Whether it’s a teacher who’s gone to far with discipline, or a student who’s just completely out of line, sometimes an opportunity arises for a nice, good old fashioned roasting. If it ever comes up for you, don’t let it slip!
Below are stories of the best roasts from both students and teachers, as told on AskReddit. Check them out! A source to even more can be found on the last page.
I had an awesome college math teacher. Mrs. Tillman was small and feisty. She was one of those passionate teachers that thrived on teaching and really got her students engaged.
One day a student beside me made some comment showing he had no concept of the material. She said, No, you goof! and without thinking she threw the chalkboard eraser at him. It flew across the room and hit me square in the chest. It was one of those big rubber ones for cleaning the board and it left a 10 long square print on my shirt.
She was immediately profusely sorry. I suppose that wouldn’t be received well if somebody complained and she might get in a lot of trouble. While the class was laughing quite hard she said, Ian, please see me after class. I responded with, Why, do you want me to help you with your aim?
I always loved that class but it just seemed more fun after that day.
My high school guidance counselor was also a math teacher. He noticed that one of the students, lets call him Joe, was obviously copying answers from his neighbors on quizzes and tests. Once day the teacher passes out a test. The next day, he passes back the graded tests to the students. After a minute, Joe raises his hand and indignantly exclaims, I had the same answers as these guys and you flunked me! The teachers reply, Yes, but did you have the same test
My geography report.
In my school, each teacher wrote a report on each student. So you get a report from every subject. And they went directly to the parents/guardians, so we couldnt intercept them.
My geography was weak. This was not helped by the test being to write about the tundra. I wrote everything I knew and would have got a 100% mark if it wasnt for the fact that I confused the tundra with the tropical and had written everything about tropical climates. So I got a 0%.
My geography report was summarised by the words:
His geography is so weak Im amazed he finds his way home at night.
So you know that one kid in your class who is always really disruptive, loud, and talks too much? And that one teacher that is super savage?
Well, I have one of those kids in my class. Also, my teacher roasts us on a daily basis.
We were in class, and the teacher was sitting there quietly waiting for us to finish our discussion. The kid (let’s call him James) had finished his discussion with his group early, and was going off-task by ranting on and on about how basketball wasnt fun at all when there were people super lousy at playing and how some people just plain suck at basketball. Our teacher, hearing this very loud rant, responds:
Yeah, Ive seen you play at recess.
Mic drop moment. The entire class goes silent for a second.
James could only hang his face in shame. Needless to say, he shut up immediately.
Life is no fun when you dont have a teacher who is super extra.
Many years ago, Grade 10 geography was all about Australia… Of course, our teacher knew from nothing about the subject other than what she gleaned from the same textbooks we had, and a few other sources.
One day she was talking about artesian wells, the size of the desert in central Australia, and how one could always see a kangaroo hopping around.
A kid at the back of the class put his hand up and said Maam, there are in fact a number of deserts in Australia, and if you live along the coast, the only time youll really see a kangaroo is if you go to the city zoo.
Of course, back in THOSE days, one did not EVER question a teacher or correct him/her, and you certainly didnt challenge them in class.
The teacher inhaled deeply and said Oh, and what makes you believe you know more than I do on this subject?
Wrong question to ask, apparently… the kid stood there and very politely said, My family lived in Cairns which is in Queensland for the last 3 years. My Dad is a doctor and was with the Royal Flying Doctor Service, and the only time I ever saw a kangaroo in that three year period was at the zoo when we went on vacation.
It seemed that after that day, the teacher was always glancing at this kid for verification of whatever she was saying about Australia. So did we.
Just the other year, I was in a Calculus class with a guy that Im going to call Merry.
Anyway, Merrys thing was robots. Our school had just gotten a 3D printer, and it was like his baby. He carried around a programmed Arduino, and always had a new plastic robot piece that he was slowly adding to it.
The plastic pieces, of course, had all of those weird structural support things that 3D printers add and that you need to break off. So Merry would break these off in class, leaving little plastic bits everywhere, and I dont think our teacher appreciated it very much.
So one day, class is going on, Merry is paying attention, has the mostly-completed robot on his desk, and is snapping off plastic.
What have you got there? our teacher asks.
Its a robot, Merry says, unconcerned.
