No matter the relationship you have with your parents, there are some things that you NEVER want them to find out about.
Here, people share the one thing they will never share with their parents.
1. Maybe mom has been playing video games.
I just found out last night that I have been buying premium xbox live 12 month subscriptions on auto renew on my mothers credit card for 5 years. I haven’t owned an xbox for 4 years.
my_name_matt
2. That’s a good teacher.
That I had to take the morning after pill when I was 15. Instead of telling my mum, I told my teacher, who got it with me, sat with me while I took it (and cried), bought me a pregnancy test and was 100% prepared to take me to get an abortion if need be. She did this without telling my parents.
moomings
3. Stacey’s mom has got it goin’ on.
I had sex with one of my mum’s best friends.
markipolo
4. Not at a friends house, not at church either.
When I came home at 6 am very tired, it wasn’t because I stayed up all night at Jacob’s and went to church the next morning (story continued on the next page…).
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I was actually coming home from a rave. I met a 20 something year old goth lady on the Internet and she gave me a fake ID, a metric ton of E, booze, took me down town and we had a blast. 15 was a weird year for me.
DontTrustmyResearch
5. Rubber ducky, I love you.
The terrible things I did to the rubber duck they bought for me as a baby and how it’s now a part of my sex life.
withducks
6. Sometimes, it’s important to keep reminders of not only the good things, but the hard things in life.
I used to keep a suicide note in my wallet in case 1 day I just couldn’t take it anymore. Now I keep it there to remind me when I have a bad day that “I already had my worse days; this is only better”.
Sev3n
7. One way to sort out your differing political affiliations.
Back in the late 90’s there was a local election, I don’t remember who the candidates were. I grew up on a cul-de-sac, very low traffic area. Despite this, my neighbor was very serious about his political candidate and sign. One morning he awoke to a missing sign. He drove back to the campaign headquarters, and put another one up. A couple days later, it was gone again. And again. Eventually he put up a video camera to catch the sign thief in action. Sure enough it was taken, but it was too dark and you couldn’t make anything out. So he installed a light to illuminate the sign all night. Sure enough, it was still taken. Video showed someone in a trench-coat and Bob Dole mask stealing the sign. This just infuriated him more. All of the neighborhood kids, myself included, helped set booby traps. He sent the video in to the local news and they came out and did a segment on it. He plastered the neighborhood with fliers with the pictures of the masked man.
But it kept getting stolen. He glued the sign to a piece of plywood, then nailed that to a 4×4 post which he set into the ground. Next morning, the post has been cut down and the sign is gone (and video shows the same masked figure cutting it down with a big saw). He bought and installed a motion detector connected to an alarm in his bedroom. Video shows the figure going around the perimeter and disconnecting it from behind before stealing the sign.
May he never discover that the sign thief was his own high school aged son.
thebigkevdogg
8. No harm, no foal.
That cop wasn’t taking me home because of the curfew, what really happened is… (story continued on the next page…).
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I was totally wasted, feeding some horses on my walk home. I knew the cop pretty well and in his words, “I drove by and saw a drunk petting some horses. You were just laughing at them and feeding them, so I figured no harm no foul.”
DontTrustmyResearch
9. Why wear clothes when you can be nude.
When my parents were out on vacation: I invited a girl friend over that was nude with me 80% of the time.
KittyHammer
10. Not everyone wants children.
I’ve had a tubal ligation. The chance that I’ll “change my mind” and give them grandkids is nonexistent. I don’t want to tell them because of the permanence of it, but mostly because my Mom will cry and guilt me each time I see her for years.
abqkat
11. As long as you used protection, I guess.
I first tried anal in my mom’s bed.
Cokesign
12. May not be supernatural, but it’s still super.
My mother is the type who is super into spiritual stuff. One day she was all angry for no reason bad mouthing about us over the phone.
I was sitting in the living room, wondering what would happen if I let a droplet of water hit the lightbulb, so I decided to try it out (story continued on the next page…).
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It exploded all over the place and my mother says: “See this is because I’m angry, you guys need to get away from me before you get hurt.” She actually thought that because she was angry things were about to start popping and exploding around her, if she finds out that it was me and it wasn’t her “powers” there’s gonna be a lot of screaming and yelling.
