It's nice to have guests every and now and then, but sometimes people can overstay their welcome. These guests definitely take the cake, ruin kitchens and more in these people's homes.
(Content has been edited for clarity).
They Didn’t Want Another House Guest After This Terrible Experience
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“My worst houseguest earned the title with a collection of small transgressions:
Never contributing to groceries but eating food at will, ‘cleaning’ the guest bathroom by relocating and throwing away numerous items kept there for other guests to use, drinking my not so great strong drinks straight out of a cup with no mixers and staggering wasted around the house while no one else was drinking, cleaning the kitchen aggressively after dinner for no real reason while everyone else was trying to just go chill, leading to popping the dishwasher open while it was running, also when the dishwasher wasn’t running he would kind of perch on the door as a seat weakening the hinge.
He changed all the settings on my washer and dryer, failed to close the door almost letting our cats out, and even though he would be gone for multiple days at this point, I’m still finding trash of his that he bagged up in plastic bags but then left all over the house in hiding spaces (for the most part bottles).
I had another houseguest who wouldn’t shower but WOULD use the hot tub. Yeah, we drained it and cleaned it after he left. No more houseguests, please.”
They Made Themselves A Bit TOO MUCH At Home
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“In college, I had a house. My roommate said his cousin from Australia was going to stay with us a couple of days. Cool. Then it was his cousin and her friend. Then friends. Then a few days meant 10 days. The six of them arrived, smelling like the fog that comes from the sewer, mixed with falafel and asked if they could use the shower. Yes. Please. By all means.
‘Do you have a towel?’ ‘Um, ok.’ ‘Do you have soap’ ‘…sure.’ Then, the disaster that was the shower after this lot got done. It was like, ring upon ring of filth. A rainbow, with a spectrum that went from black to tan, to green. They sleep all day on the floor of the living room, would get mad when we walked through and woke them up. They never cleaned up. Stuff was strewn everywhere. But the worst part was the way they complained about everything American like it was my fault. I get it, the metric is better. Yes, cars are dumb.
On the last day, I got a text that they were going to make us dinner. Being that they were gross, and vegan, I was wary, but when I got home, a big pot of spaghetti and red sauce was steaming, and looking pretty fine. So as we were eating ‘This sauce is fresh.’ ‘Yah, we got the tomatoes from your garden.’ We didn’t have a garden. It was our neighbors garden: a greek fellow named Yanni who LIVED to grow those tomatoes, who said he was going to call the police. (He was eventually bribed with drinks I believe).”
Her Paragraph-Long Sticky Notes Would Be The End Of This Family
“I have this black sheep sister (for decent reasons) who my parents took in last year for over eight months. She has three kids, and they constantly made messes with no effort to clean them up. She taught her kids (my nephews) to be disrespectful to our family, and things got worse as time went on. She would put up long-winded notes in the fridge we let her use saying basically ‘this is food I bought, you are not allowed to use it.’ This would have been fine if she didn’t use our groceries so freely. She was mad disrespectful, no rent money, and always causing toxic drama. We are currently fighting a custody battle for her youngest son (who has lived with us for over a year).”
“Never Said Thank You, Never Apologized And I Never Want Them Back In My House”
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“My wife is from Colombia. She woke up one day to tell me her aunt was planning to move to the USA and she needed some help to settle down in America for about six months to a year. I didn’t like the idea, but she insisted, and I couldn’t say no. Once she was settled with us, after three or four months, I started noticing things that bothered me. My wife had to deep-clean the house every Saturday morning. I am sure she noticed after three months, but anyways, she never asked to help clean at all.
SIDE NOTE: In South America, regardless of your social status EVERYBODY has a maid. She would express this to us, and how hard it was for her to clean because it depressed her to do ‘maid’s work.’
On top of it, she would always play Colombia vallenatos non-stop, back to back, all day. She was so shameless that she would play them while we were cleaning the house and throw comments like ‘this makes me feel like home, I remember Nazaria (her Colombian maid) loved playing this song while cooking. Big what the heck. What made us kick her out was the following.
