1/22. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
2/22. When I meet a new love interest, I’m terrified of mentioning something he/she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
3/22. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
4/22. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
5/22. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
6/22. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
7/22. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
8/22. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
More terrible thoughts on the next page!
9/22. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
10/22. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
11/22. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
12/22. LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
13/22. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
14/22. Bad decisions tend to make the best stories.
15/22. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles
More terrible thoughts on the next page!
16/22. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
17/22. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever media format comes after Bluray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection. Who cares about technological progress!
18/22. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry,” means I will never wash this ever.
19/22. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
20/22. It should really be called Unplanned Parenthood, right?
21/22. Is it bad that I sometimes think: Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what to do with it.
22/22. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
Source