Don’t try to deny it, you’ve let your brain wander to some dark places haven’t you? Well that’s perfectly normal, just ask the people on this list!
Here, 25 people share thoughts they had that made them feel like terrible people. Do they outdo you or maybe you’ve got a hint of serial killer inside too? Enjoy! And make sure to check out the sources at the bottom for even more.
1. Newsworthy
I build graphics for nightly newscasts. One night during our last commercial break I realized I had forgotten to build the weather graphics. These are nine different maps from around the world with temperature info, sun, clouds, etc. The show allocates two minutes to these maps. By not having these maps ready, the two hosts at the news desk would have to fill this time with some kind of banter. And there was no way to build these graphics during the last commercial break.
I was just getting ready to tell the director that I wouldn’t have the graphics ready when the producer, checking his computer, said “Okay everybody, there’s been a plane crash…we’re dropping weather and talent is going to talk about the accident for two minutes.”
Yes!
dekogeko
2. No half measures Walter.
Last night I attended a conference about the scope of the methamphetamine problem in my county. I learned the problem is widespread (23% of our population are meth users according to a fact sheet that was passed out) and attempting to rehabilitate offenders is costing the county an incredible amount of money.
I thought, “Why not just stop prosecuting meth users for a year or two. It will introduce a limiting factor on our county’s population and we can thin the herd if you may.” Apparently I do not value human life…
NumblyBumbly
3. Glad that argument’s settled.
After a rough several months, my SO was just diagnosed with a personality disorder. My first thought was “Oh thank god, I’m not the crazy one, he is!”
I feel like a truly terrible spouse.
marriedtocray
4. Choo-Choo!
When I heard an old teammate of mine died because he got hit by a train, my thought process became this:
“How do you get run over by a train? You can see it coming. You can hear it coming. You know where it’s going. It’s not like it’s going make any sudden movements to hit you. All you have to do is to get off the tracks. Unless…”
Then I chuckled. It was kind of awkward after that.
sterlingarcher0069
5. A killer deal.
This just happened yesterday. We’ve been told every day by a property management company that we’d hear back with the decision on a house we both love “today”, since Friday. Yesterday they called and started with “Unfortunately…” and my heart sank. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
“Unfortunately… the sellers had a death in the family and haven’t been able to look over your information yet.” Instant relief. Then instant sadness that I was that selfish.
ctrlaltninja
6. I don’t really see what else a wedding is for.
I’m at that age where everyone I know is getting married. Usually when I’m told about a wedding, my first thought is “there better be an open bar.”
My priorities apparently involve getting drunk a lot.
Ih8YourCat
7. With great power comes great responsibility.
Most of my terrible thoughts are things that would be physically really easy to do, but you “never” would. Like a flick of the wheel to drive into oncoming traffic, stepping out in front of a bus, or giving someone that extra push when they’re looking over a high place. If I think about it long enough, its like I have to make a conscious effort not to turn the wheel. Freaks me out.
horseknee69
8. Stay at home dad.
When my dad died I thought it would be cool to have him taxidermied and made into a butler-esque statue to put my keys and wallet in his hands when I walked into my house.
Bear03
9. You get what you give.
A guy I knew from high school died in a motorcycle accident. My first thought was, “Good. That’s what you get for trying to go through an intersection in-town at 60MPH.” I think I may have even laughed a little. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
He was always a bit of a bully and a total douche. My strongest memory of him from high school was him getting drunk, then stealing an SUV and crashing it through several backyards. I didn’t even attend the funeral. I feel bad about it every time I think I see him at the bars and remember it’s definitely not him.
Overglock
10. What’s his handicap?
My younger brother (dude is only 24) had a stroke. He went to the hospital, was under observation, then had a second “attack” and was put into ICU. He is doing great now, but my first thoughts were trying to think of funny golf jokes to make fun of him.