The_Legend_of_Jaelon
13. Liar, liar, pants on fire.
I was 15. A friend and I were with his parents and a large group of people camping at a lake during the summer and we decided to sneak off and smoke a cigarette. This was in California during fire season so putting the cigarette out was of utmost importance. I think you know where I’m going with this, but bear with me. Turned out we didn’t put the cigarette out, and the entire camp (20-30 people) including us ended up running buckets to and from the lake to put out a decent sized fire. All the while a CalFire (Wildfire Agency) plane is flying above scoping it out. My dad was the fire Captain in the plane. I’m 24 now and I’m still slightly afraid of what he’d do/his reaction if he found out.
In case you’re wondering we did put out the fire.
buckywalters
14. Monster girls are pretty cool.
I’m sexually attracted to fictional monster girls.
Woahtheredudex
15. As long as you’re safe.
All the dirty pictures there are of me and all of the dirty pictures and videos there are to come. I also plan to sell dirty panties and hopefully do cam stuff.
SatanMD
16. You don’t get to choose your family.
That I don’t particularly like them. Or the rest of my family for that matter. I have three younger brothers, mom is remarried to a cool enough guy, and I have three older step sisters (story continued on the next page…).
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Every few years I’ll go back and visit, not because miss any of them but because my mother, my brothers, and my girlfriend will pester me about visiting. I’ll call every few months because the girlfriend will pester me about calling my mom. My girlfriend is very close to her family. Plus, I suppose you’re supposed to stay connected with your mom and family.
I don’t dislike them but I’m no more fond of them than any other acquaintances. I don’t really enjoy my time with them.
When I visit New Hampshire I try to fill my time doing all the tourist-y things I never did when I lived there so that I’m too busy to spend it with family. Or catching up with the one friend I have there that I still care about.
Who wants their mother to find out her first born is relatively indifferent to her.
JamesTBagg
17. Getting a degree in the school of hard knocks.
For the last 2 semesters I have told my family I have been attending classes at a local college. I failed my first 3 semesters and decided it was better to act like I was going than to spend more money.
[deleted]
18. Really just fooling yourself.
All of high school I forged my report cards using a very bad Microsoft Word template that was pretty much just a few tables. These didn’t even have letterheads from my school or anything. Went from a 2.1 to a 3.4 GPA. Now that I think about it my parents were really dumb for not seeing through those shoddy report cards.
BuckWithMe
19. Sometimes, you just need a change in scenery.
Moved to South Florida a month ago. They think I had a job post-college-graduation. I moved to get away and experience something new. No job.
misterdabson
20. One rotten banana will spoil the whole bunch.
Once my sister and I went to the beach and brought bananas to eat. we forgot about them, and when we got home, we just left the bag in her room. Well, a few weeks later, she came crying to me (story continued on the next page…).
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The bag smelt “like death” and flies were swarming around. I opened the bag and there were hundreds of maggots, everywhere. It was amazing that they didn’t get out. At the bottom of the bag I found one thing: a blackened banana. My sister continues to tell me that the bag was expensive. In her panic, she came up with a great idea. the idea was to get the bag, walk to her school, and drop it in the dumpster by the building, and then tell our parents that we lost it. So I ended up getting paid 50 dollars to drag a maggoty bag to a dumpster at 3 in the morning. By the way, my parents ended up buying her a new bag and believed her story that it was stolen.
PUNKWORM
21. I’m sure your parents do NOT want to know your sexual history.
That I had a threesome with hubby and another woman.
tamgirl
22. Maybe this shouldn’t be something to hide from them forever.
Probably the fact that I’m gay.
aristotlethecat
23. It’s important to my grandparents.
More worried about my grandparents finding out that I’ve abandoned religion, it would crush them. My parents not so much.
theboozebaron
24. The whole thing is a write-off…
Pretty much everything I did between the ages of 15 to 21. I already promised I wouldn’t run for public office while they were alive so they wouldn’t have to hear the dirt. They were grateful.
diegojones4