Kids say the darndest things!
People revealed to us some of the funniest things that their kids have said in complete obliviousness
1. Birds and the bees.
We went to a national trust place where there was a bee keeper and a falconer. Later that day she went round telling people she new all about the birds and the bees now. She was about four at the time.
2. Don’t forget your “sugar”.
My oldest daughter ran out of the bathroom saying my middle daughter had made a terrible mess. I asked her, “What did she do?”
She replied, “She spilled your pooping sugar!”
Pooping sugar? Then it hit me.
She had spilled my powdered laxative.
3. Poop inside.
One day my then-4 year old comes to me after a trip to the bathroom and says “Mom, I made a big mistake. I’m sorry.” I ask “What did you do?” She says “I stuck my finger in my butthole and I shouldn’t have. I DIDN’T KNOW THERE WAS POOP IN THERE!!!”
I’ve never laughed so hard.
4. Not ready for that talk yet.
My niece who was 4 at the time always liked rubbing my belly when I was nearly to term with my first pregnancy. One day she asked me if the baby could come out to play and I told her not yet
Then she asked me if she has a room in there to play in and if she could instead go in to play with the baby. I again said no.
Then came the hard questions, she asked me if my fiance had put her in there and how he did it. I didn’t know how to answer that and before I could think of an answer she followed it up with asking if there was a hole to go through where the baby was. In my panic I answered with telling her that my fiance and I put her in my belly button so she could grow. I figure she will learn the truth eventually so there’s nothing wrong with a little white lie.
5. Not that old.
My little cousin saw me looking through a National Geographic magazine with woolly mammoths on the cover. Questions ensue and I explain that they are extinct animals who lived a long time ago. Little cousin then asks me, “Was Grandpa alive when woolly mammoths were?”
6. Curious cat.
My cat ran into a tv table and knocked it over and runs as fast as he can to another room, my 7 year old just looks at me and says “that damn cat”. It was so hard not to laugh, I did chuckle a bit as I told him damn wasn’t a word for kids to use.
He cracks me up. It’s like living with a tiny old man.
7. It just adds flavor.
Four year old at dinner table crying hysterically. Asked what’s wrong and he says “a fly just pooped on my corn!!!” I looked at it and realized it was only pepper.
It took hours to calm him and years to convince him that pepper is not fly poop.
8. They say babies grow up quick, but not that quick.
I was about 7 months pregnant. My then 2 year old went down for a nap. While she was sleeping, my friend came over with her 5 month old baby
My 2 year old woke up, saw the baby, looked at me, and said, “Your baby came out?”
9. Kids are hilarious.
My kids are grown now, but we still laugh about these. First, when our family was on vacation, there was a wind storm raging late one night. My step daughter, about 7 at the time, walked into our room and asked if it was a “tomato”. It was so innocently hilarious.
The second came from our youngest. He was playing a video game and was really getting into it. My husband and I were in the next room when we hear him yell, “Beware, for I am the Butthole of Doom!” We spent the next 5 minutes laughing so hard we had tears.
10. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Background: There are chickens that roam our neighborhood.
Conversation with my daughter:
Me: When I got home tonight there was a chicken in our yard.
Kid: What was it doing?
Me: Oh just pecking the ground eating bugs and worms I’m sure.
Kid: I don’t know what’s it’s name is, but if I had a chicken I’d name it Little Pecker.
11. Not that type of napkins…
My son was about 5 I took him into the ladies room with me, he didn’t have to go so I picked a stall at the end where he could stand outside next to the door so I could see his feet. From outside my door I hear. “Mom, can I have a quarter?” For what? I asked? He says “I have to blow my nose, and this thing sells ‘napkins’ for a quarter”, then proceeded to exclaim, “they must be BIG napkins the slot is huge for them.” Every women in the bathroom was cracking up…
My husband and kids love to play Hot Wheels. The other day he was naming parts on the car for our 4 year old daughter, when he pointed to the back where the trunk normally is a car he asked her “do you know what we call this part?”
She stared at it intensely you could see the wheels turning in her head, then she said with all seriousness: “Algebra?” We couldn’t help but laugh hella hard. Now when she’s asked a question she doesn’t know the answer to she just says Algebra.
