The following AskReddit users share some heartwarming signs that prove a truly loving relationship is always a healthy one too.
Source list available at the end.
THAT is how you know
When they love my family and treat them well too. My mom has been really sick for the last few months, and she just told me today that my boyfriend has been texting her frequently to see how she’s doing and for any hospital updates. He never mentioned it to me that he was doing this, so it’s not like he was being fake and trying to get brownie points. I think he just knows that I’ve been in a really bad place dealing with my mom being sick, and I don’t really like talking about it. So, he just communicates directly with her or my dad. I know he’s a good person, and he cares about my family, but today it really hit home just how much.
Communication Is Open And Trust Is Prominent
When you both acknowledge your own failings and are willing to work on them. When you put the other person before yourself, communication is open and trust is prominent.
There Aren’t Intense High And Lows
There aren’t intense highs and lows. In my current relationship, there’s a steady contentedness. We’re not constantly on the verge of not working out. If there is a problem, both of us are invested enough and care for each other enough to want to work through it
Matching Mentalities
I always tell my wife that her outrageousness matches mine. We never yell at each other. We talk to work out our problems. We take good care of each other and always go the extra mile. They say it’s the simple things that make it work, and I have found that to be extremely true. You know you’re in a good relationship if you two are a team before anything else.
A Mutual Respect For Each Other’s Personal And Private Space
Having independence does not automatically mean a lack of love. Mutual respect for each other’s personal and private space is the key to any healthy relationship!
Able To Maintain Other Healthy Relationships As Well
Your relationships with other people aren’t damaged by it.
Addressing Problems
When you have a relationship difficulty, you both address it as “us against the problem” as opposed to “me versus you.”
In It For The Long Haul
A hallmark sign of being in a healthy relationship is when I’m not looking for a way out. I feel content when I know we’re both planning for the future (a future together). If I can’t imagine myself with him six months down the line for whatever reason, then there is an issue that needs to be sorted out.
Cheer Each Other On
Your partner feels your every success as much (or more than) you do.
Your partner should always be encouraging you to be the best that you can be, without having the fear of losing you, or the fear of you growing apart from them.
Intentions
When you both know how to apologize. You must understand that (unless you’re in an abusive and terrible relationship), your significant other is NOT out there to maliciously hurt you. Realizing this will help you be open-minded when listening to the other side of things, instead of blaming the other person for intentionally upsetting you or doing wrong against you.
Everyone is more innocent than you realize, and it’s easier to forgive innocence.
My favorite quote is from Democritus, and it says: “My enemy is not the man who wrongs me, but the man who means to wrong me.”
They Bring Out The Best In You
A healthy relationship is having two independent people with their own lives and dreams who happen to wind up together purely because they love the other person for who they are. Not out of loneliness, the need to be rescued, or wanting someone else to make you feel better. Your lives don’t revolve around each other and your relationship isn’t your only source of happiness. Your partner actively and passively brings the best out of you and you bring out the best out of them. They are able to make you feel “high,” in a way that doesn’t make you feel unstable. Seeing them happy and doing well in life genuinely makes you feel happy as well.
Mutual Trust
Mutual trust. We have no reason to go through each other’s phones, but we both leave them laying around.
Not Walking On Eggshells
When you aren’t walking on eggshells around the other person. You aren’t worried about their reaction because their reaction to situations is rational.
Through Thick And Thin
You know because if you suffer from a mental illness, your significant other will help you get calm and slow down a crisis instead of just making it worse.
Appreciate The Little Things
You both appreciate the little thing. Like you don’t have to blow $200 just to put a smile on their face. A couple years ago, my stepmom sent my dad and I to pick up groceries for her. While we were there, my dad picked up just an ordinary glazed donut shaped like a heart because he thought it would be sweet. It wasn’t even morning time. It was around 5, and she was about to cook dinner, but he brought it home, and she had the biggest smile on her face when she saw it.
Share A Laugh And A Conversation
When you guys can laugh and maintain good conversations about anything. That’s when you have a keeper. My wife is amazing because she is so easy to talk to and has a great sense of humor. This makes any disagreements seem like they would not be the end of the world.
True Colors
A lot of the time, I’m insecure about people liking me or I’m worried that I’m bothering them. But with my partner, I’m sure that he loves me, and I don’t feel that same doubt that I do around other people. It’s a nice feeling.
No Oversharing
We never post anything about it on Facebook.
The Honeymoon Stage Is A Lie
He just told me yesterday that he thinks the honeymoon stage is a lie because the longer he’s with me, the more he loves me. It’s been well over a year. Sometimes he still almost crashes the car into the side of the road because he gets distracted looking at me!
I love him very much, and we always are doing little things for each other. I think that’s as good a sign as anything.
Give And Take
If you have to ask yourself if you are in a healthy relationship, your relationship is probably not healthy. A healthy relationship has ‘give and take’. One person is not always right. Both people should allowed and feel free to be themselves without any ridicule, embarrassment, and be fully accepted for who they are. Relationships also have to allow both people to grow as humans.
