A Nasty Relative Doesn’t Appreciate The Sacrifices A Husband Made
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“Towards the end of my wife’s three-year journey with brain cancer, I was quite frazzled and exhausted being ‘on’ 24/7 as her caregiver. Anyone who has been a caregiver for a family member will understand this. The Home Hospice workers, hospital support staff, including social workers, doctors and nurses had nothing but good things to say about the care, love, and support I was giving her in the hospital and at home.
Anyway, her cousin, whom I had never met in person, visited from out of town and criticized just about everything I was doing. I said I was doing the best I could possibly do under the circumstances and no one else had any issues. He had the balls to say something like, ‘Well she’s the one who’s dying and nothing you’re going through even matters.’ I let that sink in for a bit and said, ‘I hope you never have to go through anything like this because if you did, you’d realize what a terrible thing that is to say to someone’. Then I asked him to leave. Jerk.
When my wife passed away several months later, her cousin and his husband flew in for the services. He pretty much avoided me. However, his husband did speak to me, offering condolences and said that he was sure my wife really appreciated what I did and the sacrifices I made. If you’re reading this Jon, you are a class act!”
Family Can Be The Worst
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>>>”My mom’s uncle told me that my dad’s death was the best thing that could’ve happened to our family. I was sixteen and my dad was the best person in the world. He was completely sober when he said it too. But he was a chauvinistic control freak. Long story short, it boiled down to religion. He said that I had no right to carry anger in my heart and that I needed to let the spirit of God rest upon me and take away the evil emotions (I know, it sounds like a script from a horror cult film, it kinda was). He then told me that my dad’s death was the best thing that could have happened to our family because it would humble us. He said we had gotten complacent in our righteousness.”
>>>”My father-in-law ranted one night at the dinner table that we were nuts to want to adopt a toddler or child from ‘some crack head.’ ‘You want some crack head to give your baby a personality?’ Followed by gesturing at my mother-in-law, saying: ‘she’ll be devastated if she gets a grandCHILD and not a grandBABY.’ That was a great first wedding anniversary. They eventually came around and loved our foster son as much as we did, but this scorned me in a way that I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover from.”
>>>”My mom told me they almost aborted me and it was my dad’s idea but (lucky me!) my uncle talked them out of it..she told me this very spitefully.”
>>>”‘Your mother was pregnant when she died.’ This was said to me from the man who killed her while he was in jail: my father. His mother got custody of me, and thus, a-visiting we would go. He only got four years. Claimed it was an accident. He’s a narcissist, and my grandmother gave me back to him when he got out. He remarried – yes, she knew about it, was just as crazy as the rest of them. It wasn’t a good or reassuring childhood. I’m 33 now. I’m okay. I’m a mother and a wife and would fight a freaking grizzly bear for my family.”
Kids Say The Meanest Things
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>>>”I’ve been the only real father to one of my stepsons (though he’s always been a real son to me) for 13 years. 6 months ago he died. A couple days after, my wife was arguing with me and screamed, ‘It’s not your son that died!’ She has since said that my grieving at his funeral seemed to be to make it about me and accused me of my grief being for attention.”
>>>”Going back to school in a wheelchair when you’re 12 is bad enough, but this one kid told me it was, ‘Divine punishment for being a sinner and a Jew.’ Forget you Kayla.”
>>>”My dad told my sister she was responsible for my suicide attempt when I was 12. She kept it bottled up for a decade before telling me. The messed up thing was, he had more to do with it than anything. Growing up he was an abusive heavy drinker, and I had begged him to get me help for my severe depression for months leading up to my attempt and he would dismiss me or yell at me/ground me for it. Meanwhile, she pretty much raised me while my parents were at the bar.”>>>
>>>”‘You shouldn’t smile so big. Your right eye is smaller than your left, and it looks really obvious in photos.’ To this day, I still try to crinkle my eyes so they look even in photos, or smile less.”
>>>”‘I wasn’t really your friend, I just pitied you’ As someone who’s on the spectrum and has a difficult time making friends it really shook me. Kinda burst my bubble and realize that I’d never really had any friends before (and still don’t) and that I’ve been a loser since kindergarten. I know that my autism doesn’t make it impossible for me to form interpersonal relationships, but it has made it more difficult for me and I have yet to have someone that I can call a friend in my 17 years on this earth (besides my dogs of course). My socialization is especially hard considering I go to a conservative Christian school where the average household income is 450k/yr after taxes. Wealthy culture is mostly foreign to me considering 3-4 nights a week growing up I had sleep for dinner and I feel like an outsider. I consider myself a loser because I never had any kids I invited show up to my birthday parties and was only invited to 3 birthday parties in grades kindergarten through 5th. I consider myself a loser when I’ve only had 9 social events outside of school despite me trying to set up social events as much as possible without being creepy. I’m just hoping that college is better socially for me.”