After six months of staying with us, she asks me if she can invite her boyfriend for dinner so that we get to know him. I agreed and set up a big BBQ. The boyfriend (in his late 50s and also Colombian) gets so wasted he ends up naked, laying in his vomit and feces in the guest bathroom. How did we find him? Oh yes, my 4-year-old niece needed to go potty! She begged me if he could stay as I was too wasted to drive him back (of course she was expecting us to drive him back an hour away after the party). I agreed since it had to with safety, I was not happy though. The following morning I wake up, and everybody is gone. I call my wife to ask her where she was. She was driving them back to his house because he had to go to work. I was upset that they used my wife but at the same time happy that they were gone. All of the sudden I remember the guest bathroom, I thought they at least cleaned that.. to my surprise (or not) they left the bathroom full of vomit and poop. When my wife returned with her aunt, I told her that the only way she could stay with us is if she cleaned the guest bathroom. She took offense to this and asked my wife to please drive her to the boyfriend’s house, and she was gone, and I was happy. Never said thank you, never apologized and I never want them back in my house.”
They Gave A Gift That Just Kept On Giving
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“I used to live in a house full of musicians, and one night one of my roommates had a show. They played with a band that was touring out of San Francisco, and the band had a group of 50 people that were following them across the country. It was like they had taken a time machine straight out of 1970 and ended up in the present day. They were driving two VW vans and an old bread delivery truck that the entire group would squeeze into, hadn’t showered for weeks, and a few of them had been arrested a few days before for sleeping on the roof of a local library so that they could ‘be closer to the stars.’ They were real, true to life hippies (and members of the rainbow family if I remember correctly). Anyway, my buddy got to talking to the guy who is obviously the leader of this group of enlightened individuals, and dummy decided to invite them all over to our house to party/spend the night.
My God man, the chaos that ensued… I’ll never see anything like it again. These people were NUTS. There were only four of us roommates and 50 of them, so they took over. After a few hours of partying, we were ready for bed, but OH NO, not our guests. I went upstairs to sleep and told my roommate who had invited them in that they were his problem. They kept going for a few hours, brought their instruments in from their truck and started a 20-piece god awful jam band in my living room, and they went until about 5 a.m. They all finally passed out about then, and I woke up at 8 a.m. If you’ve ever seen pictures of post-mass suicide Jonestown, that is how it looked. People passed out on the stairs, all over the house, in the basement, out in my backyard, my front porch. And the SMELL. I can’t even begin to explain the stench. Just a mass of dirt, sweat, and grime. One guy woke up and grabbed his guitar, which woke the other people up, and THEY ALL grabbed their instruments and started making this god awful racket that could be described as music… if you suck. They ate all of our food, destroyed our bathrooms, and their smell lingered for at least a month.
One of the guys, to thank us, thought it would be a great idea to leave a fresh watermelon in our kitchen without telling us. This would have been a nice, albeit odd, gesture if he had placed the watermelon somewhere that we could see. But no, he put it up in a cabinet that we NEVER opened and closed the door, so a few weeks later we had a swarm of fruit flies and the smell of rotting fruit permeating from the kitchen and nobody knew why.
My roommate wasn’t allowed to invite more than five people over at a time after that.”
Call His Wife A Witch One More Time…
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“My sister.
My wife and I let her stay with us after my folks finally kicked her out (the first time). She had to be about 18 or 19 years old at the time.
She was to watch our toddler son for us while we were at work. When we got home, we often had to clean up the kitchen and most of the house because she was a slob who couldn’t be bothered to clean up either her messes or my boy’s.
It came to a head one day when my wife discovered among all the left-out food and dishes that my sister had browned some ground beef in her brand new wok using a fork. The wok was scarred and scratched beyond belief. My wife freaked for a second and asked her why she did that.
A couple of minutes later, sister walked up to me in a huff and yelled, ‘You better talk to that witchy wife of yours…’ She went on for several minutes, calling my wife all kinds of names and threatening what she would do if ‘that freaking witch’ says anything else to her.
She had the nerve to look surprised when I calmly told her to get her stuff because she wasn’t spending that night at our house. ‘You’re gonna kick me out because of that witch?!?’
‘Yep.’ We were tired of walking on eggshells around her combustible behind anyway.”
His Friend Created The Most Ingenious Fort Known To Man
“On our first anniversary, my girlfriend and I decided to go out of town for the weekend. We needed someone to look after our cat, and the only guy available was my friend Andrew. In hindsight, it was a total mistake asking him to do it, because he was a complete slob, but he was our only option, and we figured he’d have enough decency not to mess up our place. We were wrong.
