The Creeper Got Grosser And Grosser
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“I went on a second date with a guy that I’d actually thought was OK on the first date.
We were at a restaurant and he was ALL OVER me. It was more than just a little flirty touching; I honestly think he had every intention of trying to strip me down and bone me right on the table. I pretty clearly told him more than once that I wasn’t comfortable with this sort of public displays of affection and that he needed to stop. His response was to plant his face in my cleavage and lick it. I pushed his face away with a stern, ‘Do NOT touch me again.’ This did the trick and he did stop with the physical assaults.
But, having been forbidden to touch me, he then launched into the inappropriate questions. He asked about my ex-husband and first asked if he knew how to ‘ring my bell.’ I told him I didn’t think that was an appropriate question. He responded, ‘Well, then, was he a good kisser?’
I encouraged him to move along to a different topic and we started talking about food and wines that he liked. He said he really liked the bubbly, then said, ‘You know what bubbly is good for?’
Me: ‘No, what?’
Him: ‘Think of ice, cold bubbly followed by a warm tongue. Would you like me to do that to you?’
Me: ‘Umm, not really. You are making me VERY uncomfortable with these kinds of questions.’
At this point, I knew I was never going to see/talk to this guy again but was just trying to see the date through to its conclusion. I gave it one last try to try to loop back into a normal conversation. Not to be deterred, he ignored my question about hobbies and said, ‘So do you like to make love?’
I went off on a mini-rant about how inappropriate and creepy his behavior was, got up and RAN out of the restaurant. Never heard from him again.”
He Was Already Uninterested, Then She Mentioned Her TV Appearance
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“So, in the Golden Age of Match.com (2001-2003), I made a deal with myself: I wouldn’t give them any money, but I’d go out on at least one (1) date with any girl who approached me.
This took mere weeks, actually, before I had a date with a girl who had no picture. The plan was to meet her at her place and figure out next steps. Her place was downtown, in a condo with a lovely view of the Space Needle, but the inside was kind of like a polyester explosion that hadn’t been vacuumed in a couple months. I briefly met a gay, male roommate, who glared at me, and we started walking (I had a car but she didn’t and was only used to her local sphere of influence).
We wound up going to a gay bar (that charged cover on a Tuesday) where sugary shots were readily available but straight hard stuff wasn’t. So as I was drinking my disappointing drink, I was trying to find out what the heck I’d attached myself to that evening.
It should be noted right off that she was unattractive. I was there only because of my cosmic bargain with myself. She was maybe 40 lbs overweight, had stringy black hair, and an inability to look me in the eyes. So – what did she do?
She went to school. She was in math right now. Like, calculus? No. Pre-calc? No. Algebra? Algebra was a word she recognized; she mentioned that she was only five classes away from Algebra. I tried to do the numbers in my head and deduced that she was currently making her way through Numbered Blocks 101 or possibly Carry The Four 200.
So, you’re old enough that this isn’t a right-outta-high-school adventure, I said (I was 26, she was a little older, I think). Well, yes, she said, she dropped out of high school and only recently got over a crippling speed habit. Hmm. Best not discuss that.
I’m not even sure how it came up, but we discussed travel. She mentioned that she really liked New York City. Oh? And when were you in NYC?
‘WhenIwasonRikkiLake, ‘ she said as sipped her green drink.
‘Beg your pardon?’ I asked.
‘When I was on Ricki Lake,’ she said again
Now she looked me in the eye. As it turns out, she thought she’d been flown in for a makeover (don’t they always). And she found herself on a show titled, ‘I’m Your Gay Roommate And I Want You To Have My Baby.’
So… you had a gay, male roommate… and he wanted you to have his baby, I said, more than somewhat incredulously.
‘Have,’ she said.
‘This was when?’ I asked.
‘About four months ago.’
I drained my drink. Tabbed out. Walked her back to her apartment. She invited me in – you can bet I had to work early the next morning. Roommate glared at me again. And I went home and drank some more.
She called me two weeks later. She’d been laid off from her job in the call center at Qwest. She wondered if I had any leads for her. I didn’t.”
She Just Didn’t Know When To Quit
“A girl that I used to go to high school with moved back to town after many years away. She demanded we get together, so we did and decided to keep seeing each other. After a couple of dates, we met up for drinks near my place after I got off of work.
We got a few drinks, had a good conversation, grabbed a bite to eat. We’re informed by the bartender that while it’s not necessarily the last call, the bar was closing, though we could continue to drink in the adjoining restaurant. As we had fresh drinks, we decided to do so. From here, things got weird.
We finished our drinks and I put forth, ‘We should go grab a bottle of vino and head over to my place.’
She nodded but then a guy walked by while talking on his cell phone and said something about ‘hooking up some smoke for later.’
She turned to me and said: ‘I can make any guy do anything.’
For the next hour, she dry humped this guy while I made small talk with his friends. When closing time came, said guy had realized that she’s with me and that she’s crazy, so he gladly leaves with his friends.
We ended up back at my place. She was crazy hammered and ended up passing out on my floor.
The next day, she insisted on mimosas and quiche, the supplies of which are easily purchased from a Trader Joe’s just a few blocks away. I had to work, so she put away a whole bottle of cheap bubbly in about an hour by herself.
While getting ready to leave, she noticed she was missing a sweater. She assumed she left it at the bar and so went there upon taking her leave.
Four hours into my shift, I got a call from her number that isn’t her: ‘Wake up, wake up. If you don’t wake up, we’re going to have to call an ambulance.’
At the end of my shift, I got a call from her. She’s at a hospital and had been admitted for drinking too much. She needed me to come get her because they wouldn’t release her because when she admitted she claimed to be suicidal. She couldn’t call anyone else because she’s had two drinking and driving charges and if the police found out, she would have gone to jail.
Apparently, after she left my place, she went to the bar and started drinking again. Got a phone call from an ex and drank even more.
I spent the night in the ER with her. Paid for a cab to take us back to her place. Made sure everything was all right and then got out of there.
Hope she’s doing well.”
She Deliberately Didn’t Get Her Hopes Up, But He Still Disappointed
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“I was a 20-year-old girl trying to play it smooth with a guy I really liked. He was a computer science major.
Now, I know that Valentine’s Day is overhyped, overplayed, and totally lame, etc. However, I’m a girl. Those of you who do well with women know that, on some level, this nonsense (and it is nonsense) is important to us.
Anyway, he asked what I wanted to do for Valentine’s and I said I didn’t care. I didn’t want him to stress about doing something big, and turns out he didn’t stress about our destination at all, I couldn’t believe where he took me.”