You know, something like: “We can’t go golfing with Jimmy anymore. He might mess around too much and get a few extra strokes”
Stregano
11. But first you have to spend the night in a haunted house.
When I was told my Grandparents were dying my first thought was about how much they were going to leave me in their will… That was bad.
toxicbox
12. Stick ’em with the pointy end.
Whenever I’m holding a sharp or dangerous object… “Oh man I could totally kill anyone in this room right now because they all trust me. That would be awful… No… stop picturing what it would look like… OH DEAR GOD GET IT AWAY FROM ME!
SeraphicRage
13. Geronimo!
One summer, I was visiting Yosemite with my family and we hiked up to the top of this giant slab of granite. I’m talking like at least 1,000 feet high if not more. All of a sudden I had the biggest urge to jump off the edge and see what would happen. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
It was the most jarring experience I’ve ever had where my mind was simultaneously saying “Go ahead, see what happens” and “You know that will end poorly.” I ended up just backing away from the edge slowly and continued having a great vacation.
echc47
14. Stone cold.
My roommate cut his wrist in our dorm room. When I found out I thought “I hope he didn’t bleed on my stuff.”
probablydurnk
15. Sorry, I just dropped my mixtape.
I once had a job that I really hated. One morning while getting ready for work I smelled smoke and my first thought after thinking the apartment was on fire was that I did not have to go to work. Never thought about saving anyone.
Seomike
16. No wonder monster trucks are popular.
Whenever I get stuck in really bad traffic on the road, I always find myself thinking, “man, there had BETTER be an accident.”
Like if it was just a traffic jam I would be super pissed, but seeing a terrible car wreck would make it ok.
bonesaw_is_ready
17. The Dark Knight goes back to bed.
I work the morning news – and when I say morning, I mean morning: my shift starts at 3:30am.
But no early morning shift was gonna stop me from seeing the midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises, so I drove straight from the theater to the station parking lot and took a quick nap. (Story Continues…)
Continued on the next page!
When I got up, I walked into the audio room, still completely un-rested, when the news broke of the Aurora shootings. My first thought was “Fuck yes, I don’t have to do shit today because it’ll be nothing but continuing coverage” and slumped down in the chair and went back to sleep, only to be arisen for minor show tweaks.
dkauffman
18. Making deep cuts.
I worked for a company that was going through a rough patch, and my boss called me in to say I need to cut two people from my team. I thought “yessss I can finally get rid of that dead-weight [x].” Then I remembered that [x] is a single mom with two kids.
data_wrangler
19. Till death do us part.
When I left my ex husband, he threatened suicide. First thought I had was “Well, that’d make the divorce easier.”
He didn’t follow through on the threat and is doing a lot better now.
112233445566778899
20. Lets order room service and make a pillow fort!
One of my best friends was dumped by his long term girlfriend earlier this year.
We were both going to a wedding in Cuba. I was the only single one of the group which meant I was going to have either have my own room in Cuba and pay a bunch more money to so or find someone I barely knew from their family to room with. So when he texted me to talk about it, my first thought was “Sweet! Now I got a roomie for the trip!”
Berner
21. Hope you kept the receipt…
I visited family in New York a couple weeks before the Twin Towers fell. I was 16 at the time so when we visited the city, I was taken shopping. I bought a purse in the mall underneath the WTC. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
On 9/11, my first thought was “OH NO. THE MALL!”
A few seconds later I realized I had family working in the towers and family working in NYPD and FDNY and that I was a terrible person.
But still, that mall was awesome.
dahngrest
22. The role of a lifetime.
When I first heard that Heath Ledger had died, the first thing out of my mouth was: “Oh crap! …Did they at least finish The Dark Knight!?”
CallMeCaleb
23. Give them the foils, young Osric.
I get this when watching live stage. “You know, nobody could stop me in time if I just walked down the aisle, climbed up on stage and just suckerpunched the lights out of Hamlet.”
I am so not a violent person, either.
guyincorporated
24. Try to get a rhythm going.
When riding my bike around campus I get the urge to just slap people’s butts as I ride past. Not just one gender. Anyone. It would be so easy for me to just ride off before they even knew what happened/what to do.
easyR
25. Who doesn’t?
I imagine how many people I could take out with a longsword before I die. Not entirely psychotic, I just want to be Aragorn.
Peteron85