The first thing we noticed when we got home was that almost all of our dishes were dirty and stacked in a big pile in the sink. In the fridge, we discovered a half-eaten apple pie from Pizza Hut covered in chicken bones. Investigating further, I found that he had broken some of my stuff, supposedly by accident. But the real surprise was when we went into the basement to do laundry. He had built a big fort out of cardboard boxes, with some rotting pizza left inside. I later discovered that he had been using my video camera, and recorded himself ‘living’ in the box fort, eaten chicken wings, and wearing my clothes while a friend of his danced around totally naked in the background.”
Way To Ruin This Birthday Surprise
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“I bought one of those birthday cakes in one of those boxes with the little see-through plastic window for my wife’s upcoming birthday. My ‘friend’ ate all the cake outside the viewing area of that window so that when I opened the box, there was only a little square left. Jerk.”
Just Flip The Plate If You’re Mad
“My father-in-law is, unfortunately, a butthole who happened to stay at my home once. My significant other and I cooked dinner (it was something with a tomato sauce), and after a dinner full of father-in-law making racist, misogynistic, bigoted butthole statements, we went to clean up. The kitchen sink and dishwasher are maybe 10 feet from where he is sitting. I was taking my plate to the sink while making eye contact with and talking to my significant other.
He apparently held out his plate full of tomato sauce for me to take to the sink right there and I didn’t notice. After I didn’t take it, his response was to flip the plate upside down onto the white carpet. He didn’t apologize or say ‘oops’ or try to clean it up. His response was to cross his arms over his fat body and frown. He has not been invited back since, although whenever we’re frustrated we now say ‘To heck with it, plate flip.'”
It Wasn’t Me
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“I was living with my sister at the time. Her boyfriend was visiting and his friend too, and a few other people, we all went out for a night out, got trashed, came back to our house and continued drinking. Nothing unusual there. This was in my student days.
Now, here comes the most outrageous thing that’s ever happened to me. The after party was winding down, some people were asleep on the couch, while others had gone to bed. This left my sister’s boyfriend’s friend (let’s call him Rob) and me.
I looked into my kitchen and saw Rob (who had been blackout wasted an hour earlier) with his trousers down around his ankles sitting in my kitchen bin, literally taking a dump. This guy was so wasted he thought my kitchen bin was a toilet.
I went upstairs for a few minutes and laid down in disbelief. I came back downstairs to the scene of the crime to see if my eyes were deceiving me. Nope. Crap in the bin. I took the bag outside to the bin in the garden and slept it off. Next day Rob denied this ever happened, so I sent my sister’s boyfriend to open the bin bag and see for himself. There it was. A big dump in the bin bag.
The guy still denies it to this day, but apparently, a similar event happened a few years later where he took a dump under his hotel mattress.
What is wrong with people?”
Guess He Thought If He Put It Back No One Would Notice?
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“When no one was looking a houseguest went through the drink cabinet, found an unopened bottle, and downed the whole lot. He then placed the bottle back in the cupboard as though nothing had happened before proceeding to the bathroom where he vomited on everything except in the toilet. He didn’t clean any of it up, but before leaving did use my significant other’s toothbrush.”
Nobody Wanted His Homemade Soup
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“I had a rager of a party a few years back, and some dude decided to make a ‘soup’ in my bathtub.
He was inclusive in his approach and allowed anyone to add their own ‘ingredients,’ but he was the chef and protected it all night. I didn’t find out until the early morning because I was busy being off my behind and all that.
Included in the soup was: vomit, blood, a few rubbers (not used), a crap ton of water, spirits and other hard drinks – some noodles, pasta, cereal, milk and a fish someone had taken from my neighbors’ pond which subsequently died.
There was a ton of other stuff too, but that is what I remember.”
This Uninvited Guest Was A Straight Up Bully
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“I had a party when I was about 15, more jelly and ice cream than shots and going wild as we were fairly sheltered. Somebody brought along their friend, who looked a similar age to us (quite short) but he was 23 at the time. He brought along a bottle and proceeded to drink most of it within a couple of hours. Nobody else at the party was drinking, just chilling and playing games. He proceeded to ignore the two different bathrooms and went into the kitchen, where my parents were trying to avoid cramping my style, and vomited into the kitchen sink all over the plates, and then left without saying anything or helping to clear up.