>>>”‘If God had wanted your parents to have children, he’d have given them some.’ This was from my Bible teacher at a Christian school when he was frustrated by me asking a question about Scripture and decided to snark on the fact that I’m adopted. He was always that jerky teacher who’d get away with saying hurtful things to students because, ‘You just don’t understand his sense of humor,’ per the administration. My parents are the most incredible people in the world, and far better Christians than that teacher could ever be; a rabid atheist would be more Christlike by default than that hateful old crapstain.”
>>>”My cat just died, and I was in bed petting my sister’s cat who liked to curl up with me. She came over and started petting the cat, and completely without looking at me, she said, ‘I’m happy because I know [the cat] will never love you, only me. Because she is my cat. And although she is showing you affection right now, she doesn’t care, because she is mine, and your cat is dead.’ I burst into tears. It was so unnecessarily cruel and she didn’t even seem to realize it until I began to cry.”
The Kind Of Statements That Lead To Self-Harm
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- “My ex-boyfriend (who decided the best way to keep me around as a human punching bag was to make me feel so unlovable that I was lucky to have him) said to me: ‘The reason you try so hard to please everyone, the reason you give so much love that it’s suffocating, is because you know that other than affection, you have nothing to offer anyone. You’re a burden on everyone you care about. We all barely tolerate you. I don’t know how you’ve made it this far in life.’ I’ll never forget that. Word for word. It took me a long time to get over, especially since I was young, scared, and thought I loved him. But he was a very broken man. He was an addict, a heavy drinker, and he lied about past trauma to justify his behavior. I’m so much better now.”
- “I was born through IVF. My mother once told me she wished she spent the money on something she could be proud of instead. She now denies having ever said that. She was never a happy person and usually lashed out to deal with her anger. I remember clearly in second grade, we had to make our dad a comic book for Father’s Day as a school project. Mine featured prominently my dad, who is no saint himself, with a cape protecting me from Monster Mom. After I gave it to him my parents asked me about it after, like ‘what do you mean by this?’ And I remember being baffled that they would be surprised by it. Obviously, we’re not close now.”
- “My father kept giving me death glares over the table, my mother asks him what’s wrong, he shouts ‘I just can’t stand to look at his effing FACE.’ This is because I had a couple Ds on my report card. I don’t remember my father ever telling me he loved me, but I’ll remember him saying that until the day I die.”
- “A girl I had dated for a while in 2007-2008 told me that she ‘hated the sound of my voice’ and that she hoped something happened to me so I’d never be able to talk again. I immediately stop talking, got really self-conscious, then sat in my car and cry for several hours after she left. I’ve kind of always hated my voice, and her saying that kind of ruined me.”
- “I asked an attractive girl out in high school. I wasn’t really expecting a yes, but I also wasn’t expecting the fly swatter response she gave. She had a whole speech on all character and physical flaws I had, and why no one would ever love me. Would hurt less if she wasn’t correct here ten years later.”
Mothers Can Be The Cruelest
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“My parents had a bitter divorce and there was a lot of arguing in front of me because my mom is a narcissistic twit with no self-control. In the middle of one argument where she was yelling at my dad, seven-year-old me was trying to push her away and crying for her to stop. She looked at me and spat, ‘I never loved you and wish you were never born.’
Of course, I ran to my room sobbing with my dad consoling me. My dad is a hotheaded Irishman who I’ve seen get into quite a few arguments, but I’ve never seen him exert so much self-control to not clock someone.
In retrospect, I never really had an attachment to my mom at a young age and was consciously aware that she never tried to bond with me (in fact, my first memory of her interacting with me I distinctly remember thinking, ‘why is she touching me?’) But man, you never want to hear someone’s ugly thoughts.
My mom also denies having said it, but both my dad and I remember it clear as day. It was a defining moment in her and my relationship.”
You’re Not Helping
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“When my son died of S.I.D.S at the age of 5 months, I started receiving condolence cards from neighbors and such.
One card came without a return address, in other words anonymous.
I open the card and it’s one of those that is blank and you fill in your message.
Someone had stuck a clipping of a poem in it that talked about how ‘children are a gift from heaven sent to people worthy of them.’
They then signed it,
‘You must have been a lousy parent who didn’t deserve a child for God to take your son away from you.’
