The life of a psychologist is not an easy one. Dealing with people’s toughest griefs and trying to get them back on the right paths, and you’ll learn things that will change how you approach life forever.
Below are the most profound things psychologists have learned during therapy, and how it changed them. Check them out. A source with even more stories can be found on the last page.
Excessive alcohol consumption, at a level not usually considered problematic, impacts people a lot more than they think it does.
Depressed? Heavy drinker? Think about cutting down your drink before turning to anti-depressants.
Zpiderz
Very little about you is original as we’re constantly repeating patterns we’ve learned since childhood. When humans find a solution, no matter how maladaptive it turns out to be in the long run, we stubbornly keep trying it over and over and over… turns out it’s more comfortable to stick with the devil you know than to risk fear, failure and vulnerability by trying it a new way, even if the new way is logically better. The subconscious is a much greater force than most of us can fathom or care to admit.
petits_doigts
There are not enough people who advocate themselves because they “don’t want to cause a fuss/problem” even if that problem is the root of their issues.
SeaSaltSirens
Having bad parents will mess you up for life.
Even if you find a way to have career success, a happy relationship, meet other goals, but internally, something will be off for you.
And that many of us are one horrific life event away from being a total train wreck.
LustfulGumby
I was a psychologist in a suburban mental health clinic for 30 years. I began by asking, “How do you want your life to be?” It was amazing how many people had never learned to make reasonable life plans based upon their aptitudes, intelligence and desires. Together we’d complete a goal list and visualize how things would look in 5 years. Each element was tweaked until the client was satisfied. From then on he/she was asked to dwell on the image daily and especially when making important decisions. “Will X bring be closer or farther from the image?” Obviously a preponderance of constructive thoughts, words and actions would bring them closer to the life they desired. Valuable resources include Dr.S.Reiss’ book – “Who Am I?” and the YouTube video “Learning to Flourish and Endure in a Challenging World”
Also, people who are too self critical can learn to place their mistakes on a scale from one to ten and judge themselves accordingly.
WokeUp2
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People absolutely don’t think about sex anywhere near as often as I was taught (or as often as I wish). That said, mommy and daddy issues are more common than I thought before heading into this game and, yes, we’re all terribly predictable.
Taqwacore
Currently a doctoral student doing my clinical training as a therapist. I had one client who adamantly believed that happiness is a choice, and lived by this belief. This client really changed my outlook on my own life, and I find myself stressing less about small stuff that doesn’t matter in the long run. I also don’t let the choices of others have as much of a negative impact on my own mood as they have in the past, which was a huge struggle of my own. This, of course, is not always going to be an option for everyone all the time, especially for those who suffer from clinical anxiety, depression, and the like. This was a high functioning client who had a fairly good handle on things so it worked well for them. It was really an excellent reminder that our clients aren’t just there to learn from us and our guidance, but we learn so much from them as well.
wendybird-barrie
Everything is subjective: one person can view an ‘event’ as an opportunity whilst another in the same situation can view it as a threat
bosstrasized
That people are more decent and more resilient that I had previously thought
That suffering is part of the human condition, and it is not unusual for people to experience depression or anxiety problems at some point in their life
That someones distress about their problem doesnt necessarily correlate with how big that problem objectively looks to others
That in order to benefit from therapy people need to have the humility and curiosity to try something different, to try thinking and behaving differently
That it can be frustrating when someone just uses therapy to talk about themselves but doesnt make changes in their life, even though theyve identified that their behavior is dysfunctional and is making others unjustifiably unhappy
That even though this work often makes me crave time away from people, its rare to come across a patient I dont like everybody has something likeable that makes me feel tender towards them, even if they dont realise it (and its often a quality theyre not particularly aware of)
That if I give my all to every patient, they will probably benefit from feeling that I am totally present, passionate about helping them, and that I understand them and I like them. But if I do all of that for every patient I’ve nothing left over for me and my loved ones, so I’ve learned not to. It’s an uneasy compromise but it’s the only way I can find balance
That life is not fair.
miareadsit
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As soon as you mention the word psychology people see it as a gateway to tell you all of their problems. A simple lighthearted conversation with a stranger can turn into me knowing their full family history and the reasons why they drink so much. Its lovely to be the person they open up to, but it’s hard going when you’re out with your friends at a pub and you can’t find an appropriate break in their talking to tell them you need to leave.
danzielle
The whole “you have to want to change” is surprisingly ultra relevant. A huge majority of people I’ve worked with weren’t really looking for change, seeing a professional was just the thing to do really. It’s alarming how many people want to both improve their issues yet somehow not change anything in their life.
ThomasEdmund84
People are funnier, weirder, braver, more outrageous, more terrible to one another and more resilient than I ever expected. Also, you can smoke a whole turkey on a BBQ.
gintooth
People around you, people you might interact with on a daily basis… well some have had really messed up things happen to them. Some have been tortured (like actual real torture), some have had loved people choke to death in their arms, some have had to kill others in combat.
Also on the non-trauma side I guess what I found rather shocking was how everyone can be affected by mental illness. Loving mother? BAM! Now you think the mafia wants to poison your every drink and have send your child as a spy: you’ve become psychotic due to depression+psychosis/schizophrenia/drug sequela .
