Dates are awkward enough without weird things happening during them. Why can't people just order take-out food and hang out, and call it a day?
These people went on some bizarro dates and shared their stories on Reddit. I'm not sure if I can ever go back on a dating website after reading these!
He Couldn’t Bear Not Knowing
“It’s 2001, and I had shown up for some ‘VHS & Chill’ at this girl’s dorm room.
It was my first time over there, and there is this giant bear on the bed. Like, ‘got the softball in the milk jug at the carnival on my first try,’ that kind of bear. It occupies 50% of the bed’s surface area.
I say, ‘Whoa, how’d you score that bear?’
Her: ‘I don’t know…’
Her: ‘I don’t know.’
A few minutes go by, we make chit chat.
Me: ‘So… you don’t know how you got that bear?’
Me: ‘Ok, look. It’s ok if it’s from an ex. I don’t care if you stole it. I’ll believe almost anything you tell me at this point. But there is no way you’re going to tell me you don’t know where that giant bear is from. I had a stuffed dinosaur 1/4 that size that I got when I was 6 and I could tell you every detail about how I got it.’
Her: ‘Well, good for you. But I don’t know how I got it. Are you going to be able to let this go?’
Me: (Looks at bear, and the bear stares back, eyes full of secrets) ‘I’m sorry… I don’t think I can.’
I walked out, and we didn’t see each other again. Still have no clue how that friggin’ bear got there.”
Just A Normal Restaurant
“Well, this one time I took my date to dinner at (what seemed to be) a front for some type of illicit activity.
We had both just moved separately to the area we were in, and we wanted to check out the local shops and restaurants. While we were wandering, we stumbled into a tiny Italian place. Back home, the small hole-in-the-wall restaurants always have the best food, so we were excited to give it a shot. Big curtains were covering the entry windows, so we had no idea what was inside until we trudged through the door.
Inside, we were met with emptiness and silence. We both immediately thought the store was closed, and I spun around and searched for the store hours posted somewhere on the door. While I was looking, we heard a heavy THUD as a young woman barked, ‘I’ll be right with you!’
She appeared, greeted us confusingly, and asked us ‘what she could do for us.’ Which, looking back, is probably a red flag for a restaurant. But we were naive and hungry, so we said we were there for dinner. She looked puzzled, but motioned us to follow her to a booth right by the entrance.
She then disappeared into the back, and we heard a muffled conversation between our hostess and a man. The consensus was basically they were not prepared for us, or didn’t know how to proceed. I asked my date if she wanted to split, but she insisted we stay for the story.
The square-shaped balding man burst through the kitchen door with two glasses of water for us, and in a very loud and deep voice he explained that it was his birthday, and we would eat what he felt like making us. We whole-heartedly agreed.
We waited around thirty minutes, and he again returned with three large bowls of spaghetti and meat sauce. He placed two bowls in front of us, and one next to me for himself. He sat with us and ate. We had light and awkward conversation with him during, and he kept asking us jokingly if we were cops or with the health board. He was incredibly nervous about us, so my date kept cracking corny puns or awful jokes because he would forcibly laugh at anything designed with humor. We talked about our lives, the cities we’ve lived in, our pets (he had a Teacup Chihuahua named Princess) and his wife.
He decided we were good people, and didn’t charge us for the meal. We wished him a happy birthday, he hugged us, and we went on our way. Easily the best spaghetti I’ve ever had in my life. The restaurant, unfortunately, no longer exists.”
How Oink-considerate Of Her
“I met a girl online. We talked it up, and while she seemed a bit immature, I thought ‘heck, why not?’
She casually mentioned she really liked pigs. What she meant to say was she was obsessed with pigs. OBSESSED.
So we go to one of the best restaurants in the area for a first date – bad idea. Sometimes pictures are from someone 10 years prior, or the person hides things, etc. But that wasn’t the problem. She looked just like her pictures. But I didn’t even have to have seen her first, because everything else gave it away.