You Can’t Give Up
A lot of people just stop trying when they move in together or get married, or have kids. The truth is a relationship is something that’s always actively maintained by two people, it’s not something you’re ever “done” building.
Knowing how to fight healthy, because you will fight, is part of that. It’s two people vs the problem instead of each person trying to be “right”.
Two Halves Of A Whole
I’m an impatient person, always have been, but I try to curb that for him. He tends to forget things like where he put something or assumes he gave it to me for safekeeping. I’m the planner/organizer in this relationship. I make sure the trains run on time. He’s the big picture/dreamer. He reminds me there’s more to life than the trains running on time and that if they don’t, it’ll be ok.
Just Being Together
When you are comfortable just lying around together doing nothing.
Be Kind
My brother and sister-in-law told me this story once. I like it because there’s nothing else special except this one little note –
It was a weekday. They each work at demanding jobs so they both come home pretty tired. My brother got home first and started doing things around the apartment that needed to be done. My sister-in-law comes home and brings him a Chipwich ice cream for no special reason.
That’s how my brother knew she loved him.
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A Few Points To Remember
Both of you bring out the best in each other.
Both parties understand that alone-time is a thing.
Jealousy only exists in small and healthy amounts which keeps the relationship fresh.
You can’t wait to spend time with each other.
You make time for your significant other because you genuinely want to.
Small problems are not worth fighting about.
You don’t ever think about leaving the relationship.
You feel attracted to other people, but it doesn’t matter because you’re perfectly happy, and you can just look without any desire to chase others.
But most of all – a relationship shouldn’t be hard work. Yes, it takes some work to maintain a healthy and a functioning relationship but it’s something that you should enjoy not dread.
There Is A Difference Between Conflict And Hostility
Conflict is normal. Hostility is not. When you can comfortably disagree on things, it’s likely you’re in a healthy relationship.
Another general rule for a good relationship is having good experiences with your partner five times as often as bad experiences.
60/40
It’s a great relationship when the efforts are more or less divided 60/40. And you’re both trying to be the one giving 60.
Compassion For Each Other
I love how caring and compassionate my wife is, and I love how she wants to comfort me when I’m having a rough time. I love how she encourages me to do what makes me happy, instead of what makes me rich. I love how much she cheers me on.
I love how when I had a rough day at work yesterday, I came home and she had cleaned the entire house (we usually divide up chores), ordered my favorite takeout, and set up a candle light dinner for the two of us even though she also worked a tough full-time job that day.
I love how I can pick any day of our lives together and there will be something that she did or said that is loving and kind.
I have someone that I can share intimate secrets with. I have someone who wants me, and someone that I want.
Yes, we obviously are physically intimate, but that is such a small part of what makes me happy in this marriage. You can’t survive in a marriage on sex alone. You have to know how to work as a team. You have to have and maintain trust in each other. You have to genuinely want the other person to be happy. You have to accept that you are loved.
It’s amazing to have someone be there for you and understand you in a way that a friend just won’t and can’t. I have someone that I love, and someone that loves me for who I truly am.
I don’t feel alone. I don’t feel vulnerable to the universe. I feel loved.
Yes, I have good friends. Yes, I have some good family. They are all great, but they just don’t hold a candle to my wife. She chose to be with me. I choose to be with her. I want her to be as happy as I am.
My marriage is one of the better ones, but it isn’t unique in support and love.
Coming From A Place Of Love And Not Spite
This really is the key to a successful relationship. The steady contentedness means that you can safely weather the storms of life. If you’re always seeking the most passionate of moments at all times then you can’t stop to appreciate the goodness of the life that is in front of you.
And when things get tough, you’ll know that you’re partner has your back.
That’s worth more than damn near anything.
My girlfriend and I are moving in together this weekend. We are both nervous as hell, overthinking the little things, and worried how we’ll get along. But we also both know that even if we do get into each other’s face, it’s coming from a place of love and not spite because we are invested in making it work. That pure knowledge is the key to our success. It is the bedrock of the comfort that we have with each other.
The Relationship Cannot Be One-Sided
When the relationship isn’t one-sided, one person shouldn’t have the responsibility of the world on their shoulders. Things should be shared as equally as possible. This is in regards to all aspects of the relationship. One person shouldn’t always have the responsibility of taking care of the house if both people work forty-hours. One person shouldn’t always put in the effort to plan dates and outings. One person shouldn’t always initiate sex and physical affection. One person shouldn’t stress themselves out trying to take care of and have to do nice things for their spouse when they don’t get anything in return. If any of these things are truly one sided, and it isn’t a mutual agreement between partners, someone is going to feel upset, frustrated, depressed, stressed, or unloved that they are the only one giving in the relationship and are likely to feel as though their partner doesn’t care about them.
Each person has a responsibility to make their partner happy, and they should want to do it. If it feels like a burden to do something nice for your significant other, then the relationship probably isn’t working on some level.
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Note: Comments have been edited for clarity.