13. Still alive.
Kindergartener is holding a book of current professional hockey players. “Mr. K, look, this guy was born in 1985 and he’s still ALIVE!”
14. Making millions.
My then 3 year old daughter asked me for a toy, and at that point, I didn’t have the money for one. I asked her for a million dollars. She handed me eight quarters from our laundry money and said, “Here you go mommy.”
15. Close but not quite right.
My son, when he was about four, saw that I was getting agitated. I don’t remember what it was about, but he goes “Mommy is getting p-i-s-t!” I couldn’t help but laugh and it stopped me from being “pist” .
My oldest was about 4 and we were looking through old family photos when she asked, “Mommy, when did the world get colors?” It took me a second to realize that to her, the whole world must have been black and white forever. It took a bit to explain.
17. There are a lot of Barrack Obama’s out there.
My father-in-law watches my son quite often while I worked. He was also a big Obama fan, and watched all the news about him or any time he was doing a speech. So, for a few years, my son thought the American flag was called a “Barrack Obama” and would shout it any time he saw one.
18. We are NOT on the same page.
Went to the toy department with my then 4 year old so she could finally spend a gift certificate she received for her birthday and of course this caused much excitement and dilemma on what to pick. At one point I turned away and when I turned back she was gone, so I called to her “Where are you?” Her voice came from the next aisle. “I am over here mommy, on a different page.”
When my niece was 3 or 4 she would end every sentence with “and then you’ll die” while making a motion with her finger (similar to Danny’s redrum in The Shining). No idea where she got this phrase from.
20. Keep it simple.
My 8 year old son had painted a lovely picture at school. The painting included some areas of different color under a house. It appeared to be cross section of the earth.
My brother asked him about the different layers, and asked, “Is this clay, and then regular earth on top?” My son replied, “Nope, it’s paint…”
21. “Look dad! It’s mommy.”
Not me, but a friend of mine was working in retail and was hanging lingerie when a father and son came in. The kid was glued to one of the display dummies with very pronounced camel toe. The dad was trying to get his kid to a different area but the kid wasn’t having it and very loudly proclaimed “Look daddy! This one has a front butt just like mommy!” My friend had to hide in the clothing racks to keep from laughing out loud.
22. You get an A.
My daughter once told me that task was too hard to do (she was about 2 years old) by saying, “It’s a hard a me do.” We laughed and still say that things are “A hard a me do” to this day.
23. Watch out for the gerbils.
My daughter told me when she was younger that if you don’t wash your hands you will get gerbils on them.
24. Germ-y and proud
Another little cousin was about 3yo and trying to blow up a balloon. Naturally, he doesn’t have the lung capacity and instead adds a nice layer of saliva to the balloon. He comes over to the adults and asks someone to do it for him. No one is especially excited to put their mouth to that wet balloon, but how do you refuse a cute little 3yo? An uncle decides to step up, saying, “okay. How many germs can a 3yo have?” 3yo misinterpreted the tone as some kind of ridicule. So, as my uncle puts the balloon to his mouth, cousin says in a contrary tone, “I have a lot of germs.”
It was hilarious how offended he was by the thought of having few germs.
25. I was hungry!
I’m currently 7 and a half months pregnant and a few weeks ago I was baby sitting for a friend of mine. Her son is 4 years old and when I came over she started talking to me about my pregnancy and asking how things were going. Anyways, at one point she mentions to her son that I have a baby growing in my belly just like she did a couple years ago when she was pregnant with his sister.
This kid gives me a horrified look and then asks me if I ate my baby!
26. She’s not wrong…
My 3 year old has Spanish lessons at her preschool and I asked her to say “two” in Spanish and she said to me, “Two in Spanish.” She was completely serious.
27. Smart Kid
I took my nephew camping when he was 6. As we’re getting into the tent to sleep for the night I tell him to put his shoes in the corner and he asks “Why? Were they bad?”
28. I remember those days
When my daughter was 7 she was trying to tell me a story about something that happened the previous year. In an effort to prompt my memory she said, “You remember, Mom! I was in my early sixes!”
Today my four year old was with his mom in a store and saw a dude with an eye patch, and asked him how he became a pirate. The guy was really cool and played along.
30. Future Costume Designer
My daughter walks into the living room with a pair of brown gloves on her feet. Proudly lifts one foot and says “look, monkey feet.”