She came in a giant T-shirt that had a sparkly pink pig on it. Earrings? Pig earrings. Bracelets? Yep, pig bracelets. She had this headband on with a little pig on it. Her shoes? Yep, pigs on the front of the toes! But best of all? She had a GIANT (or at least it seemed giant) pink purse with the face of a pig on it.
You could not stop seeing it once you did. And I’m sure everyone else in this nicer/classier restaurant saw it too. I felt overdressed compared to her, but underdressed compared to every other couple there. It was beyond embarrassing. For some reason, which I have to convince myself was politeness rather than stupidity, we still had dinner. But I’m telling you, it was the fastest dinner I’ve ever had at a sit-down restaurant.
I practically blurted out something about how, ‘oh, you really do like pigs…’ at which she started giggling (oinking?) and going on about how everything she has is pig-themed. Then she wouldn’t stop, and it became the dominant part of the conversation. There were a dozen other things that made it a train-wreck, but these were the clinchers to a solid 0/5 date. I remember afterwards consoling with a friend of a friend, because I had to tell someone; and then I promptly told myself to never think about it again. Worst date ever.”
The Third Time Is A Charm
“I was going to have a second date with this girl. She knew of three parties happening on the same night, so she suggested that we hit all three. It sounded good to me, so off we go.
At party one, her best friend from college is there that she hasn’t seen in four years. They immediately run off together, and I’m left with the friend’s boyfriend having a drink. I think to myself, this is no big deal. She hasn’t seen her friend in a long time, and the night has a lot more to go. She comes back after a while and suggests we head on to the other party. Great!
We arrive at second party. My date immediately runs off with some other friends. Like, ‘Tim, oh my god, how are you doing,’ and dashes across the party to find him. I slowly follow behind, but then they keep scurrying on to talk to other people without the girl making it clear that she wanted me to come. I feel really awkward because she doesn’t introduce me or say anything about me. I’m just an awkward guy there that no one knows. I get tired of that and go to the bathroom, where I find that the door has been ripped off its hinges. I find a screwdriver and fix the door before using the bathroom. Fast forward 30 minutes, my date finds me and suggests we go to the final party. But this time, her friend Tim is going to join us. Okay…
We arrive at a third party. As soon as we walk in the door, Tim says he needs to the corner store, and the girl and Tim run out and leave me at this new party with all these other people I don’t know. They are gone for 45 minutes, by which time I decide that this date isn’t working out and I should just go home. When my date comes back, I tell her I’m leaving and she FLIPS OUT. She starts screaming at me in front of everyone about how she was going to sleep with me later and how I ruined everything. Then she proceeds to scream, ‘you’re not leaving me; I’m leaving you,’ after which she bolts out and slams the door.
Then everyone at this other party, whom I don’t know, is staring at me while my date, who brought me there, has abandoned me.
Someone eventually comes and offers me a drink. I stay for another hour and laugh it off with the people at the party. Am still friends with some of those fine people today.”
Maybe This Was All A Dream
“I went for a meal with this girl I met through a dating app, and it was going really well. We started talking about movies and then we decided to go to the cinema to go watch ‘Inception,’ which had just come out at the time.
She said there was a movie theater nearby, but I didn’t know the area at all, so I used the GPS on my phone and she held it and directed me. Once we got there, we started walking inside and I realized I didn’t have my phone in my pocket. I said I must have left it in the car and started to walk back to get it. She was trying to get me to leave it and saying we would miss the film but the phone was only about a week old so I was really paranoid about it.
We checked the car for about 10 minutes but we couldn’t find it. I asked her to check her jacket and her bag but she said it wasn’t there. A couple parked next to us so I asked them to ring my number because I couldn’t find it. It started to ring and it was obviously coming from my date’s handbag. She took it out and said she must have missed it. I thanked the couple and locked my car, and as I turned back around she was walking the other way. I ran to catch up and asked what was going on, but she was very dismissive and was barely talking. That’s when I realized it wasn’t an accident and just left her to walk home alone.”