I think I cried as hard as when I found my son dead. It was like he died all over again.
I NEVER found out who sent it but I had a pretty good idea since I inventoried all the neighbors who sent cards and the only one I didn’t have one from was the hateful couple that lived across the street — unless you counted the anonymous one as being from them.
Sometimes, even 39 years later, it still stings when I think about it.”
Mean Just To Be Mean
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- “My boyfriend got angry because his birthday fell on Father’s Day this year and I told him I wanted to still be with my family and he flipped out on me and told me I have no reason to celebrate Father’s Day because my dad is dead so I don’t even have a father. I immediately went completely, scarily insane on him because forget him and went to see my sister’s bio father anyway (my father died of cancer when 26 and my sister’s father raised me).”
- “This still hurts 25 years later… I told an ex-boyfriend that he looked beautiful while sleeping (he really did), he said, and I quote,’You look like a moron when you’re asleep.’ I said ‘Oh. Thank you for telling me, you can go now.’ That was the end of that. It was so hurtful and humiliating. I still cringe. Oddly enough, my husband liked to watch me sleep when we first got together which totally bothered me so I trained myself to sleep with a pillow under my chin to try to keep my mouth closed. Turns out I have severe sleep apnea. So now I sleep with a mask on.”
- “My boyfriend at the time told 27-year-old me that I was ‘No spring chicken’ and that I was a 6/10 physically, but my personality made me a 20 to him. It stung but at the time I was grateful for the backhanded compliment because ‘At least he’s being honest.'”
- “‘This is exactly why you will never make a good girlfriend, you should just give up now.’ – My very recent ex, when I was helping him get back into his locked house and had my phone on silent and missed the call from a locksmith. I kicked him out of my car right there and left.”
- “I was talking to two girls, not because either of us were into each other, just because they were semi-friendly with my mate who was going for a pee. One of the girl’s brother comes over and says, ‘Hey, you alright? You do realize you’re never gonna get a girlfriend and will die alone, right?’ Both of the girls wet themselves laughing and he walks off. I dunno what to do and just say ‘Jeez.’ Still gets to me.”
- “‘I don’t know why you think we’re friends enough for you to talk to me but we aren’t.’ Me, her, and a bunch of other friends were all commenting on a photo on Facebook. I responded to something she said and that was roughly her response, followed by being unfriended. Not even sure why. We had all just graduated and I thought we were on friendly terms, but I guess not. Really came out of the blue as far as I could tell.”
A Totally Horrible Friend
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“I was best friend with a girl throughout 7th grade and into 8th grade when one day after winter break she suddenly stopped talking to me. I spent years wondering what I could have done since she seamlessly turned all of our mutual friends against me too. Fast forward to senior year in high school and we met again during a college visit. She asked me if I wanted to know why she stopped being my friend and wearily I said yes.
‘No reason, I was just tired of seeing you happy and getting to live the best life so I told everyone what a horrible friend you were to me when I was depressed. Sorry.’
I said nothing and just walked away. Really messed with my head for the longest time. Kids can be cruel but that’s just messed up.
I lived in an abusive household throughout my childhood and teen years. School was where I was happy to be surrounded by other kids my age because that meant I was away from my parents. Didn’t have to be scared of being yelled at or being hit in the 8 hours I was there. I didn’t tell anyone about the abuse at home because it was something I thought was normal and most people wouldn’t care.
I don’t know if my continuous joy to be at school was why my ex-best friend turned against me or she just hated my smiling face. It still isn’t clear to me.
Funny part is that she went to college to be a psychiatrist. I met her only once after high school and she acted like we were friends again. Wanted my number and everything. Maybe she changed, I don’t know, but that’s one road I’m not willing to travel on.”
Exacting Instant Karma
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“Back in high school, I had a friend who would always give me trouble for things. For a while, it was just regular ‘boys being boys’ kind of stuff, but it eventually grew malicious.
One day in class, we got into a bit of an argument over cars. It was a really freaking stupid argument, but for some reason, he decided to kick it up a notch. He knew a little bit about my issues with depression and suicidal thoughts, so in front of everyone, he decided to start making fun of me for it. He was saying stuff like, ‘Well at least I’m not gonna go home and probably blow my brains out at some point’ and ‘you’re just a depressed loser who’s probably gonna kill himself.’
After class, I texted him and gave him one chance to apologize. He refused and told me to take off, so later that day I came up to him and just started laying punches into his face. Man, it felt good. He never messed with me again. He was respectful to me from there on out and wouldn’t even make fun of me playfully.”