, I apologized to everyone and said I was sorry, and that I had tried so hard to remain composed. Later, when telling this story to other faculty, they agreed that there’s no time in pedagogy classes devoted to the appropriate reaction to porn noises being played during class, and that I did the best with what I could by not calling the kid out (I literally didn’t make eye contact with him once) or kicking him out of class for something that was embarrassing enough as it was.
23. I had a math professor who would come into class everyday and start writing on the board. He’d get right into it everyday go the whole lesson without stopping. He had a bad gas problem and would fart while teaching sometimes loud sometimes soft.
He’d fart and just keep going with out skipping a beat. On his part it’s probably the best way to handle the situation, but there was some times I had to leave class because I started laughing so hard.
24. I was not a teacher but a student in college. We were in the middle of an exam in my music class with around 40 students. I was sick at the time but made it to class to take the test. Felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and it was my girlfriend at the time.
As I pulled my phone out of my pocket it dropped and ‘text-to-speech’ was turned on. The most robotic woman voice started reading the message. She had texted me how she would take care of me and make me feel better, wrapping me up in a blanket, and maybe even doing me a sexual favour.
I grab the phone and rip the battery out while the entire class got a good dose of robot cuddly talk.
25. Not a teacher, but I had a teacher who had a night job doing standup. After summer vacation, he was asking everyone what they did on their summer holidays. One kid lived on a farm, and said he had spent the summer breeding horses.
Teacher asked if he needed a chair…
26. We were discussing love at first sight as we read Romeo and Juliet in a ninth grade class. I asked them how much looks matter. They agreed looks matter a lot. I meant to say, “You don’t normally look across the mall and say, ‘Wow, I bet she’s got a good personality.'”
I actually said, “You don’t normally look across the mall and say, ‘Wow, I bet she gives good personality.'”
Clearly not what I should have said.
27. I was chatting to a student while my SO facebooked me. I saw his name pop up on my laptop screen. Half listening to the student I replied “yes my love”.
I looked up to a horrified 12yo boy’s face.
28. I’m a PE teacher at an elementary school. We were in the middle of a gymnastics unit and I was demonstrating a forward roll for a 3rd grade class. When I flipped, I saw something pink fly out of my pants leg….it was a pair of my daughters underwear that must have clung to the inside of my pants when I got them out of the dryer. I picked them up before any of them really noticed exactly what they were.
29. I’m a highschool teacher who breastfeeds her baby, so I pump for milk during breaks. One day I shut the classroom door and covered the windows so I could pump. While I had one of my boobs flopped out, I suddenly felt the urge to fart.
So I did it. I let one rip.
That’s when I heard a muffled sound from the back of the class… Apparently there was one male student left, staying in the room to finish his homework. I couldn’t look him in the eye for the rest of the year.
30. I had a PE teacher in high school yell at a couple girls for wearing thongs to the class. Both looked mortified, one claimed she wasn’t. The teacher said I can see them, you’re both wearing thongs! One girl checks her underwear. The teacher meant flip flops. They were wearing flip flops to PE. It was embarrassing for everyone.