Successful student – BAM! You just got into major debt because you gambled it all away while having a maniac episode. Mental illness strikes at random and can’t be well understood from the outside by your family and friends, it’s like an invisible curse and people actually shun you because they’re scared of you, don’t get what you’re going through, all they see is this “weirdo”. People get really lonely because no one understands them (if you’re affected: professionals actually kind of know what you’re going through that’s why therapy helps!)
purplepun
I’ve learned how good my parents and family are. I had issues with my dad growing up and I thought I had it bad. But hearing the stories of my patients and trauma survivors made me realize how truly privileged I am. Some people have truly seen the worst of the worst and they still have to strength to sit in front of me, alive, and sharing their story with me. And I freak out and cry over small things. It has taught me how resilient the human spirit is, and how lucky I am to have lived the comfortable life I have.
Tarantula93
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I think the most important thing I learned is what it truly means to listen to someone. It’s pretty hard to explain, but it’s not simply understanding the meaning of the words spoken, but listening to how the person gives meaning to what they are speaking.
Mapeben
Everyone thinks their issues are unique. I can’t tell most patients this, but I’ve heard everything they said a dozen times before. Sometimes I find myself thinking individuality is the biggest lie humans are told. Not everyone is the same, rather, we are cut from a few dozen cloths, and as a result everyone has several dozen millions of other people out there who share a strikingly similar thoughts, feelings, identities, and life stories.
For some patents realizing this is a benefit that takes a great weight off of them. For others, the notion that they are an individual is one of the only things holding them together. Two different cloths. The latter nurturing that feeling for is very important.
Kind of related, I have often joking thought about making patient bingo cards for my own amusement. Though for obvious reasons I don’t; it would be disrespectful and lead to bad practices. It is far too important to make sure I don’t overlook a nuance among all the dejavu.
Karilyn_Kare
The people who are most outspoken about something, whether it’s pro- something or anti- something else, very often do not “practice what they preach” behind closed doors. For example, conservative anti-gay folks frequently turn out to be closeted or staunch republican voters who fear “socialism” but collect social security/medicaid/welfare/unemployment.
bandposer69
There is a lot of shame and there doesn’t need to be.
The person accusing someone of cheating, is often the cheater. That’s just my experience in sessions, no idea if it’s actually true.
We need to belong to a group.
The most normal looking granny watches weird adult films.
People can take a lot of crap. It’s almost scary how bad someone’s life can be but they still truck on.
And the whole “you can lead a horse to water…” people will actively resist change if they aren’t ready to hear it.
People, outside of clients, feel very entitled to everything you know but many only want to hear the stuff that confirms their beliefs.
Isolatedwoods19
We run on autopilot most of the time and make decisions without thinking.
ocsipocs
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I have learnt just how often we find ourselves in relationships which are designed to resolve our childhood wounds.
I am a relationship therapist and always take one full session with a couple to look at their whole family of origin. Very often by the end of that session, the couple themselves are explaining to me (in some way) how they are recreating childhood issues to attempt to resolve them as adults. Its crazy frequent!
randomtherapistguy
I’m a social worker and the number one thing I’ve learned is you can’t change anyone. You can’t even influence or gently nudge them into changing. They have to want to change 100% on their own. People are the most stubborn things on the planet. I would sooner feel more confident getting a cat to change its behavior.
cricketfluffernutter
It gets worse before it gets better. Always.
The motto of mankind is “hell is other people”. Very few people recognize they have any responsibility in any giver situation, even fewer recognize what this responsibility is.
Almost every problem people have can be boiled down to a combination of lack of self-knowledge, lack of self-control and lack of disposition to accept the ill effects of getting your life together.
We are taught to value “freedom” over our own well being, and the result is a world where everyone, no exceptions, is far less autonomous than they think they are. We are slaves of what the world wants of us, but we the same world teaches us to think we are “free”, and every single one of us will destroy ourselves before admiting we need help.
People seek therapy looking for excuses not to change or for someone to tell them the answers. Our job is helping them to help themselves, and the hardest part is generally to convince them that they do need to change and that they need to make their own choices.
Almost everything you call “mental disease” are, in fact, symptoms. OCD, PTSD, depression, anxiety, you choose. All of these are consequences, the causes are deep and complicated systems of behavioral patterns that need to be studied down to its function.
The WHY and the HOW are much, much more important than the WHAT.
I can go on and on if you want me to. These are just from the top of my head.
9-T-H-R-O-W-A-W-A-Y
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Every single person will suffer from mental health problems. Whether this is coping with the death of a loved one, anxiety, loneliness, etc. There should be no shame in this, because it is a natural, and we very much appreciate those who speak up and come forward with their issues.
I always remind myself of this quote I once read in a therapeutical book not too long ago, it goes something like this: “Nobody is immune to the inherent tragedies of existence.”
Keep on fighting, keep on speaking up. We can make this world a better place once we understand each other better.
Batt_Psy
We’re all cut from the same cloth. We all have flaws, insecurities and bad experiences but not one of these things can define us.
There’s always someone out there feeling just as bad as you, your thoughts aren’t terrible and things will get better.
Recovery is not a straight path. It often gets worse before it gets better.
I like the plane analogy that comes from Stewart Emery’s book Actualisation although I came across it in Susan Jeffers’ book.
When landing a plane there is a console known as the inertial guidance system. The purpose of the system is to get the plane within one thousand yards of the runway for landing the plane. Each time the plane strays off course, the system corrects it. The pilot explained that they would land successfully despite “having been in error 90 percent of the time.” Emery take it from there, stating: “So the path from here to where we want to be starts with an error, which is correct, which becomes the next error, which we correct, which becomes the next error and so on” So the only time we are truly on course is that moment in the zigzag where we cross the true path.”
CallumS343