The teacher looks pained. Saddened. He leans on the desk, shakes his head, sighs in sympathy. He looks as if hes going to have to say something very painful, like hes about to tell Merry that Santa Claus isnt real.
You know… he begins, hesitantly. When people tell you that you need to make friends, thats not… what they mean…
The thing that sold it was how genuinely contrite he looked for having to say this.
My teacher noticed that one student was copying the answers of the student next to them when she was grading tests. Both students would end up turning in identical answers and would get an A. After a couple tests went by and the two students were still turning in the same answers, my teacher decided to end the cheating in a sneaky way.
Before the next test, she took Amy, the student being copied from, aside and asked her to fill in all the answers wrong when the class took the test. The student agreed and dutifully worked during the testing period, but marked every answer wrong. The student who was copying her, of course, marked every answer the same way. They both turned in their tests, but after class Amy came back and filled in the correct answers to the test.
When tests were handed back the next day and when the students were comparing answers (as all students do), the cheater raised their hand and said that the teacher had messed up on the test. The teacher asked them why they believed that. The student then said, Because I put the exact same answers as Amy and she got an A, and I failed! The class erupted in laughter, the student realised their mistake and sat down.
My teacher actually got the student to roast themselves in front of the entire class. Apparently, the student never cheated again.
I still find this incident funny 3 years later.
In my sophomore year of high school, I was taking a biology class first period. Now I am by no means a morning person, so Im usually too tired to censor whatever thoughts come out of my mouth.
I cant remember what we were going over that day or how this question came up, but someone in the class asked the teacher about what kind of dust and other particles may float around in the air. The teacher responded with a vague answer that generally answered the question, but the student brought up that somebody informed them there were less desirable things in the air- mold, feces, dead cells, etc.
So were always breathing that stuff in? Isnt that bad? a curious student asks.
You might think, but its not enough to hurt you the teacher replies.
Its still gross, a concerned student comments.
Suddenly, before I decide to keep my mouth shut, I say loud enough for the whole class to hear-
If you dont like it, feel free to stop breathing at any time…
Yes. The class was in uproar, that person was dead silent, and the teacher was laughing uncontrollably. Took a good few minutes before they could all gather their senses and continue with the lesson.
Just yesterday I was sitting in Geometry class after finishing a test and writing down notes as the teacher went through slides when the teacher spots a kid drawing a bunch of circles on a dry erase board.
Hey you’re not allowed to draw on those. They are only for practice problems.
Well, I’m drawing 360 degree angles on my board!
Well I’m about to draw a 360 degree angle in the gradebook for you.
Truly cooked by teacher.
My teacher made a group chat for my grade to discuss about the upcoming test. For your information, a lot of students in my grade dislike him and no one dares to stand up against him.
He talked about how he will score the test. The maximum score is 90 and some questions hold 5 points and 1 point. And, he decided to tell us the lowest possible score. For some reason, he decided to do the math in the group chat and oops, he made a mistake. No one pointed out his mistake until someone corrected him with R.I.P Math as an extra. Ouch.
I teach algebra at a public high school in the US. One day last year, I was passing back graded tests to the class.
I will mention one girl in the class, whom we will call Kerry (not her real name). Kerry was a very hardworking student who always used to come to class showing her best potential. She didn’t always get the best grades; mostly she got B’s and an occasional C. But she always worked very hard, and I was proud of her. On this particular test, she got an A.
The kid behind her, James, was a different story altogether. He was, to put it bluntly, not very smart. He would always fool around in class and never did his work properly. It used to drive me insane the amount of effort I would put in helping him, and yet he never took it.
Anyways, on that particular day, I was handing back the tests to the students. James got his grade: a D (no surprises there). He started to complain.
“Oh, what did I do to deserve this? It’s not my fault that I’m just not good at math!”
I decided not to point out the obvious: that no one is born as a “math person”. Rather, knowledge and competence is acquired through hard work. But I knew these words would only fall on deaf ears. So I ignored him and continued giving the grades back.
But he didn’t stop there. He leaned over Kerry’s shoulder, just to see what she got, and he whined again, loud enough for the whole class to hear:
“Oh, so Kerry got an A. It’s because she’s Asian! She doesn’t even have to work hard!”