A Tale Of Two Joes
“I had a good friend in university who disappeared overseas for a year after we graduated. I stayed there to study and teach, and one day I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize saying, ‘Hey, it’s Joe from business school, want to catch up for a coffee?’
I hadn’t seen him in ages so I said ‘yes’ very enthusiastically. I walk into the coffee shop at the right time, look around for Joe, and there’s Joe from business school. A different Joe from business school.
I couldn’t walk out because he’d already seen me, so we chatted politely for an hour and we’ve never talked since.”
Hard To Believe How Insane These Stories Are!
Meet My Boyfriend
“A very attractive girl from class randomly walked into my dorm room, as the door was normally open during the day. She was in the building visiting a friend and saw me playing guitar, so she came in and started flirting with me. I’m almost certain she was into me, she was always touching my shoulder while talking and flipping her hair and always approaching me.
She asked me to meet her at a nearby bar that night at 10, so I agreed. I get there at 10 and she introduces me to her boyfriend. I finished my drink and went to the bar my friends were at.”
He Fell For Her Fast
“I met a guy online, and he asked me to dinner at a tapas place. I agreed because I was bored and he seemed nice enough – we’d been texting for a couple weeks at that point.
I get there and he’s late to meet me. When he shows up, he looks nothing like his profile (not in shape, bad skin, and is just dressed really sloppily), but I told myself not to be shallow. We’re looking over the menu (which was fantastic) and I suggested a few things I’d like to eat and he begins saying he doesn’t eat sweet potatoes, aioli, capers, salmon, radish, arugula, kale, balsamic vinegar, etc. – basically all ingredients except for bread, meat, and cheese – and that he won’t eat any food if that’s what I order. I tell him to get what he wants then, and instead of sharing I’ll get something for myself.
We get our food and start eating. He is the messiest eater I’ve seen in my life, getting crumbs and food bits all over his shirt and the whole table, and it was just painful to watch. He also kept insisting I try his food, but I’m pescatarian and lactose intolerant so I declined, at which point he began berating me and my food choices and being a ‘picky eater.’ I almost called him out on his total hypocrisy but again, told myself to not be judgmental.
They clear our table for dessert, and he then gets down on one knee and tries to give me a promise ring because he ‘felt a special bond with me and wanted to pledge his life to me’ after having met online a few weeks before. Yeah, no thanks. Politely as I could, I declined, to which he started calling me expletives in the middle of the restaurant and then ugly-crying and stormed out. So I had to pay for the terrible date HE asked ME on because I didn’t want to accept a pre-engagement ring.”
The Creepy Family
“A guy I’d met a few times asked me on a date. I had never been asked on a date before and accepted, despite thinking him a little strange and having heard some odd things about his family.
He picked me up and everything seemed good. We grabbed pizza with the intention of eating it in a park. However, when we went to purchase the pizza, it turned out he worked there and had all his co-workers come out to gawk at me. (This guy wasn’t very popular with the ladies and seemed to be proving to them he had a date.) I’m bad in social situations and got super uncomfortable, but didn’t know how to bail and we went to the park.
It was very awkward and I wanted to go home by the end of it. We mostly just sat in awkward silence and tried not to hear each other chewing. I thought I was going home, but he decided he wanted to stop at his house. I agreed because I honestly did not know how to disagree. (Again, my first dating experience). His home turned out to be with his parents. (We were both 18-20). This wouldn’t have been so bad were there not all ten of his siblings in the house (I don’t remember exactly how many siblings he had), plus his parents were home and wanted to meet me.
They weren’t just a big, nice family, they were very religious and looked like they belonged to a cult. They all had long hair, homemade clothing, and were home-schooled. The mom said hello, then the dad came in and nobody was allowed to say a word while he questioned me on what his son and I had done on our date, and when the family would be seeing me again. It was terrifying. My date showed me his pet turtles, which were really cute, and finally drove me home.
