Your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Minor problems are bound to come up, but all in all, nothing is supposed to ruin your day. Unfortunately, some weddings have more than just minor issues. Some, like the ones in the following stories, have such colossal problems that it's a miracle if anyone makes it to the end of the night without a black eye or a police record.
(Content has been edited for clarity.)
Just Sloppy From Beginning To End
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First, the justice of the peace never showed up. Now, if you’ve been to a wedding, you know this is a terrible, terrible thing. Or, at least it would’ve been if the bride’s sister didn’t get up and decide ‘Oh well! I’ll be the JP,’ pull out an iPhone and WHILE STANDING AT THE FRONT OF THE HALL with the bride and groom, say, ‘Hey Siri, how do you officiate a wedding?’
Thankfully, Google was there for her, and she read the step by step instructions on the phone, and there was our ceremony.
Now, typically, this would be the low point of the evening. But not this night.
Nope. We got the beautiful toast by the mother of the bride. The MOB and most of the bride’s family spoke Spanish. That’s not a big deal as it happens, but from what we were told through the translator, the speech involved advice to the new couple that marriage would lead to fights and disagreements but to keep them out of the bedroom because ‘That’s where the magic happens.’
There were noticeable groans when she reached this point in both the Spanish version and English translation. The bride, herself, appeared horrified.
It would not be the only awkward moment of the night either as maybe 20 minutes later; we got to the bouquet and garter toss.
If you’re familiar with this painfully outdated custom, you know the groom takes his hand and goes up the bride’s leg to grab the garter, and usually, there’s some awkward innuendo of the guy touching the woman, etc.
Take that image but instead of a hand, make it a head going under her dress. And instead of it being awkward for what’s implied, make it awkward because it lasts well over 90 seconds.
Oh, and 20 kids were running around them at the time.
Now I can’t say he was going down on her but, I can’t say he wasn’t.
Lastly, and this one is my favorite moment of the entire experience, after the wedding, I went home and started editing photos a few days later (as photographers do).
I noticed when I was editing the wedding ring photos that the inscription inside the groom’s ring seems weird. I zoomed in and read it, and it said something akin to ‘Jeff & Nicole, forever.’
The only problem, again, was that Jeff wasn’t getting married to Nicole. He was getting married to a new woman.
I called Jeff and ask him about this, and it turns out he had bought a wedding band when he and Nicole were together and got it inscribed because he figured they’d eventually get married.
As he put it, he ‘didn’t have time to get it fixed’ for his new wife.
I had to bite my tongue to resist laughing because, at this point, it was the perfect cap to this experience for me. A guy reused a wedding ring for his new bride and had a ceremony derailed time and time again by awful and awkward moments.
It was, and still is, the most cringe-worthy wedding I’ve ever photographed.
I haven’t seen Jeff since I delivered the photos but I hope he’s living a happy life.
I hope he fixed that ring.”
A Happily Ever After For At Least One Of The Bridal Party Members
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“I worked for a bespoke suit place that worked for upscale weddings. Sometimes I’d accompany the head tailor for a final fitting/last details on the wedding day.
So we got to the venue for one of these weddings, and we heard a commotion, and we didn’t know what’s happening. I talked to one of the girls that were just staff, and she told me apparently the groom had gotten together with some high school friends for his bachelor party and something happened and HE was calling off the wedding.
The bride was hysterical. I never actually got to see her but I could hear her wailing and screaming, and throwing/kicking things. All the staff was there and wasn’t sure what to do because no one was talking to us. A lot of awkward waiting and we were told to leave ‘immediately’ because the bride was about to come down the stairs and the wedding was indeed off, and she didn’t want to see anyone. So as we’re leaving we find out from one of the bridesmaids that the groom called the wedding off because he reconnected with an old friend and they both confessed to each other they were gay and wanted to be together.
I was happy for him. I had never met the bride; always just the groom and his friends and dealt only with the wedding planner, but the way she was screaming and throwing a fit was just too much.”
Aunt Barb Has To Work On Her Timing
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“I was banquet server/Maitre’d for eight years. Bride and groom already had a kid together; the wedding was for legal/tax purposes. Families hated each other; nobody wanted to be there. A third of the group didn’t even show up. Groom’s aunt got into a fistfight with the bride just as they’re about to do the big ‘walk-in introduction.’ Apparently, the aunt just walked up to them and told the groom he, ‘Didn’t wear the pants anymore,’ and that the marriage wouldn’t last. Cue fistfight. Police were called, somehow no charges were filed. People started leaving before the main course was served.
The bride’s nephew at my tables, younger guy, maybe early 20s, slipped me a hundred and apologized for everything. He was easily the nicest one in the bunch, feel kinda bad he grew up around that.”
That Was A Quick Marriage
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“I used to bartend at a restaurant that hosted a lot of small functions, like engagement parties and receptions.
To set the scene, this was a rather small affair; about 50 guests, some food platters and a lot of ‘adult beverages.’ It was uneventful for the most part until the night was just about to wrap up.
At about 1 a.m., everyone was wasted and were partying hard. One of my colleagues informed me that a couple was going at it in the handicapped toilets. This has happened a few times at these types of events, and I rolled my eyes when I heard this, as it’s not exactly the most private place to smash some inebriated dandy. The disabled toilets are essentially in between the men’s and ladies, which means that the air vents broadcast the not exactly quiet couplings of wasted party-goers. Another important note is that the door for this toilet is a sliding door with a latch, which has the possibility of being open enough for those wandering through to catch a glance if the door wasn’t slid all the way closed.
I did a glass collection run about five minutes later, and sure enough, the door wasn’t closed properly. What I saw through the crack of that infedelitous portal made me back away like Homer Simpson when he caught Apu…
Clear as day, the groom had the maid of honor bent over and was going to town.
I made my way back to the manager’s office and looked him dead in the eye and said, ‘Things are gonna get real bad in a minute.’ Confused, he followed me back out on the floor, and with impeccable timing, one of the party members was whispering in the bride’s ear.