The class instantly became very silent. I turned around to face him, seeing a rather smug look on his face. I was about to give him a very stern telling-off, but Kerry beat me to it. Without missing a beat she turned around and told him:
“You don’t take notes, you don’t do your homework, you barely even study, and you play games on your phone during class. Out of everyone in this room, you are the least qualified to talk about hard work.”
When I was a beginning teacher, I had students who always struggled with word problems in math due to combining the skills of reading and computing.
One day I was talking way too much trying to explain how in the real world these problems are the easiest. If you want to double a recipe, you get out twice as many eggs etc; travel twice the distance, it is obvious you will take twice as long as use twice as much gas. I should have taken in actual items to let the students experiment with increasing or decreasing items to achieve a new total product. Instead I was talking on and on like in this paragraph about how they would do these kinds of things naturally in the real world.
Finally one of the fifth graders put up her hand and said, Mr. Brown, we get up in the morning and come here and do the work you assign us; we go home and do the homework; we might get to play or watch TV a little and we go to bed to be ready for your class the next day. This is our real world! It either works here or it doesnt work!
It was a great burn because it was true, it hit home and embarrassed me over my lack of real lesson planning and preparation, and it changed the rest of my career. Really, a great burn does more than insult or create laughter; it leads to change.
It was an (oh so wonderful…) Saturday, a few days before my first maths GCSE.
Since my school was very… financially challenged, classes had to be bigger than necessary, including my set 1 maths class. This meant that people with lower grades also had to be in our class.
Why is this problematic, you ask?
Well, since they often messed around and never did work, EVEN when attending the extra Saturday sessions, it resulted in many enjoyable roasts from our beloved teacher.
One student – lets call him Ham-, kept interrupting the teachers endless efforts to get the lesson across, asking to leave the classroom, apparently one time too many after the teachers words had everyones jaws drop to the floor:
Ham, do you have any older siblings or were you the first mistake?
Unfortunately for him, no one can recover from that. He rendered the class physically shook and laughing (all while gasping) uncontrollably. It was as if the teacher had suddenly realised what he said only to apologise and say he often forgets hes not talking to his friends.
This shall remain engraved in my mind- What a legend!
Theres this boy at my school, named David.
Hes known for being a player, though failing miserably at it, weaving in and out of any girls text messages he can get his hands on, never really going anywhere with anyone though.
He has a particular distaste for school and makes sure we all know this by consistently interrupting, laughing, and making sarcastic remarks during class.
Hes seen as annoying by basically everyone and has no aspirations for anything in this very moment or the future.
But he does play the saxophone.
In fact, he makes sure he has four off-periods every year just to play his saxophone.
We hear it. All the time.
He plays in the basement of my tiny school where there are no practice rooms.
We hear him go through his major and minor scales and their harmonics every day during English. The vibrations of his marching band music shakes my math room after lunch.
Even in band class he doesn’t stop playing. Hes already playing before weve even opened our instrument cases. The sound of his loud saxophone trumps my frail violin while I try to tune. He plays under his breath while our band director is talking. He plays while I try to have conversations with the person next to me.
After three years of this, weve all grown quite sick of it.
Not a single band rehearsal has gone by that hasn’t started with, David, don’t play while Im talking. And ended with, For the love of God David, be quiet!
At least five comments per class are directed at him to be quiet.
One day, oh one very lovely day, my band director had had enough.
He had been trying to say something, over and over again, but David would just not stop playing his damn saxophone. We were on our last straw with him. We could not hear anything anyone else said ever. It was the end of the year. We wanted to go home and just be done for the day.
He did not shout. He did not scream, yell, or throw anything. He didn’t give him detention or kick him out of class.
He put down his baton, folded his hands. He turned to David and looked him directly in the eyes.
Davids fingers and mouth stopped moving like a wind-up toy slowly running out of winds.
They just looked at each other for a moment. We watched in silence.
David, he began, youre a really great saxophone player buddy… but you sure aren’t making any friends.
The whole class erupted in laughter and shock at this statement, but nevertheless we agreed.
I hate to say it, but he really didn’t and doesn’t have any true friends. Hes obnoxious. His inability to keep his saxophone out of his mouth is just a small dose of his problems.
That kids going places with his saxophone. But as for everything else, hes got a lot of work to do.