He tried to kiss me after making it clear he thought we were in a relationship after one date. At this point I almost ran from the car. I messaged him later on explaining that I was only looking for friends at this point in time.”
He Just Wanted To Play Donkey Kong
“This one is pretty freaky. I met this girl online, and the way the conversations went it was always friendly, getting-to-know-you type banter. After a few online conversations, we meet up at a bar near her place. The plans for the evening were to have drinks there, then go play Donkey Kong Country at her place. Being the oblivious male I am, I genuinely was excited to play some DKC on Super Nintendo.
We meet up at the bar and things go fine. I wasn’t really attracted to her at all, but she was nice and we had an alright time at the bar. So we get back to her place and start watching TV. I look around and don’t see a Super Nintendo. I thought maybe it was in her bedroom. I don’t mention it because I don’t want to be rude. She makes some drinks. We’re watching a show, when all of a sudden she looks at me with murder in her eyes: ‘Are we going to stop playing games?!’
I look at her, smiling, trying to play it off: ‘Do you mean Donkey Kong Country?’ She really didn’t appreciate that. She scoffs and then proceeds to chide me about how guys are always wanting to play games and get lucky. I told her the only game I wanted to play was DKC. This is when it got weird. She gets up off the couch, calmly, walks to the kitchen and pulls a butcher knife out of somewhere. She just stands in the kitchen, still with an evil look in her eyes, and stares me down. She doesn’t move at all, just staring with the butcher knife at her side. I look back for what feels like a few minutes, and then I jump up and dash for the front door.
I didn’t even bother closing the door, behind me I hear the door slam hard, and she’s shouting at the top of her lungs, ‘STUPID BUTT, PLAYING GAMES, WHO NEEDS YOU!’
So a night of what I was hoping to be relaxing, friendly conversation, and Donkey Kong Country, turned into my ‘maybe I could have been her next victim’ dating story.”
Xbox and Abs
“I met a guy from OKCupid. The first time we met up in a public place and just had a casual chat. It wasn’t a horrible date, but it wasn’t very memorable either. I decided to give him another try because it could have just been nerves. For the 2nd date he invited me over to his place… I knew he lived with his parents, but I kind of assumed they’d be away.
They weren’t away. They kept coming into the lounge room and giving us iced tea and chips whilst he played Xbox in his track pants, with no shirt on. I sat there awkwardly watching. He didn’t really speak much to me. It was 11 pm, and he was in his 30s.”
It All Started With Chicken Kiev
“So I met this guy when I was in college in DC and he invited me to go on his motorcycle to his family’s farm in rural Virginia. I told my best friend and she was appalled: ‘He could be a Ted Bundy type! You could come home in a dozen pickle jars!’ I pooh-poohed her and went on the 2-hour ride out to the farm.
We get there and take a walk up the mountain behind the farm. He’s picking me wildflowers along the way, we’re having a grand time watching the wild turkeys. As we’re walking down, there’s a fence with a tree growing next to it and I decide to swing myself over the fence, using a branch like Tarzan. Unfortunately, there was a huge rock at my landing spot and I took a nasty tumble, spraining my ankle pretty badly.
We limped back to the farmhouse (really a two-room cottage) and got my boot off and it was immediately obvious I wouldn’t be getting it back on. So much for riding home that afternoon. He said, ‘We’ll have to spend the night here and wait for the swelling to go down.’
I’m thinking, ‘Pickle jars…’
He rides to the local IGA to pick up some food, as there was nothing in the house, and comes back with groceries. He asks, ‘Guess what’s for dinner?’
‘Chicken Kiev,’ I answered. It was the most unlikely thing I could think of at the time.
His face fell. He had picked up the ingredients to make Chicken Kiev, thinking it would impress me.
We should have known right then and there. We’ve now been married 31 years and have two kids.”
These comments have been edited for clarity.