The following day, he went on Facebook and made some cruel personal comments about me. Then when I phoned him in tears to tell him to take it down and that he should apologize for the mess he’d made of the kitchen (which I had to clean up) he recorded the conversation, uploaded it to youtube and then made great efforts to distribute it on Reddit and across Facebook. No idea why his embarrassment at being a wasted jerk evolved into being a bully, but it’s been 10 years and I still avoid him if I bump into him in the street. Psycho creep.”
Oh, Malcolm
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“The worst house guest we ever had was in college. Our ‘friend’ Malcolm.
We had smut mags in our bathroom. Nobody even looked at them after the first month; they were just there. It seemed like it should be. All respectable smut consumption was done on computer screens, anyway.
So, Malcolm came over for a hang, got wasted and stoned, and passed out on our couch. That’s fine. We just left him. It’s not the first time a friend needed to sleep it off.
We woke up the next morning. Here’s the list: He went to the bathroom and pooped. He clogged the toilet. He found the smut and ‘enjoyed’ it. He then went to our kitchen and got a huge bowl, my hippie roommate’s expensive Kashi cereal, and a full container of his expensive almond milk out of the fridge. He poured himself a ‘bowl of cereal’ (it was more like a popcorn bowl, to be honest) by emptying all of the contents into the bowl. He must have decided he didn’t like it because he probably only ate two or three spoonfuls before he abandoned it on the table.
He left the refrigerator door open as well as the front door. All of this was verified by our other roommate who had just gotten back to the tower and saw him leaving in the lobby (This is to rule out anyone else possibly doing this).
Malcolm wins.”
These Fish Definitely Couldn’t Keep Swimming In This
“In high school, this one girl brought her boyfriend over to my birthday party….it was a sleepover, and he was told to leave at 10.
Turns out that he was a bit older than us and creepy. He hit on others in front of his girlfriend. Anyways after getting handsy in front of my mom, she lost it and kicked him out.
The girl, later on, went on this sugar rampage and threw ice cream cake into my fish tank. Then sprayed a whole can of air freshener in the room while we slept. She did lots of annoying crap like calling random numbers at 3 a.m. and stuff. Then told us how she slept with the dad of the kids she babysat.
I never hung out with her after that night.”
Not Even Labeling His Food Helped
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“My mother’s husband’s daughter showed up on two hours notice with her boyfriend and said boyfriend’s German Shepherd.
They stayed the night, then went to see her grandparents, taking our entire supply of dog food with them. For two days.
Because her dad is such a narcissistic idiot, I had to purchase my own separate groceries rather than just toss money into a collective fund for the whole household.
Now because her father never punished her, she also grew up to be a narcissistic idiot, and as a result, I had to mark the food I purchased explicitly.
Which didn’t matter, because she’d eat and drink my stuff anyways.
So would my mom’s husband, despite him having thrown a fit over food that resulted in me purchasing my own food in the first place.
So yeah, this wonderful human being threw a crap fit one night because I figured that he was a decent human being and had made a plate of food for my mother since she was working. When she got home, I asked if I could have it, and since she was starting a vegan thing, she said I could.
Nope. Those were HIS seconds. He threw a gosh darn temper tantrum over two pork chops and a baked potato.
So that particular weekend Daughter+Daughter’s BF+Mom’s Hubby+Mom’s Hubby’s BFF were all eating my leftover spaghetti, despite it being my quite clearly labeled spaghetti that I had bought and cooked myself. They’re stealing food from a disabled dude on food stamps.
After the daughter left, while his buddy was still there I told him he needed to pay me back for the food they’d eaten and the pop his daughter and her BF had consumed.
‘OMG! MY DAUGHTER IS NOT A POP STEALER! SHE MUST NOT HAVE KNOWN THAT THEY WERE YOURS!’
Which is what he’d said the last time. So in order to get my sodas, they would have had to remove two strips of masking tape that said ‘VK’S SODA, DO NOT DRINK!’
So I told him that if his daughter wasn’t a pop stealer, she was either blind, illiterate, or mentally insane.
‘OH MY GOD, THEY’RE LIKE 50 CENTS!’
And they’d drank eight of them, so that’s four bucks. Or, you know, about the same value of food that you’d pitched a fit over and forced me to purchase and maintain my own separate stock of food.
And despite dropping by fewer times than I can count on my fingers while I was living there, she insisted on having me maintain a bedroom there, in which no one else was allowed to sleep.
His daughter who is there twice a year? ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE A BEDROOM! My siblings and niece that are there every other weekend? ‘DARN THEM; THEY CAN SLEEP ON THE COUCH!'”