Autopilot, in many areas of our lives, can be a really useful thing we don’t want to have to consciously think about routine things as though they were new experiences every time. Sometimes, though, it means that we do really, really dumb things. Like these people!
Thanks to everyone who contributed. If you would like to read more stories like these, be sure to check out the source link at the end of this article. Comments have been edited for clarity.
I ordered a meatlong football from a sub shop. I then got upset when the dude had no idea what I wanted.
Then we both laughed.
SalletFriend
I tried to put a pacifier in my mother’s mouth as opposed to the infant she was holding. The best part is that she was nagging the heck out of me.
Msshadow
I spent ages cooking dinner, only to pick the plate up and empty it straight into the bin. I was so tired and hungry, I cried.
jefferlewpew
I poured orange juice instead of milk into my cereal, put the bowl of cereal into the fridge, walked back to the table with nothing wondering where the heck I put my cereal.
Aurora320
I pulled into my complex, walked up the stairs, my keys wouldn’t open the door and then I realized it had been seven years since I had lived there.
[deleted]
I drove a city bus in college. My route and my commute home had a road that overlapped. Driving home from work one night, I ended up doing my bus route instead of my commute home and didn’t realize it until I ended up in the bus terminal at the end of the line. I guess it was better than driving into my apartment complex with the city bus.
JetDrew
Meeting my brother’s in-laws for the first time. They asked me what my name was. I said “Pete”. My name is Tiffani.
tiffaniac
I wear a fob watch at work, pinned to my chest. On my days off, I don’t half get odd looks if someone asks me the time and I automatically start pawing at my boob.
When my daughter was very young, she loved trains. So, I’d take her on short trips and the line passed some fields, where I’d point out the animals to her. Got some weird British alarmed looks that time I pointed out of the window and loudly said, “Look! Moo cows!” while was on the train by myself.
MogadonMandy
I have poured my dog a bowl of cereal instead of giving her food, multiple times.
the_guy_guy_guy
Instead of ground coffee, I put a couple scoops of sugar in my coffee filter and brewed it.
pyrrhicvictorylap
My usual routine is to grab my keys, phone, wallet, etc.** before work.
Why is there a tv remote in my car?
**The etc. included the tv remote.
EarlCampbellsMeat
I used to work in a call center, and would answer my personal phone with my call center speech.
CXDFlames
Men’s restrooms usually have a fairly standard design: There’s a row of sinks, followed by a row of urinals, and then finally a handful of stalls. The accepted etiquette for the men’s room is nigh-on universal, but for those who might not know, (and there seem to be a fair number of you), it can be described as such:
- Enter the restroom.
- If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it are not in use, approach and do your business.
- If there is a urinal available and the ones next to it are in use, find another urinal.
- If no other urinals are available, (save for ones with adjacent users), approach, stare straight ahead, and finish as quickly as possible.
- If there are no urinals available, use a stall. Be sure to close and lock the door.
- If there are no urinals or stalls available, stand behind a urinal, keeping as much distance between you and the current occupant as possible, and pretend to be very interested in either the floor or the ceiling.
These rules are in place for the specific purpose of minimizing embarrassment, and they work well if everyone follows them. Unfortunately, while in a caffeine-deprived haze, I managed to accidentally exploit an unfortunate loophole.
I had walked into the restroom, intent on… well, you can guess… and discovered that none of the urinals were available. Fortunately, one of the stall doors was ajar, indicating that it was unoccupied… or so I thought. Upon entering the stall in question, I discovered that it was already in use by someone who had neglected to close the door, and who was midway through their “expulsion of fluids.”
Had I been in a sounder state of mind, I would have hurriedly exited and waited for a different section of the facility to become available. As it happened, I decided that the best course of action was to lounge against the wall – still inside of the stall, mind you – and twiddle with my phone until the guy finished his performance. It was only as he was nearing completion that I realized what I was doing, and I rushed to exit the stall before my unwitting co-occupant noticed my presence.
Of course, that was right when someone else entered the restroom. They saw me leave the stall, assumed that it was empty, and walked forward… right into the original occupant, who was making his own exit.
I decided to hold it in for a while after that.
RamsesThePigeon
I used to work at the airport while in college, and one day I went to get groceries and drove 30 mins to the airport instead.
Protodeus
Someone knocked at my door and I knocked back.
RyuremSnow
I had a pet rat out roaming with me while I made some toast. I cleaned up, put the rat in the fridge and didn’t realize until I put the butter in the cage that oh no!
I went to reclaim the rat, she was all like, “Buzz off, the food box is MINE now”. She had already gotten into the ham.
Taleya
My biggest autopilot mess up was probably the time I cracked 3 eggs into the sink. One after another.
tossinthisshi1
I have two stories.
1) I was walking to work on a very straight path through a nature reserve. I fell asleep and sleepwalked for about 10 mins. It was so weird, I blinked and suddenly appeared near the end of my journey.
2) I got into my car with coffee and a newspaper. I carefully held the rolled-up newspaper whilst hurling the coffee onto the passenger seat.
OuterSpiralHarm
I was opening a Mozzarella cheese stick for my daughter, and threw away the actual cheese stick and gave her the wrapper.
[deleted]
Raising my hand to voice my opinion while in a conversation. I was not a school.
SirFartSniffer
I cared for a horse for several years.
First thing in the morning, I would go put feed and water in the field, lead her out, and close the fence behind her.
One morning, as I’m walking back into my house, I hear a weird sound behind me. The sound of hooves on linoleum.
She looked as surprised as I was that I had brought her into my kitchen. Luckily, she never told anyone, so my secret is still safe.
romulusbc
I once put my phone in the fridge to “charge”.
Cactus_octopus
In high school, I was home by myself, rehearsing an imaginary conversation with a boy I had a crush on. I poured imaginary him a real glass of orange juice.
dysenchantd
I was at my fiance’s house for dinner. Had to leave early. Was in a rush. Kissed her dad on the way out.
ferretRa
I left my house while I was extremely sleepy and drove to my old high school instead of the university. I’m in grad school and have been out of high school for five years. I was turning in before I realized what I did.
Anomaj
I grabbed my “lunch” on my way out the door for work in the morning.
I kept wondering what that beeping noise was, the whole drive there. I couldn’t figure it out.
I got to work and grabbed my lunch, only to realize that I had actually grabbed the baby monitor.
[deleted]
I put the dinner on and realized I had no carrots. So, I decided to drive to the shop to get carrots. I ended up driving to work.
forgot_her_password
I cleaning up my face with electric clippers. I thought, “Oh, missed a spot.” I proceeded to shave off my eyebrow.
hotmalscort
I sometimes lose my phone in my hand while in the middle of a call.
Thehelpfulshadow
Once, while playing an intense board game, I was concentrating so hard that my buddy realized that he could just hand random things to me and I’d take them and put them in my jacket pocket or place them on the table in front of me. I only realized when I ran out of space to put things.
LoneMantiss