A Total 180 Flip That He Never Saw Coming
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I laugh and upon seeing her face stop in confusion. We head inside and order dinner. I have Manhattan and she orders the biggest boot (this restaurant has glass boots) of bud light I’ve ever seen. The waiter comes over and takes our order. As he’s leaving, my date whispers rather loudly: ‘I can’t believe they let his people in such a classy place. We should probably check our food for spit before we eat it.’
Our waiter is black and has a pair of ears…
So I am beginning to panic. She continues her whispered commentary on the supremacy of whites all the while putting away an obscene (but impressive) quantity of bud light. Dinner arrives and she makes a point of checking her plate for saliva. The waiter and I make eye contact and I would like to think that he understood that I agreed with him that this girl was nuts.
So three more boots later, she excuses herself for a bathroom break while I take care of the check. I apologize profusely to the waiter for my date’s conduct. Dude is a true gentleman: ‘Don’t worry about it man, there are all sorts of people in this world.’ My date returns and we head out.
In MY car she pulls out a smoke and lights up. Doesn’t even bother putting the window down. ‘We should go shooting out at my dad’s farm!’
I vaguely excuse myself from such activities and point out that it is rather later and time to go home. I drop her off at her house and she says: ‘This was great, except for that waiter. We should totally go get that Big Mac next time. See you soon!’
I flee.”
He Was Expecting A Different Kind Of Ride
“Back when I was still in high school, I asked a longtime childhood friend whom we shall call ‘Alice’ to come with me to Six Flags Magic Mountain. Now, Alice was not able to use her legs very well. She had a bit of the ‘Palsy, but that didn’t matter to me. I thought she was cool, and in typical 15-year-old hormone-fueled fashion, was moved at the size of her ‘girls.’ She was what you would call ‘pleasantly plump.’
We rode with my sister and her boyfriend, so we didn’t speak much on the way to the park. (My sister and her boyfriend were making comments about our ‘date’, so that didn’t really help…) This particular day, she elected to bring her wheelchair instead of her usual walker.
So, having spent most of the morning fast-tracking it through the lines and having our fill of rides, we decided to go ride the Superman ride. Now, If you know the general layout of this park, you know just how hilly the park actually is. The Superman ride is almost right smack dab in the middle of the park. To get there, you have a pretty good climb ahead of you. When you push someone in a wheelchair, and you’re kind of out of shape, it makes that climb that much more strenuous.
Well, after having pushed her up there and finding out that the ride was closed for maintenance, we decided to head to the Batman ride and had to descend from this small mountain.
This did not go well.
Being out of breath, dehydrated, and tired after walking and hiking under a hot summer sun makes you forget things. I forgot about gravity. On the way down, I tripped, or slipped, or something (I can’t remember clearly as I hit my head on the concrete) and she went flying down the hill. Her chair tipped over, she flew out of it. I remember thinking to myself ‘Well, dang.’
She came to a halt when she rolled into a group of people making their way up the hill. Her chair was damaged, and she had scrapes and bruises.
We both got checked out by the park staff and released.
The rest of the day was really awkward between us. Since we couldn’t leave on our own, we had to grin and bear it for the rest of our ‘date’.
After that, she didn’t speak to me for about a week. At least we’re still friends.”
They Thought He Was The Strange One
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“Met her at a party, texted for a few days, she invites me to her house. Show up, go to her room. Awesome start.
Absorbed by texting. Like the entire room and myself melted away and the entire universe did not matter except for a couple of words on her 4″ cell phone screen. Bombs could have been dropped, I could’ve stolen all of her stuffed animals, TV, clothes and she would never know for hours.
‘So, how have you been?’ Radio silence except for tapping at the phone.
‘Do anything fun the last few days?’ Nothing.
I eventually stand up and go exploring in the house, wander into the next room, get caught by mom and sister. But wait. They happen to be setting up Christmas decorations. They need a strong man to help. The sister is pretty, whatever, this could turn out much better than expected.
Snorting, farting, crazy, annoying trailer trash is what I find in 5 minutes of conversation. And I’m the only one doing the decorating. Forget this. I say I’m going to leave and everyone goes silent. Really really awkward exit like I’m some sort of leper. Terrible. Embarrassing.
The original girl invited me to a Halloween party a few years later, found out she was engaged. Talked to the dude for a while, go to leave, he stands up and sticks his hand out for a handshake, bro is missing fingers on his right hand and also has a legit peg-leg. The guy was dressed as a pirate.
Her life must be interesting.”
He Had No Idea What He Was In For
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“I met her in an adult soccer league. Asked her to grab breakfast that weekend, she accepted. Picked her up, took her to a hole in the wall diner, ordered the garden omelet. Throughout the meal, she talked about all the stuff she was in to. Choking, being dominated, being hit (but not too hard), whips and cuffs. As Kevin Hart would say, she was getting too kinky too fast. Got the check, realized my wallet was in my gym bag from the night before. I apologized, she paid for us both and I took her back to her place. She invited me in, and I couldn’t refuse as she had just bought me a meal.
An hour later, after the dirtiest time of my life up to that point, we were lying in bed when she gets a text and panics.